Do You Attract Flaky People To Date

October 25, 2011 70 Comments Men Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Every night during this intense one week coaching program in London we get really deep about dating and relationship issues. The other night we had a few people over to the flats and we got into a conversation about flaking and dating.
It seems that the British are not as flaky as the americans when it comes to keeping a date.

What is “flaking?” An example of flaking is when you’re supposed to have plans with someone on a Friday night, and they flake on you at the last minute. Another example is when in your mind you’ve met somebody with whom you feel you have great chemistry, and they flake never to be heard from again.

What if I told you that there is no such thing as “flaking,” and that this misused terminology in dating is just an urban legend made up in your mind to make you feel better about someone who wasn’t interested?

Here’s the key: If someone supposedly flaked on you, it really means either that you did not intrigue them enough, or that the so-called connection or chemistry that you felt was a one-way street. Let’s go even deeper into this.

How about if I told you that the reason why there’s no such thing as flaking, is because you played it safe when you met somebody and they decided not to pursue it further because they have no idea who you are. Or, what if I told you that this so-called flaking is really due to the way you’re meeting people in the first place.

People who tend to bet blown off a lot are people who tend to chase the wrong people. For instance, I have a friend who’s in his mid-forties who constantly chases women in their twenties. These women supposedly always flake on him.

If you’re getting supposedly flaked on (and remember I said flaking is getting blown off), then let’s call it what it is. If you’re getting blown off regularly, then it’s because you’re chasing women and not intriguing them.

If you’re chasing someone, then you put yourself in a position of weakness. If you intrigue, engage and be upfront about everything with women, you will not get flaked on or blown off. Because that too is just a myth.

Let’s say when you meet someone you’re 110% upfront with them about everything, you’re powerful, you’re interesting, and you engage them, but you guys just don’t connect. If without playing any games like this you two just don’t connect, it means that you have no chemistry. What’s good about this, though, is that you at least found out immediately.

If I meet a woman and we don’t connect (either on my side or her side), I don’t lose any sleep over it and I don’t care. There’s plenty of other women to meet and to get to know.

If you, however, are the type of guy who’s constantly playing games and trying to sell yourself to women, then you are creating a lifestyle of being flaked on by women. Flaking is not even in my lifestyle or in my vocabulary.

The only flakes that I ever see either come from the sky in the winter, or come from the nasty man in front on me on the airplane as they fall from his head onto his shirt. It’s all about how you approach this.

Men who chase women get flaked on all the time. More specifically, men who chase women who are wrong for them get flaked on all the time.

Take a look at your life right now. If you’ve been flaked on recently and you use the term flaking, it’s time you looked in the mirror and realized that it’s something you’re doing not something they’re doing. Everybody who is going to date is going to meet people with whom they don’t have chemistry. It’s just a matter of how you go about doing it and thinking about it.

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Null says

2016-10-24 10:01:23

If you're being flaked on by decent, high quality women, chances are it's because they've sensed that you're a scumbag running game on them to increase your notch count. If you weren't running game on them, then you're going after the wrong women. The right woman won't flake out on you and will make being in a relationship with her easy for you. If decent women aren't attractive to you, chances are it's because you've corrupted your mind with too much porn.
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True says

2011-10-27 03:45:18

David I'll quote your words by the way you say that you haven't written them "People who tend to bet blown off a lot are people who tend to chase the WRONG PEOPLE. For instance, I have a friend who’s in his mid-forties who constantly chases women in their twenties. These women SUPPOSEDLY ALWAYS flake on him." I challenge anyone who read this sentence to deny that with this example yo're trying to say that for this man, girls in their twenties represent a wrong target cause they supposedly always flake on him, giving to this kind of behavior a negative connotation; it's clear and if you mean something different than you should express the concept with different words and not accuse other to change the meaning of you article. As Eric have already pointed out, is not a matter of frustration or criticism against your service, but just the curiosity to know how much this techniques are worth the price by the way the wrong targets and the numbers required to gain success are so many.
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Eric says

2011-10-26 18:50:02

David, While True may not have gotten your words correctly, he does bring up a question that I'm sure a lot of readers are wondering. Could these approach techniques help a guy attract a woman perceived to be way out of his league?
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David Wygant says

2011-10-26 16:34:41

@True HB7. Is that the new concept car from GM? HB 6/7 coud they not decide on the concept model number. I dont speak PUA and you missed the whole point of the blog. When did I say anything in your post? you took my words and put your words in there to fit your frustration. Did i once say that a guy in his 40s can not hang with women in there 20s? I really enjoy when people take my words and change the whole meaning of the blog.
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Theresa says

2011-10-26 09:04:42

hey tsali, you should look into meetup.com in photography or modeling, might be something there to help you, just a thought.
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Tom says

2011-10-26 08:56:23

@David Wygant Read Email...
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Tom says

2011-10-26 08:40:19

@David Wygant It's like that?... ok...
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True says

2011-10-26 08:34:54

With all the respect David, i find this article quite offensive toward the readers cause it put unjustified blame on the shoulders of your clients and it's founded around a basic contraddiction, here i'll explain you why: In this blogspot you basically say that if someone get a lot of flakes is only his fault cause he choose to approach girls who are outside of his league. example: you talk about the 40 guy who get flakes from gorgeous girls in their twenties. I don't know him personally but i know perfectly why he keep on approach this kind of girls..cause in you sale letters you basically say him that he can be succesful in approcching this kind of girls with the support of your method!!! in your master series, just as an example, you clearly write "How to meet the kind of women that make your knees buckle" and so this 40 guy try to apply your method cause girls in their twenties, (even just hb 6/7) are the dream of every man, no matter how old he is, and in any case it happen to see couple with 15-20 years of difference. David believe me, no one read a seduction blog o buy a dating product only to hear how to conquest girls who are already in his range, people only put efforts&resoruces where they see they can improve their condition; so the question is not "why flakes happen?" but "are these techniques really effective?could they help an ugly guy to have a relationship with an hb7 or help a man in his 40 to marry with a cute 25 years old girl?" otherwise it make no sense to sell them cause it mean that it's just an illusory number game.
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Collin says

2011-10-26 06:31:17

@Manny, Joe's got some good ideas too. Go through whatever process your church has to become a member, join a Bible study or community group, and do something to help out the church like volunteering in the nursery or helping teach children's sunday school. When you're involved like that, you'll be around enough that they won't think you're just there to pick up women, and you'll meet a lot of them just through what you're doing.
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David Wygant says

2011-10-26 02:42:20

Everyone Tom If i ever read another attack or curse fest from you you are banned from here. I see no attacks on you just guys challenging you to be better. This is a waste of time for me to have to monitor you. I read the threads and I see people trying to support one another and you see it as attacks. Do not quote me back. Just read accept the rules and cut the b.s.
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Tsali says

2011-10-26 02:30:07

A risk of a good vocabulary, diction, and attention to style could have you coming across as a few years older than you are. I haven't met a person who thinks I'm under 24, quite a few think I'm 27.
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Tsali says

2011-10-26 02:27:37

@Manny I would suggest becoming a gentleman. Speak eloquently (but not archaically), be chivalrous with the whole doors and chair thing (but don't go too far out of your way to enforce it). At least you could impress the elders of the town if not any college girls, but if you can come across as the modern knight I don't think that's a failure. "Where have all the good men gone? Well, I'm the last of a breed." Maybe try saying that in the morning mirror. A large part of my development has been to become the kind of man I'd want to be, and think about the kind of woman I want and the man she'd be attracted to - they should be the same person. Another thing I learned from dance about the ideal man: Strong but gentle.
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Godfather says

2011-10-26 00:46:21

Dam that's too bad. I think David Wygant should encourage the blog commenters in some way to promote this and be rewarded if it is accomplished. That can give some motivation to people to want to achieve it.
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Kevin says

2011-10-26 00:25:20

@Godfather They used to be until Bob,Tom and John showed up.
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Godfather says

2011-10-26 00:19:46

I will be surprised if we could ever have a negative free blog for one day. Anyone up for the challenge?
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Collin says

2011-10-25 23:00:57

@Manny, I say you go with something direct, but funny. "Hi, I'm Manny. I have a Bible and a job, and I don't live in my mother's basement. Would you like to go get coffee sometime this week?" Ideally, you'd say that after having a brief conversation over something that makes sense, like the bulletin board or whatever, but why limit yourself? If she looks special, go for broke!
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Joe A. says

2011-10-25 22:45:06

Manny, some ideas on church: bible study a place where your church volunteers church retreat or camp as long as you are respectful and honest, i don't think appearing like a wolf will be a problem. but it would look weird if u dont go regularly and one sunday just show up and start hitting on cute girls. i'm curious. i have no experiences with religious girls. i've heard they can be sexually repressed and a bit crazy if u kno how to unlock that side of them. but wtf do i kno
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Manny says

2011-10-25 22:34:54

I've thought about approaching women my age in church. I think they go to a later time on Sunday than I usually go to. When I go there's hardly anyone especially my age. Just old folks. If I do choose to approach a church girl, say one who is looking at the bulletin board, how do I speak with her without appearing immoral since well it is a church and lust is sin and what have you. Or do I just throw it to the wind just do what I regularly do in groceries and speak with her? I think I know the answer but i'm afraid of appearing like a wolf in the church...small community.
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Intern Dan says

2011-10-25 22:11:07

You guys are hitting on a MAJOR thing here. Find the places you love to go and things you love to do and meet people there! You're on your homefield and you're having fun... There's no better recipe for attracting women!
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Collin says

2011-10-25 21:56:38

@Tsali, I love "lifestyle dating," or whatever the official term is for meeting people in activities you're already involved in, so I'm glad you're talking about it too. While I can and have done approaches at bars, grocery stores, etc., I find a lot more success just meeting women in social/recreational situations. I mean, tonight, I was having a conversation with one girl about cars, and another (prettier, more interesting) girl jumped in talking about her dad's Boss 429, Boss 302, and Stingray. Why expend the energy walking up to some stranger on the street when you can meet lots of women you know you have something in common with while doing something you know you enjoy?
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Intern Dan says

2011-10-25 21:49:03

I had never thought about that with botox. Fascinating!!
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Manny says

2011-10-25 20:50:51

Tsali, thats something i've never thought of. Since botox actually reduces emotions in a person, expressiveness in the body is reduced if no stimulation there happen. What I've noticed is that all the dance students in my school seem to know each other very intimately even if its the only class they share. I never thought it can actually encompass expressiveness of body outside of dancing. Now you've given me an idea of what I should do for my second semester! LOL (Curse this english paper I have to finish tonight!)
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Tom says

2011-10-25 20:45:04

@Sandra THANK YOU! @David Wygant Read what sandra wrote, comment #47
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sandra hutchens says

2011-10-25 20:40:52

blah blah that is all i read...the people who attack one another have a problem with themselves...if you leave tom alone he will leave you alone but i read tom tries to express himself in his fashion and here comes someone that wants to bash him. i read hey i am better than tom and okay we all have our drama in our lives. and a little hint i am used to blog torture any day. i was well broke in way before you all came on the scene. but remember it is on the individual who started it with tom...now time to leave him alone...
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 20:39:57

I wouldn't say roleplaying is bad. Great conversations come from being creative on the spot, and it can help with that. I would love to have a group to play with, but I just haven't found anyone who meets my standards. My morning ritual consists of going straight to my warm shower and shaving/brushing teeth in the shower. Then I eat my breakfast and get on with my day. Sometimes I do silly, cheesy things: clichés are true and actually work though. Standing with your hips apart and your hands on your hips like a super hero has been proven to make you feel powerful. You could always look into the mirror and say, "Damn, you are one sexy man. Look at that 5 oclock shadow." I *coughcough* know a guy who will say at some point throughout his day, in 30-second intervals, "I am high as fuck." and he gets silly like he'd smoked. Pretending to change your mindset changes it. Oh, this reminds me of something related: They've done studies on people with botox for this next bit: You know how our face displays our emotions? Well, what if your ability to display emotion affects the capacity of it? Yep, women who have used a lot of botox actually feel emotions less than those that haven't. I have a hypothesis based on my dance and fitness experience: Your body's ability to portray energy affects its energy. When I developed better posture for example, I really noticed a difference in my emotions and self-image and energy. You may want to just try looking up some or making them up yourself. None of the ones my last therapist gave me worked. Oh, and smile at the mirror and be all, "Yo dawg, wassup?" or whatever the equivalent of an awesome greeting you'd want to give people is. I'm not an uber-nerd anymore, but I used to be. But that personality type (you know, the 30 year old that lives in his mom's basement with the unkempt beard) is one that I can't be around. I violently attacked my own lifestyle over the past couple years, so combine that with awesome genetics and I've had people to tell me to do modeling (just wish I knew how to get into it).
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Manny says

2011-10-25 20:24:46

LOL "5 dice in persuasion isn't going to help you get her number." I'm glad I never got into it then. Sounds like it becomes so all-encompassing that it substitutes social interactions for some people. Every once in a while I pass by the University Park and see a dozen people or so in colorful medieval garb. I know it can be taken to more immersive level than table-top. Your picture doesn't strike me as uber-nerd at all, Tsali. I dated a nerdy girl over this Spring and I had the worst time in getting ideas from her. I felt like I was the one carrying all the water. I see her once in a while and we still speak but after having that experience I'm more averse to the nerd-girl (some of who are cute.) Tsali, do you have any morning routines that let you get into the moment? When I wake up i'm basically dead. I try voice exercises just to get my voice-tone warmed up for the day.
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 20:11:24

The people I was talking about, as far as I know, aren't roleplayers. I know them through my mom, also a magickal practitioner (but a roleplayer as well). Now, I can talk about roleplayers I know: The kids I grew up with and I used to play D&D and other tabletop RPGs. Then I went to school 2 hours away and came back, and realized that I didn't want anything to do with them. It's not that they're roleplayers - it's that that's all that they did. If the only social interaction you do is virtual, you're not going to have social skills. These people never branched out past our roleplaying group. When I actually went to school, I joined some roleplaying groups since that's what I was comfortable with myself. Seeing dorm life, class life, campus life, and these people helped me as a person grow. I can't say the same for most of the people I roleplayed with - I actually had to quit because I was developing anger toward the ubernerd personality type. Again, these people stayed within their social circle creating fantasies about false personas. I am not against roleplaying or roleplaying games. But from my own experiences, people who don't venture out from simulated experiences aren't going to develop social skills. 5 dice in persuasion isn't going to help you get her number.
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Joe A. says

2011-10-25 20:05:12

NEW WORD OF THE DAY: nugatory
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Joe A. says

2011-10-25 20:04:41

This is what I love about David. So many puas and so called experts see flaking as a problem and create shitty products specifically on this topic. I look at it as a problem that puas created so that they can sell you the solution. But it's really not a problem. Rejection and flaking are part of the process. This post is a big paradigm shift for those used to pua garbage.
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Manny says

2011-10-25 19:59:04

I have played a lot of pool over the summer. Doesn't require muscles but dexterity and experience helps. I'm not all too good since a lot of people i've played with in the beginning could still beat me by the time summer ended. As I got better, I still didn't get that feeling I was hoping for. And It was a feeling that I was going for really. You know that feeling when I'm so competent at something that I feel such an expert that confidence just oozes out of my ears. Whether it was competence in my job or hobbies i didn't feel that confidence. I felt dead still like the world wasn't vivid enough or that things were moving too fast for me to react to. The best decription that I can use to describe this situation is feeling like a zombie like nothing was thinking up. I mean I recently spoke with this beautiful sority sister and conversation was fine for a while but the hamster in my head just got tired put up the "gone fishing" sign and left... After a while I have run out things to say not because I was anxious but because I felt the train just stopped. It's cool that you hang around people who make the most mundane into something exciting. I know that they are roleplayers but how does their habits as roleplayer aid in social situations?
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 19:47:23

RPTM is less about taking classes that are fun, and more about taking classes that teach you how to manage the businesses that create fun for others. However, most RPTM students DO take a lot of electives (I started out as exploratory and then mentored exploratory freshmen). I just decided school wasn't for me and I had bigger dreams and an awesome job offer. What you should really try to do is pick up atleast 2 new hobbies. I don't know what small town life is like (I'm in a ghetto part of the city I grew up in and went to a college town), but skill-based hobbies will really help a person feel competence in their life and then strive for excellence in other areas. If you have snowy mountains (which I know nothing about), learn to ski. If you have water, learn to swim and do a water activity (idk how to swim, but I would LOVE to surf). Maybe you like sudokus (I feel like Einstein when I finish the Easy difficulties). Social hobbies are really what's gonna help you out (mine was learning to dance). Partying in college can be like going to clubs. Wygant's not the biggest fan of clubs, but Shogo was writing that club blog. I personally have never enjoyed trying to meet girls at parties, but since I'll be 22 soon I'm going out this weekend for fun. I definitely support the idea of making the mundane magical. If you can show a person adventure where they wouldn't expect it, they'll want more (that's Wygant's teachings right there). Besides that, I have a few magickal practitioner friends and the ones I click with better believe that none of life is actually mundane - everything you do is part of your magickal process. But yeah you don't need an official class to start learning something new. If someone else can't teach you it, try teaching it to yourself (if it's safe). When it comes to looking like a fool, the only inhibition to learning is that very fear.
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Manny says

2011-10-25 19:36:21

(correction for above) *grativitate to YOU
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Manny says

2011-10-25 19:35:37

LOL. I can see how people will gravitate to only because your job is to let people enjoy. Maaaaan I wish there were classes remotely close to what that does here in my part of the midwest. Sounds exciting! I'm seriously trying to find ways for myself to make my most mundane tasks fun. I spoke to this one girl in class who grew up in a big city and hated it because as she said, "There's nothing to do." We're a small college town so when I heard that I said, "What made you want to move here then!" She's miserable here to. But there are so many things to do. All be its a challenge trying to figure what stuff one can do cheaply. I've thought of like stopping at one of these pumpkin sellers at the side of the road with a pumpkin kit and carve out a jack-o-lantern as an activity (for a date.) But man my mind is trying to think of things of what to do once halloween passes (drinking perhaps?) People just get drunk and party. Which is fine but theres no appreciation for the city among my classmates at all. That's why I've held on to the idea of somehow valuing even my most mundane of actions! What if we had classes like yours? I'd take SKIING 101. Bring it on!
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 19:26:54

The Recreation, Parks & Tourism Management major is centered around the institutions behind many activities people do to enjoy themselves. Some people go into commercial recreation, others go into government jobs. A lot of dating blogs discuss people's recreation and leisure as a way to meet others. This could be anything from working out to going to a coffee shop to a vacation. On a specifically dating perspective, learning about how people have fun and applying that to yourself can help you learn about low-cost recreational activities near you. You can use that to (if this isn't you already) learn how to let go and have fun, and in turn become a fun person yourself. Fun people are magnetic, or atleast comfortable enough to be around that you can approach easier. Plus, you know how awesome it is when your friends come to YOU (the nerd, in many of our cases) trying to find out the best nightclub or park etc. to go to? Now, the classes I took before dropping out centered a lot on people's reasons for Rec & Leisure, and also government spending, laws, policies, that kind of thing. When you learn how to argue why public recreation should be paid for by the gov't, you're also learning how to appeal to people. Now, as demonstrated by me and Tom, it doesn't always work.
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Tom says

2011-10-25 19:24:52

@Bob "David… Time to end this, big guy. Your blog is dregrading into a useless, nugatory, piece of literacy drivel" And who's fault is that? it ain't mine. when something goes wrong, you guys make excuses, you guys point your little fuckin finger and say hey, "that's the bad guy", that's the guy who messed up the blog. How can I mess up the blog? do I ask anyone to reply? no. they provoke me, they look for trouble. they want some, then they could come get some. they're trouble makers.
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Bob says

2011-10-25 19:18:29

David... Time to end this, big guy. Your blog is dregrading into a useless, nugatory, piece of literacy drivel...
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Tom says

2011-10-25 19:17:43

@Tsali, you know what, I calmed down, for real... can you stop?...
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Manny says

2011-10-25 19:17:35

How does being a Recreation major help you in connecting with the people around, Tsali? I'm math and finance but not in program yet. I feel that whatever one does that one could share their life to other people. I mean there are garbage-men out there who may be money-poor but are friend-rich and have women in their lives only because they know themselves really well. For me I want every moment of my life to be so valued by myself that I can share it with anybody!
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Tom says

2011-10-25 19:11:55

@Tsali = Troll, he even admitted it.
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 19:08:31

@Manny feel free to grab one of the links off my blog then! Always up to make a connection, wherever it is. And Tom, if I MADE you negative, I FEEL LIKE A GAWD. okay that was a little trolly, but maybe you get the idea. I have influence over you!
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Manny says

2011-10-25 19:06:08

Tsali, dude I feel you. I think you and I have a greater deal in common than the person you are chatting with at the moment. Particularly the part about college. I feel that people who have lived in the domain of negative reinforcement are better left alone. You and I should chat!
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Tom says

2011-10-25 19:03:35

@Tsali "Go ahead and live your life as a dead-end. But why do you continue to spread your negative virus on a blog about self-improvement?" You MADE me negative you bitch, but but... you want me to be positive? ok I will, you gotta do one thing for me though... Shut The Fuck Up.
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 18:55:10

No, you are the only person who can control yourself. I cannot make you mad. Do you even understand how EMPOWERING it is to know that YOU are the cause of everything in your life? Yeah, I'm an idealistic child - I already know that. Go ahead and live your life as a dead-end. But why do you continue to spread your negative virus on a blog about self-improvement? You're as stagnant as Bella or whatever her name is from Twilight.
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Tom says

2011-10-25 18:51:33

@Tsali " It’s your fault you suck, to be blunt." Strike 3, you're out you little cocksucka motherfuck, I told you to stop bothering me. fuck off child, 22 year old prick telling me how to live my life... fucking bitch. You fuck rat troll motherfuck, leave me alone. @David you see how I get provoked? I even offered THREE strikes to not get mad, and he still purposely continues, if he didn't want to intentionally provoke me then he would've stopped at strike 1.
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 18:37:02

I'm not religious, but I'd like to remind you of the Serenity Prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. Now, I don't know if I'm going to have a positive effect by directing my comments towards you, but maybe you can realize this: hurting me (even if you are somehow a hacker who can trace my ip and mess my computer up) will do NOTHING to help your life. Yelling, punching, etc. anyone who makes you mad will do NOTHING to improve your situation. If you continue the same action paths you claim on this blog, then you are only going to guarantee that you lead a pathetic, sad life. It's your fault you suck, to be blunt. Now, you could take this entirely the wrong way like my previous posts, or you could, I don't know, try to not suck? Am I at Strike 3 yet? Did you even read the entirety of the previous posts to know the message I was trying to communicate, or are you going to get angry at some of the words?
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Tom says

2011-10-25 18:30:39

@Tsali "Or you could, you know, come at me bro." Another provocation, strike 2. I'm telling you, please stop...
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 18:26:04

I'll tell you exactly what to do when someone makes fun of you for anything: Nothing. Ignore them. You better put me at Strike 3, because all I care about provoking you to do is to act against your self-destructive tendencies. I've been reading this blog for a year and a half, but over the summer I started reading the comments and it looks like you have no faith in yourself. A man doesn't need to get women to feel superior. I'm a 22 year old virgin, and lemme tell you - if I have a deadly sin it is Pride. I like looking in the mirror, telling myself I've been through rough hardships and come out strong, etc. No woman is going to break you of your depression - if you can't do it yourself, you need to seek professional help (I've been in therapy for a few years and am on an antidepressant). Strength comes not from denial of weakness, but acceptance of it and inner change. Destroy your own weakness, don't hide it by attacking others. Or you could, you know, come at me bro. Seriously work on some social and hobby skills. Be relaxed, not angry (atleast if you're gonna be angry, be angry with yourself and attack your own weaknesses).
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Tom says

2011-10-25 18:15:38

@Tsali Uh tu tu, your provoking me, and it's upsetting me. I will not insult you back, just a warning, do not provoke again. use kinder words instead of saying " I wouldn’t be surprised if you have no friends in life. " Just a warning is all, I've created a new 3 strike rule. @Tsali, strike 1.
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Tom says

2011-10-25 18:13:29

I have a question, are men who get alot of women happy? can a woman make me happy and take me out of depression? is being a player an accomplishment? does getting women make you a better man? are men who get women superior to those who don't? also, what can I do if someone makes fun of me for not getting alot of women? they throw names like "weirdo" "loser" "virgin"(even though I'm not a virgin it still makes me feel bad for some reason) why must a man have to get women to be superior?
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Tsali says

2011-10-25 18:02:17

What the hell Tom? I wouldn't be surprised if you have no friends in life. You take every slight personally. Are you capable of thinking from another person's perspective? Sorry if that sounds rough, but I used to be like that. I'd yell at anyone who ignored me or thoughtlessly destroyed my feelings with a single remark (at least I was just a high school nerd). You may be getting angry at people calling you a troll, but you seem to really be completely avoiding anything Wygant's trying to teach in these blogs just to say "woe is me". People are not out to get you - they just have a lot more going on in their own little world that's more important to them than a stranger. Stop coming of as a psychopath/sociopath and learn a little empathy. Actually, I'll share an extremely recent and embarrassing similar situation I had Tom. Last September I was doing dunk tank for a program I mentored for in college, and I met this hot, but classy-seeming girl. Like, one you'd barely expect to meet at school even though they're in the movies all the time. Dreamgirl material (no, I'm not even "putting the pussy on the pedestal". This girl shouldn't even be real). First conversation seemed to click, we're all responsive and flirty and stuff. We talk a little bit over the next few months, but my dance classes and partying (priorities for me) and her Honors classes and her super-busy major kept us from hanging out. We had surprisingly a lot of mutual friends, too. Well, my ego started to get in the way (actually I'd been mad that I lost interest in all other girls and was worried I was becoming obsessive, so I think my subconscious was trying to "free" me. wait that's ego). Twice in one day I ran into her - and both days it seemed like she was consciously avoiding me (leaning "behind" a pillar, walking out of a store with her friend hurriedly). I took it personally and left a nasty voicemail calling her a coward and saying she should just tell me she didn't want anything to do with me. Yeah, well, she was extremely mature for a 19 year old too. She's just like "You're done. Don't talk to me again." Boom. Freedom felt bittersweet. Can't exactly say I'm unhappy about it though, it's a learning experience.
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Bob says

2011-10-25 17:55:44

Only thing I like to flake out on me, is my biscuits... Never had a problem with women going flakey. C'mon David, write a good one now and then.
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David S. says

2011-10-25 17:35:00

I dont believe you can attract flaky people. Its not a characteristic in you that makes them flaky its their personality. IF someone was grown up the right way and had manners that person would get a hold of you in someway to let you know they aren't feeling it anymore. Its on them not you. Not everything that's brought up is our fault. If we didnt connect with them or we werent intriguing enough for them they wouldnt have agreed to go out on a date in the first place! If they flake thats 100% on them! You can definitely lose the connection before the date or whatever but you dont have to leave your date hanging. That's their choice. Screw em', move on!
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sandra hutchens says

2011-10-25 17:20:09

no comment have a great time in London and have a safe trip home...
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theresa says

2011-10-25 16:38:10

Yeah you are right, thanks. I should have said I in the above statement. Moving on.
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Tom says

2011-10-25 16:17:51

@Intern Dan "Why not let it go, move on and meet some great woman?" Why not get it over with by getting her arrested or hurting her feelings for what she did, and then meet some great woman?
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Intern Dan says

2011-10-25 16:10:49

Tom, I'd have to get myself angry enough to call. That's so much negative energy I'm wasting! Why not let it go, move on and meet some great woman? There's no scorecard when you die that shows whether life was "fair". Just let things go and move on. Theresa, I believe everything happens for a reason, and when the universe teaches me a lesson like that I laugh in appreciation "Ha! universe! you got me!" learn my lesson and move on. I just read something good today: "You don't have to be perfect, you just have to finish." I take that to mean that you shouldn't get bogged down when things don't go perfect. Just get through it and move on.
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Theresa says

2011-10-25 15:50:26

actually we didn't stay the night but did go to the police department.
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Theresa says

2011-10-25 15:41:19

:( sorry about that, you actually seem to have a good attitude, i would probably be crying tom, that actually did happen to me. :(
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Tom says

2011-10-25 15:34:51

@Intern Dan It would've been simple... call the police, give them the address, tell them it's a disturbance of peace, then you could've went back to watching Law and order. the party would've been stopped by the police, and she most likely would've been arrested. that's how simple it is... don't make it seem hard, only would've took a minute out of your time. I know I would do that in a heartbeat. then I would've went to the police station, talked to her at the precinct while she was behind bars, I would tell her that I'm gonna a bail her out, and at the least minute, I would tell her "just kidding, I'm not bailing you out, have a fun night in jail tonight! sleep tight, don't let big bubba bite!" Not only would that have boosted my confidence, but it would make her feel like shit. fairness, all fairness and I love it.
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Intern Dan says

2011-10-25 15:11:22

It was about 8 years ago, so I'm okay now. And really, when you're sitting in your Halloween costume waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise... I mean waiting for your date to call, you can either laugh or cry. I decided to laugh. What would I have done different? Well, that was the third time she had flaked on me so I probably wouldn't let it get that far. I also didn't value myself much at the time so I wasn't surprised and quite accepting of this kind of treatment. That was probably the biggest thing! And Tom, why would I waste wasting my mental energy on someone who had wronged me? It would be unfair to me!
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Collin says

2011-10-25 14:54:39

@Dan, at least you know you narrowed down the list of women you could date by one. Only 2,999,999,999 women to go...
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Tom says

2011-10-25 14:48:33

@Intern Dan, Her ass is lucky that it wasn't me that she flaked on, because I would've call the police, and report a disturbance of peace at her residence. her Halloween party would've been over, and she would've been arrested. Now you know what to do next time it happens...
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Theresa says

2011-10-25 14:10:22

im sorry but im curious, @intern dan what would you have done different in that situation looking back on it now?
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Intern Dan says

2011-10-25 14:00:27

Embarrassing story time! So, in my first year of university I met this girl we'll call Jen. She was cute and we had a class together and we seemed to get along well. And I must have done something right because she had invited me to a halloween party... and it was a date! My first date in university! The night of the party she called me saying that she was just finishing the last bit of decorating and that she'd call me in about 15 minutes. So I went and put on my pirate costume and watched some Law and Order. Well, the Law part of the show was done and I still hadn't heard from her. So I give her a call. No answer. hmmmm... I then watched the Order part and no sign of her. Well that was okay, my mom was watching another episode of Law and Order. I called Jen again. No answer. Picture this: Me in my pirate costume sitting at home on the couch with my mom, watching Law and Order. I never heard from her. She flaked on me and didn't have the courtesy or the respect for me to even call. Hahahahahaha yikes! Why didn't I know about David Wygant then?
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Godfather says

2011-10-25 11:25:18

@Tom: There is no need to lose your dignity over somebody if they flake on you.  First, let's make sure we're on the right page of the meaning of flake according to urban dictionary:  An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through. Alright so here's the deal Tom: NEVER assume a person is flaking on you in the beginning. Give the person a chance to explain themselves and don't act mad about it to them. You never know what might happen to somebody that causes them to not show up. Look at it from a different perspective. Instead of getting angry about it and leaving a nasty voicemail message, call them and if they don't answer, say something like this on their voicemail: "Hey (Name of Person). I was looking forward to seeing you today, but it looks like you weren't able to make it. Let me know whats going on. I would still like to see you." In this way you, you are not being judgemental in thinking that they are intentionally flaking on you. People will respect a person if they don't judge them. Try this out next time and maybe you might get another chance to go out with this person.
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Collin says

2011-10-25 11:11:10

Sometimes something comes up. The important thing is what happens next. Does she text you, "Sorry, I had a thing come up at work and have to bail," or does she call you and say, "I'm really sorry, but my boss is making us all stay late to finish this presentation for Monday. I hate to do this to you, but I've got to cancel. Can we go out another time though?" The former is her flaking on you, but the latter is most likely a legitimate excuse, and there's reason to see them again.
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Tom says

2011-10-25 10:55:06

Women flake on me alot, what do I do? I leave a voicemail for her, telling her how she's a slut bitch who wasted my time. when a woman flakes on you, don't just take it like a pussy, get the last word, she wasted your time and emotions, that's disrespectful. so you gotta leave a disrespectful message. fairness makes me happy, like a kid getting his christmas presents, unfairness makes me cause chaos, like the joker. Also, if a bitch is going to flake on me, then she should've done it earlier, when I met her, they just intentionally waste my time. I'm sick of women and their games, you know what I do with women's games? I take their game and turn it on them, I hurt their emotions when they attempt it on me. Introduce a little, anarchy, upset the established order, and everything becomes... chaos. and you know the thing about chaos? when women try to hurt you, chaos makes things... fair. I'm an agent of fairness...
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Daniel says

2011-10-25 10:52:26

I really don't think people will flake on you if they really are interested in you and want to spend time getting to know you. The person will make time to be with you. It's not because we don't have time, we just don't make time available for us to use. On the other hand, they are some people who change their plans on the last minute to be with somebody else. Now there are a lot of factors that can have an effect on this, like for example: emergency situations, important family matters, long time friend who you have seen in a while, and so on. Usually in the beginning dates, you are not considered to be on the other person's top priority list, so be able to adapt and make adjustments when necessary. No need to take these things too personally if the happen to you.
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theresa says

2011-10-25 08:54:51

I was almost too flake to leave the first response. Guess I will have to think about how I am doing things that causes me to get flaked on. I definiitely want people to like me right away if im interested. I do ok on the first conversation but than scare them away after the second. I guess i just need to relax and let things come naturally instead of rushing through the get to know you stage. Or at least that's what I think I can do to make things better.
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Eric says

2011-10-25 10:31:27

Great post David, and I especially like how you walk the line between: 1) She's flaky because there's no connection and that's not your fault at all and 2) She's flaky because you're not intriguing her and you're chasing too much, which is your fault and under your control to change. Dating, as I've come to understand it, is intriguing the right girls who naturally enjoy your company. The other girls who are not interested are, as you said, a waste of time.
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