I got a question from somebody the other day, and I really want to share it with you:

Dear David,

As an introvert, I have difficulty engaging and intriguing people in a way that builds lasting relationships. Being an introvert I don’t have a lot of friends and that specifically gives me a low opinion of myself, and it’s oten difficult for me to express myself even in a one-on-one setting. I would like to learn how to change this, how to build more social connections, and form real relationships with the men and women in my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email,


Here is my response:

Hi Danny,

Interesting the way you say it, “As an introvert.” In a three-sentence e-mail to me, you’ve used the word “introvert” twice. Which leads me to believe that was you go about your entire day, you probably say to yourself, As an introvert, I do X. As an introvert, I do Y. Because I’m an introvert, I can’t talk to that person over there. Because I’m an introvert, I won’t be able to meet somebody.

Your mind set is everything in life, and your personal verbal programming dictates the way you lead your life. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, that will come to the front. If you believe it, then you are going to be it.

So instead of going around all day saying to yourself that you’re an introvert, I want you to say the following (and listen to the difference):

I’m shy. I have trouble engaging and intriguing people, and it’s because I act shy. But, you know what, every single day I go out and I do things to help overcome my shyness. I may not have a lot of friends right now, but every day I’m just going out and meeting people, talking to people, becoming friendly, because that’s what helps. I realize that it takes time to change all of those learned behavior patterns that I’ve developed over my entire life. But I’m willing to tackle my issues, I’m able to do this, and I’m going to work on it every day. Every day I’m going to go out and do the things that make me feel the most uncomfortable, because I know that eventually I’m going to get comfortable doing these things.

You see the way I phrased it differently? Your words are very powerful. Your words are your actions. The words you choose to tell yourself affect the actions you are going to take in life.

Choose your words wisely.