Do you meet somebody, date them for a while, and you think it’s just incredible? You think this is everything you’ve ever wanted. Ah, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.

He’s the perfect man for you. He’s handsome. He’s wonderful. He’s charming. He’s exactly what you’ve always wanted.

So why does it never seem to work out with this type of a guy? It’s because you think this man is the perfect guy before you even know him. It’s because you have this fantasy relationship in your head about him running right from the very beginning. It’s because you think about him so much that the only place it can go is down.

Here’s the reality: the reason why you’ve been obsessed about this one type of guy over and over again is because you have an internal tape recorder that’s been playing over and over again in your head since you were a little girl. Your mother, your grandmother, the people you grew up around, have all told you the exact type of man who you’re supposed to be with over and over and over again.

It’s been programmed into your mind so powerfully that you always go after this type of man that, in reality, you don’t even want. This man doesn’t treat you right. This man doesn’t actually respect you. You can’t connect with this man, mentally or emotionally. Why? Because this is the man that your mother wanted you to date, not the man that you’ve always wanted to date.

Culture has a huge role to play in this. I remember growing up in a very Jewish community. Every girl that I was friends with would say, “My mom wants me to marry a doctor one day.” These girls were seven years old. Later, in high school, I was joking around with a girl one day and asked her, “Who do you want to marry?” “Oh, I just want to marry a professional, like a doctor or a lawyer.”

Ok. You’re 17. How could you possibly know that? You’ve never dated a professional. You’ve never dated an adult. It’s really the voice of their mother and their grandmother nagging about them the type of man they should be with: “You’ve got to marry a nice Jewish doctor! He’s the one who’s going to be just right for you.”

What you should really be talking about with yourself right now is love. Your family? They’re not talking about you marrying somebody you’re in love with, somebody you feel fantastic around, somebody that’s going to be great for you in every way, shape, and form. They’re talking about pedigree and residence.

This happens in every culture. You’re chasing your mother’s dream. You’re living your mother’s fantasy life. It’s sounds like a tape recorder, but it’s so out of date that what is playing in your head is actually an old 8-track of your mother’s life.

You’ve got to start thinking about what you want. You’ve got to start getting naked with you who you are, and you’ve got to start realizing that unless you stop playing someone else’s recording over and over in your own head, your life is just going to pass by.