Here is something that I’ve noticed about women. Women are just so much more dramatic than men. I say this not to criticize women, but because it raises a great issue in terms of the differences between the way men speak and the way women speak.
Women will send an email to a guy whom she’s dating – or it can even be to a male co-worker – asking a question that makes her feel vulnerable. The guy may not respond right away.
When a guy doesn’t respond to her email right away, a woman will start thinking and obsessing about it. She’ll wonder “Why hasn’t he responded? How come he didn’t respond? I don’t understand why he didn’t respond.” Then she might even lob another email to the guy saying “I don’t understand why you didn’t respond to that last email” or “Why haven’t you responded to my email?”
As the woman is going through all this thinking, analysis and sending out of that follow-up email, the truth is that many times the only reason the guy didn’t respond to that email is because he was doing something else. It’s not he didn’t want to respond to the woman’s email, it was just that he was busy doing something else.
As a woman, you’re very emotional and you react very emotionally to things. What you have to understand is that if we don’t respond to you on the very same day, it’s not because we’re callous and it’s not that we are being mean. It’s just that we may have been doing something else.
I give the same advice to men. When I give this advice to women, I always tell them to stop getting their panties in a knot and give us men the opportunity to respond to you.
Life is about being patient. Life is not about analyzing every little thing.
You don’t want to analyze very little thing until you beat it up. You want to be able to really process things over a period of time, because what things appear like right now are very often not at all what they’re really about.
So the next time you send a guy an email and he doesn’t respond within the time period you think he should, you need to exercise some patience and not immediately over think and overreact to the situation. Just chill out, relax and allow him the opportunity to send you a response.
So ladies, don’t get your panties in a knot … because, really, there can’t be too many things more uncomfortable than walking around with panties in a knot. I can only imagine what that would feel like, especially if you’re wearing certain kinds of those little g-strings.
Todays video is from a recent interview I did with the local news. I had to breakdown the body language of the first presidential debate.
Tell me who you think has more powerful body language.
http://www.armada-partners.com/DWPres08.html
Like you had to ask.
David Wygant for President
As a guy, I can honestly say that there are few things less attractive to me than a needy clingy girl who starts thinking and obsessing about me not calling or texting her back right away. Not cool.
As much as I love having that much of an impact on a girl, it’s still sexier if she is a self-fulfilled person to a certain degree.
Maybe we should be asking what (her) body language was saying..!
In regards to the question, I’d say Obama. As you were saying he looks sturdy and strong, humble, and he looks as if he’s talking directly to the public.
How coincidental that you wrote about this topic, David.
I just had an issue with my g/f regarding just this!!! I told her I’d try to call her on Sunday and when I “failed” to call her, she thought I didn’t want to talk to her. She was afraid I didn’t care for her as much as she does for me.
Granted, I will accept responsibility for not calling her but I didn’t mean to make her feel bad! I DO care… but sometimes, things happen
This is just to show small miscommunication/misunderstandings always happen in the best of relationships… but no matter what happen, being honest and open always work!
Women are emotional about everything, its hilarious sometimes. Like, you could literally have a great 30-40 minute conversation, make two akward comments in a row, and you are FINISHED! especially if they’ve had alcohol! I wish I knew what that felt like, so I could emphasize with it more.
Perhaps thats a good topic for a guest women blogger!
Interesting blog. Maybe men should be taught how to either be more emotional, or schooled in women’s emotions and how to respond as well as telling women to chill out?? I am HUGE on guys following through on what they say they are going to do. If you don’t want to do something, or know you can’t, that’s fine, just be honest about it or if something changes, no problem, as long as you communicate it. Otherwise, if you say you’re going to do something- DO IT. If a guy doesn’t follow through, I lose respect and interest b/c then I wonder what else he’s not going to follow through on when it really matters if he’s not responsible/mature/aware/considerate enough to follow through on the little things.
I have learned this a while ago. If a guy doesn’t respond, I busy my mind with something else. I don’t waste a minute thinking the guy doesn’t want to talk to me or whatever… I know he’ll get back with me eventually and if not oh well!!! I know I’m worth him getting back to me and usually, they do!
I agree with you, C, a guy should be able to communicate!
You got your pic to work, Khiem – AWESOME!
While I agree that women should be more patient, I disagree in that men don’t respond because they’re busy. Come on! we all know how that is, men freak out when talking about some issues and they suddenly get busy. I personally don’t expose myself anymore with people who I know won’t be able to take what i’m saying, and if I do and they respond with the “sorry , I have been so busy” I just think, yeah, right!
Agree with both perspectives. Sometimes guys are just not able to process that kind of subject matter when they’re busy during the day. It *is* harder for most men to do that kind of relationship talking than it is for women.
However, we are all busy. As a single mom with a demanding career and two small children, I still would drop anything to answer my man’s email. That’s what matters to me, after all. We’re all busy; we just prioritize differently. I think in a perfect world, a guy would just say, “Thanks for the note; can we talk tonight? Slammed here!” or something like that. Not being acknowledged just sucks, that’s all.
As I tell my kids who say “I’m full!” (and the same applies for “I don’t have TIME!”)…I tell them, Yeah, but there’s ALWAYS room for Jello, isn’t there?
If their boss wrote them, they’d write back (even if they’re “doing stuff.”) It really is a question of priorities, and yeah, chicks should mellow the hell out
One thing I have learned is that we don’t get what we want necessarily when we want it. Sometimes we have to wait. Some women are clingy and whine about everything. Really it is about control and neither person should try to control another person. That is a recipe for disaster. Just let good things happen when they do and when nothing is going on, just find something else in life to do. Someone else cannot be your everything all the time and they aren’t there to make you happy all the time. You have to have a life outside of any relationship and if someone likes you , they will come around if you are responsive to them when they do.
Nice breakdown on the debate D!!
I have to go with Obama for better bodylang.
@Khiem…you said you’d “try” to call Sunday? Sorry, but I’d find that kind of lame, too. How hard is it to find two seconds to call? Sounds to me like you didn’t find it important enough. I would be annoyed at that, too, I have to say.
I think the TV interviewer has a thing for David. Look at her outfit and the way she is looking at him when he is talking.
Well….I’m into guys so I don’t hav to worry about it
This comes down to treating others the way you want to be treated. No one wants unnecessary emotional pressure placed on them, whether a woman or a man. So why would you do that to someone else — especially someone you care about?
And yet it’s advice that can’t be said enough, because many people don’t get it.
I love your articles, David, keep on writing.
Carrie,
You are right… what I wrote sounds lame here but I didn’t give the full context of why or how it happened. As I said before, I accept the criticism for not calling so she has all the right to be upset at me… however, my counter-point is… as much as I accept the criticism, the woman doesn’t have to get excessively emotional over the issue either.
Sometimes, being a bit patient and not coming to conclusions too fast from the woman part would give the man the opportunity to explain himself BEFORE things get heated.
In either case, I already talked it over with my g/f and everything is fine.
After going through a traumatic divorce (20 yr. marriage),now after two years, I am dating a couple of different men..I have been going on about three to six dates a month. I like to go out for dinner,dancing,hiking etc.I am 52 yrs old and the men I seem more compatible with are the ones that are about 10 years younger than me. I look as young as they are. (used to model and still wear size 0).I will only have sex if I want to and have to feel an attraction.I love sex and I would like to have a lover(or two) but I had not been attracted to anyone until this last man.They always want to have sex but I say no. On the first date we went out and had a fabulous six hr dinner date(lost track of time).We hugged and said good night.He travels and we touched base by email.Four months later we went out again and this time he asked if he could kiss me and I said yes. He started it.It felt so right that he ended up spending the night(first for me after divorce). He was an incredible lover and everything I had dreamed of.Three days later we met for tea and he mentioned that we would get together again.This man is hansome ,sexy and intelligent. Perfect manners in and out of bed. He has not contacted me for 6 days. I feel he is so attractive that he must have many lovers.Usually I don’t care if they even call again but now I am wondering if I slept with him too soon .I listen to my heart and head but I also have to have touch and a connection. Sure sometimes I don’t make the right choices.I was weak and vulnerable. He seemed to be very comfortable with it but I
know men are different and if sex is offered,98% of the time they will take it. I am not emailing or calling
him. I am going to be cool.Any feed back would be appreciated. David ,do guys think less of a woman if she has sex with them on the 2nd date? How easy can I be ? I was married for 20 years, I just got my freedom. I really like this man. If I had the money, I would ask him to go to London with me.
Marty,
Some men might lose respect if you sleep with them on the FIRST date, but I think the man you are dating wouldn’t think less of you for sleeping with him on the second date. If it felt right for you, I’m sure it felt right and good for him too.
My question is: why are you not calling him? If you call/email him in a casual way, it should be ok. As David says, sometimes, the man gets busy and it’d be nice for him to see that you care and want him.
Men sometimes like to see a little bit of reciprocity. It shows them that you like them so it makes them more confident to push forward.
On the other hand, if he’s not contacting you again, is there something that could have turned him off in the past few dates or conversations? Only you would know best.
Kleim and Carrie. You two provide the perfect example here. This exact thing is part of the reason why I didn’t want to be with my (ex) girlfriend anymore and now, we’re not even talking because of the same reason.
Kleim said he would try to call on Sunday. No indication of promise or guarantee. He didn’t call, but she was mad. I can see her being a little sad because she may have missed him and wanted to talk to him. That is fine. But to be mad? I find it unacceptable.
Carrie asked if Kleim couldn’t take two seconds to call and said that she’d be annoyed too. This was the exact statement my ex gave me.
There are plenty of things that we could take “2 seconds” out of our time and do. But we never do them. Why? Because “2 seconds” is never enough, especially in this day and age when we could get some things instantaneously. If I were to call my ex and give her “2 seconds” to say hi and that I couldn’t talk, she would either:
A. Ask me why I called her in the first place if I couldn’t talk and be annoyed.
or
B. Question if she’s as important to her as I say she is and be annoyed.
Only rarely, she would say, “it’s ok,” and usually it’s because she is doing something that is just as fun as talking to me (whether it be hanging with friends or watching the Hills).
I find that ridiculous. If someone has things to do that require immediate attention and take up all of their time, I find it a little unreasonable to be mad if someone said they’d try to call and didn’t.
If you were taking exams all day, I wouldn’t expect you to call me in the middle of it.
If you were performing a surgery, I would expect you to have your assistant hand you the phone to call me.
If you were HAVING surgery, I wouldn’t expect you to wake up from your anesthesia to call me.
These may be drastic examples but you just have to understand that we, as people, need to have more patience. Unless it’s an emergency, what needs to be said at that very moment that can’t be said or talked about at a later time?
Wouldn’t you want your partner to be able to talk to you when you have their undivided attention? Who wants to talk to someone that’s distracted.
All I’m saying is, if someone says “try” (although I don’t like that word), it sets a certain level of expectations. Just be patient and don’t set the bar higher than it needs to be.
I mentioned a bunch of points here so I hope it sparks some more discussion.
In the past when I emailed him he always responded. He told me he is a late bloomer (46yrs old). Maybe he does need a little bit of reassurance. He has been divorced three years (married 8).He seems sensitive and even shy.On facebook ,where we met (thru mutual friends) he has a lot of girl friends. He does travel a lot. Next time I will ask him what he is looking for…maybe he is living in the moment. Not that I am ready to have anything serious. I am also dating a man that lives in Newport R.I. and a man that lives in Belgium (retiring here nt year).
This article quite funny and incorrect. I have male friends who are very emotional and obsessive. I can think of 2 male friends specifically. One is extremely obsessive and emotional over his ex who is a lot younger than he. Hence the reason she’s his ex. He constantly text bombs her. At one point she flat-out told him to go sleep with another girl because she was so sick of him. The other guy is super sensitive and obsesses over any tiny thing a woman says to him. The last girl dumped him because he was too clingy. He went on and on every day about the possible causes of why she dumped him. So men do it too.
On the flip side, I myself (a female) have been accused of being too cold or calloused in relationships. I don’t think anyone likes obsessive or clingy behavior from anyone, male or female. It’s unattractive in men too.
It all depends on what role you play in a relationship. I am by no means a professional expert like David here, but I am 36 and have dated a lot. In my experience, there is ALWAYS one person in the relationship who has deeper feelings than the other. The person with the deeper feelings or higher interest tends be the obsessive, emotional clingy one in the relationship, regardless of gender. And here’s another thing, we ALL have the potential to play both roles. I have been in both sets of shoes myself. EVERYONE has been both the recipient as well as the sender of the psycho, “why didn’t you respond?” text message. Obsessive, emotional behavior comes from feeling insecure not from your gender. And don’t dare try to tell me that men are generally more secure than women because they’re definitely not.
The key is finding a relationship where both parties are equally as “in love” or secure which is so rare. In fact, I don’t believe it exists. There have been many philosophers to write on the subject for decades. It is human nature to be attracted to (and sometimes obsessed with) that which we cannot have.
Wow! This is deep.
I’m at 41 single female. I was just rejected by someone that I really liked….and I still wonder if I did something wrong.
My emotions has gotten out of hand; mostly because of my impatience in waiting for a mate. Then when I’m rejected, like last week; I get emotional because there is no firm reason as to why.
Anyway, I’ll be visiting this site more often. I am needing a lot of information to get back out on the dating scene. Haven’t had a relationship in six years.
There are like a hundred different threads on here. But Infinity, I think you’ve gone a bit beyond the scope of the post. Hopefully, no one undergoing (or performing) surgery would even offer the possibility of a phone call on a day like that, and hopefully no one would be psycho enough to expect one.
Assuming Sunday is a day off, and assuming this person is interesting in the other, and has a non-workday, I sort of wonder about the word “try” anyway (as you alluded to). I know it sounds absolutist but I do sort of like the quote, there is only do or not do. There is no “try.” While that’s extreme, I think saying (again, assuming Sunday is your “off” day) I’ll ‘try” and call you is a bit silly.
Not everyone is your ex-girlfriend. And I agree women read between the lines way, and I mean WAY too much (and often, men do too). But if someone’s into you, they should be fairly (I like to think) motivated to say “I’ll call you!” and then, to actually do it.
For the receiving party, it’s always best to err to the side of “Oh no, something must have come up!” rather than “That asshole!”
I mean, lots can happen in a day. Give the person a chance to explain. Both sides have some legitimacy.
Carrie –
Thanks for the response! I know I went beyond the scope of the post but I wanted to induce some deeper thought as to what’s going on here when situations like this arise.
I can only wonder if you read my article titled, “Do or Not Do. There Is No Try.” I am ALL about that, as absolutist as it sounds. I agree with you completely. Which is why when I talk to people, I rarely use “try.” And if I catch myself using it, I fix it right away. You either do it or not. Pretty simple. “Try” is just a way to excuse yourself from why you didn’t do something.
We, as men are just as guilty as women are when it comes to being overly emotional. I mean, guys with higher levels of approach anxiety are perfect examples of this.
But I do agree that both sides have some legitimacy. One side does have the right to an explanation and the other has a right to explain.
To revert back to what David was talking about, patience plays a big role in this.
Thanks again Carrie!
I didn’t read that article, but I, too, always auto-correct when I use the word “try.”
Nice, thoughtful response. Thanks. Fun board here.
hey Khiem, your pretty good! I took your advice and emailed him a casual note about the debate …he responded within the hour and said he had been thinking about me. He is leaving town tomorrow for 10 days and wants to get together for tea or dinner when he gets back….maybe he is a little unsure just like I am…no doubt we had a great time..lots of chemistry…if its meant to happen it will and I know my value…thanks for the feedback…
Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.
Males and females are not significantly different on ANY measure of emotionality that has been conducted to date. Show me the data, “Mr Dating Expert” (that is, if you HAVE any data…. which I doubt…).
If a man does not call back, he’s not emotionally interested. If he calls back eventually, but not in a hurry, it’s because he has not come across a better option in the meantime, but he was probably hoping for one. In such a case, he’s competely ok with screwing you, but he’s not interested in long snuggly nights by the fireside with a cup of tea.
How many guys have you actually called, hoping for an emotional connection, Mr Dating Expert? What exactly is your source of knowledge?
Dr. Anne … I think perhaps you are on a different page than that which this blog (and David) were on, because I don’t think that David was saying that men aren’t emotional. I think that David was pointing out that men and women do express themselves differently – and, more importantly, men and women interpret each other’s behavior and words differently.
I don’t need any “emotionality” (nor do most people I think) to know that’s true … Just because you have credentials does not make you better qualified to give dating advice. I have seen David work with people, and his ability to get through to people and really change their lives is all the “credentials” he needs.
If it’s between a “credentialed” expert like yourself and what you wrote and everything that David writes … it’s not even a contest. David’s stuff speaks for itself!
One line from your comment REALLY stands out to me, Dr. Anne: “If a man does not call back, he’s not emotionally interested.” That sounds eerily close to the lessons from that horrible book “He’s Just Not That Into You” … Is that your source of “data?”
I agree with Jules – I’d take David’s advice over that “data” any day of the week …
I did not read all the above comments, so perhaps someone touched on this already. If so, it bears being stated twice. The element at work here, the “drama” David calls it, is in my humble opinion evolutionary mate selection at work. A man who is prompt at showing his fidelity will be regarded by the woman as the better (i.e., more attentive, more present) mate…the guy who sticks around, who’s invested, and will help her through pregnancy and family needs.
Ya, I got all that out of an un-returned message. Pretty impressive, eh?
Haha, too bad that system of mate selection is so profoundly unreliable over the long haul
Well, Jules, if you are so enamored with David (and I don’t blame you, he is cute!) that you can ignore the volumes of psychological research on gender, then good on ya. You probably think highly of Dr Phil’s advice too, but that is typical of those who prefer the comforting appeal of entertainment over the validity and reliability of empirically derived data that have been verified via rational testing. Best wishes to you in your search for intimacy. You’ll need it.
Dr Anne, I’m not sure if you are a real doctor but your post to Jules in the end does not sound professional to me or something anyone should say to anyone, doctor or not.
Kristen, data do not come from books, data come from peer-reviewed research publications, which is what I read for my factual information on behavioral neuroscience. You should consider taking a college course on research methodology sometime, and you may discover the difference. Without data, we are left to interpret reality through our pattern-seeking, story telling brains, and they work quite well for that which they are evolutionarily selected, but they are not at all skilled at distinguishing correlation from causation, nor at weighing the value of testimonials and anecdotes compared to statistical evaluations of empirically derived measures.
Your hero may tell a good story that appeals at an intuitively stereotypic level, but it is not valid information about the nature of male and female psychology.
You are, of course, completely free to admire and follow your hero’s advice. To be threatened by a dissenting opinion reveals more about your own defense mechanisms than anything expressed in his blog opinions. And I sincerely wish you good luck with finding your intimacy. I just wanted to state that this particular blog opinion was not based on empirical evidence in the least, and therefore does a profound disservice to its readers. The statements made here reflect and promote stereotypes and sexism to the extreme. As an ethical scientist and educator, I find disseination of such ill-conceived personal notions in the guise of “expert advice” to be utterly reprehensible.
Dr Anne
Thanks for the cute remark.
I appreciate that!!
There are 2 schools the text book look at life that is based on research in labs and controlled enviroments.
Or the way i live..
I have been studying human behavoir in the field of life for the last 20 years.
400 emails a day from people who cant or have trouble meeting,
That is almost 1.5 million emails over 10 years.
Coaching people every weekend for 7 years.
I practice what i preach and love what i do.
Now the question i have for you.
Who are you and what do you do?
Life is all about different beliefs…..i may not resonate with you but plenty of people do resonate with me,
And if you and i were in a room we may disagree all night long but if we all thought the same way life would be really dull.
Open your mind there is a lot I can teach you and I am sure you have a lot to contribute back.
Who are you voting for?
I have my opinion and you may have yours………I am open to hear yours but so far you have attacked and not really given me anything to chew on.
BTW
I do not like Dr Phil
Dr Anne
I am now a hero.
Thanks for the lofty perch.
You are a one real piece of work.
Its your research way or no way.
I do my own research and stand behind every word.
You can have your life in journals….they are boring and full of facts that i disagree with,
Have you ever coached anyone in the field?
Are you a narrow minded person………
I was waiting for this…
Infinity
You know how open i am as a person.
To sit back and watch a narrow minded woman attack me based on her textbook life.
I was waiting and reading and had to chime in.
Jade,
If someone is content to take relationship advice from an entertainment blog, then what difference does it make whether my comments on such blog information are “professional” or not? I am under no obligation to give professional advice when it isn’t paid for. However, as this is still (somewhat) a free country, and this is an open forum for expressing one’s opinions (and let’s be clear, until Mr Relationship Guy starts posting links to his peer-reviewed sources, he is merely posting his opinions), then my opinions are every bit as valid as his. You are of course free to prefer his version of reality over anyone elses’ and you are most likely to do so if you already agree with his perspective, but there is no way that anecdotal accounts meet the same standards for evidence that can be derived from the scientific method. Females and males are simply more alike than they are different in nearly every statistical measure that has ever been conducted. Period. Show me the peer-reviewed published research literature that refutes that in terms of emotionality, and I will happily retract my criticism. And please be sure that the dependent variable relates to nature and not to nurture, as the argument being made here implies a fundamental difference between the sexes deriving from basal forebrain stuctures that are the source of subjective emotionality.
I am still calling out your hero to defend his opinions with more substantial evidence.
Dr Anne
Do you realize what the title of this blog is?
Don’t be over emotional!
Look at you reacting insulting and accusing.
This is my business and I am damm good at it!!
Book an hour with me if you want me to answer your questions.
You were amusing at first and I was hoping your narrow minded views would open up a bit.
You are wound so tight and you live in a very narrow minded world.
Open your mind get your head out of the books and come and participate in life!!
You refuse to answer any questions and all you do is attack!
How does it feel being single looking for answers in a book or lab?
Mr Wygant,
You are an entertainer who has some interesting insights on human behavior, but you are disseminating misinformation based on nothing more than your personal anecdotal conjecture. You are not credentialed or qualified, and you are incorrect about your characterizatoin of the psycholgical differences between the sexes. I am not at all “narrow minded” and your comment amounts to nothing more than a defensive ad hominen attack, and I am disapointed that you have lowered yourself to such a method of debate. You did seem more intelligent than that from your other posts I’ve read. What is going on here is clearly hero worship, based on your physical attractiveness and your penchant for reinforcing familiar and comforting (but sadly innnaccurate) stereotypes of human relationships. I have not had time to read many more of your posts due to the flaming from your fans, but I would caution you in terms of dispensing psycholgical advice without a license. Lawsuits happen. Please leave psychology to actual psychologists.
Best wishes to you and your fans.
Dear Dr Anne, I wasn’t commenting on your advice nor your opinions or research. I am bothered by this line of yours “Best wishes to you in your search for intimacy. You’ll need it.” That part wasn’t necessary I beleive.
“Please leave psychology to actual psychologists.” ???????? I personally have a psychology degree myself. I’ve gone to see psychologists who are not anywhere even close to as good as people who don’t have the degree. I even convinced one psychologist to see my way one time because I know the methods they use to counsel. Maybe some of them do not have real world experience enough to give counseling and instead go by textbook knowledge where in real life it is not cookie cutter all the time.
David
I know. I just find it funny that she KNOWS what kind of blog this is and she KNOWS that she is entitled to her opinions and she KNOWS that we are as well yet she DOESN’T KNOW how to handle a more heated discussion. And she CLEARLY didn’t read the title of this post.
I would take experience over anything else in the world. We have all this science and facts but it’s funny that all of that is based on EXPERIENCE.
David has had more social and personal experience than clearly you have Dr. Anne and as many Ph.D’s or as many books you have read and absorbed, because I am sure you are a sea of knowledge, you just can’t beat experience and living in the moment. Books can never capture that.
All this is about is living in the moment. I am personally offended by your statement saying that this is an entertainment blog. I run something very similar to this myself and I have people who actually rely on my material to make themselves into a better person. I’m not trash-trashing about your passion so please have respect for ours.
Some of us may be fans but a lot of us are our own mentors. We are here to help each other and as a Doctor, you should know that. It’s ok to give constructive criticism but you were here to go after someone and that’s not right. And you should know better than that. You clearly should have seen this coming.
Try and not approach this situation like this again. It really doesn’t make you look good or credible.
And for your information, Mr Wygant, I am happily married, sexually fulfilled, and very open-minded. I hold PhD in physiolgical psycholgy and am published in peer-reviewed journals.
Do you have any peer-reviewed publications? Do you know what one is?
Your posts actually contain far more emotionally charged terminology than mine, by the way. You seem upset. Take a deep breath and consider that perhpas you could learn something from critique. Self-proclaimed experts are often disturbed when their perceived authority is challenged, and such an emotional reaction results in an inability to adequately process worthwhile information.
I think I’ve now read quite enough of your “expert” advice to the lovelorn. It’s good to know what to recommend to my students and what to steer them away from as sources of legitimate psychological information.
Good day to you sir.
Whoa, this is fantastic. I don’t see Anne as being overly emotional. She’s just a hardliner, man. I think you both have a point, but it astonishes me that you (Dr. Anne) would come to an entertainment blog, as you call it, and then disparage it. Why invite the aggravation? We all come by our convictions differently, and yours are based on observation of one kind, and you may think it is more valid. Maybe it actually *is* more valid, but it is difficult to get truly objective (and controlled) information on the extremely complex behavior of humans. There are so many variables. David’s approach is certainly “unscientific,” but it’s observation-based, like yours…just a different type of observation. I do think that sometimes generalities can help us get a handle on things. Probably a very even-keeled approach would be to average both schools of thought, don’t you think? I think behavioral research is fascinating, but it’s odd to me you’d find that some other (less scientific) approach of basically some guy with a persuasive personality espousing his own convictions as so threatening or maddening.
Who cares? Don’t you ever seek out certain friends for their clarity when you have a problem? Or do you only trust behavioral research doctrines to guide you in life? Do people need a degree to be helpful, or to order their thoughts in a way that helps you when you are feeling muddled?
By all means, don’t dispatch with research…but useful opinions can come from anywhere. If they’re not of use to YOU, then so be it. But you sound a little aggressive. And David, you sound a bit defensive
A good night to all. This has been fun.
Dr Anne
You attack non stop.
This is my business and I am sure I am far more successful at what id then at what you do.
You insult people on the blog.
You insult me,
Talking about lawsuits…..you are a DR???
Not very professional at all.
And also narrow minded so i am sure your patients are all crazy as well.
I let you dig your own grave here.
You judged me and my business on one posting.
And this is not for entertainment….i give a shit about everyone who reads my blogs…who buys my products and who attends my coaching weekends.
Opps….I jus said shit not very professional in the uptight rigid narrow minded word of the so called Dr Anne.
You my dear have fun to play with tonight.
I am sure you are are pacing right now and totally frustrated by this.
Dr…..i really hope you are not a Dr giving advice and if you are i will spot one of your clients from a mile away.
They will be the frigid rigid one sided person at the cocktail party that everyone runs away from.
On a side note, I know a lot of PhD holders who love to tell everyone that they have a PhD and love to show off how smart they are to others. Yet they are the most socially deficient people ever that can’t get along with most people normally. Smart in books, not smart in life.
Anne
You are an insult a minute!!!
You can not post without one.
I challenge you any day to an open debate on any topic when it comes down to dating and relationships.
I will record it and post it on the site and let everyone hear the debate.
You come on here attacking people…..and you will vanish into your narrow minded world just as fast as you appeared.
Do you accept the challenge from the entertainment guy:)
You guys should stop now…you both have your points. Agree to disagree.
I would LOVE to watch this debate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m open minded!
Carrie
not defensive at all…..just really cant stand narrow minded people.
i find them boring and repetitive,
this blog is all about being overly emotional.
she thinks what i wrote was so wrong and yet get all bent out of shape from it.
very ironic.
glad you enjoyed the festivities tonight….i dont have a chance to get back here enough,,,,,
i read as much of the comments as i can and allow all of you to have fun and learn from each other,
i just could not resist this woman……she just reminds me of my grandmother who was anti any thought that was not hers!
Jade
she will never debate me.
she is all talk and would never expose herself.
people who evaluate others in second never look in the mirror and think that there maybe other ways of looking at things.
i would expose her for what she really is.
Infinity
Great comment and you hit the nail on the head.
This is why i really enjoy doing this.
Its to show everyone that you can not relate to everyone.
We all have different opinions and that is what makes this a great world!!!
This was fun…I am really glad i stayed home tonight and my plans were changed!!!
You guys have all been great tonight!!!
It was only a matter of time before David had to say something. If she was saying this while he was running a bootcamp in front of everyone he would have to address it the same way.
This was pretty much the same thing since we were all witness to what happened.
But this was worth staying up til 230AM.
I’ll be back in the morning. Way to stand up for yourself, David and those who tried to suppress the situation – good job, as well.
Looking forward to your next post tomorrow.
Goodnight, everyone.
The truth (which is subjective, usually) is much more likely to take shape when multiple accounts are factored in. That probably explains why the moviei “Ronin” has inspired so many remakes
I’ve found this debate quite entertaining. If the blog is meant to be entertaining, then it definitely served its purpose.
Now before we all point fingers at one another saying who’s right and who’s right, I want to point out that Dr. Anne is probably misinterpreting the blog.
David might have written about women being overly emotional in this one instance but it happens to men too. David did not imply that men aren’t the same way. Men can get just as emotional and needy. Has anyone read his blogs on needy men getting too clingy and what not? That’s men being overly emotional.
David likes to you use current real life situations to blog and this is just an observation of a behavior that ANYONE can relate to and should watch out for.
Men and women are generally speaking just as emotional as one another but it is also understood that women base their decisions or rather expresses themselves more on emotions than men, just because most women are more emotionally attuned with themselves than men are.
So in the end, do research and empirical evidence help provide good analysis from which to give good advice from? Sure… but sometimes, they are too factual and doesn’t take into account how life is really lived: in the moment… which is what David teaches.
Can guys like David learn something from doing more empirical research? Sure… but that’s not the focus of his business now is it?
His focus is not on creating theories, principles and rules for dating. His focus is on how to get YOU personally successful in dating based on your individual strengths and weaknesses.
So Dr. Anne, chill out! We can all learn from one another. Being a researcher doesn’t necessarily makes you more right than your neighbor who might have had more personal life experiences.
I don’t consider this being overly-emotional. I consider it being immature, which leads to an initial over-investment of feelings, because people tend to have future based fantasies about whomever they are currently twitter patted with. This leads to feelings that are mismatched to the situation, but well matched for the thoughts and over-investment. From the outside it looks like being overly emotional because you don’t understand how the person got from a to f. But the emotion is appropriate for everything happening inside.
And some guys do the EXACT same thing. Does she still like me? Has she met someone else? blah blah blah blah. I’ve met some “overly emotional” men too. Just as many as women, actually. I recently had a guy tell me it would be “catastrophic” if I didn’t do something him with him– (talk about an overly emotional word for a member of the ‘rational’ species). Anyway, while I would agree what he was referring to would have been a set back, i consider catastrophic events to be things like Katrina, Kyle, and tsunamis . . . or 9/11.
Either way, the mismatched emotion to the situation makes things really uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end.
And it is normal for both sexes to do that until they gain enough confidence in themselves, which is exactly what you’re trying to help with.
My advice to men and women in the same boat, is Do something interesting with your life and your time and whether or not they respond immediately will matter a whole lot less.
Overall I think your main point is on– don’t over analyze, give a guy some room to respond.
I tend to think it is situational regarding whether or not it means a man is emotionally not engaged or truly has some other shit going on.
Dr. Anne, I appreciate your points. I also appreciate your desire to protect people from what seems like dragging up the old stereotype of women being overly emotional, which re-energizes imho, the battle of the sexes, which, if we’re battling, we can’t actually be close to one another.
Oh and that catastrophic guy wasn’t my boyfriend. Even if our relationship ended it wouldn’t be a catastrophe for him (or me), he admits it would suck, but that he’d get over it and find someone more well matched, ha!
Dr. Anne – I find your responses to be not only unprofessional, but also totally offensive and narrow-minded … but for reasons I haven’t heard anyone else say in the comments thus far.
I said to you in my comment (which seemed to spawn this whole line of comments) that I have seen David work with people and have seen him have the ability to really get through to people and affect them in a positive (and life changing) way.
Your response to me was nothing more than an cheap, personal and dismissive insult to this. Your response was to accuse me of liking David because I find him “cute” and therefore am heaping hero worship on him. You totally disregard what I said above, and insult my intelligence and my experience by accusing me of having the capacity to like David’s work based on nothing more than his looks.
How pathetic you are … and how scary it is that you are being paid money (with the backing of a license if we believe you actually are a professional), to spew this kind of narrow-minded, insulting advice to the unsuspecting public.
Shame on you for using your “credentials” in the way you do. I have NEVER seen David insult people the way you have here … And if you truly believed in all you say, you would take David up on his challenge and do a live one-on-one with him so that everyone can decide for themselves… the fact that you don’t even respond speaks more loudly even than any of the insulting words you’ve stated here already …
I was enjoying people’s thoughts until I felt the tension of this blog. I’m getting off here for awhile and not opening this particular one again. Whew!
Lily
I do not think we will ever see the nutty one sided Dr Anne again.
She is all talk and cant back it up.
HA hope we don’t. Silly!
I DO agree that Anne is being just a TAD dramatic David. They say psychiatrists have a “touch” of the crazy themselves. And she certainly isn’t doing much to prove that women are not emotional LOL.
However, I still stand behind my earlier statement that we are ALL emotionally driven. This comes from my own personal experience “in the field” as a dater and friend of many daters. LOL (that wasn’t an insult it was a joke because I am one witty gal).
What pushes our buttons to bring out that emotional reaction may be slightly different. It depends on what issues make us feel passionately. And that is different for every person regardless of gender.
Personally, I have seen BOTH men and women react irrationally, emotionally and be too pushy with a mate or new love interest. Again, I maintain that whoever has the deeper feelings the relationship or a stronger interest in a new dating prospect is the person who tends to react emotionally or be too pushy in situations like not responding to an email fast enough or not returning a call.
I have SEEN my male friends flip out and text bomb girls who didn’t respond to a text or an email. In fact, I had to counsel my best male friend to stop doing this with the girl he was dating or she would lose interest… fast. And she did and subsequently dumped him. By the same token, I have SEEN my female friends (myself included) blow men off and not care at all. In fact, I have to say that I have noticed this behavior in men more recently for some reason. It’s ironic that this article was posted because all of my friends were JUST talking about how clingy MEN can be.
Nobody likes a reactive and clingy person and it is JUST as unattractive in a man as it is in a woman and will cause the other person to run for the hills.
The only REAL issue I had with this post were comments such as “As a woman, you’re very emotional and you react very emotionally to things.” …And “As the woman is going through all this thinking, analysis and sending out of that follow-up email…”
Without meaning to sound insulting these comments reminded me of that article circulated on the net from a 1950’s Goodhouskeeping article. Men do these things too whether you admit it or not. If you are REALLY into a girl who isn’t all that into you, you do it too. I have seen it happen and have been the recipient of such email/text bombings. The friend I mentioned earlier bites his nails to bleeding stumps because he constantly over-analyzes everything and is an emotional hot mess.
Look, women get very busy too …we also have jobs and busy days. But, if I am REALLY into someone, I make time to call them back no matter how busy I get. Especially if it’s a new dating interest, it can be exciting so you look forward to the call. If I am just not that interested, I will blow the person off or ignore them until they get the hint stop calling. Just like men do. I think everyone does this …male or female. One person is always more into it than the other.
I WILL agree that usually women develop an interest faster than men. So maybe that’s what makes you perceive that we are more emotional in relationships.
But the bottom line is if you feel blown off, you probably are so take a hint and move on. As a good rule of thumb I try to NEVER be the first person to call or call too much no matter how strong the urge to do so… hold back. And that usually works well for me. If you seem disinterested, they’ll chase you down like a dog in heat because it’s human nature to want what you can’t have.
So to all men AND women: NEVER freak and text bomb or mass email. Big dating “no no” for us all.
FUN HISTORY (I couldn’t resist):
“Hysterectomy” is the surgical removal of the uterus (womb). Did you know that the word “Hysterectomy” (termed in 1879) comes from the root word “hyster” referring to the womb and “ectomy” meaning removal.
The reason the root word “hyster” refers to the womb is derivative of the word “hysteria” based on the sexist assumption that the womb itself caused uncontrollable, emotional behavior.
Subsequently, early physicians performed a “pelvic massage” as a treatment for female hysteria to release the woman’s tension and cure her of her emotional distress. haha
Look up “female hysteria” on wikipedia or google. I know I know…”Wikipedia” but very interesting and amusing.
CONCLUSION: If your girlfriend seems emotional, that means you prooobably suck in bed. Therefore…how about you men start satisfying your girlfriends and they won’t be so emotional.
DR. ANNE…
Just an FYI: psychological research on gender will never make sense at all if you would never spend time with maybe at least 50 people a day in person.
Oh and by the way, next time if all you can do is attack and insult David and the users here? BETTER NOT COME BACK!!! PERIOD!
Christina..
about the one you posted on Oct11 9:01am, i agree 100% too about the fact that usually women are the ones to develop faster interest than men. And also about the fact that whoever has a deeper interest is the one that would normally tend to get overemotional. That is totally true. You go girl! Loved the whole post.
Hey, Deninge –
Stop wasting your very valuable life and time on a guy whose interest is not aimed in your direction. You probably did nothing to send him away – it just may be as simple as someone was in line ahead of you and he is concentrating his attention there to give her a fair, exclusive chance. Maybe someone came back into his life who was higher on his preference scale. You’re blaming yourself because you don’t have closure that satisfies your personal definition of closure. Maybe the end of contact was his version of closure. Some people are just really crappy at ending things for any reason and they think that fading out or just disappearing works better. They don’t have to explain themselves, face our disappointment or our tears – you know how men freak out when women cry, especially if they think that it might be their fault.
Don’t beat yourself up with BS negative fantasy scripts playing over and over in your head like a broken record. While you don’t know for certain why it’s over, sometimes it just doesn’t pay to fill in the blanks. Give him the benefit of the doubt and move on with your life. If you’re really feeling wounded, then forgive him for hurting you and forgive yourself for wanting him to administer the first aid as he is clearly not the medic on duty. Heal yourself – get a new “love” provider and don’t be afraid to shop around like a good consumer. It’s like shoes – you have to try them on. Sometimes they seem right for you but wearing them for a longer time frame proves that they only looked good…they just weren’t worth a damn for going the distance in comfort.
K: THANK YOU so much for your message. It was very encouraging for me.
Now one month later . . . Dr. Anne . . .if you’re out there . . . Did you ever get laid? It was obvious that you REALLY needed some emotional and sexual connection with a live human. Ha! If she had that much passion in bed, I bet she’d be an animal!
To the men who think a women who are not self fulfilled just because a guy did not call or text back right away, maybe you are exaggerating. In relationships people often feel more vulnerable and things become more magnified.
There are books out on the market that teach women how to ignore men and wait until they get back to you, but the truth is the right guy will never make a woman feel insecure. In the right relationship both parties know when the other is busy, and there is never that anxiety about how he is not getting back to her.
By the way even men can display the same anxiety when it comes to women not texting or calling. A few times I met guys I was on the fence about, and they would call me asking why I had not called or texted.
In the right relationship there is no need for these games labeling someone needy and the like. However, you know I choose to be single right now because men can be just a drama prone, they just tend to express this behavior in different ways.