Oh, how we love to tell stories.
We love to tell our version of what happened in a relationship.
Usually, when we tell our version of what happened in our relationship, we make ourselves out to be the victim.
How many times have you sat down after the relationship ended to tell your story to your friends? The story will always sound something like this:
I don’t understand. I loved them so much. I gave everything to them. I just don’t understand why they didn’t want me.
Victim. Your character is now the victim.
I’m going to challenge all the stories you’ve ever told in the past, especially the one that says, “I don’t understand, I loved them so much.”
Here’s the number one mistake about love that people make: they create a story about love, how they want to love, and how they want love to be—their fantasy version.
But the thing is, every single person has a way that they need to be loved; everybody’s love “talks” differently, as Gary Chapman expresses in his book The 5 Love Languages.
We usually love others in the way that we need to be loved. We don’t usually love them in the way they need to be loved.
And that’s why you can sit an ex-couple down in a room and ask them about what went wrong in the relationship. You’re very likely going to hear two different stories—two different versions of the same relationship.
The reason why love fails is because we stick with our story and we stick with our “if-theys”.
“If they would have treated me better, then…”
The next time you’re in love, love them unconditionally the way they need to be loved. And then see what happens.
See the change. See how the story becomes the romance you’ve craved, you’ve wanted, and you’ve desired your whole life.
We do this with friends. We do this with our kids. So why can’t we do this with each other? It’s a really simple process.
The next time you look back on a past relationship, ask yourself if you truly loved that person every single day the way they needed to be loved?
If you can honestly say “yes”, then you shouldn’t look back on that relationship with regret—you did everything you could, and sometimes things just don’t work out.
But if I was a betting man, I’d say that the majority of you are going to say “no”, and that’s the reason why so many of the relationships have failed in the past.
What causes us not to love somebody the way they need to be loved?
There are so many different things that cause us not to love rightly, but usually it’s because we have such an ego. We usually say to ourselves, “Well, they’re not doing what I need so I’m not going to do what they need.”
But in reality, the reason why they’re likely not giving you what you need, is because they are not fulfilled. Such a catch-22 isn’t it?
Think about all the fights you’ve had with your lover. Think about all the fights you’ve had in your relationship. It’s basically them begging to be loved the way they need to be loved by you.
But it’s your ego, your lack of compromise, your lack of willingness to do what you probably know what you should do.
So I urge everyone on this day to drop your egos.
Be the man or woman you could be and express your love rightly.
. . .
I want anyone who agrees with this post to use the comments section below to pledge to express themselves honestly, and to express their love rightly.