What’s your name again?
Gee, thanks for telling me, because I’m never going to remember it anyway!
People are always asking me how I remember everyone’s name. I always answer, “I don’t!” I rarely remember people’s names.
What I do remember is things about them. I remember personal things about them. Every single person that I meet I attach some type of story or nickname to.
For example, tonight I went to a party and ran into a guy that I’d met before. I don’t really remember his name, but I do remember him as “Radio Man” – because he’s in the radio business.
So I went and talked to him, and I said, “hey, Radio Man, how are you? What’s going on?” and I remembered what we talked about the last time. I remembered the business things we talked about and I remembered some of the ventures that he did, and I brought them up.
I remember details about everyone. You’re not bonding with somebody based on his or her name; you’re bonding with them because you remember something interesting about them.
Who cares if you don’t remember their name? I remember details. I remember things about people, so that the next time I see them I will be able to move the conversation forward. I’ll be able to talk with them further. I can ask them questions.
For instance, there is this woman that works at Whole Foods, and she has on Hello Kitty stuff all of the time because her daughter makes her wear it. So every time I see her, I say, “Hello Kitty, how are you? Your daughter made you wear that pin again today?” And then we can talk about her daughter and other things.
The key thing is to remember details about somebody so that the next time you talk to them you are able to take the conversation further.
Think about it – how do you feel when someone remembers you? You feel good if somebody remembers your name, but how do you feel if somebody remembers a detail about you? Or if somebody remembers something that happened to you? Or a story that you told them? How does that make you feel? It makes you feel so much better.
So don’t worry about the names. Just remember things about people. The more you can remember about people, the greater emotional connection you are going to have and the greater chance you’ll have of being memorable to them. You’ll be able to take it further.
Once again: I don’t care what your name is. I don’t remember your name. But I do remember that it was your 3-year-old daughter’s birthday last week – and that is all that matters.
Start remembering things about people and you will also learn how to listen better. If you start listening to what people say you’ll become a good conversationalist.
It’s a great trick – for me to become a great conversationalist I had to really listen to people. When I really listened to people, I started remembering things. When I started remembering things, I was able to take the conversation deeper and further.
So thank you to all of you anonymous readers! I don’t know any of your names. But if you email me, I’ll remember your story.
I totally agree. Also, it’s great when people have a unique name. Like there’s this girl on my church name pronounded as Shane–uh. When people have names I try to associate them with someone else I know whether it be a celeb or a friend. Plus, I see the world through clothing and it’s great to observe people’s clothes. I love the conversation started”Nice jacket, where’d you get it?”
I love remember personal things about people. People are always amazed when I remember something personal about them.
My trick to remembering someone’s name is to try to say their names 3 times within the first 5 minutes.
Just taking the time to conscious say their name forces my mind to remember.
“Hi Ariel! It’s a pleasure meeting you”
“So Ariel, what brings you here?”
“Wow, I didn’t know you were so popular, Ariel”
Fly Man!
Yea… I never remember people’s names. Great tip!
I’ve turned myself around from the guy that never remembers anyones names to uh, well, ok, the guy that sometimes remembers peoples names!
For me it really is all about Kheim’s method. I make sure to repeat it a couple times (and if its an attractive woman I’ll remind myself a couple times internally). While remembering details about people is very important as David pointed out, I think remembering peoples names is a fantastic tool that shows respect in just about any interpersonal situation.
Great site David, really like your stuff.
ya nickname kicks real names ass by far!
or, just that i usually can’t remember people’s name ; )
I feel so much better. I can never remember people’s names, but I can tell you where they went on vacation, what food they hated, where their kids went to school…sometimes I can even remember the names of their family members that I haven’t met. Go figure. Glad I’m not the only one with name amnesia.
Lets see the first one:
The name remembering reminds of two country songs. One by Alan Jackson that sing about a waitress he met and then he wakes up and finds out that he is married and their is a female singer that sings a song that says she hooked up with a guy and doesn’t know his last name. Can you picture getting drunk at a bar and marrying a girl that is missing her front took or saying I do to a guy that you know on first name basis. Now trying to remember how to pronounce their name is the hardest for me. But if I have not seen you in awhile like with David I wont remember you. Yes David I remember you for I was the one who said something about Daphne I was with my two daughters in California. When I passed you and Daphne on the street I believe one of my daughters petted her I believe it was my oldest. I just got divorced and my oldest was getting married.
Strange uh small world for if I took Daphne home with me she would have wide open spaces to roam for I live on a farm with four cats.
Send all comments of updates I would like to read them but it will take me a few minutes to answer you. I am busy but I can see you for remember when we check the box b low your comments are sent to me.
OH SANDRA! YOU MADE ME LAUGH SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.
You are seriously one-of-a-kind.
And you’re probably David’s biggest fan on the blogosphere
I’m terrible at remembering names but I always remember people in a story sense. Great post David.
Mike
Brita
Take a bow and thank u.
Thanks mike.
Names are something i always try to recall:)
Try this one on for size my great grandparents had 11 children ok I can only remember a few names but don’t ask me who my cousins are for I will not remember if someone said they were kin to that last name we would have to go through the family tree to find out who they were kin too. That is why I wont date anyone from West Virginia for fear they maybe kin to me.
I am not too good at remembering names either, but I totally believe in the importance of remembering things about people you meet. Its a great way to bond with people and its fun!
great practical advice!!
Thanks David. I feel a lot better now – I remember either the name or the face but rarely both. But I remember conversations and their subject content. I learned more on every job by listening to others talking than I did during formal training. I always knew what was happening and why and no one could figure it out why I knew things that were none of my business or outside of my job responsibility – until I explained that I can’t mentally shut out other noise like most people can, so I mentally sort out what I do hear and ‘file it away.’ I love listening to people’s personal stories – and if they repeat what someone actually said to them and addressed them by name, their name WILL stick – it’s weird, I know. But it works like a champ. And this blog is like the written version.
By the by, should we worry about “Necro” or am I reading too much into that name?
That’s very true that if you remember someone’s name and say it during a conversation they feel like you care. (or at least it does for me) The other day this guy kept saying my name every time he saw me, but I couldnt remember his. So I used David’s method of using nicknames. Thx! hehe
very true… i always remembering things about others people and they suprise too. I do like to remember people names but most of the times i forgot their names
remembered their nicknames quite fun also because it makes you feel open and welcome.
K – Don’t read too much into it! Random nickname, long story!
OK, if you say so…
K
I know what u mean I don’t know where you live but I work during the day. I also work around a lot of guys and I know u do to.
Does anyone know what generation it was that women started to call the guys. Give up it was during the seventies when I was a teenager and pregnancies were on the rise. That is when we drove our mothers crazy.
If I had learned education I would not have had time to learn anything else.