So let’s say there is a guy you are attracted to whom you see all the time. When you see him, he’s always out with his friends, laughing and just having a great time with his buddies. Every time you try to talk to him, though, he gets all nervous.
You’ve got to understand something about this guy. You think this guy is so cool, calm, collected and confident. The truth is that if he’s nervous around you, then he’s interested in you.
Just look at his personality. That’s something that I always tell women.
A lot of times when a woman is attracted to a guy and he acts like this, i.e., confident and friendly with his friends but nervous around her, she interprets this seemingly stark change in his behavior as an indication that “This guy isn’t interested in me.” She will interpret his nervousness as deliberate unfriendliness toward her.
In reality, this guy IS interested in you precisely because he is not acting like himself . Watch what this guy does and think about it for a second.
The minute he stops talking to you, he goes back to talking to his friends and he immediately becomes the confident guy again. Then you see him talking to a woman to whom he’s not attracted, and he becomes that confident guy again. When he’s talking to the waitress, he’s the confident guy.
The minute he starts talking to you, however, he seems to get really nervous. His hands go in his pockets. He might rock back and forth a little bit.
So what do you do in this situation? You’ve got to bring it out of him a little bit more.
For one thing, you can always ask him “Do I make you nervous?” You can confront him right away if you feel like taking the direct approach.
You can also just be really calming and ask him questions about things. When you’re in a conversation with him, maybe go a little deeper and start asking him more questions about what he’s saying. Get him to relax a little bit. You could laugh at one of his jokes.
The fact is that life is about energy, and whatever energy someone brings into a dynamic can affect the energy of the others. So when this guy is nervous, you become nervous and then the two of you will become nervous together.
So if you like this guy or you think you might like this guy, it may be up to you to bring a calming energy into your conversation to draw out his calmer side. Life is a two-way street ladies. It really is.
Once again, too many women sit back and wait for that guy to come over to them. They wait wait for that guy to be George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Sometimes the reality is that you’ve just got to pull it out of them. It’s just the way things are.
You need to embrace that you are in control of your dating life, and I’m here to help you.
I WAS that guy, whenever I liked a girl I would go into “better not say/do something stupid” mode. Ironically, which led to- saying something or doing something STUPID!. It was horrible. I lost alot of girls, like that, by not being me. So be real. Peace.
P.S. Sorry about the tornado David. lol
(Giant mess left over the Blog)
Like Jaime I was that guy and have to agree, be real and be honest. I’ve since gotten over it and even had a few role reversals when women who were interested in me seemed nervous. Since I understood both sides of the situation I wanted to put them at ease. I told them that I was interested in them (if I really was), really enjoyed their company, wanted to get to know them better, made a light-hearted joke, or maybe even gave them a hug or grabbed their hand. There really is no situation where honesty (with a little diplomacy) doesn’t work, throw in a little humor and you’re golden.
Hello fellow bloggers and DW:
I recently signed up for online dating and purchased the online dating product. It’s great stuff. I recently created a profile and wanted some feedback. Do I sound too much like a wuss? Any recommendations in wording or substance would be greatly appreciated.
Profile:
I am a smart and respectful 27 year old guy looking for my dream girl. I enjoy the simple things in life. Whether it be grabbing a movie on a rainy afternoon, sharing a bottle of wine over a home-cooked meal, or bbq’ing with my best buddies…I’m not hard to please. Along with the simple things, I also like to try new and exciting things. I’ll eat almost anything (so yes, I can be your guinea pig…), and I love to travel and see new places. I like weekend trips to the shore, winter ski trips to the mountains, and especially travel abroad. Europe is next on my list. I also enjoy my sports…watching baseball, or tailgating at a Giants game (yes, I’m an avid Giants fan, if that’s a problem we can hug it out….). I’m half Italian, half German. So yes, I know what antipasti is and gravy means…and I can cook a mean bratwurst. In fact, I love to cook and occasionally have my family over for Sunday dinners. Family is extremely important to me. Whether it is going to church with mom, playing golf with dad, or giving guy advice to my sisters, they are all a constant in my life. And they certainly have influenced me. Will I be honest with you when you ask me about the two dresses you’re deciding between? Yes. Will I help bring the groceries in from the house? Yes. Will I run to the drug store when you’re sick? Yes (and maybe even cook that chicken noodle soup too). I am thoughtful, easy-going, mature, and trustworthy – with a passion for life! I am looking for someone with a fun personality who is emotionally mature, a good communicator, intelligent, and is down to earth. I’m a simple man, so I hate high maintenance and have little desire for drama. Someone who is selfless, kind, caring and reciprocates in a relationship. And because family is important to me, someone who is family oriented and has solid moral values. I find it very attractive if she is a confident person and is comfortable in her own skin. A special person to share laughs together and build a string of long-lasting memories. Just happiness! If this sounds like you, then I’d like to hear from you. And, if it works out, maybe we can get a priest to marry us in a live chat ceremony.
ya i can relate tot his, because some days i will just fall into shy mode and talk to a girl to save my life. but that doesn’t mean i am a different person that day!
I just think the mis-interpretations talked about in this article are hilarious. Everyone always assumes what is worse for them in that moment. There’s really no reality to it at all. But sometimes, we all must retreat inside of our heads to figure things out.
This blog is so true. I find that i’m fine, relaxed, and confident around girls that i know are interested in me, yet the moment the girl i have my eye on is within earshot i go into “don’t F#@k up” mode. If only it were the other way around. How do you overcome this is the girl is just as shy, or just not willing to tease confidence out of you like David suggests?
I really enjoyed this article. It is so true. It is same for the most part of women as well.
Chris- very nice profile. It was honest, and very well thought out. =]
Profile sounds good. The last line was pretty funny and shows your sense of humor. Are you willing to post your match user name? I ask only b/c the pics you pick are pretty important; a lot of guys give a grimace faced look from computer cam pics that make them look like serial killers. Nice job on spelling!
Chris,
Your profile doesn’t paint a vivid picture of who you are. You list a lot of nice traits, qualities and likes/dislikes in your profile but you don’t tell people why. You want to go deeper in each of the things you state about yourself.
Start telling stories in your profile. You want people to bond with you on an emotional level. Why should people care if you are half Italian, half German? How does that affect your values in life?
You want people to read your profile and think… “Wow! He’s interesting”. You want them intrigued and curious about you and the only way you can do that is by sharing more of who you are in a deeper level through storytelling.
Ok – I haven’t really had that happen before… at least not noticeably.
How about this though:
What if a guy crosses the room to talk to you? Is he interested? What if he is constantly looking at you and saying something to you (while he is talking to a group of people)? What if he seems to be evesdropping in on your conversations? Does that mean he is interested? What if when you email him something, the next time he sees you, he comments on something funny in the email? I think he could just being nice or just communicating…but he seems to go out of his way. But then I wonder, what is the reason? Any help is appreciated, just help me understand!
Gabrielle,
If he does all that you had said, he is interested in you.
Daniel
Absolutely, Gabrielle, you just named every intentional thing I do when I like a girl, but don’t come out and say it, it is a way of testing the waters(interest level). Its like you read a script that is in my head.
Objectives:
1. Find her and talk to her
2. Look at her, make eye contact
3. Make chit chat with people to have her see me being funny and interesting.
4. Try to get humorous with her.
5. Repeat.
Where I am coming from this means I want her to reciprocate, and show equal effort and interest in me, so I can make the next move, or hell have her do me the favor.
He scared as shit of asking you out and getting rejected, meaning he places a higher value on you. That is why he is doing these things. (<–Was him)
I might be out to lunch on this, but this is from my experience. So stop being the nervous girl. heheh
Yes! I am being so nervous only because I’ve placed higher value on him as well. Thanks for your help Jamie & Daniel!
The vast majority of my male friends represent those shades of people who’s personality is not-conducive to being social. Thus the right hemisphere of the brain will be more functional and stronger then the extroverts left hemisphere. I have tried on numerous occasions to show them life will pass them by if the opportunities are not seized immediately. I have tried to motivate and influence without passing judgment on my friends but deep down and maybe you’d agree these types of people are navigating their lives in seas they will soon wish they had not ventured.
Hi~
Thank-YOU for all the sharing on this subject!!! I feel the need for some input on a situation, & I feel hopeful with the input YOU ALL have to offer , there can be a productive solution… So here is my situation:
1. I feel dependant upon the father of my children.
2. I feel moving back in with him after a divorce in 2005 is not working out.
3. I feel getting employment is on my priority list, starting this Monday!
4. I feel the children & I are not the ones who need to leave the home, however since the divorce he is the owner of the home! & My children & I have a horse (we live on a ranch with my exhusband) & finding a place suitable to us is not only a long shot because of money, & our children’s father has plenty for me per his request to be a stay at home mom & homemaker per his ability to provide.)
5. I feel alcohol has become a big problem as far as he is over drinking & at times becomes very frightening to our children & me.
6. He has great,fantastic, & wonderful qualities as well, & I feel it is difficult after 12 years of being together to make a reasonable decision, on what to do about our situation.
(Here is the kicker……………)
7. I feel a stong attraction to another man who is quite shy, & knows my living situation.
8. I feel so strongly for this other man that I feel an urgency to break off the relationship with my exhusband quickly, whom I have been & am at present faithful to.
I feel uncertain if the other guy would even ask me out if I were single, because he is so shy. However I really feel that this man is very attracted to me, because of his nervous behavior around me, & he blushes alot around me (it feels so cute to me, & I get nervous around him too big time).
I feel bad for feeling so strongly for him given my current situation, & will not do a cheating thing, for me that is not at all something I feel is right for me AT ALL.
I feel confused. My exhusband that we live with drinks, & becomes frightening to us! I am a member of alcoholics Anonymous, & do NOT drink at all for quite a while now & the shy guy is also a member of Alcoholics Anonymous & has’nt drank for many many years, I feel he (the shy guy in A.A.) is so wonderful. Yet I feel so unsure, insecure,frightened etc….
I feel the need to show some Faith,confidence & courage…… I also feel I do not want to bring any of this up to my shy guy cuz that would be like the most wrong thing to do if there is a chance we could date etc….
geeeeeez I feel I can really benifit from some input & support PLEASE………..
Thank-YOU ALL for being understanding & supportive! LOVE to ALL!!!
Have a Wonderful Forever One Day @ a Time
Happy,Joyous & Free
with Lots & Lots of
LOVE,
~Kozmo~
PS
The shy guy (in AA) as in my above post, actually came to an AA meeting with another girl,
whom I know took the lead with him to hang out together. He did not act at all nervous around her.
Now I feel my chances could be poofed (gone) even when I break-up with the abusive ex.
& get on my own.
I feel I need to ask if I might be brave enough to let the shy AA guy, know I am breaking up
with my kidz dad & that I feel he is ……?? geeeeezzz I don’t know what if any thing I should say to him????
What do YOU ALL think??
Thanks again & much LOVE to ALL!!!
~Kozmo~
Kozmo,
You have a lot of doubts and you project way too far ahead of yourself. Focus on the present moment and ask yourself… what do YOU really want?
Forget all the logic in why or why you should or shouldn’t do something. Forget how your ex or the current guy you like would think or feel about you. Ask yourself: what do YOU want?
By determining what you want and really acting on that, you’ll be happier with yourself and will feel a sense of empowerment to tackle whatever may comes ahead.
That alone is a great step forward.
As far as the guy goes, just talk to him. Yes… you are both nervous around each other… but you never know how much you like each other until you find ways to connect.
As far as your ex goes, you should definitely move out if possible. There is no reason that you should tolerate abusive behaviors. It’s about respecting yourself first! It doesn’t matter how much history you have with one another or how much he provides for you. The foundation of a good relationship is respect and trust. If you can’t have both, you should change your situations.
Good luck.
I agree with Khiem, Kozmo. You seem to be too ahead of yourself. But in the end, you need to put yourself in the right environment and state of mind. One way is to move out with your ex. And the other is just to relax and be honest. Not just with guys, but with yourself as well.
Greetings All~
WOW!!! Thank-YOU! With YOUR support & suggestions INFINITY & KHIEM, I have been Blessed today with more Peace than I have had for a while! Thanks to YOU!!! By GOD I got the job today! & Have filed a restraining order today also. WOW Thank-YOU again from my Heart to YOURS!
I feel like asking also how do I post a picture like Gabrielle? Gabrielle if YOU are reading this YOU are a very very Beautiful girl.
Now that I am in the here & now & taking care of my needs & the needs of my children, I feel empowered
& Grateful! To GOD & to YOU!
Do YOU think I would be moving too fast to let my shy guy in AA know that I am suddenly single? I feel that is a future projection question, yet I feel the need to ask YOU. Because YOUR advice is really helpful & again I feel sooooooooo Grateful to YOU!!!
Have a Wonderful Forever One Day @ a Time
Happy,Joyous & Free
with LOTS of
LOVE,
~Kozmo~
Kozmo,
Glad to know that you are doing well. Khiem is correct about focusing on the present. Don’t worry to much about what could happen, but enjoy life. Unless you genuinely love your ex-husband, you should not get back together with him, especially if he has not proven that his alcohol problem has been corrected. Your ex-husband having plenty of money or the length of time you were with him should not be the justification for this decision, especially if his alcohol problem is an endangerment to your children. It would be the unloving thing to for your children.
You could let the shy guy in your AA class know that you are single. Don’t worry about the outcome of your conversation, but make an effort to get to know him better and be genuinely interested in him. If you read David’s blog, you will realize he talks about the abundance principle. There are a lot of great men you could meet, but like Khiem had mentioned, it’s what YOU want.
Daniel
Kosmo,
If you are ready to date, you can go ahead and tell the shy guy that you are single… but at the same time, it wouldn’t be bad to just get to know him without necessarily spelling out that you are single.
You can take your time to see how you adjust to your new “single status”. There’s a lot of men out there. Who knows who you might meet and get attracted to?
Just because you are now single doesn’t mean you have to rush into the arms of shy guy. Take your time to talk and get to know the shy guy first. Take your time to see if you even like him. Right now, you like him because you created a “fantasy” in your mind about him, based on the little glimpses you’ve seen or known of him.
You may change your mind once you truly take the time to get to know him.
Whether you date shy guy now or later, sometimes it’s important to take time for yourself…. to redefine what you truly want before jumping into another relationship. Are you sure you are completely over your ex-husband?
Kosmo,
I say don’t just focus on that one guy you are interested in. More than one man can treat you right. Don’t limit yourself. But, I also think that in your situation, you need to focus first on you and your children. A new relationship right after or during a seperation period is when you are emotionally vulnerable and you need to take your time and make the right decision for the long term welfare of your family. Your children’s feelings need to be considered and I’m sure they don’t want any more situations where they or you are put at risk. It’s hard because everyone wants someone to love and to feel loved by someone and when we don’t have that person in front of us, we want it now, but like I said, think long term of what is right for you, not just what might feel right for the moment. Do things that build you and your children up.
Focus on time spent with them. Go on walks, eat right, listen to music, just anything that is a positive and that you can do with your children will help you to feel better and in the end you will look better and make better decisions. Set some goals for you and your children and see what happens. Just do it for 30 days and then see if you notice some changes in your life. There will always be a man to find, but this time you want the right one. One day at a time, one breath at a time. In the end you have to understand that if you don’t find that one right man, it’s okay, you can live happily knowing that you aren’t with the wrong one. Live each day the best you can.
Oh, sorry, I think the spelling was Kozmo.
Now for a comment about being nervous around those we are interested in. Just human nature when your heart starts racing and then there goes your mind because you are feeling the euphoria of being attracted to someone. Eventually after being around them enough, hopefully we calm down and breathe a little easier and can think of what to say. I think that is the glory of new relationships though and wish I could bottle that one up…..
Greetings Friends~
I feel so much better, reading YOUR empowering words! How can I Thank-YOU ALL?? YOUR words are Truly an Inspiration & full of Wisdom! I feel I can put YOUR suggestions into action in the lives of my children & myself!!! YOUR words are Truely Divine & I feel humbly Grateful.
My new job is awesome! I took deep breaths said a Prayer to my Higher Power & WOW the first day was miracoulous moment after moment! & I owe so much of it to YOU! Thank-YOU!
Hav’nt seen the shy guy for a few days or so & thats OK! I feel if I start thinking about him a little too much I bring my focus back to the here & now! Just like YOU have taught me! WOW, so Glad to have the Pleasure & Blessing to have YOUR Wisdom & Support! When the student is ready the Master’S’ appear!
Thank-YOU forever!
Blessings of abundance & LOVE to YOU!!!
Have a Wonderful Forever One Day (Breath & Moment)
@ a Time,Happy,Joyous & Free
with Great big bunches of LOVE to YOU,
~Kozmo~