Some of you might be obsessed with your football team. Your team may even be lucky enough to be competing in the playoffs today, unlike my Jets, who are at home where they probably belong.
Obsession is something that is not very healthy at all, especially when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. So many guys are so obsessed with the approach or so obsessed with trying to figure out what to say.
Women get obsessed with a lot of different things also. Some get obsessed and fixated when it comes to why the date went wrong and what the guy must be thinking and why the relationship is not working out and how it could not work out.
Today’s video is all about obsession. I think you’ll enjoy it because it’ll finally open up your eyes to what obsession is all about.
If you’re ready to stop obsessing and start having a healthy, productive, amazing dating life, I suggest you buy my book, Naked.
Great Video, as always. I wanna share my own story, which ultimately cost me a great relationship, a broken engagement and lots of pain.
I got to know the seemingly perfect woman in spring last year. We fell madly in love – and ultimately ended up so obsessed about each other that we neglected our individuality. Being obsessed, we focused our entire life on the other, leaving our happiness at the responsibility of the significant other at any time.
I don’t have to mention that very soon after our premature engagement, clouds were coming up. Dark clouds. And we both couldn’t handle them, because we were so obsessed with each other. I didn’t feel so sure about what we were doing anymore, she panicked about me not being sure of her, and the downward spiral began.
Now, just days before christmas, she left. Both our hearts broken, and just starting to realize that an obsession is not a good start into a relationship. That trust and self-love is as much importnt as anything else.
Now the big task is to learn that. Or to un-learn obsession. I hope I’ll be able to do that, so that eventually we meet again and start all over in a healthier way – or is that again my obsession talking?
My year has already been fucked up, you know where I was for new years? arrested by the RISP, placed behind bars at the department, the whole week. they set up a court date, I will not get into it. I asked best buy for a vacation, they told me I could take as much time as I want.
2012 has already been fucked up for me and I am very angry. my angry no matter what isn’t going away. I was betrayed by my own family. I am very depressed. I can’t trust people anymore.
What did you get arrested for Tom?
I have a co-worker at McDonald’s who believes if a broom sweeps your feet, you’ll go to jail. I laugh and always act like I’m going to sweep her feet and tell my coworkers I’m gonna send them to prison.
Hell, one of the other guys I was working with was telling me how he hated this cop in the lobby for getting him for drug dealing. So I’m thinking, “The guy’s doing his job, and you’re knowingly breaking the law. WTF?” I’m not saying I’ve never done anything illegal, but come on.
david u were not shy to speak to me that day when i said excuse me sir and looked at ur dog. but i do understand what u r saying and that is what i did…i got myself mentally tied into a guy that was unavailable and kept asking me to give him time and maybe next year will be our year…well what turned up was another woman which is married he is married and the story goes…now i am going to get over this if the monkey chatter will stop inside of my head and get this life of mine straight i am so scared to date another guy because i fear that i will loose him…but i defeat this if i have to because i am the one single and they are not…what a mess well it is time to stand up and take note and stop this whatever i am doing and get on with my life….any takers
there is more to this but i will not post it on the internet…i wished there was someone to talk to maybe i will move to another state and find someone i can trust…
Am I ever going to get what I want? I’m not asking for things to be perfect I just want the things I dream of, the things I want. things money cannot buy. this year is already done, the first week fucked up my year. not only is my record even more fucked up, but my dreams are even further.
and then what? when I decide to go back to work, the same shit returns. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m not happy with what I have and no would want to be in my shoes.
why can’t I just get the things I want? I understand that you can’t get everything you want, but I get nothing, I never got something I really want. why can’t I get the few things I really want the most, nothing else. and yes I do work hard, hard work gets you no where in life.
Markus, how did you feel when you were obsessed? I remember after I broke up with my first love I got obsessed with my rebound. It felt like I was on fire and out of control. It covered the pain of the breakup but it was not a good situation.
Sandra, what’s the absolute worst thing that can actually happen if you lose him?
Dan, she was not my first love, but my first big one, the first one I went all the way and got engaged to. Anyway, feeling obsessed is a feeling that probably could be compared to an addiction (although I’ve never been addicted to something else). It feels great when you have her, when you miss her, but you always need more. And suddenly one part within myself said, wait, you’re tying yourself up completely! I noticed losing almost my identity because of this – and I am usually a strong personality, with a good and highly responsible job. But this one floored me. I stopped responding to friends in order to make time for her. I stopped going out. I stopped other things in my life, like hobbies. And at one point, this didn’t feel right anymore.
I still regard her as my dream partner, she has all I need in a woman – sexually, emotionally, our connection…but this one has really made me question, what love really is? Feeling dragged and highly attracted to a person at the same time as feeling overwhelmed and your air taken away, is not a nice feeling. It almost ripped me apart internally.
So, what is real love?
Ah, and now in this time my obsession is on getting her back, which is even worse. I lost her because I wasn’t feeling good and comfortable about something I still don’t know exactly, and she felt pushed away. Now I miss her like hell for three weeks and I don’t know what to do – I could go back and get her, but then what do I do? I first need to find the thing that was holding me back in the first place, otherwise the wheel starts again from scratch.
Tom is a psycho man! He needs to be locked up permanently!
I can’t believe they let him out again. Tom needs to be locked in a hole somewhere, and get beaten daily. He’s a psycho criminal man. Tom is a sicko.
Intern Dan
I have already lost him he is not the same person i met seven years ago when he was faithful to his wife. If he had done right by her and the children and went thru it the right way then I may have given the benefit of a doubt…but one thing I am grateful for there was no relationship there just a dream that never came to reality. We did not have any type of relationship just a friendship.
i was obsessed with this chick whom i had been with in the past, and then reconnected with over this winter break. Everything seemed to be going great except that she wasnt there sexually and this really bothered me. I tried not to push the issue, thinking it could just take some time, but we eventually talked about it and she made it clear she couldnt have those feelings for me anymore. So, I ended things only to start talking to her again and hanging out again. This cycle repeated itself 3 times until i finally lost interest and realized that she’s not so great after all. She’s crazy and emotionally unstable, needing constant help with issues in her personal life. I ended the obsession by removing her from my life because i knew that it was unhealthy. However, it makes me think. Would I still be with her if we were having sex? Hell yeah, but is that wrong? I don’t think so. I’m young and hormonal so sex is key to any relationship i have with a girl. Maybe that’s what i was obsessed with.
Markus, think about this question for yourself: If you were not having sex with this woman, would you still be obsessed with her and what she brings to your life? If the answer is not a resounding YES, its not necessarily love so much as infatuation… and if thats the case, I would say MOVE ON brother. No offense to your chick, but she’s probably not the right one to be obsessing over, if there is such a thing. I say this purely because of the fact that, when with her, you felt “dragged… overwhelmed” and out of air. I don’t think thats what love is supposed to be. Love is a common understanding between two individuals and a dedication to the spiritual and emotional growth of all parties involved. If she doesn’t take you above and beyond where you were before her, i say fuck it and move on. Like Dave says, there’s an abundance of great people to meet, and just like you met her, there’ll be another chick just as great; only she won’t strangle you and will instead help you grow as a person, improve your career, and make your life better.
On a side note, I would not think to heavily about how to get her back if that’s what you truly want. What you were doing in that last post is what Dave labels “monkey chatter” and we all know thats bad. Just be straight up with her; if she truly loves you she’ll forgive your mistakes and take you back into her life with open arms. If not, ON TO THE NEXT ONE. You will find a girl that does it all for you and doesn’t detract from your life. If its this one, try and avoid feelings of emotional attachment and coveting. Those are not healthy and may be why your relationship floundered in the first place. And should it come to light that she is too attached, you may need to walk away and find something better, or more suitable to your lifestyle.
Best of luck! Nothing can hold you back but yourself! Let go and let the details handle themselves my friend.
Justin
@Tom Hater
as you judge so shall you be judged. Tom is just a guy looking for someone to listen and you hating on him and his struggles is no better than someone hating on a black man because of the color of his skin. Were all equal and deserve a common respect, reserved for no individual.
@Tom, please try and take a look at your life. See all your issues and embrace them. Don’t act out in self-defiance. Just try to get a grip man! It’s tough but possible. There are always opportunities for new beginnings and the only way you will have one is to accept this as true. Think of every time that you muss things up as a new chance to make things right. Apologize to those you’ve wronged, and promise to be better. And then here’s the kicker… BE BETTER. Sorry man but you’ve gotta quit the belly achin’. People are annoyed because all you do is complain and talk about how shitty your life is. How often do you count your blessings? If you have your health, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and a JOB, you have a lot to be thankful for and a lot on other people. There are so many people that have it worse off than you, not only in the US but also in so many places all over the world (Haiti, Africa, Sudan, India).
With that said, I still believe you have a lot to work on personally. I would recommend that you try reading some great self help books (Zen and the Art of Happiness, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, all of Dave’s books seem great, The Road Less Traveled which i recommend to anyone looking to learn about what love is, and You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson) All of those books along with David’s messages in his products have really made a positive difference in my life. Maybe they can help you too Tom. Let me know what you think.
I know you can do it because you show determination to change and make a better life. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Just don’t ever give up! Hope that helps some.
Justin
There is a girl one of my social group that I have notes what a great person she is. I am not going to obsess over her. I am going to let her know how I feel.
If end up focusing on speaking to women alone and disregard my interests then I transmogrify into Mr. Obsession. This christmas break I’ve decided to make a commitment to get to know myself better. I’m a better man than I’ve been since september without a doubt. What id like to see on the website is how to connect with oneself and find those activities that define me. I feel that long ago I’ve let the dfficulty such a challenge define my dating life.
Before I set out to do this dating thing to me I never really had thought out just how much of myself really needed to be reconnected just to connect to another person. The obsession had told me that the connection with a girl was the most important but now I feel that connection to myself is the singlemost important connection in my life. Its all so strange how that works out!
Hm Justin, interesting question. I am sure I would spend any time with her even if there was no sex. But still, I don’t want to be obsessed with her. You truly capture it – I should just move on and find someone who does not let me down when I’m in fear, and who does not let me be obsessed with her, but someone who really lifts me up and makes me be the best that I can, all the time.
Manny, I am really interested about your commitment to get to know yourself better. I think that’s a key point. How did you do that? How did you connect with your self? Because I truly believe, you cannot connect to anyone if you’re not completely yourself, if you’re not connected to your inner self. Amazing words bro!
lol, obession thats was one of the key problems ive had in the past. i see a girl that im attracted too and i would just lose it. dream about her, going on dates with her, grow up have kids you name it, i thought it. lol.
In all my relationships i was obsessed with the girl i was with. i can think back all the way to elementry when i would do nothing in class but write notes to the girl in my class. lol. and when we finally had time to talk, i would not even open my mouth because i was so shy around her. lol and this has haunted me even till now. im still shy around girls that i am attracted too. idk why it is part of my personality which i grown to love and hate at the same time.
fast forward to when i had my very first highschool sweetheart. i thought that i found true love right then and there and i thought we would be together forever. but the thing is i wasnt happy with myself and who i was as a person. and that kind of negativity affected our relationship. It took me 2 years just too get over her, and i went into another relationship which made it even worse. now i feel bad because i ruined someone elses life because of what somebody else did to me. And she was obessed over me which at first i liked but as time went on it was a real turn off. im not happy for what ive done but these past couple of months ive been learning to forgive myself. thats one of my first steps.
Justin, so your saying that tom being a psycho criminal is the same as a black person being black? You’re crazy dogg!
Justin is a psycho man. He’s out of his mind man. Justin is just like tom. Justin and tom need to be locked up together and beaten simultaneously.
Notice how all of our stories of obsession involve losing yourself? I really think Manny was on to something with his post how to not lose yourself.
Hahah that’s hilarious. Creepin women out like it’s your job!
I don’t know. I think the only path to true greatness, being the best, in any particular skill or job is to be obsessed with it. But you have to channel it in the right way: become obsessed with going out and meeting people versus obsessed with just reading about meeting people. Being obsessed isnt so bad.
@davidwygant,, don’t feel bad. The pathetic display that my Bengals put on yesterday only showed the world that they really DIDN’T deserve to be there, and it was just the result of an easy schedule. ,, what a sad display. Since they only lost to Houston by one point last time around, I really thought they could pull it off.
Oh well,, maybe next year.
Also on topic to the video, no I don’t like myself, not pitying myself, not being a complainer, just honest.
and I need Maybell to like me, to want me to be her lover, otherwise what’s my purpose in life? if I can’t get the things I want and have been working hard for then my life is a waste and I’m wasting my time. my dreams need to come true in order for me to be happy, if not then I’m living for nothing. doesn’t matter how many woman I date, I don’t like them, I don’t love them like my high school sweetheart Maybell. what drives me crazy is that she is living a great life now and I’m not, she’s one part of my dreams, and my dreams are impossible so I’m stuck, not happy, and depressed until they come true, and if they never come true then I’m going to remain like this forever.
@tom, dont be needy man. when you are you are giving your power away. and when you do that nobody will want to be with you. trust me i have a problem coming off as needy and im still alone. and also what are your dreams? i didnt see you goals on the 2012 blog. so what do you want? is it just maybell or do you have more?
also i was doing some observation in the mall and i saw these 2 asain girls working at a chinese restraint. For some reason i couldnt find anything that i could use to open them up. they just look plain and bored and looked like they didnt want to be bothered. that was the kind of energy i got from them. idk how would ya’ll, yes “ya’ll”, im from TN. lol would open them?
David,
You should do a write up about ‘Friendzone Johnny’ that just hit Reddit’s front page. Instant meme.
Original post: http://imgur.com/WucVc
New Meme: http://www.quickmeme.com/Friendzone-Johnny/?upcoming
Would love to hear your thoughts.
WOW….. Thats my first thought when reading through everyones comments. My second thought was more of admiration for DW and all of the interns for continuing to try and help when its obvious that people are not really listening and just doing their own things anyway. With this, I have two thoughts that I want to throw out there for people to think about. First of all, as DW has said before, we all need to first work on ourselves and this will inturn be attractive to everyone else. Second, it is never too late to turn over a new leaf and become a different person!!!! You dont need a new year to do that but instead to just make up your mind to do it.
Anyway, now to address some particular topics:
@Tom , man my heart just bleads for you and wish there was something that I could say or do to help you. You really do need to look at yourself differently (a good start might be to change your picture) and when you do other people will follow and look at you differently as well. As for the girl, if you really do care for her, do not put that kind of burden on her as your only reason for living. We all need to find our own reasons and making someone else our reason is not fair to either them or yourself.
@Sandra H. I know that you are not going to see it right now, but loosing that guy is the best thing that has happened to you and her is why. If this guy is not faithful to his wife and kids and has an affair, is this the person that you really want to spend the rest of your life with? If he cheated on his wife then he will cheat on you too. Hold your head and standards up and this new confidence will be your new attraction calling card.
@Tom Hatter You know, all it really takes is a very small and insecure person to knock someone down. Why dont you try a different approach and look at a person for who they are both in a positive light and in otherways that you might be able to help them. Heck, maybe by helping someone you might even help yourself????
@Joe E. Ok, you just observed something that you can use to connect with the two Asian girls which is that they are really cold, bored and dont want to be bothered. First of all, people in restaurants pretty much get dumped on and treated as second class citizens from the rest of society while they are at work. Think about it…. everyone expects to be waited on and treated like kings while they are getting served. Be different, go up to them confidently and start to joke with them about really anything including how bored they look. In this, I would also connect with them similar to one of their co-workers or piers by mentioning something about their work and how bad they look. The key is to frame it in a joke that they can laugh at and does not degrade them at all. Now as for the “energy”, treat it like a game and dont be soo concerned with it. Personally, I really like this time because it is soo easy to break into their world and change their energy. Furthermore only confident guys will even try to which further increases your chances. As a last thing that I am going to leave you pondering about, if they are that bored and disgusted at work, if you say something…. anything while they are there that breaks up their dreary day in a positive way, what do you think they will be thinking and talking to each other about for the rest of the day?????????
@David
Great video, you were funny but hit on some great points! In that situation, I wouldn’t be standing there for that long. It would feel too awkward for me. Maybe a few minutes trying to think of something to say before I moved on if I couldn’t come up with something. Thinking about it though, I would of asked them what they thought of you hanging out by the pole looking at them…LOL
When holiday break had started i became very disappointed becausei had stumbled over somthing very important. I was disappointed because i fet hat having lots of peopl around was the driving component to defining me. That sentence seemsvery counter intuitive. Shouldnt i be able to go in isolation so i can connect with myself? The wierd thing wih defining and reconnnecting with my lost self was the fact it was the most affective when interacting with other people. Not because i needed te social asect to makeme happy but because it was my actions with those people that helped me reconnect with me. I didnt try to push myself tobe social but rathr to keep my integrity during interactions and to always speak my mind speaking with others without fear of ridicule or such. The people around me saw that as attractive, both men and woman. I felt that if at some point that my interaction with a person is designed for them to specifically like me then I would have very little to say to that person in the long run because all the things i have said to tha person upto that point was a lie. Telling the truth meant having better conversations in the future and the truth meant saying how i felt. How i felt meant reconnecting with myself. I’m just hoping now that my long Christmas break did not make me rusty to that wonderful new old-ethos of mine of reconnecting to myself. I say old ethos because this is the way i used to be. I used to be the guy who was connected foremost to my own self!
Markus, thats not to say that reconnecting wth oneself only happens through other people. I would say that i have added several hobbies to my life. These things i used to do long ago but had decided to let go then because my Weakling self somehow was able to justify it. BTW, intern dan had recommended to me a book called King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover by Robert L Moore quite while back. I highly recommend that you read it too. i borrowed Accessing the Lover through my library…get it! These books will help you reconnect with your true masculine self.
All I can say is… Go Patriots!
They will bow before the wrath of Tebow!
-Tebow. 3:16
Manny
I agree everyone must find his own way of connecting to his inner self. I always thought mine to be via other people, but finally figured, that this drives me farther away from me and doesn’t truly make me happy. I have always been a solitary man, and I think a way of connecting to myself is learning to trust myself first, and then re-learning I trust other people again.
Pretty deep stuff, eh? But this is what all is about once everything is taken away from a man. We all need to know how to take care of ourselves. And connecting & having fun with others, not abusing them by taking their energy.
It’s a hard path.
@Joe E.
Listen to Mark R., Joe. He has the right idea. Even a simple, “Hi, how are you” with a genuine smile will brighten up their day. And when they ask if you’re going to order something, and you say no and that they looked bored, and you wanted to say hello, they’ll thank you for it.
“There is a girl one of my social group that I have notes what a great person she is. I am not going to obsess over her. I am going to let her know how I feel.”
That is what I said the other week. Just to let you all know we hook up last weekend. She is a great girl, I will be catch up with her again. I am just playing it cool and let’s see there this goes.
I once worked with a woman that I almost became obsessed with. I say “almost” because I didn’t like what I was feeling, and I didn’t like the fact that I was letting it control me. So whenever I would get caught up in thinking about her, I would divert my thoughts.
Her and I would occasionally go out to lunch together or go have a coffee. One day over lunch I asked her if she could ever date a guy like me, and she replied that she made it a personal policy not to date men she worked with. This was during a time when I was becoming a little bored where I was working, and the only real thing I had to look forward to was seeing her every day. I knew it wasn’t healthy, so shortly afterward, when a new career opportunity arrived at another company, I took it. But one of the real reasons I went was because I wanted to put some distance between her and I, get into a new environment and regain control over my own feelings.
Well, after about a year at the “new” place, I invited her as my date to an exclusive company party. That’s when she told me that she already knew about the party, and that she would be attending it with her BOYFRIEND (insert heavy sinking feeling here). It was an exclusive party, so she must be hooked up with someone I work with at the new company. GAH!! But who was this guy? I would just have to attend the party in a few days to find out. Sure enough, there they were, walking into the party hand-in-hand, fingers interlaced; his hand where my hand should have been. Being as ever cool as I am, all I could do was smile and nod, and make small conversation with them. Needless to say, I didn’t last long at the party and had to leave to go do something more important like punch a hole in a concrete wall or something. UGH!
He and I work in separate buildings, and I’ll only run into him on occasion, but for a while there, everytime I ran into him, it only reminded me of her, and what a major backfire it was to go work there. And him with that fucking smirk on his face only telegraphed to me that they were still going strong.
But eight years can fade away an obsession. It certainly has with me, and in its place a callous has formed. I no longer give a shit. I saw her in a recent interview on YouTube and I felt nothing. I see her boyfriend in the halls once in a while, but now I’m the one with the smirk on my face. I’ve come to realize that I was more obsessed with my own imagination of what could have been between her and I.
Guys , I need a help . I m 16.
I can easily approach any girl anywhere and I dont have any type or “fear” BUT …there is a girl with whom I choke everytime I try to talk ! Few months back, we were talkin and she gave me her number ..then we started talking over texts ! and one day she told me that she has a crush on me . but i was such a coward i never went to have a chat with her ! even now we usually have a good time but over phone .! thats not enough ..nobody can kiss a girl over phone !thats lame ! ..
hey @DAVID I need the help ..please tell some tricks to get myself out of such type of a obsession !