It’s nobody’s business what you do with your lover. It’s nobody’s business how often you see them or how often you want to see them. You don’t need to justify it to anyone.
People will try to tell you there are certain “rules” about how, when and how often you should see your lover. They may say “So long as you don’t see your lover on Friday night AND Saturday night, then everything is fine” or “Never spend a whole weekend with your lover” or “If you see each other Saturday night, make sure you have them home Sunday night before the stroke of midnight, otherwise you’re spend too much time with them over the weekend.”
Really, this is pretty ridiculous. There are no rules about this.
Spend as much time with somebody as you want to spend with them. Spend whatever amount of time feels right and good to you, because life is about embracing your lover and the time you have with them.
The key here is that your sex life and the time you spend with a lover needs to be justified to no one. If you choose to spend seven days a week with your lover and still want more, then that is the best feeling in the world.
You want to have that feeling. You want to have that sensation. You want to enjoy someone that much in every which way . . . and no one should ever judge you for that. There are no rules that you need to follow about this.
So go ahead and spend as much time with your lover as you want. Be spontaneous about it.
If for example you are seeing a man and you are absolutely in love with him (or just absolutely love being with him) and you are on the phone with him at 11:00 pm, invite him over! Say “Hey, I would much rather be snuggling in bed with you right now than snuggling with the telephone.”
It’s nice to miss someone. If you have an inclination to see someone, embrace that and be spontaneous. Being spontaneous with your lover is the best feeling in the world.
So, don’t live by other’s rules, especially when it comes to you and your lover. When it comes down to you and your lover, everything that you do is private.
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You have to know what makes you happy regardless of what others including your partner thinks. You have to live your life in a way that makes you happy anything else is just not worth it. Then people can accept it or not. When you know yourself and are content with yourself, you really don’t care what others think about you. The only who needs to validate me is myself.
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I just came across this blog this week, and this was interesting to me. I just ended things with someone I was dating after a couple dates because he had a lot of these “rules” – must sleep together by third date, must see each other this many agreed-upon times a week, etc., and constantly mentioned his friends in a way that made it clear he was running all these things by them and they were providing “input”. It felt very odd and there didn;t seem to be much interest in doing things when the time felt right to do them. When I ended things, he felt it proved his theories, because I hadn’t followed the schedule and therefore that was a sign that things weren;t right, when in fact, the schedule and lack of connection to each other WAS the problem.
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Seeking validations from others is not the way to go! Back a couple of years ago I fell in this trap and today I am glad that I am away from that influence. Now that I got my head on straight those validations only prove to be as false as Satan being the head of God. What do they know anyway do they really know the person you are dating. If a person can not make their own mind about a relationship then they need to be alone awhile and think it over. Friends can lead you astray especially if the person you are listening to has plans for the both of you and your guy has to be in the way of those plans.
Really I just wonder what my female friend would do if I were to meet someone of the opposite sex and have a relationship with them. No one is going to tell me who I can or can not sleep with if I want to sleep with a dozen of married men and a dozen of guys that is my business. They can but out as far as I am concerned. Hey when it comes to deciding pussy over cock which do you think I will choose cock over pussy. The pussy has to go…..PERIOD!!!!!
Sorry to be so common….But these people need to grow up they are not dating or married to their parent. Matter of fact I have two of those one daddy and one momma. Don’t need someone else to play that part.
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Like I have been told:
The day homosexuals can explain to me how come God did not create Adam and Steve then maybe I might give it some thought. But I still believe in Adam and Eve boy o boy I love my ADAMS! Eve and Genieva can go and find someone else to play with while Adam and Steve can stay.
Today you have to watch what the sexes say about those people are seeing for if they put down the opposite sex to much or the person you are with…you need to ask them is there something you are not telling me or you just don’t like the opposite sex. Like I heard the blacks say: You don’t know me like that!…..And they say it in a way that you better leave it alone.
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If spending time with your lover negatively impacts your life, you may need to spend less time with them. Chances are, however, only you know if it is negatively impacting you.
Don’t give up who you are to be with them. I don’t think you’d do this David, but I know plenty of people do, and I have at times myself.
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Kelly–this seems like a good call. He probably would have had just as many rules for you in every other aspect of the relationship!
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Ooh, Kelly – sounds like you were dating by committee but didn’t get a vote in the matter yourself! Pee-yew! And some say that only women have foolish rules and talk to their girlfriends about “personal” things that should be just between the two of them. Clearly, he needed their validation more than he needed yours. And fortunately, you needed only a visible pattern to be revealed in order to see it and flee it!
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Kelly
Sounds like to me if he had a choice in the matter. He would prefer a male over a woman. That stinks!!!! Me if I had a chance to sleep with a guy and I have this noisy female telling me that I would ruin my reputation for doing so. I would be making plans for that woman to be history.
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Oh by the way I have not spoke to that female friend going on three years. I asked her once why she was talking bad about the relationship and she said: I was doing that so you would stay away from him. It makes me wonder what kind of woman she was in today’s society people have to watch things like that. Guess what I still hang around this guy and will do whatever the fuck I want nobody is going to tell me who I can and can not sleep with. Since when did they control my pussy.
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Kelly,
I’m glad you saw the warning signs early. I’ve been reading “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch and it’s a very good book.
In there, he talks about how a lot of our expectations… or our (mis)understanding of what intimacy is… creates the problems we have in our relationships.
To me, your ex b/f just had that… lots of misconceptions of what’s right in a relationship. What’s interesting is that he sounds a bit insecure to me. He finds comfort in knowing where everything stands… it’s almost like a control freak
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Sandra, if god felt your way about creating people he would have left out the attraction between man and man. Instead, he chose to leave it in to test hypocrites like you to see if you are really paying attention to the message of love everyone. You are not in a position to judge other people no matter how tempting it is to think you are right.
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Mike
You are right but I believe I will let my God decide whether or not I am hypocritical. We all live and learn that is why we can be forgiven. In my case scenario I gave up on that years ago. I hope we are still friends hate to loose a pal like you.
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