Be A Fearless Kid Again!
January 27, 2009 
27 Comments
Remember when you were a little kid, and whenever you were afraid of anything you had a superhero to bail you out? Who can forget “Have no fear, Underdog is here!” What about if you had a bad dream? All you had to do was run into your parents’ room, and they would make everything scary go away.
Remember how long the days used to be when you were a kid? Remember how long summer vacation lasted? Do you remember how slowly the school year would go? First grade took forever. High school felt like an eternity. It seemed like every year was as long as a dog year.
Things are so easy in grammar school. You go to school. You come home. Then you do crazy things with your friends.
Did you ever take a box you got from the supermarket, draw some headlights and a license plate on it, and then go for the ride of your life in it down the stairs? Sometimes you’d make it all the way down, while other times you would land on your head.
Do you remember going skateboarding from the top of a hill with a leaf pile down below? You start down, you pick up speed, and then all of a sudden as you’re getting close to the bottom you decide it would be fun to jump into the leaf pile (sometimes missing it entirely)? You’d get all bruised and a little bloody . . . then you’d do it again because you had no fear.
I remember as a kid go sledding (or sleigh riding as we called it) on those plastic blue sleds down this huge hill. Now in New York, whenever it snowed it would also always rain making the snow quite slick.
So one day I went sleigh riding with my brother and sister behind my house on Winged Foot Golf Course in Scarsdale. At the time, my brother was probably six years old, my sister was eight and I was thirteen. We got to the top of the hill, got on our plastic sleds, and then we all started down the hill.
Due to the icy conditions, we were all headed in different directions. I headed in the direction I was supposed to go because I weighed the most. My sister started doing continuous 360′s down the hill, while my brother headed directly for the brook. My sister ended up about 25 yards from me, dizzy and confused.
My brother, meanwhile, was nowhere in site. So I headed to the brook, where I found my brother about 12 feet from his sled laying face down on the ice.
I thought I had killed my brother . . . and boy was my Mother going to be mad at me for that! Forgetting to take out the garbage was one thing, but killing your brother on a February day can’t be good.
I kept screaming his name “Little guy! Little guy!!” Finally he lifted one side of his cheek off the ice. It was quite red. As I pulled him up, he looked at me with tears running down his cheeks and he said to me “Can we do that again?”
What happened to that fearless little kid in all of us?
It’s already the end of January. Your New Year’s goals are probably broken by now. A lot of you have emailed me about coaching. Some of you are going through with it. Some of you are using all sorts of excuses . . . from lack of money, lack of time, too busy with kids to whatever.
I learned a long, long time ago, though, that the number one excuse behind which people hide is fear. Everybody who contacts me about coaching can afford it. There are coaching programs for EVERY budget. This blog, however, is not about getting you to work with me. That’s your choice.
What this is about is the excuses you make to stay hidden behind your fears. Time is ticking by. The days are shorter. The months are shorter. You don’t have long summer vacations anymore. We’re full of obligations. It seems like years go by in months, and all we’re doing is getting older . . . but sometimes not getting wiser.
You’re an adult. So, really, what is going to change unless you acknowledge your fears? Nothing is going to change unless you do something about them.
Learning the skill of meeting people is no different than losing weight. I’m sure you’ve tried miracle diets that promise instant results, but in the end you end up putting all the weight back on. There are NO shortcuts . . . and it’s time you admit that you can’t do this alone.
It’s funny. Have you ever seen the movie “Defending Your life,” where the lead character played by Albert Brooks finally realizes his life lesson was that he was cheap with himself? What’s the point of making money unless you can invest it in the most important thing – yourself.
As kids, we are fearless. As adults, we live behind our fears. The difference is that as adults, we have the means to work with people to help us eliminate our fears.
We spend money on clothes, expensive vacation and cars – all external things. So you can afford to go to the Bahamas for a week, but when you get there and see a woman (or man) to whom you’re attracted you are still the same fearful person you are at home.
Nothing will change unless you start changing things about yourself. Fear is the number one reason and the number one excuse why people don’t try something new.
I get this question all the time from people: “What if I work with you, you coach me, and it doesn’t work?” My response is always the same: “With that attitude, we might as well not try.” I tell people this because I know that my coaching and my products work . . . as long as the person makes the commitment to themselves and are willing to become that fearless child again.
Think back in your life. What was your sleigh riding moment as a kid? How did you feel being totally fearless?
Now think about your current social life and what you’re not accomplishing. Think about your fears and excuses. How would you rather be?
Would you rather be an adult having fun like a fearless kid, or would you rather hide behind your fears and not connect with the people you most desire. When was the last time you did something fearless without expecting a result?
If you’re a man, when was the last time you approached a woman to whom you’re most attracted in a natural way without worrying about the outcome, i.e., without worrying about whether or not that person was interested in you? When was the last time you just enjoyed the moment without the drunken scared monkey in your head trying to out think the whole interaction?
If you’re a woman, when is the last time you fearlessly approached a man? When is the last time you flirted and had fun without caring whether he likes you or not?
The point of life is not to make money, buy material things, live in a great house . . . and to be lonely. The point of life is to create amazing connections and memories.
I have worked with a lot of lonely wealthy people. Their fears are no different than people who aren’t wealthy. Their loneliness is no different. Their excuses are no different.
Money does not buy happiness. The only thing that buys happiness is having no fear and being able to connect with someone. Men and women both have the same goal: to meet a member of the opposite sex, to fall in love, and to find someone with whom to share memories.
The only thing preventing men and women from getting together are the fears that each of them have. It’s time you eliminate those fears and self-doubts, and live like the fearless five year-old who has a gusto for life and embraces life as a new journey.
That’s how I live my life every day. That’s what I teach when I coach and in all my products. If you want to go sleigh riding with me, I’m here.
Great blog!!
David, when are you planning on doing Chicago bootcamp?
I know you scheduled one last year but canceled it.
Hey David
I tried to look for u on the chat but I must have missed u last night.
Now to the blog:
I remember the things I did as a child with my youngest brother. Now he is deceased and life must go on until we meet again. Have u ever tried to slide down the stairs on ur butt. I have. Or play with the old Tonka toy Volkswagens and raise my brother and watch him get his head stuck in the banister while looking for it on the bottom of the step. Or watch my dad play tight rope walker on a 2×6 and falling down the steps and my mom sick as a dog come running out of the bedroom. My dad was ok but a little bruised. Those were the good ole days back in the sixties and seventies. Today my theory is this: Way not give it a try at least don’t worry about the outcome just as long as the two of u are speaking to one another without arguing. When u sit back and whimper about it all it is going to do is bring back the memories and who knows if the other person is even giving it a second thought. Only person that can help you is either God or you. Life is what u make of it.
Pardon me: Correction
Or play with old Tonka toy Volkswagens and watch my brother.
Oh one more b 4 I go c this dentist and get this tooth pulled.
If I can spend at least 15 to 20 minutes with my baby that means more to me than not spending time with him at all.
I might be resting this evening if u don’t hear from me when the novicaine wears off I am miserable but I should be back shortly either on the blog or in the community.
Great job David keep up the good work.
I had a friend in one of the many cities I grew up in who took his sled out to a big hill that dropped into a schoolyard at the end. He dragged his sled up the hill, got into position and aimed himself down the hill. He also had the great idea to go head first, to amp up the adrenaline rush.
He pushed his sled into gear and rocketed down the hill.
… and slammed right into a goal post, head first, at fifteen miles an hour. He had to stay in a hospital for two months and was never the same after wards.
Some of us who have fears blocking us, feel that this is what is going to happen to us when we be a kid again and slide down that mountain.
Some fears are not as easy as giving yourself the one, two, three, huzzah!! cheer and plunging head first into new territory.
Some of us have been working on our fears for a long time and as an adult, we do enjoy the moments of feeling like a kid, but now we have the wisdom to check for goal posts before we get on our sled.
Age brings us something that kids never get. We know the value of time and while some of us may pine for the days of slurpees and sleds, there are others who feel much more alive and way less emotionally out of control than we did as a kid.
Mike
I have another example of how fear is different as an adult.
When I was 23, I flew home to Canada to go to my brother’s college graduation. On the way out, there was a severe thunderstorm and the plane I was on, was the second to last one to leave before they cancelled all the flights.
Up to that point I had never been a nervous flyer. I had loved it.
But about twenty minutes into takeoff, a powerful gust of wind, knocked the plane down about a thousand feet in a matter of seconds. This was enough to trigger EXTREME panic in everyone on board, including the flight attendants. I, of course, had a brief flash of my life in my eyes, thinking I was about to be another aviation casualty statistic.
Well, we were fine and the plane made it back to LA without delay. But that single, powerful event was enough to trigger fear responses in me for seven years!! I would do everything in my power to not have to fly again and when I did I was a complete nervous wreck, emotionally, spiritually, everything would fall apart on me.
And flying is easily one of the safest ways to travel in the whole world, so why was I still afraid?
Because the sense memory of the event was so powerful, that my rational, in the present mind, could not cope with thinking about what would happen if something that frightening happened again. I had everyone tell me that I should just go try it again and see that it was not all that bad.
It took me seven years to be able to feel comfortable flying again. Now, I am totally fine. But my instincts, the ones that guide is into fear, especially when our brain is the one causing the fear, would not let me move forward until I had learned how to make myself more comfortable on a plane. This wasn’t just me telling myself everything was going to be okay. It was more like I had to study every facet of flying I could get my hands on just to understand the whole show up in the sky. I learned how pilots think. I learned what causes accidents. I learned what the common injuries for flights are. I had to do all of this just to get back on a plane again without my energy going haywire on me in an uncontrolable way.
Now I fly with the knowledge that I did all I could to understand it before I got on the plane and I have a blast with it, mostly just listening to music and watching the world pass by below me. The view from a plane never gets boring for me and makes me feel like a kid again.
And now I am facing my fears about connecting with a partner, and the same process is going on again for me. But this fear is worse, this fear is one that sounds like the word fear, acts like the word fear, but doesn’t repsond to just a leap of faith over the side of a mountain hoping I won’t hit anything.
The problem this time is, I don’t remember what it was like to be a kid before the sledding accident. I always knew that I could fly without fear again because I had done it before.
The way I feel about meeting people for partner connections, feels different, and I am still working on udnerstanding it.
Mike
Mike,
look back to how you resolved the airplane fear, this very powerful empowerment though knowledge to overcome your fear of flying might just be the way you over come fears and now your connections fear. “Attack” the the same way you dealt with the Airplane fear. It’s more the way of thinking that lead you out of that fear. Use the same way of thinking with the fear of partner connection. Study, understand which is why you are here in forums like this.
It was more like I had to study every facet of being with a partner before I could get my hands on just to understand the whole show with another person. I learned how women think. I learned what causes failed partner connections. I learned what happens to me when partner connections fail. I had to do all of this just to get back in a partner connections again without my energy going haywire on me in an uncontrolable way.
Your brain is amazing, with your overcoming your fear of flying you have already created a pattern of positive thinking with how you deal with fears in general. It’s fine everyone tells you just do it but if you are not ready it does not work, that does not mean you should just be complacent but that you should first work on it in your own way.
So why don’t you give it a try with the same approach as with the airplane. Break it up in
I learned how women think.
I learned what causes failed partner connections.
I learned what happens to me when partner connections fail
Approach them with the same “boyish” curiosity as with the air plane incident with no judgement and just pure oberservations as kid would do. Write everything down and how you react to them, work with them/visualize them and then let them go, the more you do that the less important they become, you are actually practicing at home with yourself. Try the sedona method it’s quite good for letting go.
Cool I made her squirt, sorry can only be so serious in one moment.
I think I know what I am saying, this just came out so fast hope I make a little sense, just a suggestion you already seem to have found out yourself how you overcome fears. I not a good writer thought come to me so fast and then I have hard time getting them out.
Marina
Mike
I have not lost it it’s odd, so just as I told you to try to look up the sedona method I got this email from them about guess what The Essential Laws of Fearless Living this is actually a book they recommend, which they normally don’t do a lot of.
Also today I emailed this group that meets nearby for young widow/widowers with kids and guess what it was started on my birthday. So with the inner kid in me that never left med never needed to find it is looking at all this with curious and open eyes.
Is M-mike the same one as Imovie-mike
Have a great night.
Marina,
Thank you. Very good advice. I’m going to look into the Sedona Method. I know I am on the right path, that’s why I gave my airplane method and that’s why I have been fortunate enough to find a place like this and a coach like David.
yes I am the M mike and the a.movie mike. I changed from M because someone else snuck on and used that for a post. I like to be original.
Sometimes the most confusing parts about us are the ones that we won’t let go of.
take care,
Mike
Mike
more details about the ones that we wont’ let go of…Been patient here you said if you stick around enough you will give more info, can’t just be the airplane thing..See you paid attention to have her seek you out..
So are you on the other side too..
have a great night everyone.
Marina,
I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. But it’s not a surprise unless you leave it until the end of the story. Otherwise its just a cheap thrill in the middle. There’s some movie magic for you, from a screenwriter.
Mike
if it’s going to be a cliffhanger it better be damn good… MarinaTheMovieCritique
Mike at the speed you are getting to the end….starting to think you write European movies…very slooow..grew up with themmmmm (sound a sleep by now).
MarinaTheMovieCritique
This blog made me feel a pleasant sort of nostalgia
I am back but I have to go back in Feb. I better enjoy food while I can.
I was told age brings wisdom. To go back knowing what I know today would be an experience but what would I change. Fears can be brought from the unknown. Sometimes we have to look out at the ocean of life and wonder are we going to sink or float. But there are those who like to take the plunge and see where it goes.
If I had more fear I wouldn’t have ended up in the ER 4 times in the last 5 years.
Bike crash, motorcycle crash, broken bone, and the bends after SCUBA diving. It all makes for great stories, so I suppose it was all worth it. 
I’ve always told myself if I’m making a decision based on fear, it is almost always the wrong decision.
Faint heart never won fair lady. Great blog btw
Adam – perhaps you should add any decision based on a dare or a death wish or a feeling of invincibility. Do you have a “thing” for nurses or doctors? Or hyperbaric chambers? Just checking…
Mike – I used to be afraid of flying – until I learned all kinds of disgusting statistics about aborted take-offs and landings, pilot error, and other flight safety issues and instead of freaking me out, it actually relieved me of all flight stress. Geez, who knew? The only thing I was afraid of after 9/11 was the nuts in the airports trying to “test” the TSA guys like it was their job.
Feeling like a kid? I loved to climb trees and it made my parents crazy but at least they knew where I was because the family dog was always parked at the foot of the tree, patiently waiting. Dogs make me think of that – especially the big slobbery variety. Maybe a Scooby-Doo? Or stepping out into the actual vista of Machu Picchu and the view just exploded in front of me – breathtaking, no matter how many times I had seen it in photos and movies and documentaries. Nothing can prepare you for that first look in person – and I do not exactly come from a family of adventurers…far from it. But my curiosity overwhelmed my fear. Every day should be like that.
Marina
Are the only women on David Wygant’s Community site? I am beginning to wonder.
Marina,
I love European movies! I love good stories. And mine is a gold mine, I just have to think about how I want to tell it. And I have to trust myself enough to say it.
All in good time.
David, I’ve got a date for Saturday with a woman I met in a bookstore where I used one of your ideas to get a conversation started. Should be fun! Now, if I can just focus on the moment and not scream and run the first time I get a hint of being screened for “relationship material” I’ll be fine.
Mike
Mike
Good luck I hope it works out for u
Mike,
Great mike, Just have fun would you..you think too much, just enjoy it you screens you for “relationship material” or not.
We’re rooting for you, Mike! We know that you can do it!
I am still a kid looking for that superhero!
I love reading Spiderman or Superman or even Batman from time to time at my local bookstore. It’s a joy to revisit some of these superheroes.
The great thing about superheroes is that they can never really die. They’ll always be in your heart.
And as far as excuses…. there is no excuses. Life rewards action
a.movie/mike… you rock! very interesting stories. Have a great date! No expectations, no disapointments and smile, smile, smile. Enjoy!
I absolutely loved growning up… the sledding, ice skating, swimming, whipping the boy’s in basketball, investigating everywhere (especially where Mom said not to go). It was the best time ever ’cause we had no worries and no responsibilites.
As an adult, fear for me seems to come from any remote possiblity of being rejected. Not just sure where that comes from, but I don’t like to have it happen to me. Dating for me has been full of rejection and it feels like crap. Then I would take a break from it all, then jump right back in.
Being a kid sometimes keeps us from being grumpy old people. Ride a bike, make a sandcastle, fly a kite, skip stones across the lake, pick the legs off a fly. Whatever makes you feel like a kid again, (assuming you didn’t spend most of your formative years in Juvee Jail), re-live it once-in-a-while; it’s all good. It’s also fun to sit around with good friends and talk about the crazy things you did as a kid. Listening to their stories can bring back good memories of your own. We’ve been doing a lot of that this winter (it’s cold and hurty around here) and the laughter has been good medicine.
The secret just may be to laugh. Kids laugh all day every day, and adults laugh so infrequently. Understandable, maybe. Laugh anyway. Out loud!