Here is a question I answered at a recent bootcamp. This will give you an idea of how my bootcamps work!

Client: Let’s say you’re in a bar and your environment is somewhat limited. In this scene, I really can’t observe much to comment on.

I had trouble with that exercise yesterday – not so much coming up with something to talk about, but thinking that it might actually work – that it might generate enough interest to keep the conversation going. I always have major doubts in myself in terms of that, and in a bar, I can see that being a million times more difficult.

David: Yes, it’s magnified in a bar because there you have to manufacture a conversation. This is the reason that I don’t really like bars – you’re spending the entire time just trying to manufacture a conversation.

You have to be so quick in a bar to even open a woman. Khiem uses a certain thing in a bar when a woman bumps into him – he asks her what her name is. When she tells him, and says, “Alright, Judy, thanks, I just needed to know the name of the woman who was bruising me all night long!” He’ll just say something like that, being very playful, and just kind of push her away.

The reason why a lot of guys don’t like bars is because it is a limited environment and you really do have to manufacture things. The environment just doesn’t feel natural.

If I see a woman in a bar that is texting her friend, I might go up to her and say, “Would you stop texting me? I’m here! You can talk to me now!”

Or if I’m standing next to a woman and we’re both on our phones texting, I’ll say, “Let’s switch phones. Let’s text each other’s friends. It will be more fun that way!”

Or I’ll ask her for her name, and she’ll tell me that it’s Amy. “Hey Amy, let me borrow your phone for a second. Who am I texting?” She’ll tell me it’s her friend Susie. I’ll text: Hey Susie, it’s David, Amy’s new buddy. I decided to take over the texting tonight…

In a bar, you have to do things that are fun and playful – and that will work. You have to keep it light and playful the whole time. A lot of guys do that stupid opinion thing in a bar – “Who cheats more, men or women?” – but that’s the shit she’s heard a thousand times.

It’s much different when you say, “Listen, my buddy and I were debating this topic today….” Or “I read in the paper today about this… have you heard about it?”

Bring up something current rather than asking her opinion on something ridiculous and artificial. She’s heard all of that.

So even if the environment seems limited in a bar, you can bring things up in conversation from the rest of the world, which is unlimited. Doing this makes you look like you’re actually living in the day and not just manufacturing words and pick up lines.

I hate manufacturing conversations, so I don’t really like bars. You have to prepare yourself for the mindset of going out there and manufacturing conversation. But you also have to be fun and playful in a bar.

Client: So when you go up and do the “I read today in the paper” thing, do you think that in her head she’s immediately thinking that you’re hitting on her? Does she know that it’s just an opener?

I’ve said stuff like that before and had women ask me, “Is that really what you’re going to approach me with? Is that your best shot?”

David: In that case, I’d challenge her. I’d say, “So maybe it is – do you have anything better? If that was so bad, why don’t you coach me so that I’ll have a better chance of getting this right with the next woman I walk over to?” Say this with a smile on your face.

Challenging her in that situation is important.

Client: Yeah, I would have seen her reaction as a blow-off before yesterday and the work that we’ve done. I would have just given up and gone somewhere else.

David: No way, it’s not a blow-off. You just have to challenge her. What is she looking for in that situation? She’s not looking for some guy that is going to cave in. She’s looking for someone who will step up and challenge her.