When I was in my twenties, what made me really want to figure all of this stuff out?


What makes any of us want to figure something out? We want to improve our lives, of course, and ourselves, but for me it also came down to pure frustration.

I wasn’t bad with girls when I was younger – but I wasn’t great either. There were guys who were much better than me with women, and there were guys who were much worse.

It was in my twenties that I began to realize that I wanted the power to date whomever I wanted. I was kind of sick of just getting whatever came my direction. And don’t get me wrong – what came my direction certainly wasn’t bad – I just really wanted to have the choice.

In order to really do anything successfully in life, you need choice. You can’t spend your entire life taking exactly what comes to you.

I decided in my twenties that I was really going to use that time period to grow and figure things out for myself.

The crazy thing about your twenties – as I’m sure many of you reading this know – is that it’s really your most emotional time period as well. You feel like you should have it all figured out by now – that’s the biggest fallacy of your twenties. You feel bad because you don’t have all of your shit together, but in reality, no one does!

Your twenties is the most emotional time that you have – and you don’t know shit! Everything is still really new to you, and you don’t yet have the mindset to realize that you can totally fuck up and you’ll be okay.

So my twenties was just a series of those fuck ups. Using trial and error, I really learned what worked and what didn’t work for me. I always joke about this, but I wish I would have known myself now when I was in my twenties, because then I would have saved myself like five years of fumbling around!

In my twenties, my goal was to become better with women, and I was going to do that at whatever cost – and I still had fuck ups! But I really just wanted to have that choice, the ability to go date whomever I wanted, and I wanted to enjoy myself.

Back then (and still) I didn’t want to have any regrets about my life. I tell everyone this – the day you get married is the day you had better have gotten everything out of your system! If you didn’t, you’re going to have regrets. And with regrets, you’re going to have to go out and do it again. And again, and again.

If you think about it, pretty much everyone’s goal in life is to find somebody to love. That’s what we really all want. We all want to be loved, and we want to love someone.

We may not want it right now in this moment, but eventually we all want that end result of a great relationship.

You have to take that time in your twenties to really get to know yourself. I spent a lot of time in my twenties journaling, writing things down and figuring things out. I spent a lot of that time period just trying to figure out life. And in my twenties, it was really important for me to do that work.