r-PERFORMANCE-ANXIETY-large570Dear David,

Ever since I was a 10 I’ve wanted true love. When I was in my teens, I started buying programs on dating and sex, and I also started following you and have steadily gotten better with women (I’ve been with 23 women now, and I could have been with more but I’ve had performance anxiety). Sadly, though, I still haven’t found true love. Will it help if I was an Alpha male? (I’m not sure if I am.)

. . .

You bought a lot of theory stuff.

You bought a lot of mental stuff.

And you still think about being an “alpha male”.

But here’s the deal: Not everybody is an alpha male.

You need to get that alpha male shit out of your head.

You need to start thinking of becoming the most powerful version of you.

Not all women are craving alpha males.

Women are craving men that are powerful, strong, confident, and in love with themselves.

You clearly lack that self love and it shows.

You’ve slept with 23 girls and you’ve kept count.

Seven that you could have had due to performance anxiety.

What I see from your mind set in the way you write, is that you don’t look at that–or anything else–as a win.  You’re constantly looking at life the way you want it to be.

Ever since you were 10, you wanted a loving relationship, that’s your fantasy, that’s your story that you’ve created.  And in that story that you’ve created, you won’t be satisfied unless you get it.

You clearly are not seeing the way your life is.

The only guys I know that are 23 would be thrilled to have slept with 23 women.

The only guys that I know at the age of 40 would have been thrilled to have slept with 23 women.

Performance anxiety happens to everybody, it’s happened to me as well.  You get in your head a little bit, you’re not comfortable, you’re in a situation trying to have sex, nothing feels right, you’d rather have an authentic connection, but yet you know this connection is based on manipulation.

Of course, you’re going to being a real person, being a real man, of course you’re going to have performance anxiety because you know you’re not being authentic at the moment, you’re not being real and you’re never going to see her again.

The real you, this is what you need to do.  You need to write down a list of the 10 most beautiful, amazing things about you.

In that list, you need to look at it and see how beautiful and amazing you really are.

Then you need to read that list every single every over the course of 30 days.

You need to also work on your listening skills, because a true man listens to what women are thinking, you’re beta thinking.  You’re so caught up in terms from reading too much pick-up terminology.  You’re only boring because you’re not listening.

You’re e-mail was not boring. In short, you’re not a boring person.  The problem is you’re not listening to them.  You’re not really having fun because you’re constantly thinking about the outcome.

There’s a subconscious outcome that’s going through you.  That subconscious outcome is that 10-year-old boy who wants to be in love and have that special relationship.

Energetic and fun people listen in the moment and realize the only way to make a moment more powerful and more connecting it to stay 100% present.

Write down your list, stay present in conversations, realize what a wonderful man you really are, and trust me: you’ll get everything you want from life and more.

Have fun.