I’ve written about this many times.

Women that get online.

Get contacted by a man who lives somewhere else.

And then fall in love with the idea of the man.

The problem is…

The man is usually married.

I got a great e-mail today from Maria. And I want to help Maria understand that she is wasting her time.

Dear David,

I’ve a question if you can advise me please. I’m a divorced woman without a relationship for many years.

I’m talking to the man on WhatsApp and I have first of all found a very deep spiritual connection with him and I ended up starting a conversation with him.

I never met him. He is living in another country not far from my country but I’m planning to visit his country. He’s always asking me if I will finally visit him and to do it as soon as our connection is so deep. I feel the same but I have some many fears. I’m afraid of myself.

Sometimes I’m thinking not even to meet him. Just to avoid any hurts. I’m a very sensitive and emotional person and very passionate. For me it’s not important only the physical attraction, in this case, it started exactly as I wanted it. We connected spiritually.

He is married.

To go and meet him make love to have romantic walks and trips and then what?

He’s not available.

To meet him and make love time to time is difficult as he lives in another country.

So is it worth it to start something that I know won’t work out?

That is my question. Besides that I have a conflict about why he came in my life. With all the flow, but learn how to say no to my other issues. Why attractive men are not available. Big conflict.

Thank you, for your precious time to read my message.


Maria, you are a beautiful soul. When a man is married ,they usually go online to have emotional affairs with women that live elsewhere. It’s something that a lot of women don’t realize, that when men are flirting they are seeking the emotional affair first before the physical affair.

I know when I was ever flirting in a relationship, I’d always seek the emotional companionship of a woman if I wasn’t getting it at home. And that’s what men do.

My advice to you is to never go and meet him. It’s going to be a waste of time. You’re speculating and telling stories. You can fall in love with him, great. So go fall in love with him and get hurt, because you are just going to be the other woman.

But the big thing that she wrote about here, which is really true, is her own issue. Why she attracts men who are not available. I can’t answer that at all. I don’t know you personally. And I’m not going to serve you with some random answer based on an e-mail.

I tell people all the time that I just can’t give a random answer and just hope and pray that it’s the right answer because that would be me doing my job of caring and helping tender souls like Maria and all the rest of you.

The reason why women and men tend to attract people who are emotionally unavailable is because they haven’t done the work on themselves yet. They feel like they don’t deserve something spectacular and something great. So they go for people that are mostly unavailable because it’s actually safe for you to go down that road.

It’s safe for you to be around people that are emotionally unavailable because you always have an out. You always have an exit.

You are able to leave a relationship without any problem at all. Because you know it’s never going to go anywhere. Which means that you are dealing with your own issues of vulnerability. You want it you desire it but you haven’t done the work to necessarily get you to be an emotional heart-spaced open person.

That’s just the beginning and the start of it and it’s something that I tell everybody. In order to attract somebody amazing you need to be vulnerably amazing yourself.