I remember dating when I was younger…

…I would call a woman up on the phone and leave a message.

I couldn’t wait to hear back from her!

I would walk around New York all day and wonder if she called back.

I remember walking up the steps to my apartment.  I lived at 167 West 80th Street, a five-story apartment on the Upper West Side.  Apartment 5A.

I remember after a long day out with my friends on a Saturday, I’d walk up the steps, step into my place, and head directly to the answering machine.

A number would be flashing in red—if I were lucky.


I’d press the button…

“You have 3 new messages. BEEP!”

And I’d listen to the messages, but none of them would be from her.

I remember feeling dejected.  I remember feeling pain.  I remember feeling upset. I remember wondering, “Why hasn’t she called back?”

I would think about what I left on her machine.

Did I leave the wrong message?

Did she not like me?  

Did she not have fun on the date?

I remember I would go out the next day, and sometimes dial in my voicemail number and my secret code from a payphone, just to hear the voice at the end of the secret code say:

“You have no new messages.”

I remember those times like they were yesterday.

But now…I just don’t care.

I meet somebody.  I find them interesting.  I call them.  They don’t call me back.  I don’t care.

I don’t even wonder why they didn’t call back.

I don’t even bother thinking about what I left on their machine.

I don’t even wonder if I left a good message or not.

I just don’t care.

And you want to know why? Because there’s another one right around the corner.

I’m not going to force anybody to want to be with me.  I’m not here to make somebody want to call me or want to hang out.

I don’t care.

And I look at all the people who do care and I think to myself, why should they care?

What does it matter?  Either you connect or you don’t.  Either they want to see you or they don’t.  It doesn’t matter what you said or how you said it.  If you were being authentic and you were being real and they choose not to call you back, then so be it, their loss not yours.

It’s not the way you spoke on their answering machine.  It’s not the text that you sent.  Stop over analyzing things and get over yourself.

If you go to meet somebody, exchange phone numbers, and they don’t call you back, it’s their loss not yours so fuck them.

If you go out on a date with somebody and you call them up and tell them that you had a great time and they don’t call you back—screw them.  (Well, you probably won’t actually screw them, but you know what I mean.)

Who cares?  It’s a liberating feeling to not care.  It should feel great to say that.

I think all of you should stop caring and start living.

Stressing about somebody who doesn’t call you back.  Stressing about somebody who doesn’t text you back.  Stressing about somebody who doesn’t return your call after a date.

It’s a complete waste of time!

You’re wasting your time.  You’re wasting your life.  You’re giving your power away to somebody who doesn’t deserve you.

Why do you do this to yourself?

Really you should stop giving a shit at all.  If someone does not call you back who cares, move on, next.  Stop over analyzing everything you do and start living your life.

I live mine.  I don’t care.  I don’t care if someone doesn’t call me back.  I don’t care about anything at all because I know that I beat to my own drum, I live my own life, I answer to myself and I’m a helluva great person to be around.  So, if someone chooses not to call me back I don’t care.

Have I gotten through to you?

It’s time.

As Miles said to Joel in Risky Business, “Sometimes you just gotta say ‘What the fuck!’ and make your move.”

Make your move.