The #1 Cause Of Relationship Anxiety
The other night during dinner I came up with a quote I want you to read:
“Embrace change at my own pace.”
I embrace change at my own pace.
You need to really take that statement in and listen to what it’s saying. How many times in a relationship have you talked to someone and given them your point of view, and then expected them to just react right away?
Let’s say you’re dating someone and you’ve been talking a little here and there about moving in together. Then you say to the other person that you want to move in with them and you list all the reasons why it’s a good idea. Do you then expect the other person to immediately respond with an answer? Do you get angry if they don’t immediately react and respond?
So many of us spend so much time wanting people to react the way we react. We want them to react exactly how we react and do it when we want them to do it.
Think about this from a little different perspective. When you are in a relationship and decide you’re ready to bring up a really important subject with your partner, you have almost always spent a lot of time thinking about and processing that topic before you actually bring it up.
Your partner, however, is just hearing about that topic for the first time when you raise it with them, and they haven’t had the benefit of being able to process the subject like you have. So don’t expect them to be ready to respond in that instance.
So many of us spend so much time wanting people to react the way we react. Then if and when they don’t react in that exact way, we start freaking out and playing mind games with ourselves.
I am equally guilty of that. In my relationship, sometimes I will have a conversation with my girlfriend and I’ll say something to her to which I want an answer that day. When I do this, she always says to me, “Give me time. Let me react in my own time.”
So many of us make assumptions. We hear what we want to hear. How many times do you have selective hearing?
Say you call someone on a Saturday. They don’t call you back that day . . . or the next one. Do you text them three times asking, “How come you haven’t called me back? Why aren’t you calling me back?” Perhaps they didn’t have their phone on them.
How many times to do you send an email to someone at 10:00 a.m. and, if you don’t get a response by noon, you send another email asking “How come you never responded to my email?” Allow people to respond on their own time.
When you allow people to respond on their own time you are not only going to get the response you desire (because the answer will come from their heart), but it’s going to be a real response and not a forced one.
People suffocate each other all the time, and they don’t allow each other the space they each need to reflect on these “heavy” conversation topics. When we do that, it’s a reflection of the lack of trust and faith in both the other person and in yourself. That instant gratification you want really can ruin a relationship, because you are forcing someone to answer you when they are not ready.
There is no reason to force people into answering when they’re not ready. There is no reason to make someone say something they’re not ready to say.
Have some patience in life. The more patient you are in a relationship, the greater a relationship with someone will be. So many of you ruin relationships that could potentially be great because of the way you force it.
If you give people time, then a relationship will grow and become exactly what you need it to be. You need to have trust and faith, because neurosis will just drive people crazy.
In today’s podcast, I talk more about communication and about how bringing up these heavy conversation topics can create fear and anxiety in all of us. Then I go into how to relax and feel better about talking out the tough times in your life with friends, relationship partners and business associates. This is one you don’t want to miss!
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