I’m going to reach into the mail bag today and talk about something that I call masturbation by hesitation.

And I’m not talking about the physical masturbation. I’m talking about mental masturbation that will drive you nuts and keep you locked into some girl that hasn’t been interested in you ever, wasting time and energy.

Here’s the email:

I’m a follower of yours, I need to, and have been for a few years now and I want to tell you that I really appreciate your advice.

If you could, I’d be extremely grateful for a quick bit of advice since I’m in a particular situation I’ve gotten myself into recently.

So there’s this girl around home. I approached her a couple of months ago and got to know her a little bit.

I find her very attractive and want to know if she’s single. I don’t really get the chance to speak with her, at least on our own, very often.

I my mother, I liked this girl at college and she gave me this idea of giving her a Xmas card. So I did a card and gave it to her before we the holidays.

In the card I mentioned if she was single, and here is my number if you want to get in touch.

I haven’t received a reply and now I regret it because I think that she was impatient and as I got to know her more. I may have called cross as if I wanted her to make the first move, or that I wasn’t confident enough to ask her face-to-face, and therefore turned her off.

At the time I didn’t feel like that. Unfortunately, do you think there’s any way I can recover this situation?

I don’t know whether or not if I’ll speak to her year round make her feel attractive enough in the first place, and just move on.



Will, at least you did something, my friend. Congratulate yourself on that. Most guys will just mentally masturbate a situation and do absolutely nothing for years. At least you did something.

First off, you can never take back anything that you’ve ever done, so that is out of the question. And what you did, it’s kind of ballsy in a way.

But what you didn’t do is what you need to start doing next.

Never ask your mother for dating advice, especially if your parents are still together. What does she know? She’s probably known your dad for 20, 25 years dated since she was young. And to be honest with you, she’s just giving you motherly advice.

Her idea was kind of cute, but…

You need to “be the man,” is what I call it.

You be the man.

Which means, when you see a girl that you like, you flirt with her.

You talk to her. You get to know her a little bit. You ask her out, say let’s hang out, let’s do something, let’s go meet for dinner in the cafeteria. I don’t really care what it is, but step up and ask her. You don’t ask her if she’s single.

By asking a girl if she’s single, you’re basically giving her an excuse if she doesn’t like you or if she’s on the fence. She’s thinking to herself, well, he’s kind of not that confident so I’m just going to tell him I have an imaginary boyfriend.

The only way to get past any of this fear is when you first see somebody that you like, you have to talk to them, get to know them a little bit, and ask them out. Otherwise, it’s just months and months and months of mental masturbation.

When am I going to see her again?

Hopefully I’ll see her today when I walk down the hall.

Maybe I’ll see her this afternoon in the cafeteria.

Maybe she’ll be leaving class when I leave class.

Maybe I’ll see her leave her dorm.

Maybe I’ll see her Friday night at the pub.

Maybe I’ll se her Saturday at the game.

Life becomes this mental masturbation of maybes.

In life, you just have to literally accept the fact that you need to ask girls out.

As for the next time you see her, I would just be a man.

How was your Christmas? How was your holiday? How was your new years break, what was the highlight? I wouldn’t sit there and be scared to talk to her at all.

As a matter of fact, I would just act like you give Christmas cards out to anybody and you don’t really care that she did not respond one way or another, and you can just start talking to her. So eventually, maybe, say oh my God, I loved your card, so sorry I didn’t call you, I got so busy with my friends. Who the fuck knows?

But the reality is my friend, that reading this right now, you need to really start to set up to be more of a man when it comes down to asking girls out. So you don’t go through this speculation game. Because the speculation game is just a mental masturbation of your mind. It’s a waste of time and it gets you nowhere.