I hope that got your attention.
I’m going to share some things with you right now that may make you take that vibrator and blow it up.
In my dating life—and believe me, I’ve had my share of women—I’ve found that women who are vibrator dependent are the worst lovers you can possibly have.
Let me explain why.
I’ve found women that love their BOB—battery operated boyfriend—are impatient, quick lovers.
Here’s the reason why: a vibrator takes absolutely no sensuality to induce and orgasm. There is nothing erotic about it. It is very easy. You put it on your clit, you turn it on and you have a huge orgasm.
A lot of women go for that Hitachi Magic Wand. That’s even quicker. It can get you to cum in five seconds if you hit the right spot.
There’s no foreplay; there’s no build-up.
Women who are vibrator dependent tend to get very impatient when it comes down to foreplay or when it comes down to allowing a man to please her. They tend to get in their heads a lot more because they’re so used to having that quick vibrational blast.
But in reality, their bodies aren’t designed that way. Nobody is designed to cum in five seconds.
Nobody.
So women that use the vibrator too much tend to always feel frustrated during or after sex. They get in their heads a lot more than women who have become more sensual explorers. (And I’ll talk a little bit about sensual explorers in a second.)
Women who depend on a vibrator will often get stuck in their heads for the first few minutes of oral sex.
“Oh my god, he’s going to take long. He’s going to take long. He’s going to take forever. What if I don’t orgasm…”
And they don’t allow the process of building up, the whole enjoyment of just laying there relaxing because their bodies are trained to orgasm quickly.
Now, isn’t an anti-vibrator blog—not at all. I think they have their time, they have their place and they’re fine.
But here’s a suggestion: consider that women who actually take the time to masturbate using their hands, touching themselves, having no fear of going inside and exploring, finding where their G spot is, playing with their clit—tend to be amazing sensual explorers in the bedroom.
They take their time in bed. They take their time on the man. They allow the orgasm to come—pun intended—naturally.
They’re not impatient with it. If they are slow to orgasm when a man goes down on them, then they’re okay with it. They’ll kick back, relax and enjoy it, because they train their body to be touched. They train their body to be explored the natural way, not the vibrational way.
This is not an anti-vibrator blog, put perhaps it may be time to put that Magic Wand down.
Great article Dave! Some of my friends think I’m a prude because I don’t use toys. They just don’t compare to the full experience of the real thing.
Sharing your article with them.
You’re the best Dave – I don’t know how to use them but I prefer the real thing. But self exploration and self excitement are great naturally and once with a man, it blows their mind when a woman knows her trueself. Funfabulous – they say nature is best.
Off topic lol but
I’ve been wondering why I’ve never thought of falling in love like a romantic comedy! lol I’ve always viewed it as an epic war movie with the underlying love story! lol Dr.Zhivago-like or whatever! lol Enemy at the Gates or something! lol It was always like fighting the Nazis and then I was going to fall in love in between it! lol I’ve been wondering why! lol
However, when those things happen in life where you see a guy somewhere and you’re looking at each other and smiling at each other and then you see him again somewhere different and there’s no way that it was planned like that, it does seem to mimic romantic comedies! You’re like, “OMG! It’s fate!” lol (even though he’s married! lol)
Nice post David! I find imagination + fingers + lube to be a winning combo.
The only time I like using toys are when I’m with my partner. Great combinations. For me, its no fun all by myself.
David, thanks for the input on this. As always there other views. I personally never had an orgasm during my 22yr. marriage. It wasn’t until after my divorce when I found how to make myself orgasm with a vibrator. It has led to a wonderfully satisfying sex life with real partners. Guess I never became dependent on it and was able to use it as a bridge to more intimacy. I cannot imagine a woman not wanting the whole package…pun intended with a real partner. It’s all so much better with the give and take with a man.
I concur with the conclusion! I had been with a gorgeous girl with the same problem. It actually made me feel less than a man when I couldn’t make her cum (with mouth or coitus.) These should be used like drinking water in the desert — sparingly. We’ve broken up and I’m still angry at her.
(BTW I see women commenting in the men’s section regularly and I don’t see men commenting here. Is my presence welcome?)
arggh! I see myself totally in this. I was being intimate with a new partner for the first time last week and no matter how hard, how long he tried going down on me, using his fingers I couldn’t come! It took so much will power to stop me from reaching for my vibrator…
It’s like I’ve become desensitised to any feeling that isn’t a vibrator and it sucks! Now any advice out there, how do I retrain myself to come without it????
I disagree. I HAVE one of those Hitachi’s, and it changed my life. I didn’t know what an orgasm WAS until I got one, since my husband (now ex) couldn’t give me one during our 12 yrs of marriage. NOW I’m more confident sexually, and know what pleases me in bed, as well. And with a guy that knows what he’s doing, I have NO problem reaching orgasm with what he does to me.
I think in a 12 yr marriage it wasnt him that couldnt get u there. He knows his body and women should know theirs. What works for 1 may not work on another. Know ur body and teach him. And if women would stop faking then men would know whats not working. Instead, they think “oh that was right” and do it next tim. Men are suprised to learn they have never made u orgasim when we fake it.. Fake it til u make it does not apply in the bed! In that case ull be faking forever. We are just as responsible for our own pleasure as the person beside, behind, or under us! Just saying.
I must disagree that this is universal to all women. I’m lucky that I’m one of a small percentage of women who can have a vaginal orgasm, and have no problem with that with my partners. However, when it comes to oral, I find that it’s the men that are impatient – which then sets up performance anxiety for me. I have had experiences where if I don’t climax in under 5 mins with a man performing oral on me, he starts complaining, or worse – whining, and then I usually end up stopping it and dragging him up to me to start intercourse, or faking an orgasm to make him feel better. I don’t know how it is with men, but oral for a woman is a very personal thing. And berating us or shaming us for “not enjoying it” doesn’t help. Some men expect instant results, and when they don’t get it, they blame women for under-performance. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Sorry, but the more I think about this the more irritated I’m getting.
Manny’s comment above is perfect: “I felt like less of a man” and “we broke up and I’m still angry AT HER.” emphasis mine.
I think guys get a false sense of women’s timing from watching porn (and, sorry guys, but women fake it in your porn videos. It is very difficult to orgasm with a camera crew standing around watching), so let’s break it down in terms of time. I masterbate with both my hands and a Magic Wand. It usually takes me about 20 mins with my hands, and 10-15 mins with a vibrator. I don’t know where you’re getting the 5 mins or 5 seconds data, David, but my experience is that we take our time pleasing ourselves.
Most guys do no have the patience, understanding, and stamina to sustain true pleasure for that long with a woman without having their fragile egos crushed. This is not a football game, gentlemen, where you have 4 downs to get to the goalpost and you’re racing against a clock. Liken it more to chess, practice patience and strategy in bed, and you’ll do much better with your girls. Oh, and learn to play an instrument. The best fingers I’ve ever had were the hands of musicians, who have strong, limber fingers AND understand timing.
Jennifer2, you nailed it right on the head. I completely agree.
Has anyone else noticed that that 90%will of womenwho post on here that use a vibrater are divorced just saying
To the divorced women and the complainers, if you knew how to get an orgasm or why you weren’t getting one, you would have taught your husband/partner how to give you one. Communication, after all, is a big part of a relationship. Don’t judge people for your irresponsibility.
I don’t trust vibrators for the same reason this post states. Its an unnatural way to pleasure yourself, making the natural way less satisfying.
Like if I masturbated myself using the whole strength of my grip. I would feel no women at all if I got used to that!
Sexual satisfaction and technique are dependent on who you are and who you are with. My last partner tired out after her third strong orgasm, I on the other hand have an incredibly short refactory period and can orgasm many times. I ended up trying NOT to give her orgasms quickly so that I could at least get some physical satisfaction out of her. Don’t get this the wrong way, I loved her very much and pleased her every time but our goals were different, breaking up was the right thing to do.
David there are way too many variables here to generalize so much. Lets see if I can attempt to get through the points here.
1. Most women on her talking about this are divorced….. Ok well in general people comfortable enough to talk about this stuff are or have been married. With 50% plus marriages ending in divorce, I hardly find this a valid point. So lets be done with that.
2. Girls who use vibrators arent good in bed bc the get in their own head thinking “this will take too long or I am not going to orgasim”… So my question/concerns here is,
A. when did you hear her/their thoughts? Thats awesome you can do that!
B. Did you ever consider that those girls may have not been into oral or intercourse with you wasnt all that? Perhaps the chemistry between you wasnt there? Maybe it felt like you were slapping her with a camels tongue (who knows)
C. Maybe you had unrealistic expectations with some of them because the rest we easy to climax or (and this ones more likely) the rest were uh FAKING. I truely believe women faking is likely the problem with most things. Men think its easier than it is because women dont feel comfortable telling them they couldnt get “there” which makes sense since men get down and feel bad because they couldnt pleasure. Then that is justified by someone putting blame on “unnatural satisfaction” when in reality its just harder to climax for a woman. For a man just poke a hole and vola.
3. Orgasim in 5 seconds (well the rediculousness of this speaks for itself) but in case you dont get why- its not happening in 5 seconds. No way, shape, form, or power mode!
4. A vibrator is to women as porn is to men.
Oh and I very much agree that its our responsiblity to be sure we can orgasim. so why complain about vibrators? men should welcome them and women should allow porn. Both only to a certain degree of course. But when men lose their hands women can lose the battery powered toys. Until then who are we to judge. I can tell you though our hands dont bend and work to get our pleasure places for the amount of time it would take compared to men who can as you stated “grip” and have it work out. Its different and until you have women parts you wouldnt get that. But I do not rush my husband or EVER think “im not going to orgasim, this will take forever, or hurry up,” however, I dont always want oral and thats ok because I dont always want to give it.
You said “unnatural satisfaction” makes the real thing less pleasurable like we wouldnt want/need it anymore. Just wondering… If I drive a car everday am I eventually going to cut off my legs? No bc I can still use them for much more. Vibrators dont take away from sex, they add to it. They are like having yummy dessert after a very good meal, even though the real food was so good and fulfilling. Or when we use them without you its like dessert before dinner. We will be hungry again before long.
I hope men reading this can keep and open mind. Because it seems some man is always blaming a vibrator (or removable shower head) and some woman (many) are blaming porn. In reality we are the problem and the solution.
“so why complain about vibrators?”
Its not how sexuality with a penis or hand or tongue works, its unnatural.
“I can tell you though our hands dont bend and work to get our pleasure places for the amount of time it would take”
That time depends on you and you alone.
And by “pleasure places” you mean your 1-3 inch deep “g-spot” correct? Try a g-spot stimulator?
“compared to men who can as you stated “grip” and have it work out.”
I personally don’t “grip” much, because, not all women have the same “grip” down there, so I take it soft enough with some speed. But, you could always rub your clitoris, being your main pleasure organ and easily accessible.
“Its different and until you have women parts you wouldnt get that.”
I get that because I have time with some women and learned how they “work” and how “different”, in every way possible how they are. Men aren’t all the same. Just like women aren’t all the same. And THAT’s the problem I see with sexuality now a days. Everyone keeps saying that women are all the same, and they aren’t. I could make a whole post of how my last three girlfriends where, in full detail and how different they were, completely.
“You said “unnatural satisfaction” makes the real thing less pleasurable like we wouldnt want/need it anymore.”
First, not just women. Men also.
Second, yes. If there is love, then there is a want and need for it. But, could it be better? Depends on the honesty and knowledge of the relationships. For instance, “Kegels” (for men and women) I think, makes everything better.
“Just wondering… If I drive a car everday am I eventually going to cut off my legs? No bc I can still use them for much more.”
Well, less weight is more gas mileage…I joke, I joke!
“Vibrators dont take away from sex, they add to it.”
If you are in a relationship, and you have no clue on how to improve it without using some toy, go right ahead.
If you are single, and you use toys, vibrators, dildos, whatever. Don’t be surprised when your “partner” feels and behaves differently.
“In reality we are the problem and the solution.”
True, but I think logic makes more sense than the BS advice that’s been going on for the past few years. Telling a women to use a vibrator is like telling a man to get “delayed ejaculation”, does that make any sense at all? No. If one thing does not make sense for one “sex”, it does not for the other. So why the difference? I’m sure you know the answer. As most men do…
Women, keep it tight. Men, keep it hard.
Kegels 4 Life!
1- Okay, done with that.(?)
2-A) Be more specific, I don’t understand what you mean.
2-B) They were, I was there.
2-C) There is a difference with orgasms from the clitoris and orgasms from “g-spot”, if you take your time and try different things you will see. And obviously, you can tell when she is having an orgasm.
“Men think its easier than it is”
(1)Women have more nerve endings and erogenous zones than men. Biologically speaking it should be easier for women to have an orgasm than men.
(2)If they relax, they come easy. If not, it takes time.
“Then that is justified by someone putting blame on “unnatural satisfaction” when in reality its just harder to climax for a woman.”
Again, it isn’t harder for women to climax. It shouldn’t since they have TWICE the amount of nerve endings. Its psychological, depends on the relationship.
“For a man just poke a hole and vola.”
Ever heard of “Delayed Ejaculation”?
Think what you want, but your “logic” is not logical.
“For a man just poke a hole and vola.”
Just wanted to add that for men, sex is also psychological. Atleast for me, I can’t orgasm as many times(I am multi-orgasmic) or at all if I am not into the moment.
Just one more reason how different, things really are.
I completely agree with Jennifer2, including about the last part. EI’d have to say the best fingers would especially be guitarists since to play guitar you have to be good with your fingers. I’ve yet to meet many guys that have the kind of stamina and skills in the bedroom as rockstars; there’s reasons why women go crazy for them guys. Take notes, ha ha.