So you’re dating someone new.
He’s great.
You think to yourself, “What an awesome man! He seems to be perfect for a wonderful in a relationship.”
And then you start forecasting the relationship. You become a relationship forecaster, where you just want and need something so bad that you forget to remain present.
And what happens? You end up getting disappointed a year later, two years later, whatever it might be.
The number one reason why we don’t get the relationship we want is that we release the forecast our way, instead of allowing it to unfold naturally.
When you meet somebody the very, very first time, by remaining present, you’re going to be able to really learn what that person’s all about.
It’s important to remain present. It’s important for you to realize that by remaining present, it’s going to protect you from getting involved in a fantasy based on needs, wants and desires that the other person can’t even fulfill.
Relationship forecasting: it’s like the 10-day weather forecast—never right. Nor should it be, because you can’t predict something as unpredictable as human behavior.
And that’s what this is all about: it’s about understanding human behavior to its fullest, and being 100% present at all times. When you’re 100% present, you’ll be able to realize every single day whether or not this new person that you met is satisfying your principles for a solid relationship, or not.
You’ll know whether this new man is going to be a man that’s going to be around for the long-term, or the short-term. And by being 100% present, you’ll actually protect yourself from a relationship that never should have happened.
Ladies, this is very important for you to realize.
Stay present.
Alright, David. How about this scenario – I started to date this great guy. Sparks flew. On date #4, he was talking about moving to another country for me (I’ve been entertaining job offers). Things were GREAT! Except for that one thing. He’s much younger than me (think +10 years). He wants a family (we talked about it), but in 5-7 years. My reality: I may not be able to biologically give that to him. Just how it is. So, the evening was closing, the goodnight kiss got uber-passionate, and I had some panic attack/rush of rationalism, and stopped him. “This can’t possibly go anywhere long term because of this crazy chronological age difference” was the jist of the conversation. “I might not be able to give you what you want, and that would be wasting both of our time.” It was very rational discussion (we are both very rational people, for the most part). I thought it was over.
BUT – 3 days later, I had regrets. “Why am I denying myself happiness with a man whose company I thoroughly enjoy, and he enjoys me, for some future unknown that may never come to pass?” So, I reengaged him. Called him and told him “I’m still in if you are.” He said all kinds of sweet things, and seemed to agree. But now it’s been a week and no contact. Ouch.
So, now I’m confused. My dating intentions are clear – I want a committed relationship. No sex until “I know where this is going.” However, I’m not so rigid that I can’t be fun, flirty, and totally charming in the moment, and genuinely enjoy someone’s company. And this is a guy I still want in my life, romantic relationship or otherwise. He’s that awesome. So where’s the balance between being a forecaster (which I clearly was that night, and kinda blew it) and being realistic about the likely path of the relationship?
I have such a difficult time with this – I fall in love with the idea of the relationship.
Thinking of wearing an elastic band so I can snap myself back to the present moment.
i seem to fall in love with the wrong people. when i let them close to me it always goes wrong have been single for so love now the thought of loving someone scares me now.
I am bad for it—-I will start off very down to earth, not expect anything…but than, bam, it sneaks up on me.
Than I give up again as they don’t message me for awhile, but than I start wondering and thinking again once they have……the worst is when they say we should go hiking sometime, so I see this as an opening to suggest we go whale watching sometime, but I suddenly feel like I’m thinking to far—-not only can I do the forecast thing, but I become so afraid to be one, I just get paranoid and try to pretend nothing bothers me…
I am also afraid to meet up with people if I don’t think they’ll be that fit I want—I will evade meeting them, holding out for someone else…..because I’m afraid of falling for them.
that said and done, I probably need a therapist—I have other underlying issues too.