Every night during this intense one week coaching program in London we get really deep about dating and relationship issues. The other night we had a few people over to the flats and we got into a conversation about flaking and dating.
It seems that the British are not as flaky as the americans when it comes to keeping a date.
What is “flaking?” An example of flaking is when you’re supposed to have plans with someone on a Friday night, and they flake on you at the last minute. Another example is when in your mind you’ve met somebody with whom you feel you have great chemistry, and they flake never to be heard from again.
What if I told you that there is no such thing as “flaking,” and that this misused terminology in dating is just an urban legend made up in your mind to make you feel better about someone who wasn’t interested?
Here’s the key: If someone supposedly flaked on you, it really means either that you did not intrigue them enough, or that the so-called connection or chemistry that you felt was a one-way street. Let’s go even deeper into this.
How about if I told you that the reason why there’s no such thing as flaking, is because you played it safe when you met somebody and they decided not to pursue it further because they have no idea who you are. Or, what if I told you that this so-called flaking is really due to the way you’re meeting people in the first place.
People who tend to bet blown off a lot are people who tend to chase the wrong people. For instance, I have a friend who’s in his mid-forties who constantly chases women in their twenties. These women supposedly always flake on him.
If you’re getting supposedly flaked on (and remember I said flaking is getting blown off), then let’s call it what it is. If you’re getting blown off regularly, then it’s because you’re chasing women and not intriguing them.
If you’re chasing someone, then you put yourself in a position of weakness. If you intrigue, engage and be upfront about everything with women, you will not get flaked on or blown off. Because that too is just a myth.
Let’s say when you meet someone you’re 110% upfront with them about everything, you’re powerful, you’re interesting, and you engage them, but you guys just don’t connect. If without playing any games like this you two just don’t connect, it means that you have no chemistry. What’s good about this, though, is that you at least found out immediately.
If I meet a woman and we don’t connect (either on my side or her side), I don’t lose any sleep over it and I don’t care. There’s plenty of other women to meet and to get to know.
If you, however, are the type of guy who’s constantly playing games and trying to sell yourself to women, then you are creating a lifestyle of being flaked on by women. Flaking is not even in my lifestyle or in my vocabulary.
The only flakes that I ever see either come from the sky in the winter, or come from the nasty man in front on me on the airplane as they fall from his head onto his shirt. It’s all about how you approach this.
Men who chase women get flaked on all the time. More specifically, men who chase women who are wrong for them get flaked on all the time.
Take a look at your life right now. If you’ve been flaked on recently and you use the term flaking, it’s time you looked in the mirror and realized that it’s something you’re doing not something they’re doing. Everybody who is going to date is going to meet people with whom they don’t have chemistry. It’s just a matter of how you go about doing it and thinking about it.