Does Your Behavior Match Your Words?
October 2, 2009 
9 Comments
I had a really interesting dinner with some friends the other night. It’s funny how many people will spend their time talking about what they want.
Women might talk about how they really want to have kids. Men might talk about how much they want to meet someone fascinating.
While I was doing a pilot for an online dating show recently, I met a woman who is in her 50s who said to me “I’m dating online, but I really don’t want to show who I really am. So I just write these little things about myself.”
In life, you attract exactly who you are. If you show people only a few things about yourself, then you’re going to attract people who only show a few things about themselves.
You get exactly what you put out there, not what you want. So many people spend so much time telling you what they want.
Let me tell you something. When you spend all your time just listing what you want, you sound like the spoiled kid who keeps telling his parents that he wants that one pair of sneakers they won’t buy him.
You spend so much time on your wants. You are listers, i.e, you list all your wants all the time. Well, if you want all these things then you need to become all these things to get those traits in another person.
I recently ran into a woman in her 30s who told me she wants to meet a great man, get married and have a family. When I asked her what she was doing to meet such a man, she told me she was still going to the same “cool places” she frequented in her 20s. Well, guess what? If you keep going to places populated with those same young bar guys, you are going to keep attracting emotionally immature people.
You attract exactly who you are. You are not going to get the person you want unless you get yourself first, change the way you are, and change the way you meet people.
It’s unbelievable how some people act. They talk so much about what they want, what they need and what they have to have, and yet they are not working on becoming that person themselves. They are not embracing that person they want.
Remember too that you are not the only one who has a list. Many of the people you meet will have a list of their own.
When two people who want a kind of person they themselves are not, those two people inevitably will break up (or get divorced). Since you were not connected deeply to the other person’s soul from the get-go, you will never connect with who the other person truly is and what that other person is truly all about.
So look at your life right now. Look in the mirror. How do you go out and meet people? Are you still doing the same things you were doing ten or fifteen years ago because you’re in denial? Are you in your 40s but are still conducting your life like you’re in your 20s?
I’m not talking about you stopping being or having fun. I’m talking about you really taking a look at all your wants and seeing if your behavior (and you as a person) match them.
Hey David. Great post. It kinda ties in with the ‘become the person you desire’ podcast. There are are plenty of ‘listers’. The way I see it, 85% of the popuplation are listers. Very few, 15%, actually put in the work to get what they truly desire. Everybody talks about it, some start it, but very few actually finish the journey. Looking in the mirror is the hardest thing we have to do, yet it’s very rewarding. Thanx David.
True true true. Hate to admit it, I sometimes start things but never finish. I don’t know in my case it’s just fear. I fear too much about what others say about me.
You have to get to know yourself very well in order to do what you desire and won’t be bothered by what others say. Thanks David.
Mike
David,
This blog post and last wednesdays podcast really hit home with me in a big way. When you said…”Start dating who you are!”. That has become very apparent to me. Sir, you have a gift of being a great dating (and life) coach!
Thank you!
Tom
David,
Btw, and I mean to say…You ARE a great dating coach!
My hats off to you.
There should be some sort of awards ceremony for coaches…like the Emmy’s or Golden Globe.
Tom
Very insightful indeed. To want what you yourself are incapable of is a kind of hypocrisy.
You’re hitting some home runs this week, David. Living a congruent life is important in almost every way, not just in dating.
The question is, can the average person be that honest with himself?
Great post David.
great post. I’ve heard this being spread out in your teaching, and as you said “repeat, repeat, so you can learn and get it into your head”.
Like the secret and landmark forums you are the only thing that makes your life work in all directions. When we stop believing we have all the control, we are blind and submiting to the issues within us. Great post!!!