In over 14 years of doing this, I think I have heard it all. I think I have heard every fear imaginable — fear of approaching, fear of getting intimate, fear of saying what’s on your mind and even fear of initiating that first kiss.
You guys have labeled all these things in so many different and creative ways, from monkey chatter to approach anxiety. I mean, if you Google “fear,” it is amazing how many different versions of it will pop up in the search results.
What I am about to share with you in today’s podcast is going to blow you away. I know that every week I tell you that the podcast is the most powerful one ever, but that is because every week I come up with something more powerful than the week before.
In this podcast, I am going to tell you why there are only two emotions in this world: one is love and the other is fear. Hate is fear. Approach anxiety is fear.
Love and fear really are the only two emotions, and in this podcast I explain to you how to really embrace loving everything and fearing nothing. Click here to listen now:
Also, if you want to learn how to truly embrace love in your life and also how to truly erase fear, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
For those of you who have never seen a Cirque du Soleil show, it’s a must on anyone’s list. We saw Kooza the other night, and it was outstanding.
There’s one part of the show called “The Wheel Of Death,” in which two guys get into these two rotating gerbil wheel contraption and they run and jump around these wheels like it’s a carnival ride. They did all this with no fear.
It’s interesting that people can do things like this — death defying acts — with no fear. To some of you, saying hi to a member of the opposite sex is a death defying act.
Google Cirque du Soleil or do a search for it on YouTube, and watch some of the things they do and some of the ways they contort their bodies. Then I want you to think about all your fears about communicating with the opposite sex because, really, would you rather say hello to someone you’re attracted to or get caught in The Wheel Of Death?
For those of you who need some motivation today, here is The Wheel Of Death:
What I really want to talk about today, though, is all of the mumblers out there. Recently someone sent me a voicemail message. I had to listen to it four times just to figure out on what phone number to call them back, because the person who left the message was mumbling so badly.
If you’re going to leave a voicemail message, be concise, leave your number twice and speak clearly. Keep the message short. Don’t tell people how you won’t be available from 12:00 to 1:00 because you are going grocery shopping, or how you are taking a shower at 3:00 that afternoon.
For business, keep it short but friendly. Say something like, “Hi, it’s David, calling to talk to you about the work we discussed on Wednesday. Have a great day, and I’m looking forward to speaking with you soon.”
For personal, you can leave a message that is something like this: “Hi, it’s Joe. It was so great speaking with you the other day about Italian roast coffee. You know, I Googled that coffee that you liked, and I learned something really interesting about it. Call me and I’ll you something about it.”
It’s always good to bring someone back to the moment when you met them. Also, by doing this you show them you were listening and interested in what they were saying, which will intrigue them even more.
I tell guys all the time that when they meet a woman, they should learn at least three things about her and remember them. That way when you contact her later, you can bring her back to the moment you met.
This technique is important in business too. Let’s say you have been shopping for a new car. When you go to contact a salesperson with whom you spoke at the dealership, you can say “It was great talking to you about the new Audi A4 the other day.” It makes your communication instantly go more smoothly.
So many of you are voicemail mumblers. It’s time to stop being a voicemail mumbler, and to stop putting a strain on people’s eardrums!
For those of you who missed getting my football picks this week, I needed to take a break to attend to my fantasy teams. I am, however, going to give you my pick for tonight’s game.
For tonight, I like the Ravens over the Browns. Boy, that’s a tough one to pick. The Browns are about the worst team in football, and I think a team of teenage girls could probably beat them.
Back from a long trip to Europe, and back with my Sunday football picks. My record is currently at 17-3 and I’m ready to keep my good record with this week’s picks.
This week I predict the Texans will win over the Bills. The Bears will beat the Browns. The Lions will win over the Rams. The Jets will defeat the Dolphins. The Chargers will win over the Raiders. The Cardinals will beat the Panthers.
The Saint and the Colts will remain unbeaten, but the Broncos will fall to the Ravens. As for the two “big games” today, I am predicting the Giants will win over the Eagles and Favre will gome home crying in defeat.
Have a great Sunday, and let’s get to today’s blog!
At a recent Bootcamp, I had a conversation with the guys about what I call window shopping your life. I had a conversation about challenging yourself. (This, by the way, is a great example of what we work on during my Bootcamp weekends!)
Most of us window shop in our own lives. Many of us have had tragedies in our lives. As humans, it’s natural to want to change our lives after we survive a catastrophe, but it’s also human that we rarely stick with that plan to change.
We always sweep things under the rug. We all do this. It’s just the way things work. We get shocked into doing something or making a change, but we can’t help continuing to window shop.
So what do I mean when I say that we window shop our lives? It means that we fail to take action and really lead the kind of life we map out for ourselves. We go back to not being fully alive, and just wishing and wanting for the life we want to live.
The term window shopping is a good description, because it is as if we have a glass barrier between our life and the life we want. We can see it, but there is something in our way from actually living it.
A lot of people see this barrier as something that keeps them from having the life they want. In reality, though, we are capable of having that life right now if we take the steps to get it.
Why do we think we can’t have this life? We buy into false limitations. We don’t want to face that we need to take more action.
I often call people who just wait for things to happen in life “waiters.” They want things to change, and they keep hoping things will change on their own without them having to take any action on their part.
Once you begin to stop window shopping and to stop waiting, you will see how much time you’ve been wasting kicking back that you could have been spending living the life you want.
Life is too short, and you only get one! If you don’t take the opportunities now, when are you going to take them? So stop window shopping. Stop waiting. Take action today and start to really live the life you want.
This is interesting. How many of you live a life about which you are absolutely not passionate?
You go to a job. You date someone to whom you are not attracted. You may not even like your dog. Whatever it may be, how many of you can’t speak about your life with passion?
If you can’t, do you know why you can’t? It is because you are really not in love with who you are.
Passion comes from within. People who speak with passion, speak from power that comes from within themselves. Meaning, they love everything about themselves.
They’ve accepted their insecurities. They’ve accepted their fears. They’ve accepted all these things about themselves, and they have embraced themselves.
Today’s podcast is going to teach you how to speak from a place of true passion and how to live a passionate life. This is a “must listen” to podcast. It’s that important and that big.
I can’t even adequately express in writing what I want to tell all of you. You need to hear me talk about it in today’s podcast. So I’m just going to stop my fingers from typing on the computer right now, and I’m going to give you the link for the podcast so you can listen to it right now.
Click here to listen:
If you want to learn about my personal journey to self-love, and how to go on that journey for yourself, be sure to check out my “Self-Love” Audios which are part of my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone in which you are pouring your heart out about something, and the other person makes an assumption about what you are saying based just on the surface stuff? Let me put out a very simple example of what I’m talking about.
Let’s say you and your significant other are discussing whether or not to go to the beach that day. You say that you are apprehensive about going to the beach, and don’t really want to go. The other person’s immediate reaction is, “You don’t want to go to the beach with me.”
Now, I know the beach isn’t the best example, but stay with me here. The other person didn’t hear the part where you said you almost drowned in the ocean as a kid. The other person didn’t hear about how frightened you are of the water.
So even though you’re telling the other person all this information so they will understand your background, and so that maybe you can open up about wanting to try and go in the water again, the other person makes an assumption about what they think you are saying.
A lot of people in life are “assumers.” Assumers always assume the worst because that is the way people have always treated them. It is the way they have always been treated by everyone in their mind.
They have always been rejected, or they will reject themselves before anyone else can reject them. This is what happened in the beach example above. The other person rejected themselves very quickly, and didn’t stop to really listen to the the real meaning behind the words being said to them.
They have not been able to get really deep with themselves. So many of you do this over and over again when it comes to meeting members of the opposite sex.
You don’t approach someone because you either look for a certain “sign” that you don’t get, or you get what you perceive to be a negative sign. You’ll think, “Oops, they looked in the other direction, so that means they don’t want to be approached. They don’t find me attractive and just rejected me.” All that from someone looking in the other direction?
You are always looking for the negative because you are a negative person and negativity is your comfort zone. That is what you are used to, i.e., being rejected or assuming the worst.
I have a friend who is like this. If I don’t immediately call them back or answer an email from them, they assume there is something wrong. They assume they did something wrong.
The truth is that I didn’t answer an email because I was busy. The truth is that I didn’t call them back because I didn’t have my phone on me over the weekend. I’ve told this friend over and over that I don’t carry my phone on the weekends because (1) I’m not a doctor and (2) I find the phone obnoxious during my time away from things. No matter what, though, this person assumes there is something wrong.
They will ask me, “What did I do? What did I do wrong? Are we back in the non-communication mode?” This person reacts because of the way that people have treated them their entire life, and they can’t see past it no matter what I say to them.
They don’t want to see past it. They don’t want to listen to the depth of what I’m telling them, because all they do is hear what they are used to hearing.
They are used to that rejection. They are used to feeling that way.
It is really time you listened outside of your comfort zone, and really listen fully to what someone is saying when they talk to you. If you are someone who has trouble really processing this in your life, then I have a great exercise to help you.
When you have a conversation with someone, write down bullet points of everything you hear. Instead of immediately reacting, take time to really review the conversation and change you pattern.
You pattern will never change until you do this. I know because I am a reactor too. My mother taught me how to react.
The minute someone says something negative, I used to react and say “Aha! I knew you felt this way. I knew it!” We do this because it makes us vulnerable to change our ways and this pattern.
If someone is constantly saying to you that you are assuming things in what they say that just aren’t true, then it’s time to change the way you do things. It’s time you learn to listen outside your comfort zone.
You need to step up and realize the things that you bring upon yourself. It’s really, really important to do that. When you do, you will live a better and more enlightened life.
You want to live a more enlightened life and really feel someone’s energy, instead of always focusing on the negative things they might say. If you focus in on negative things, it’s because you’re a negative person.
You’re not somebody who really wants to grow. Even though you say you want to grow and even though you say you want to make changes, you have a hard time doing it because you don’t follow what you’re saying.
So, look into your life. Look deeply into your life. If you’re somebody who has really been focusing in on the negative and only hearing what you want to hear, then you are missing the entire conversation. You are missing an amazing npart of what another person is giving you — the gift of themselves and the friendship you could really have — all because of this neurosis.
Have you ever asked someone how their day is going, and had them respond, “Man, I am just having such a bad day today!” It makes you almost want to run away.
When I hear that I almost want say to myself “God, I wish I didn’t even ask,” because you know what is going to follow that answer. You know that if they are letting you know that they are having a bad, that they are also going to want to share everything that happened on that bad day with you
They are going to bring all that bad energy with them, and they are going to dump it all over you. Having to listen to someone vent about a bad day is like having the flu for five or ten minutes.
Can I tell you something? There’s no such thing as a bad day. It’s all about your mindset. It really is.
It’s all about your mindset and how you think, because in life there are always ebbs and flows. It’s your outlook on life that really determines how you feel.
I never have a bad day, ever. Do I have bad moments? Of course I do.
For example, I recently went to the dentist and found out I have to spend about $3,000.00 on a root canal. That was most definitely a bad moment.
Did it ruin my day though? Absolutely not. Did it ruin my bike ride home? Absolutely not. Did it affect my sex life? Absolutely not. Did it affect the way that I treated my dog or my friends for the rest of the day? Absolutely not.
When I have one of these bad moments, I process it immediately like a super computer and then I forget all about it. It’s called the ebbs and flows of life.
If you want to hear more about how to never have a bad day again, be sure to listen to this week’s podcast. It’s really going to blow you away. I also have a special guest on the podcast who is going to share something very special with you too. Click here to listen now:
By the way, anybody who is interested in being a guest on one of my podcasts beginning in November, please email me at david@davidwygant.com. I would love to interview a few of you about your dating experiences, and then have a mini coaching session.
Also, if you want to learn how to create the kind of mindset that will have you feeling confident and powerful every day — and which will help you to have great days no matter what comes at you — then be sure to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
Can we please have the last ten seconds of the Jets game played over please? On a positive note, it looks like Brayon Edwards can catch again.
It’s funny when you see a great player playing on a bad team who just quits. Randy Moss did it when he played for the Raiders, and now look at how Braylon Edwards looks since he’s come to the Jets. I guess it just goes to show that athletes are human, and don’t want to be chosen by bad teams.
Remmber when you were a kid and you were playing a game which involved picking teams, and you got chosen by the bad team? Remember how you felt (and sometimes how you acted afterwards)? Men never grow up I guess.
Now on to today’s blog . . .
Let’s talk about how bad you want it. I get so many emails from people who say, “But David, you’re a natural at this! I am not a natural and I need routines.”
What I always tell people who write things like this to me, is that I wasn’t always a natural at this stuff. Do you think I was born doing this? I was nervous as hell in the beginning!
The reason I can coach all of you, is that I’ve experienced every emotion that you guys are going through right now. I know what it feels like to have my heart beat right through my shirt. I know what it feels like to have a quivering lip as I approach some girl sitting at a table. I know what it’s like to have all that monkey chatter in your head.
Some of these feelings are just the natural emotions of life, but this idea of being a “natural” is something we’ve talked about many times before. Many professional atheletes are “naturals,” but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do what they do. You just have to workk harder at it in order for it to become natural to you.
If you put the time into anything in life — whether it’s into meeting women, singing, cooking or whatever — over time your skill will develop and it will become natural for you. The reason I seem like a natural at what I do is only because I’ve been doing it for so long.
With practice, all of you will get to the point where you are naturals. The real question is: How bad do you want it?
Now, granted, some of you will find parts of this that you are far better at than others. For example, if you take me into a bar I am pretty unnatural. I’m so uncomfortable! I don’t enjoy being in a bar and I’m not having fun when I’m in one, so I am always totally in my head when I go to one. I’m just bored.
Take me to a store or out on the streets, however, and I have a million things to talk about with everyone. I can walk in any store, anywhere, and I can talk to people because there are always things I find interesting.
The way to become a natural at something is to go out and do things that you’re interested in, so that you’re able to keep up good conversations. This will also build up your confidence.
I’ve met guys who are naturals in bars. Do you know why? They are big drinkers. They can talk about booze nonstop.
I’m a natural in the market, because I eat at Whole Foods twice a day! I know the menu like the back of my hand. I’m able to work that place and talk to people there, because I always have topics to talk about there.
I had a client one time that was a wine connoisseur. So he expanded his social network by going to wine tasting parties and stopping in wine shops on Saturday afternoons. There he met other wine people, and he developed a social network with these people and he started having wine tasting parties.
I told him to collect the cards of the people he met in the stores and then we set up our own little wine tasting parties. Of course, the men and women he met brought friends to these parties. That’s how he was successful meeting women. That was his hobby.
The best way to meet people is by doing things that you love. You’ll rarely meet people doing something that you don’t love.
If you want to become a natural, you absolutely can. You just have to ask yourself, “How bad do I want it??”
Have you ever seen the movie The Sixth Sense in which the little kid utters that now famous line, “I see dead people?” I sometimes feel like I see bullshit.
I read my emails every day and I listen to what people are saying, but when I read between the lines what I really see is bullshit. Every day someone emails me and tells me that they can’t do something, or they won’t do something or that change is too hard.
The truth is that they don’t want to do the work because the work is too hard. A lot of people are lazy. A lot of people don’t want to do the work.
A friend of mine has been complaining for the last fifteen years about how fat he is. Every year when I go see him in Manhattan he complains about this and tells me that he needs to lose weight.
Then he’ll go on some miracle 48 hour diet expecting it to fix the problem. I tell him all the time that if he’d just go to the gym and do cardio four days a week, that he will lose weight. I tell him that if he’d just eat healthy that he would look good.
I’ve had this same conversation with him probably at least one thousand times, but he’s always looking for the miracle cure to the problem. We’re all looking for the miracle cure, which is why I see bullshit.
There is no miracle cure to losing weight. The only way to lose weight and get great muscle tone is to work out.
There is no miracle cure for anything. There is no miracle way to meet men or women unless you practice and do the things necessary to develop the muscles in your brain (your personality and inner confidence).
There are no shortcuts. So when I find a person who is looking for a shortcut or who falls for shortcuts, I usually say to them “I see bullshit.” I see bullshit every single day.
You want to be a great lover? What you need to do is practice. How do you practice? You learn, you read and you practice with people. You open yourself up and you tell the truth.
I recently had a client at a Bootcamp who is a fantastic guy, but didn’t have much sexual experience at all. I told him he needed to practice. I told him to find some great women that are attracted to him and learn how to be a great lover.
You’re never going to become great at anything unless you practice. Ask any athlete about this and they will tell you the same thing.
Do you think Lance Armstrong wanted to ride his bike 35 miles every day? No, he didn’t. Do you think Peyton Manning wants to throw the same route over and over again to Reggie Wayne in practice when he’s already done it 10,000 times already? Probably not.
I remember reading on the Internet one time that Peyton Manning had thrown something like 123 touchdown passes to Marvin Harrison. Really, though, he’s thrown over 10,000 touchdown passes to him if you count all the times he’s thrown those same passes to him in practice (so that those passes would be successful in the games).
Do you want things in your life to work for you? Then you’ve got to work at it.
Whether you want to lose weight, meet women or be a better lover doesn’t matter. Whatever you want to achieve in life, you need to go out and practice. You need to work hard.
You need to be willing to do things you’ve never done before. Otherwise, all you’re going to hear me say is, “I see bullshit.”
