The Ex Talk

October 10, 2009 7 Comments Men Relationship Advice, Uncategorized

I can’t believe it’s week 5. Week 5 in the NFL season, and I’m 12-1 in my picks so far.

My football record stands on its own at 12-1. 12-1 is pretty good I think. The Titans are my only blemish. So, with that, I am going to go out on a limb and tell you which teams I’m picking this week

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The Giants are going to dominate over the high school quarterback led Oakland Raiders. The Vikings will be victorious over the Rams and its equally inept quarterback. Really, the Rams aren’t rams at all; they’re more like goats.

The Ravens will beat the Bengals. I’m not buying all the hype about the Bengals yet.

Here’s another tough pick. The Eagles will beat the Buccaneers. Let me tell you, Jon Gruden is laughing every single day. They fired him? Are you kidding me?

Braylon Edwards will catch a pass and lead the Jets to a victory over the finless Dolphins. The Patriots will win big.

Denver is going down this week. Is that not the worst 4-0 team you’ve ever seen?

Dante Culpepper will wish he was still on the bench after the Steelers destroy him on Sunday. As for the Buffalo vs Cleveland game, really who cares? It’s not even worth predicting.

As for Dallas, Tony Romo better start learning that finding the end zone is not as easy as finding one of his celebrity girlfriends. Maybe he should go back and run one of his family’s rib businesses. Tony Romo notwithstanding, Dallas will squeak a win out this week.

What is it about ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends? They seem to somehow know the exact wrong time to text you.

Here you are, about to have sex with your partner, and all of a sudden there it is. You hear that certain beep telling you that you have just received a text message.

You think to yourself, “Oh man, who is texting me? It’s really late. Who is texting me?” You get nervous about those 1:00 a.m. texts that come in.

It’s nerve-racking, because the only one who should be texting you at 1:00 a.m. is the person with whom you are laying in bed at that very moment. So you keep wondering who texted, until you can’t stand it anymore and you instinctively check your phone like Pavlov’s Dog.

At first you are relieved and you think, “Whew! Thank God it’s not me.” Then all of a sudden you notice that it is your partner’s phone that is blinking. You both have the same “beep” for incoming text messages, and the beep that you heard is theirs (not yours).

Now you think to yourself, “Oh man, I know EXACTLY who just texted them. It’s the ex.”

So here you are laying in bed, either just about to have sex or just having had great sex, and you have to have “the ex talk.” You may have already had the ex talk before several times. When that ex intrudes into your personal space at 1:00 a.m., however, that ex talk goes into a whole other dimension.

You will lay there wondering what your partner is thinking and feeling. You will want to know what the emotions are that they are experiencing, and how they are feeling at that moment about their ex.

Ex’s are a very powerful influence in a relationship. Even though you are with somebody new and you are sharing amazing feelings together, you will still wonder what your partner is thinking and feeling about their ex when a text comes in like that.

You tell yourself that you are not going to let your paranoid mind take over. After all, it is you who is laying next to then (and not the ex). You are the one with whom they are now hanging out and sharing feelings.

Regardless, you have that ex talk right there and then at 1:00 a.m. You are wondering about it, and your partner really needs to let out whatever is on their mind about it.

You need to be 100% okay with whatever they say, because the topic needs to come up and your partner needs to get out what is on their mind. Eventually, your partner is going to need to confront the ex issue, because at some point the ex needs to stop holding on to whatever part of that old relationship to which they are clinging.

The key is that your partner needs to feel that there is an open space where they can talk to you no matter what is going on and no matter what they have to say. They need to feel like they can talk to you anytime and about anything, because building a relationship is all about open lines of communication. That is the only way that two people are going to get close.

I am always fine with the ex talk because I like clean slates. Both people need to have clean slates when you’re in a relationship, and sometimes you need to clean those slates together to get there.

You’ve got to deal with things. Relationships are all about supporting one another.

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andrei says

2009-10-16 07:49:37

I really enjoyed this article. Thank you!
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clayhalo says

2009-10-11 07:47:17

What she (Charlene) said. Sorry for the seriousity, Tim. :) I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who still has major issues with or is carrying a torch for his/her ex. Even if it is a torch of bile, it is still a torch. Also, we turn off our cell phones in a movie theater for the movie going pleasure of of ourselves and others. Shouldn't the bedroom during sex be given the same respect?
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john says

2009-10-10 18:57:41

David -- Love, love, love the football picks! Dude, you're so funny! And I agree with you, except that I think Dallas will win that game pretty easiy (even despite Tony Romo) If the dating thing doesn't end up being lucrative enough for you, there's always the vegas sportsbooks ;)
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Dave says

2009-10-10 18:55:06

If your ex is texting you in the middle of the night, then they have a reason to think you want to hear from them in the middle of the night. I would say you should be suspicious, not have a sweet talk with your sweetie
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Tim says

2009-10-10 18:53:50

great post man! i didnt take it as seriously as the girls who commented already. i figured you were trying to put a little humor on an awkward situation.
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Charlene says

2009-10-10 18:52:33

David, the end of this blog was fabulous! There is TONS to be learned from just the last few paragraphs here... BUT -- I think the beginning of the blog misses a major issue. In terms of someone's ex, why is your partner having any ongoing involvement with them even if the ex still wants it?? If you're in a new relationship, then you need to stop entertaining phone calls and emails etc from your ex. Now, don't get me wrong, if you at some point become friends with an ex -- just friends -- then that's another thing. But here we seem to be talking about an ex who still wants to get back together. In that case it is your job to keep your ex out of your bedroom by turning off your phone at 1:00 am when you're about to have sex AND, more importantly, by not being sucked into their drama.
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Melanie says

2009-10-10 18:48:17

i agree with the part about making a safe space to discuss anything in a relationship. that is so important. the ex thing is tricky though...how much do you really want to hear about how good your partner's sex life used to be or how in love they used to be with someone else? is it really productive (or is it more destructive) to recount the entirety of your old relationships with your current partner?
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