Saturday in New York city doing a bootcamp and last night we had a long talk about rewards!
When I talk to any other person, I’m not trying to get anything out of it. I don’t walk up to some woman and think, man, I want to get her phone number. Or, man, I want to sleep with her.
Why would I want to sleep with her? She’s a total stranger! I hate sleeping with total strangers! Why? You don’t know if they hog the bed or not, you have no clue. They could rob you in the middle of the night – she could be a convicted felon. You’re going to invite her into your bed tonight? Absolutely not.
So stop trying to get something out of everyone. Just walk up to a person and give them you. The ultimate gift is to give yourself to other people.
Deepak Chopra says this: walk up to one person every single day and give them a random compliment from your heart.
Like the woman trying on boots I walked up to today in Harvey Nichols in London during a bootcamp – I told her, “those boots look great.” I didn’t actually see the boots on her, but she was beautiful – anything on her would have looked great!
She asked, “which ones?” I said, “those,” and she asked, “aren’t they too shiny?” And I said, “no way,” and I shared a story with her about my own shiny shoes. She was really happy, and then I helped her daughter put these mittens on her teddy bear.
I didn’t do this because I wanted to go out with her mom, I didn’t do that because I wanted a relationship – I did it because I saw her confusion when she was trying to decide which shoes to buy. I really wanted to basically tell her, “you’re hot! Any pair is going to look good on you!”
And that is true! She had a great smile. And I didn’t “try” anything. I didn’t ask her for her phone number, I didn’t creepily slip her my hotel room number – I didn’t get anything out of it.
But you have to be nice to every single person and expect nothing in return. When you expect nothing, you actually get the greatest gift: the genuine gift of themselves.
When someone gives you the gift of themselves, you’re getting that which you wanted the whole time: a true connection with someone else. It’s not something that was forced or creepy – it’s the real, true essence of someone.
So the next time you see a woman, don’t think about how bad you want her. Think about getting to know her and think about giving to her.
Don’t expect anything from anyone, ever – and you’ll get the best gift back.