All the time guys are asking me of ways to overcome their fear of rejection, and the other day someone reminded me of an amazing way of thinking, that should stop you beating yourself up if a girl doesn’t respond to you the way you’d like.
I was on the phone to a client of mind. He’s a sales trainer and we were talking about how his new recruits get upset sometimes when people reject them on the phone. “You don’t what I tell them David? You never know when you’re trying to sell someone something whether they’re having the best day of their life, or the worst day of their life. You just never know.” He explained. And you know, he’s so right.
It’s the same when you’re approaching a woman. You don’t know what path her life is on that day. She could have just won the lottery and be in an amazing mood, or she might just have lost a parent or best friend to an accident. She might have found out she’s dying. You have no idea. Let’s say you’re really working on your approaches. You want to become an amazing communicator so you’re approaching hundreds of women every day. Every one of them has a different story, and you have no way of knowing what it is.
Every one of us is on a different path. I remember back in New York City a while ago, I was sitting in a café with a couple of friends. This woman sits down next to us. As always, when I’m with a group of people it ends up with me being the performer. I think my friends hang out with me just so they can get tidbits of advice free!
My friend looks at me and says, “So how would I start talking to her?”
I look at her and say, “What you just ordered is great. I just had it myself.”
I had enthusiasm in my voice. I was strong. I was confident. In the end we ended up all chatting on and off for about an hour. In the end it turned out she had a boyfriend but who cares? It was a great conversation anyway. That night I’d promised to email her a link to something which I did. When she emailed back here’s what she said…
“Thanks David. I have to tell you. When we first met earlier, I really wasn’t in the mood to talk. I’d had a bad day at work and I was in my head. I was thinking about other things. But you were different to any other guy I’ve met. You asked me questions about myself. You shared things about yourself, and I felt like I needed to connect with you and your friends. You’re amazing at conversation. Thanks for sending this and I hope we run into each other again.”
The lesson here is, you shouldn’t take it personally if a woman doesn’t respond to you, or isn’t interested in talking when you first meet. You have no idea what’s happening in their life that day. It’s up to you to lead. Your job is to share. Your job is to have enthusiasm. Your job is to forget about how she reacts initially. Your job is to be amazing and fun because eventually, it might rub off on her. So the next time a woman blows you off, or rejects your approach, don’t sweat it. Move on to the next and forget about it. It’s not personal!