Is it okay to hate your ex?
That’s a question I get a lot.
It’s funny, I live in Los Angeles, a town full of these airy fairy people who are all about, “Give love. Give love to all the people even if you don’t love them, give love and you’ll get love back.”
There’s a Hawaiian meditation called Hono Pono I read about this year that’s also about forgiving people and loving them.
How do I feel about that?
I’m an emotional person and always have been. It’s the way I run my life.
I’ve got a wide range of feelings.
I’ve got a lot of love.
I have feelings of like.
Feelings of disgust.
Feelings of anxiety.
And I’ve got dark feelings as well, feelings of just hate.
I know we tell our kids never to hate somebody. Hate is just a terrible word, we say.
Parents say it over and over again. Kids will say “I hate that” and a mother will immediately go “that’s a strong word, don’t use it!”
But then again, what does it really all mean?
Is it okay to hate somebody?
Is it okay to hate your ex?
The answer might surprise you.
The answer is a resounding YES!
Yes! It’s okay to hate your ex.
It’s okay to think of them as probably one of the worst people you’ve ever met in your entire life.
You’re really just acknowledging who they truly are, and that’s where the twist comes in.
Emotions are wonderful to have.
Somebody does you wrong, then you need to take a look at your actions that caused why somebody did you wrong in the first place.
How wass that relationship set up?
What type of dynamic was the relationship?
What lessons did you learn from that relationship?
Those are big things, because every relationship has lessons.
Do you forgive yourself for getting involved with somebody who is so wrong for you?
Do you forgive yourself for having a human experience in learning the lessons that you needed to learn.
You see, once you stop beating yourself up…
Once you stop the anger and the feelings of despair of how this person really set you on a journey you weren’t looking for, then you’re actually loving yourself more.
And when you love yourself, when you truly realize that each person comes with a valuable lesson that you needed to learn — a lesson that you needed to embrace — you can clearly see them for the person that they are.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, that’s not a reason to hate somebody at all. It didn’t work out for whatever reasons it did not work out.
Hating somebody because it didn’t work out is really an immature, low vibrational, non-evolved way to go about life.
When you look and accept the relationship and the reasons why it did not work out and you take full responsibility for it and the lessons that you’ve learned, then you will clearly see the person who is really presenting themselves in front of you the whole time.
I’ve done that. In relationships, when it was over I clearly saw the person standing in front of me once I accepted my responsibility in that relationship.
When I accepted the responsibility in that relationship, I clearly saw the person that was presenting themselves.
And what was shocking was that this…
It was actually the person that was always there, always presenting themselves, but I was living in a fantasy story and not truly seeing them for who they were the whole time.
Really, I started to hate myself after that. But once I got rid of the self hate and realized that this person was a great lesson and I was able to see that person clearly after that, I thanked that person for coming into my life.
When you fully thank that person for coming into your life, and you have fully lived the lessons you’re supposed to live and you have grown from the experience that was presented…
Then and only then do you clearly see that person for who they are.
When you start seeing somebody for who they are, you can finally get clear on the emotions that you’re experiencing and what you are truly feeling for them.
Only then can you truly dislike somebody, and maybe that’s a better term that “hate.”
Hate is such a strong word. But you can use it. I give you permission.
You can hate them, you can dislike them, you can mildly like them, because once you’ve accepted the lesson. Once you’ve accepted yourself for going through it. Once you’ve understood why you went through it.
Then and only then will you have clear emotions based around that person.
If hate is one of those emotions, then embrace it. If you truly dislike that person, it’s okay.
Don’t disown your emotions. They’re there. They’re not good or bad, they’re just there.
Own your emotions.
The whole premise of loving every single person in life is truly ridiculous, because it is not living a life with a full range of emotions.
It’s okay to hate and dislike as long as you’re not hating and disliking somebody because you’re playing the victim and you’re angry because it didn’t work out with them.
If you’re truly seeing that person for the horrific person that they truly are, then hate them all you want.
Dislike them all you want and know that they’ll never be a part of your life again.
We’re all human beings having a human experience.
Enjoy the full range of emotions the human experience brings us, because a truly evolved person is somebody who accepts that full range of emotions and takes full responsibility for who they are and what their actions have caused themselves.
Enjoy the ride. Love some, hate some, but don’t ever, ever deny yourself an emotion.