The other day, many of you read a unique online profile that David posted in the comments to his ‘Bring Back Dry Humping’ blog. This man’s profile sparked quite a reaction, eventually earning the name and the title of “the perfect man.” Whether that name was meant to reflect hope, skepticism or outright derision, I think depended on each reader’s personal interpretation of him as he portrayed himself in his profile.

Some readers thought him to be a possible dream date, the type of man that we women thought only existed in soap operas and on the pages of romance novels. Others thought him simply an arrogant jerk. While a third faction found his profile to be creepy, speculating that this is the type of guy in whose basement police would eventually find women’s bodies stored. In any event, this man was certainly a curiosity.

I am writing today because I am the “female client” to whom David referred in that posting, and who sent David “the perfect man’s” profile. In fact, on Wednesday night I did meet and go out on a date with “the perfect man.” So, since so many of you were wondering what this man really is like, I thought I would recount the events of our evening together along with my own opinions about who this “perfect man” is and what he is really all about.

So in real life was the “perfect man”…perfect? No, he wasn’t. But I also don’t believe they’ll ever discover bodies buried in his basement either. Was he all that he advertised himself to be? Not really, but I think he truly believes that he is that guy.

Here’s the nutshell version of our date:

We met up for what was supposed to be a beer, but ended up being takeout from a pastry shop. We sat outside on a bench and ate our desserts. He walked me to my car, we hugged, and we went home.

That seems pretty boring, huh? What am I leaving out you ask? Plenty . . .

Mr. Perfect was on the surface perhaps the most arrogant man I’ve ever been out with on a date. He boasted about his new car, how much money he’s going to make, how lucky his soulmate-to-be will be once he meets her, and how good he is in bed. He even informed me that if it weren’t for his daughter, he would have been a porn star, and a very successful one at that. I believe he believes that too.

Then there was the complaining. He complained constantly and throughout the entire date. Almost everything behind the pastry counter was “gross.” What I chose to get (which was a frosted brownie) was “gross.” Then there was the chocolate covered and chocolate mousse filled cannoli he ordered, that he complained about the entire time he ate it: the chocolate mousse was too gooey, the chocolate on the outside was not sweet enough and the whole thing “looked like a turd.” I have to admit it felt a bit like eating with my seven year-old nephew.

What a jerk you’re thinking, right?! Well I’m not so sure.

His arrogance I suspect is the product of a lot of insecurity. His demeanor on its own does not scream “arrogant man.” I would even go so far to say that his demeanor seemed almost nervous. He definitely scored high marks on the strange scale too. While I will say that he had a very good sense of humor and had me laughing several times, he also chose to raise very odd (and frankly very distasteful) topics of conversation – especially for a first date. He discussed everything from his irritation over how your butt sweats when you sit too long and how much he hates having diarrhea, to what a “prostitute” all the women around us were who were wearing really short skirts. He also was very condescending about any topic that he didn’t feel I knew a sufficient amount about, e.g., he was very critical of my computer skills and knowledge, telling me “I can’t believe you haven’t been able to figure out something so simple yet.”

Are you wondering right now where the redeeming qualities are that I alluded to in the beginning of this article? I do feel compelled to stand up for “the perfect man” on a few fronts. While certainly not perfect,” this man does have certain qualities that in my experience many other men are lacking. He wanted to meet me by our cars so that I would not have to walk into a bar alone. He, without any hesitation, bought my dessert (and, in fact, scoffed at me even reaching for my wallet). Although I don’t believe he felt any huge amount of chemistry with me, he didn’t make a quick, rude exit from the date and, more importantly, he didn’t stand me up. After the date, he walked me to the car, chatted for a few minutes, and then gave me a very friendly hug before leaving. All of this I think reveals him as a person of good manners and who is courteous. From someone who feels as though dating can be a fairly brutal minefield at times, these things are very much appreciated!

So, what’s my final analysis of “the perfect man?” Well, I think he believes all of his own press about himself, a bit of a ‘legend in his own mind.’ Having said that, I do not believe he is a bad guy. I think his very large ego, and the resulting actions it causes, are not done to be malicious or hurtful, it’s just who he is. Whether his “kisses will run through your entire body, you will feel passion like you’ve never felt before” as he claimed in his profile, I can’t say since I did not kiss him.

Mr. Perfect to me was neither angel nor demon, neither Brad Pitt nor Hannibal Lector. He was just a guy with both good and bad qualities like most men. OK, maybe a few more bad qualities than good. Perfect? Not by any stretch but in truth not nearly the worst guy with whom I’ve ever been on a date.