How to Trust Your Feelings (Podcast)

Men's Advice Mindset, Uncategorized

By David Wygant April 18, 2012 182 Shares

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Hey everybody,

Happy National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day!

It’s also Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Wednesday Podcast.

Last week we talked about The Negotiator vs. Intuition, and many readers had some issues with the idea of trusting your feelings over your thoughts.

This week, we go a bit more into that and also discuss the topics of spontaneity and transition.

Listen up, listen well, my friends:

How did you feel about the podcast today?

What do you think?

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

33 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Adrian

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Hi David, This is going to be a short question concerning "living in your head". So this is Adrian from Germany and I've been following your blog for 2 month now and put your tips into action :-) My only concern: How can I stop thinking about a great woman after having had a date with her.. and thus give my power away to her? Adrian

Pam

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

This is great; it's the law of attraction. It isn't enough to think about what you want--all of the books I've read say that you must *feel* everything into manifestation. Wayne Dyer just published a new book called "Wishes Fulfilled" with an entire chapter devoted to *feeling* what it would be like to have your desired dreams. And an important part of attracting the right partner is imagining how they would make you feel when you're with them.

Intern Dan

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Pam I read Wishes Fulfilled a little while ago. Isn't it a great book? The feeling chapter really stuck out in my head too. And totally goes with the podcast today.

Dorian

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Respect for the Minimalism shout out! Great podcast! Been living a lot more out of my head than before, but still improving.

john

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

made it through about the first 60 seconds of this podcast. I heard,, a grown man, sleeping over at another grown man's house,,, and something involving a DUNGEON!! ummmm,, I'm DONE.

Al E. Neuman

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

David, Have a great time in Maui! Pam & Intern Dan, I haven't read that book, in regards to the Wishes Fulfilled, is that the same as visualizing the situation? For example, before a game some athletes visualize themselves performing well and as a result they put themselves in a state of mind to fulfill their visualization.

Glenn

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

I know that I live in my head way too often. The really interesting thing is when I do go with my gut more than my head it often turns out to be better for me. Not long ago I was at the DMV with a friend getting her license renewed and a cute girl came in. And there it went off again the stupid head. Well, she ended up coming and standing next to me and I let my heart take over. I turned to her and said "You look really nice today". She turned and looked me in the eyes and this incredibly warm smile came across her face. We chatted up a bit and it really felt nice. I can see myself doing more of this in the future if only to make somebody else feel good. Hey David, I have to introduce you to my mother sometime. We have a house in Puerto Rico and she is famous for inviting people to come visit in the winter months. Also I would like at ask John, "What is wrong with a friend letting you crash at their house...especially when you are in a transition?" I call that friendship. I am currently staying with my sister transitioning from a small town to a new city. What is wrong with that?

William T

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

I wish i was in Maui, I can get a Maui screensaver and think and feel about being there. I wonder how you can be so carefree about life David. How do you deal with negative people i wonder? Don't you come across people who want to bring you down or make you miserable in life. How does that effect you? No one wants to see you more happier than they are in today's society.

Angela

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

David, Wow, you sound so much happier today! Obi's "dungeon" agrees with you. Children are able to express themselves better than adults because they usually still only have their own thoughts in their heads. You say to stop thinking, get out of your head and into your heart space, and start feeling. Instead of getting out of our heads, we should get all of the negativity out of our heads. We've been told over and over we can't do this or that until we actually believe it to be true. As children, we have no fear until our parents (or another person older than we are) tells us to be afraid. Yes, we do learn from their mistakes but learning from our own mistakes is part of life and living. I want to live MY life, not someone else's. I say whatever comes to mind, and all of my family and friends know that about me. They may not like what I say but at least they know it's the truth. You're right, David, that we should start "feeling" things. We need to live every moment. We should live in the present, in the here and now. The past is gone, so let's just learn from our mistakes and become better and stronger people from all of it. The future is yet to come, so let's not worry about it and what we can't control. We are alive right now, so if there's someone you want to meet then just do it. If there's something you've been wanting to do then do it. My dogs have lived in more states than some people have ever visited! Don't just stand there looking out the window of your house. Open the door, go outside, and let's see where that first step takes you. We can't let anyone else tell us what or how to think or how to live our lives. We have to do that for ourselves. We need to live out loud! Follow good advice, such as David's, for positive and happy results. According to my doctors, I am supposed to be either dead or bed-ridden right now. I have Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), which is like MS. I am in the fourth (final) stage and my organs started shutting down on me about six years ago. I was medically discharged from the military, and the next month had a pacemaker implanted connected to my spine to control my organs. The pacemaker has its own remote control so I can adjust the levels myself. There are certain settings on this thing that at times, OMG I have a built in vibrator! As long as the pacemaker is working, my organs keep working. The funny thing is that absolutely nobody ever has a clue that I have RSD until I tell them. I look and act very healthy. People stop me all of the time and tell me I have a beautiful smile and beautiful eyes. People always want to be around me. Why do you think that is? It's because I live! It's because I love life! People tell me how happy I make them and how happy they feel around me. I choose to feel this way, and each and every one of you can as well. I absolutely refuse to lay in bed and die. Give me life and give me love! After one of my battles with cancer, I went out in my backyard early in the morning and just watched the sun rise. It was then that I noticed a single drop of dew on a blade of grass. It was so simple, yet so beautiful. It made me start thinking about what was important in life. At the time I was married to a man who disrespected me and himself. From that morning on, I started living in the moment. Then I realized I had to make major changes in my life if I wanted to be the person I really wanted to be. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I walked away from my very, very comfortable lifestyle and started living a simple life. I divorced my husband. He kept the house, furniture, cookware, etc...I started over. Against my attorney's wishes, I let him keep his retirement and most of his financial savings. They didn't get it. Money comes easily to me, anyway. I just didn't want it. What I wanted was to live MY life, not what someone else thought I should be living. For the first time in years I was feeling again. I was alive! What David says is so true, you have to "feel". For any of you who think negatively, stop and ask yourself why. You may have to dig deeply to uncover the reason(s) but when you do, please release those horrible feelings. There could be so many reasons for me to be negative, if I so chose to be. That's a waste of my time and energy. Life goes on! For every one of you who've had something negative happen to you, someone else has had something worse. I've had numerous cancers and survived, been in a wreck I shouldn't have survived but did, survived a tornado, been beat, been raped, had a shotgun shoved in my mouth, was fighting a fire (was a firefighter) and had the water shut off on me, and I could go on but that's plenty. When people ask me what I would change if I could go back and change anything, I always tell them that I wouldn't change one single thing. I have learned from the good and the bad, and have been able to help so many people from the bad things which have happened to me. Everything that's happened to me, the good and the bad, made me who I am today. I like who I am. People also ask how I can stay so positive after all I've been through. I tell them I consider everything to just be stepping stones of life. Everything is a lesson for me. This wasn't going to be so long, but I'm not going to apologize. I went with my instinct to write what was on my mind. There's someone who needed to read this. This is for you, whomever you are and wherever you may be. And Intern Dan, you keep speaking from your heart. Your words are very wise and touching.

john

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Wait, wait, wait.. Ok, I understand, some people are (sadly) prone to cancer, and people have medical problems,, and getting the water turned off while fighting a fire sounds like co-worker error,, I understand those things,,, but... " been beat, been raped, had a shotgun shoved in my mouth,",, ???? You CAN'T just drop that one without questions... Was this all at once?, during one attack?,, or was this one abusive guy who treated you this way constantly? Or were these random attacks? How can all of this happen to one person? I feel saddened by your story, and you don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to,, but now you've peaked my curiosity.. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

Angela

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

John, First, thank you for taking time to read my story. I do appreciate it. Second, please don't feel saddened by anything that has happened to me. I am not a victim. God only gives us what we can handle. If you don't believe in God, then the Universe only gives us what we can handle. These were different incidents, and some did happen with the same guy (whom I later divorced). We often find that we attract the same kind of people over and over, then get stuck in a "merry-go-round" effect while with them. It's very difficult to get out of that type of situation until you realize you're in it, and actually want to do something about it. A lot of this stems from our childhood and how we saw our parental figures. We have to learn to be the ones to take good care of ourselves, and to treat ourselves as the special humans we are. In fire fighting, the first rule is to save yourself. If you're not alive, you can't help anyone else. By the way, the fire fighter incident with the water being turned off was on purpose, not an error. So many of my friends and family tell me that they live vicariously through me. Honestly, I couldn't imagine doing that (that's why we have books and movies). I wake up every morning with a smile and my face, and usually laugh and sing silly songs to my puppy dogs. I've been told I even smile in my sleep! Life is so awesome and I love being happy! Live the life YOU want to live, and enjoy it. Don't worry about what others may think. When people come to me upset about something, I ask them first of all "Will it matter in five years?" to get them to realize how insignificant that "problem" really is. When they say, "But So and So thinks" (fill in the blanks here) that's when I tell them that it's So and So's issue then, not his(her) issue. Because I was raised to worry about how others felt about me, I stayed with a man who beat me. I finally told my mother that no, I wasn't going to give him "one more chance" and I left for good. I was told, "Maybe you misunderstood" and "Maybe you mad him mad" or "Maybe he didn't feel well". There's no excuse for beating a woman (or man), and believe me I made many excuses for him. I was working with millionaires and billionaires, we had a private airport in our backyard, I paid cash for my Mercedes. I wasn't the type of person who was supposed to be beat, but believe me he beat me. And you know what, I forgive him. To hold on to any negative feelings toward him (or anyone) only hurts me. There have been so many lessons I've learned, John, from all of these experiences. There were times I honestly thought I was about to die, but I would relive every single moment in order to still become the person I am today. Thank you for your interest in my story. If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask. Everything happens for a reason. From your comments on the Blog, you seem to me like a great classic book that is sealed tight in cellophane. Rip off that plastic and open your pages, John! Let us all see the beauty inside. It all starts with just one smile. I'll share one with you now and you have to promise to share it with someone you see within 24 hours! It's guaranteed to give you instant happiness! :-D ----> John...TAG, you're it!

Douglas

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Genius!

Jonas

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Wow this is exactly me right bow - I'm being WAY too in my head about decisions and not FEELING them at all. It takes away the JOY that should be part of everything. Ironically ignoring feeling by being too 'controlling' in my thoughts makes me less happy. Feelings come back and bite you in the end. You make non-feeling based decisions that aren't happy decisions to begin with, ABD the neglected 'feeling side' rebels afterward for not being listened to in the first place. Thanks David, I will remember to FEEL the things, people events and decisions I encounter & note the difference it makes.

Jonas

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

^^ by ABD I mean of course 'AND' - and not some obscure Latin-based acronym. :)

Legan

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

The birds chirping in the background really hugs the overall message. It sounds like you are already envisioning/channeling Maui.

john

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

@Glenn,, nothing wrong with it,, until it involves a dungeon. (christ,, Glenn,, it was a joke...)

Mark

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

I understand where you're coming from David, but, there should be a balance I think (or feel)! The other guy asked a very pertinent question. "Are there any situations where you should trust your thoughts more than your feelings?" Let me give you an example. I'm scared of flying and if I trusted my gut feeling I'd never get on an airplane because I fear it's going to crash. I have to then rationalise with myself and think that there is hardly any chance of it crashing. If I didn't get inside my head and think rationally I could never overcome my fear and my life would be poorer for it. People deny evolution because it doesn't feel right to them even in the face of overwhelming evidence. As for acting more like children, throwing tantrums in the street is not usually a good idea however much we may feel like doing it sometimes. Yes some people who are thinkers could benefit from getting out of their heads and feeling a bit more, but there are others who should think more before they act aswell.

Intern Dan

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Al E. Neuman, the visualization in Wishes fulfilled is kind of like what athletes do before the game but it goes so much deeper than that. If you want something, it's not just good enough to focus your thoughts on it. You need to use your imagination and FEEL what it would be like to have what you're visualizing. I've done it myself and it works like magic. Angela, thank you for the kind words! and for the great insight and inspiration. I really connected with your courage to live life on your terms. Living life on your own terms can be terrifying, at least it can be for me and reading something from you and people like you, makes it a lot easier. I get to see good people living their life their way and doing good by it. Thank you. Mark, what is it about flying that scares you?

Angela

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Intern Dan, You're welcome, and thank you! It's easy to see that you help so many of the readers on here and encourage them to open up more. You are an inspiration! Life is no longer scary, but awesome! When you've faced death as many times as I have, life takes on a whole new meaning. You seem to get what David is teaching. I applaud you.

Mark

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

The thing that scares me about flying is suddenly not flying haha. I'm not claustrophobic and I'm not scared that I'm locked in and can't get out. So yeah, simply becausee it might crash.

Angela

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Hey Mark, I used to be terrified of heights, so I went sky diving!!! Now I absolutely positively love flying! Here's how you can look at the possibilities of crashing: First, you probably won't crash. Second, if you do, and you crash in the water then your seat can be used for a flotation device (see, I pay attention to those announcements). Try to grab a handful, if you can, and have a makeshift boat! Third, if you crash on land, well the pilots are trained for crash landings. And look at it this way, you'll either die and then honestly none of it matters after that, or you will live. If you live, then well you didn't die! And think of the stories you could tell if you survived a plane crash! Just a little humor to make you smile!

Mark

Friday, April 20th, 2012

Thanks Angela. Yeah as I say I have to be rational and tell myself it probably won't crash in order to get on the plane. In a perverse way I do think surviving a plane crash would be a cool story to tell haha.

Roy

Friday, April 20th, 2012

Angela, I feel nothing but love for you. You are simply amazing! I am one of the people who needed to read your story, to remind myself to continue the exercises of expressing my feelings. David and Obi Not sure what this extreme honesty challenge is, but I have one of my own. The date of last weeks podcast I started writing my thoughts and feelings, and reading them on camera, and sharing it with YouTube. (TCupGent if anyone is feeling curious) I have gone deep enough to not be able to resist snickering, crying, and loudly exclaiming things on camera. And by making my feelings public there and on Facebook, people are starting to ask me about it, and I'm getting used to confessing my feelings. And when I confess my feelings in person now, I'm much more intriguing than I used to be. So yeah, I'm excited to hear what this challenge is guys!

Angela

Friday, April 20th, 2012

Roy, Thank you for your kind words. I think of myself more as a happy girl who loves life and everyone in it. Your story was very touching and impressive. You are very brave for opening up as you did and sharing it. Once you realize we are all equals and are in the habit of treating everyone the same, you can talk to anyone you want. Good luck to you!

Skye

Friday, April 20th, 2012

David, I believe I understand quite well what you speak about, (after all isnt the "negotiator" essentially a word you choose to describe what Freud called the super ego?) but I disagree with you that this is an elegant and ultimate conception of how to act in the world. I agree that learning to understand and interpret and act on ones feelings is so very important. But the idea of sveryone simply trusting ones feelings all the time is facile. A gut instinct for things must be earned through much thought, effort and feeling. That is why as a patient you might trust the gut instinct of a 50 year old internist who's seen many patients with your illness, but when you're seen by a 23 yr old resident you sure hope that their negotiator kicks in and they consider other possibilities other then what their "gut" tells them. ( and their gut will strongly tell them something) Well for the same reason when you enter into an interaction with strong convictions about what you want, then perhaps it is easy enough to trust your gut. But what about the many people who haven't figured this out just yet? If they desire only momentary pleasure, having a good time, then perhaps that's all the advice they need. But I think that many young adults have more deep seated uncertainties about how to act in the world and what will bring them contentment in their lives. Uncertainties about their values, about truth and what will bring them lasting happiness. And I think they ought to have mich pause to consider these things, much negotiation, because these are big questions with real implications. Perhaps you are sure of these things for yourself, you exude confidence because through much hardship, uncertainty, negotiating, and acting you have developed a gut instinct, and are comfortable with your core values. But this is just my point, you developed that gut instinct just as the seasoned doctor in my above example did, and to imply that a young adult (a young adult who is discovering that their actions have very real consequences in the world which won't be simply swept up by their parents, a lesson the young girl in your example is far from realizing) in a much different period of their lives with different backgrounds, with perhaps more at stake, can take this same approach is in my view to over generalize. Though they may admire your confidence, they also may not be content with the same things you are and they will have their own pruning to do, their own balance of thought and feeling to guide their actions and bring them happiness. Which might even include some input from their "negotiator" along with an understanding of their feelings.

John

Friday, April 20th, 2012

@angela ,, ok,, thanks for the (virtual) smile! And thank you for answering my question. I'm glad you are still happy, after all you have been through. No one deserves to be mistreated,,, ESPECIALLY, in the way you described. You're a great addition to the blog, and our little community here, and I hope you stay. Have a wonderful weekend.. :)

Angela

Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

John, You are very welcome, for both the smile and answering your question. Thank you for your positive feedback. And thank you for such thoughtful words. I do plan on staying. Hey, look at that, you're smiling, too! Keep passing out those smiles, John! They are FREE and they are amazing!!! Have an awesome week! :-D

Intern Dan

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Skye, Why do you have so much faith in your negotiator?

Skye

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Hi Dan, I know the pitfalls of excessively heeding what David calls the "negotiator", and I certainly don't aspire to live my life by it. But I prefer a more balanced approach, I don't care to write off completely a part of me which I argue can have valuable input. Nor do I think it's honest to pretend that a dictum such as "trust your gut/feelings" will get one through all of life's problems, especially not younger people who are still developing the foundations of their intuitions, and especially not when confronted with decisions that involve moral/ethical dimensions. In fact it is just this that can cause insoluble difficulties in real negotiations between people.

Bobby

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Thanks for sharing Angela. Glad to see someone could overcome so much and still love life. I'm trying to do the same but it can be exhausting. Wish you luck!

Angela

Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

Bobby, You're welcome! Life has been really good to me. I've met every goal I've ever set, except for one. I love my life! I'm happy wherever I live and always have been. I've always been happy wherever I worked. I make the best out of everything. Visualize what you want, then watch it happen! Live your life as though your dreams are real, and watch them become reality. If you're new to this, just start small and work your way up to bigger goals. You'll be amazed at the difference in your life. And the best thing you can do in life is be true to yourself and others. Live. Laugh. Love. Relax, Bobby, and let life be easy for you. It's not supposed to be hard to just live. You're about to have the best times of your life!

Mark

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

David, Please stop making podcasts. They're just not good anymore. It was better when it was just you talking. You had one a couple of weeks where it literally sounded like you and a bunch of guys hanging out. So boring. And this guy Obi doesn't seem to have much of anything to contribute, so why is he even on? Thank god for the Pickup Podcast exists. They bring on guests each week to talk for 45 minutes or more about some engaging topics. You put out some five minute half assed podcast every couple of weeks and act like we should be so grateful for it.

James

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

David, I recently just discovered your website, and i can honestly say you are changing my life with each article i read. Its going to take time to learn to love myself, and to learn how to become more confident around woman, and people in general. but i feel much more at ease reading and listening to your thoughts. they are clear, they make sense, and they are based on true human emotions and behavior. I have already taken a few pearls of wisdom from you and applied them to my life, and i can say i honestly feel better about myself. i have a long way to go, but thank you so much!

How to Trust Your Feelings (Podcast)

About David

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33 Comments | Join the Discussion!

Cancel reply

Adrian

Pam

Intern Dan

Dorian

john

Al E. Neuman

Glenn

William T

Angela

john

Angela

Douglas

Jonas

Jonas

Legan

john

Mark

Intern Dan

Angela

Mark

Angela

Mark

Roy

Angela

Skye

John

Angela

Intern Dan

Skye

Bobby

Angela

Mark

James