dating as a parentHow many of you had a shitty dad?

How many of you had a dad who was not present with you?

How many of you had a dad that wanted to play with you, and he’d play, but he’d set a time limit?

That was my dad.

I’d wait all day for my dad to come home and play ball and he’d agree, but always with a stipulation.

“Only 10 minutes tonight, son. 15 if you’re beating me,” he’d say.

He never watched movies with us. He’d play his 20 minutes to fill his fatherly obligation, then dinner. After that he’d go up to his study and read. I’d be downstairs in the den, my sister, my brother, watching TV.  Boy, I had a shitty dad.  Now that I’m a dad I realize I had no male role model. Everything I’ve learned to about being a dad, I’ve had to learn by myself.

I know many of you had to figure things out on your own as well. It’s a process, becoming a parent and being a parent. What it entails and what it means. It’s about bonding. Just watching your kid play brings an immeasurable joy I can’t begin to explain. You’ve got this little one that looks up to you with such love and admiration. It’s probably the real reason why I don’t ever want to date.

I don’t get anything out of dating. I get everything out of hanging with my kid. I don’t need dating. I’ve been like this for a while now. It’s weird. It’s so not how I used to be. I always enjoyed dating. I always enjoyed meeting new women, hanging out with them. I used to love going out on dates and hanging out, going through the whole dating process to go find somebody cool.

I used to love getting to know somebody new. I like the excitement of having them sleep over. The first time you go out of town together…

But I don’t look at dating that way anymore. What woman could compare to my little girl? I wonder what it’ll be like when she’s older. If, once she’s grown, I’ll suddenly become interested in dating women seriously. But it’s been about a year since I started feeling this way and I don’t think I’ll be changing my mind.

Don’t Date If You Don’t Enjoy It!

I go through a period where I’ll go out on a bunch of dates and enjoy myself, but then by the end of the day I don’t care if I ever see them again. And the funny thing about it is, they’re all sweet and nice women. I have no interest. I’d rather be a dad.  I’d rather hang out with my daughter, even though my daughter needs a lot more. I’d rather hang out with her. I love taking her to get a manicure and a pedicure.

Watching her in gymnastics class. Just to be with her. Listen to her talk. Watch her grow. I get no satisfaction out of dating at all anymore.  None. I wrote an article a couple of weeks ago about my year without sex. It’s now January heading into February, and still I have no desire to change. Pretty unreal.

I just want to spend my time with my kids.  That’s all I want to do.  I’ve met great people, I just don’t want to do anything with them.  I just want to be with my daughter. Do you ever feel that way?

When I’m not with my daughter, I just want to be by myself. I want to relax, look at vintage watches online, or read, or do any one of the number of things I like to do for myself. Amazing how much you change, as you get older. My life’s totally different right now, and I’m okay with it.  How have your priorities changed after having a kid?