If you’re a woman, there’s something you need to realize about men.

When men meet men for the very, very first time, and sit outside, maybe at a barbecue or a party, the conversation and bonding is far different than the way you bond.

You see, men bond level by level. For us to get to DEFCON 5, well, we need to really be friends for a while before we truly open up our core emotions to one another.

Women, you’ll meet somebody at a barbecue, another woman, and you’ll literally go from step one all the way to DEFCON 5 within an hour. You’ll both be crying and hugging by the end of the day and feel like you’ve met your long lost soul sister.

Us? Nah.

We speak in sentences, statements, and stories. We get to know one another.

We keep it all between level one and level two.

We bond over common things.

Single dads.

Nightmare ex-wives.

Work stuff.

Sports teams.

Women.

We bond through stories.

Childhood things like summer camp.

East coast versus west coast.

We bond in very simple ways. So when you’re sitting out inside and you’re going all the way to DEFCON 5, crying your eyes out and having an emotional talk and wondering what can the men be talking about…

It’s pretty much nothing much but statements. Statements and stories. We want to look cool around each other.

Because when men meet one another, they want to meet another cool guy to hang with. Another cool guy to add to their life.

The emotional stuff, the deeper stuff, that all comes in time.

We just don’t go there right away.

It’s not how we’re wired and it’s not what we’re all about. We’ll share a drink for those of us who drink. We’ll share stories, we’ll talk about you very briefly.

For instance, how long have you been dating? A couple months.

How’s it going? Good.

End of conversation.

We don’t ask each other how the sex is, we just get to know one another on just a very simple, basic level.

DEFCON 5, that stuff doesn’t come for a while. We just want to know if you can fit into our cool little world.

Our amazing social circle.

And we want to just know that you’re altogether just a really good person.

Rarely do we even exchange numbers with each other.

Usually, we’ll just play it so cool that we’ll find each other on Facebook. Not to post things underneath each other’s pictures.

But we just play it much different. So if you want to know what men are doing outside at a summer barbecue, well, they’re on level one or level two. While you’re inside or sitting at another table doing DEFCON 5, we’re just not there. We’re most likely not talking about you, we’re most likely not talking about our problems with you, we’re most likely not even talking about anything that you would even be interested in. We’re just doing some good old fashioned, simple male bonding.

And if we start hanging out, we’ll get there. DEFCON 5 is a reveal that we only do when we know we’ve met a new potential, amazing friend. Until then we’re just going to be cool, calm, and collected men. It’s how we roll, and it’s literally how we do things in our lives.