So you believe that there’s a “one” for you.
I think it’s sweet—I know, a very interesting word to use in the presence of men—but yes, I do find it sweet.
A lot of men do believe that there’s a soulmate out there for them. And that may be true.
But how do you find her?
You do it a couple of different ways:
One of the main ways you do it is by NOT THINKING ABOUT FINDING HER.
Let’s dive deeper into this.
You tend to create stories about people when you believe that they are “the one”.
We all have emotional triggers that can be pulled when interacting with someone.
Some times a woman will trigger a lot of the emotions connected to the soulmate idea, and so you start to look at her that way.
I call these women “False Ones”.
These are women that you think are the ones, but really aren’t. It’s because you created a fantasy, an illusion, and that illusion about them is going to get you into a lot of trouble.
So, I’ve got a confession to make.
I used to believe in The One.
When I was younger, my mother really made me believe that there was one person out there for me—one soul mate—one woman that would be with me for the rest of my life.
So when I was out there romanticizing women, especially in my 20s and 30s, I was always searching for The One. I was just a hopeless romantic. I would meet a woman, talk to her for a few minutes, and then begin to think that she’s The One, because I would be triggered by something she said, something she expressed, or maybe even something she mentioned about the two of us.
I was always looking for signs.
But here’s the deal: All those women that I thought were The One, turned out to be nothing, they turned out to be false alarms because I never really got to know them in the first few months.
Because when you’re One-shopping, you get blinded by all these false qualities and then fail to see who they really are. You never get to know them as they are, only as your fantasy version of them.
So when you’re out there dating, I hope that you find one woman that’s going to make you really happy, but make sure to listen very carefully to what she says.
Get to know her slowly. Look for warning signs in the first 90 days. Write them down to remind yourself when you’re overtaken by emotion.
Remember to do this and you’ll be dating realistically, and not in fantasyland.