Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

You sign up with a handful of online dating sites. You write a great profile, and because you’ve listened to everything I’ve told you, you’ve put an eye-catching photo of yourself on your profile. The next thing you know your inbox is flooded with gentlemen callers. I love that term gentlemen callers. It’s so old fashioned isn’t it?

So, you have tons of men sending you emails. Obviously you’re going to get your fair share of guys who just want some “fun time” with you on a cam, but then you’ll also get guys who took the time to read your profile, and then wrote you a personalized email based on what you talk about in your bio. You read his message, you look at his pictures, and you check out his bio. The problem is, you just don’t feel a connection with him. You’re not attracted to him. 

What do you do in this situation?

Most of you think you need to write back to him to say thanks for the interest. You’ll write a nice message saying he’s a lovely guy, but just “not your type.”

The trouble is when you write back to tell the guy you’re not interested in him, you unleash a monster in him. You turn him into a desperate salesman. You see, some men still believe that no means yes. If you write back to him, you just give him the opportunity to try and sell himself, or to convince you he’s this incredible man you need to start dating. 

The second problem with writing back to the guy, is that some men don’t take rejection that well. Most women don’t respond to men, and it’s frustrating. When you write back to him, you could end up taking the brunt of his anger. He’s going to tell you that you suck. He’ll tell you all women are users. And he’ll moan and complain you never gave him a chance.

Here’s how you need to think about online dating. If you were in a bar and a man walked up to you, if you don’t feel any chemistry, you’ll exchange pleasantries for a few minutes and then turn your back or walk away politely. He’s not going to take the rejection as personally, and once you’ve left the room, he can’t throw all his insecurities at you.

From now on, when a man sends you a message on a dating site, if you’re not interested in him, just hit the magical delete button. Don’t engage him in conversation, and don’t give him the chance to sell himself to you. With the power of delete on your side, you create space for more men to email you. Don’t forget, online dating is a numbers game. You have to sift through the guys you’re not attracted to before you can get to the ones you are attracted to.

Don’t get sucked into conversation with men you have no intention of dating, or you’ll waste hours you could be connecting with the kind of men you want to spend your time on.