How are you today?
I’m fine. I just wanted to share with you what I was feeling this morning.
As I’m describing what I’m feeling, you quickly turn the conversation around and make it all about you.
I might tell you that I’m not feeling too good this morning. And then you may twist and turn it around and say:
You think you’re not feeling good this morning.
And then you go into your tirade of how you’re not feeling.
I might tell you I didn’t sleep last night.
And then you’ll tell me, oh, my god. You don’t think you slept? I haven’t slept in like four nights.
I might tell you that I’ve been stressed out lately.
Then, you’ll tell me. Oh, my god, after barely listening to me, you think you’re stressed out?
You don’t even know what stressed out is until you live my life.
Hello, Mr. or Mrs. Self Absorbed. Nice to meet you.
I’ve run into you from time to time. You’re always one of my favorite people. I so enjoy not getting to know you.
You see, the definition of self-absorbed is that you listen to somebody else. You don’t really fully take in what they’re telling you. You don’t really fully listen to who they are.
You don’t really have much empathy for them at all because you find a way to twist and turn everything into yourself.
You always want to one-up the person.
You could care less really about what that person thinks and feels because you want to turn it all back on you because that’s what the world is. The world is all about the United States of You.
You don’t ever listen.
Even with your children. You listen to them, and you hear them, but then you find ways to control them.
As a matter of fact, everything in your life needs to be controlled because when you can control things, things work out far better for you because, well, there are no surprises.
You’ve learned to work people. You’ve learned to listen to people just enough so they feel like they’re actually being heard by you. But then, you’ll always make sure that you turn it around and make sure it becomes all about you.
I’ve seen this behavior over and over again, and I’ve eliminated people like this in my life. I’ve been around them, and I have to tell you. They’re a nightmare.
Every time, you get into an argument with them. An argument. It’s so funny. Every time you get into a discussion with them.
It turns into an argument with them because, well, they don’t really want to hear you.
They don’t really care about your opinion.
And they need to turn it on about them. So they’ll harp on one word. They’ll twist and turn your words.
Because they need to find a way to make it about them.
The world revolves around them in every way. It’s how they like it. It’s how they’re comfortable. I don’t know what causes it. I’m not going to sit here and overanalyze why they became this way when they were kids. They are who they are. You can’t change this person. You won’t get them, nor will they ever really truly listen to who you are.
They’ll make an evaluation. They’ll make a judgement about you, and then they’ll fit it into their world. Then, and only then, will they find ways to control you. It’s how they act. It’s how they’re wired. And they’re very unaware.
I’ve talked to therapists and other coaches. I said, how do you make this person aware of this? And they go, well, we try to make them aware through therapy. But usually they avoid therapy because they think therapy is a joke.
They know, well, they know if they go get therapy, they might have to actually look at themselves in the mirror. They might have to actually make some changes. But in reality, they’ll never get therapy because they think that they’re perfect. They think there’s nothing wrong with them.
They’re self absorbed.
So if you run into somebody like this and they’re frustrating the hell out of you, I want you to realize as quickly as you’ve run into them, you need to grab your Nikes, lace them up, grab all your possessions and grab your dignity and run.
No matter how good of a communicator you are, no matter how smart you are, there’s no chance in hell you’re going to win against them because, in life, all they ever want to do is win against anybody they come up against. They’re constantly competing with you on every level. Run. Run. Run.