Bad Breakup Etiquette: The Wrong Way To Do It Every Time

December 6, 2011 71 Comments Men, Women Break-ups, Uncategorized

What’s up with some people and how they breakup with someone? Recently, a friend of mine emailed me and said, “My girlfriend broke up with me the other day via email.”

Via email?! They dated (and were inseparable) for over a year, and she breaks up with him via email?

She told him that it was too hard for her to sit down and break up with him face-to-face, and that she thought it would be easier for her to break up with him via email. She didn’t even go into detail in the email about it — it was a short three sentence email basically saying that the relationship wasn’t working for her anymore.

Another friend of mine was in a relationship with someone for nine months. They were in love, were intimate, spent night after night together, and vacationed together.

He broke up with her via a text message. That’s right, a text message!

Do you see a pattern here? What are the rules now a days — that you break up with someone via text message if you’re dating under a year, and you break up with someone via email if you’ve been dating longer than a year?

The text message that my friend sent said simply, “I don’t think this is working out, and I think we should stop seeing each other.” That was it.

How do you even respond to that? He didn’t even have the guts to pick up the phone and call this person he said that he loved. He just sent a text message.

I remember how bad I thought it was when the story broke a few years ago that Sylvester Stallone had broken up with someone via a letter he sent FedEx. He just had to break up with her overnight, and even sent it so that it would arrive by 10:00 am. Waking up to a breakup letter is something I’m sure she really needed.

What does it take these days to get a face-to-face breakup . . . or even a breakup via a live phone call?

Do you need to have been dating for more than two years to warrant this treatment? What do you have to do for someone to feel they “owe” you the courtesy of a face-to-face talk or at least a live phone call when they break up with you? What do you have to do to get the closure and the honesty that comes from a face-to-face breakup?

We have become so addicted to technology that we can’t even give each other the time of day anymore. So many people will not even pick up the phone anymore.

Most people text. A lot of people just email instead of picking up the phone.

When it comes down to breaking up — really discussing the relationship and the really important issues — you should never do it via email or text. What is wrong with our culture today that this has become at all acceptable?

When did we become so afraid? When did we become such wimps when it comes down to speaking with one another.

Breaking up via text or via email is disgraceful. You owe it to someone you’ve been dating (no matter for how long) to sit them down. You owe it to them to be 100% honest about how you’re feeling and where you’re at so that they can have closure.

I can’t imagine if something broke up with me via text. I don’t think I’d ever be able to talk to them again, or even look them in the eye. If you’re intimate enough to look someone in the eyes when you’re making love with them, then how dare you break up with them via text or email?

Technology is wonderful. When it comes down to intimacy and your relationship, however, you need to pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to tell someone how you feel if you’re going to break up with them. You need to do this no matter how hard you think it will be for you.

Breaking up is not easy to do. Breaking up using technology, though, is just plain sad.

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Elliosh11 says

2016-09-07 08:26:30

18 years ago I was dumped over the phone by my first love, and blamed for my flaws. I have since moved on to many new relationships and now married to a wonderful woman. I will be the first ( and not last) that a phone breakup is not ok. To remember something that was so special about my younger years, to be slapped in the face by not even getting to look my first love in the eye; that it meant nothing to her. A face to face honest conversation would have changed everything.
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Al E says

2016-09-07 08:18:35

"What is wrong with our culture today that this has become at all acceptable?" What is wrong with our culture that a phone breakup is now acceptable? Really pal? There was a time when a phone breakup was the most cowardice act a person could do to another. Now that texting and emailing have arrived than means a phone break up is good enough? What's wrong with this culture is articles like this that lack depth. Honestly have u ever had a meaningful relationship before? If so how would you feel if you were dumped over the phone? Cmon..seriously. Way to enourage cowards, by still being cowards.
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edwardo99 says

2016-07-24 12:07:01

A telephone is technology too... why is it ok to hide behind a phone to end a relationship? The dumpee is dnied closure just as much via a phone breakup. Why is a telephobe even equated to a face-to-face breakup... it is just as unclasdy as a text/email breakup.
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Al says

2016-07-04 02:12:35

This guy sounds very immature Jane. If the relationship meant anything to him he would be straight with you and talk about what you're supposed to have done. He's causing you pain and to end things by text is bad enough without additional torture. I was dumped by text 8 months ago-not nice and hope it's the first and last time. I always thought it was only primary school kids who did that and it really is despicable behaviour from an adult. It demeans the relationship and is callous and I lost a lot of respect for my ex. Text this guy good riddance and you will meet someone mature who respects you're emotions and feelings.
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Al says

2016-07-04 00:10:27

I agree 100%, it's an insult to the person you are breaking up with. It happened to me 8 months ago& my ex refused to speak when I asked her to tell me with her voice. I was devastated to receive the news that it was over for her, but not to speak and hear her voice and say goodbye was truly shattering. It would have been heartbreaking, but much more poignant and human and I will always remember that jolt of shock hitting me as I read her text. Her reply to my request to speak was that it was late and she was tired. We were together for 19 months, and I had to fall apart and squeeze some kind of closure from a hollow SMS message. I'll try to forgive her for ending our relationship this way one day, but it's still fresh in my memory. I hope she finds another guy and falls in love one day, and that she doesn't have to go through the pain and desperation of losing that love via text message.
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Kay says

2016-06-10 15:13:46

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me in front of his friends and family. He talked down to me and when I was hurt he noticed and then he said, "I am done and go home." I tried to explain why I felt hurt and he just kept saying go home. I was a blindside and I was devastated and had no idea what he was feeling or why. For sure no closure. We never argued, we had a great relationship up to that point, so I thought. And why would he spend three years with someone he was not invested in fully. I forgive him and still love him but, I had to accept that the love I needed was not provided for me and something better is coming my way. I think you have it right when you realize your not on the same page anymore have an adult conversation about it, alone and in person. Don't hurt or humiliate someone just because you can.
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R.L says

2016-05-29 09:08:06

Why is a phone breakup now socially acceptable? Any break up from a relationship that had substance at some point, not done in person is cowardice and unclassy, period. We really didn't need to make an article to validate certain breakup ediquette. Just because people have found more convenient ways to break up with someone makes other ways ok? Stoo contaminating the internet and giving cowards validity to break up without a face-to-face interaction... unless of course there is physical abuse or a long distance relationship involved, obviously... but I think common sense can work for itself here.
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Jane says

2016-05-23 17:57:19

My long distance boyfriend broke up with me via text. I asked him to say it me over the phone for closeure, he won't. He said he would only call me to say it, if I apologized to him for lying, but he also won't tell me what I supposedly lied about. All he will tell me is that a close friend told him I had been dishonest about something. I've pressed to find out what this is, but all he texts back is that it doesn't matter. It matters to me. How can I move on if I don't know why? I feel like the last 8 months were one big lie. How can you tell someone you love them and would do anything for them at the airport, then dump them by text 4 days after they leave?
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MissDee says

2016-05-11 04:35:59

Hi John Almost two years later and I am doing fantastic! I went through the usual dating and meeting losers until I was almost finally ready to give up completely. I'm so glad I didn't! 3 months ago I met an amazing man. A man who believes in communication, having fun, loving me, respecting my needs, and really wants to build something. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking this is a fairytale but I have something that I didn't have in my past relationships. That is a strong hope this is real and that it will last for the duration. John I hope you're doing well too and that you've been able to move past what you've been through and have opened yourself up to meeting someone you deserve.
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Hurt in CO says

2016-05-09 17:29:51

My fiancé and I were engaged over Christmas and have a love affair that could be its own Notebook like story - we always laughed about how long it's taken us to finally be together. However, Last Wednesday he came home early from work and said he had to go do some work at his dad's house which he is in the process of remodeling, and that he would meet me at my son's lacrosse game. I went to the game and by halftime he still hadn't shown up, so I text him asking if everything was ok and if he was still coming. He said no and that we would talk tomorrow. I wondered why we couldn't talk later and I asked if he was going to be home that night. He responded no and nor will I ever and that I could go party it up again and not have to deal with his financial problems. I had no idea what he meant by that - we had just paid the mortgage the night before and he got all weirded out about it like he did the previous month - I thought it was strange but paid no mind because he's been under a lot of stress lately. We never had arguments and didn't have any disagreements that would've caused me to think anything was wrong. We were each other's best friends and shared everything (so I thought). I came home devastated after the game and then to find all of his stuff moved out. He did leave the puppy we just got a couple of months ago (shocker). I think if he really loved me he would've discussed any issues he was having and not bury them to fester. I'm just really confused and going though a myriad of emotions right now. I'm just hurt beyond words. I deserve more than this, especially from the man I was going to marry.
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G. says

2015-12-15 02:15:52

Sorry that this happened to you. After 3 years?, do you think he was looking for an excuse? Not a real man by doing it that way.
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Nosi says

2015-11-24 00:27:38

My boyfriend/ex of 3 years dumped via email today after blocking my calls and blocking me on Whatsapp. He dumped because I went to his house without him inviting me to come over. I can't even describe the pain in my heart.
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Dwight says

2015-11-14 03:23:02

My girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me by putting a letter in my mailbox along with my house key. One of her 1st lines in the letter was that she knows I deserve a face to face break up, but that she was too much of a coward to do it in person, that she would lose her nerve and back out. I was totally shocked by this letter and completely caught off guard. What was also very painful to face was that things had been bothering her for months but she could never open up and express the issues to me, she couldn't get the words out to talk about minor subjects. So basically because she cant communicate, things built up to her overanalyzing everything to the point where she felt that she had to break up. A very tragic loss for me. :(
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Shane says

2015-08-27 21:58:29

I was dumped via text too. Ok, it was hardly loves young dream, I say young as she was 15 years younger than me. Which does explain a lot in the end. It was only 4 months but we did speak everyday. I went out of my way to fit around her schedule as she had 3 kids. Whats worse is she did it 1 day after our holiday, which cost me over £800. It didn't even say thanks for the holiday, but I really don't think its got any future. I would have taken it like a man and said hey, its cool, thanks for at least calling. But to send a two line text is just plain sad. I have now lost all respect for this person. I'm just embarrassed for her. I would never treat someone like that, especially after looking deep into their eyes during intimate ,moments. I guess she was just a faker.
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ana says

2015-07-17 21:17:10

Hi, I and my ex boyfriend broke up about 7 weeks now. We’ve been together for 4 years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he changed his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem between us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to move on. I stayed another 2 weeks with him while I am looking for a new place. we had sex a couple times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he prayed for my relationship and my boyfriend came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you :)
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halfjapanese says

2015-03-09 17:58:39

I agree with you. Here's why: The way I look at it, if they person I'm breaking up with is someone I respect, I break up with them respectfully. In other words, I meet them face-to-face; I share my honest feelings with them and give them diplomatic non-violent feedback about why I don't think the relationship will work for us. If I don't respect the person I am breaking up with because I have been treated badly, then I see no point in meeting in person to give a reason for breaking up just so that they can belittle me and further abuse me. These jerks will not understand or accept any reasons I give them. They just want to get their way. Assholes don't deserve explanations and aren't worthy of etiquette. Politeness is reserved for those who were polite to me in the first place.
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Susan says

2014-12-03 01:19:33

Love this!!! 100% true and perfect description of my ex
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Susan says

2014-12-03 01:17:00

Well hers my story. I was with my ex for 6 years. We broke up last March, he disappeared. Came back after 3 months begging for me back. Said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Fast forward 6 months we go on vacation and have the best time ever. Come home., we go to a family function that next week and had a stupid argument. He then dropped me off at my home and texted me that it was over and to never call him again. I never replied and as I am sure you can imagine am heartbroken. After 6 years a text breakup????????
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michelle says

2014-09-04 00:46:32

I was just dumped via text today. I had been seeing this man for 9 months and loved him with all my heart. Sexually we were compatible and our life stories were the same. I admired him, respected him, and loved him in a way I had not loved anyone in a very long time. But he kept pulling away and then today a simple text of "I think we should end it, I'm not going to be in a relationship and want to be alone to heal" I am devastated, angry, and hurt beyond belief. No matter how many people have told me I'm a catch, beautiful, smart, and deserve more, I cant help but to question who I am, what I have done, and why I was not enough. Sure, I will go on and do my own thing and live my life but for a long time I know I will just be going through the motions and I dont think I will ever be able to trust my myself or people again.
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John says

2014-08-31 21:17:26

No one deserves to be ignored. Unfortunately it's the good girls and guys that ends up being treated that way. If you were a bad girl, chances are that he would have treated you differently, either because a) you would still have control over him, or b) he wouldn't respect you and certain people simply don't know how to act with dignity when it comes to people they truly care for/loved. Sad, but true. I told my ex that the worst thing she could ever do to me was to ignore me, and I explained to her why this had such an agonizing effect on me as well. Having faced a lot of medical issues, having seen the world turn its back on me, is one of the things that makes you feel less worth than crap. Even after I had told her she could rather physically abuse me or hate me than to ignore me, this was the way she decided to end things. I'm with you 100%, why not cherish the good things. bow out with kindness and respect. Only flawed human beings with a weak character behaves like this. We deserve better.
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John says

2014-08-31 20:45:57

Wow, I am kind of going through the exact same thing. We had only been together 2 months, but I rarely ever hit so hard in love before. We collided like nothing else, and there were strong 3 words feelings established within a month. Then after a little rough patch that we both agreed we would have to work on (communication thing) she suddenly broke up with me instead - through Facebook, the lowest of all platforms to convey personal things(imo). And the irony is that our biggest strain were always that we didn't see eye to eye of the responsibility in a relationship making each other feel validated. At least she kind of told me the reason why, although it was really unfair and didn't make any sense as it contradicted almost everything she told me when we first met. I've had a couple of relationships end before, and all of them had made sense and every one of them has had the decency to give me an explanation and talk it out, even let me cry on their shoulder or a last kiss goodbye. Or check in and make sure you're okay. I mean, to me, I will never go for a girl/women that I think in the slightest will be capable of being so cynical and cowardly. Because when something like this happens it also makes you question yourself and your own judgement, which is when you're really in trouble. It's just like this article says, if you love someone enough to make eye contact when you make love, or if you are able look them in the eye and tell them you love them no matter what, you should at the very least respect that person enough to look them in the eye when your ending things. It will avoid a lot of self resentment, confusion and bitterness. I hope you're doing better now, Miss Dee.
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kel says

2014-07-17 08:06:17

That's the description of my Ex & how he broke up with me. There is 1 word that sums it all up: Sociopath. Better to find out now than later but rejection still hurts.
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MissDee says

2014-06-20 19:27:32

I am so sorry you had to endure that. Your lives were so intertwined and you saw forever with this guy. What I have had to learn since my break up is that I can't take ownership for his actions. He is the one who treated you this way and you didn't deserve it. Even if he no longer wanted the relationship, he should have been man enough to sit down and talk to you. His lack of communication shows a deficiency with him NOT you. Be strong and I am sure you will make it.
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Rose says

2014-06-20 15:01:11

Wow ur mindset is about as messed up as my ex boyfriend. After being with someone you most develop some respect for that person in which ur implying should be desregarded during a breakup. Phone/email is simply not the was to go. Period. Ur boyfriend / girlfriend DOES owe u that much.
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Bonny says

2014-06-18 20:26:59

This was a very profound blog for mr. I am currently going through a divorce after being married for 19 years. How did he tell me he wanted a divorce? He went several states away for a "job interview" and then sent me an email saying he wanted a divorce. He TEXTED our two teens and told them he wouldn't be coming back....while we were all sick with strep, which he knew. He is the biggest coward I ever met. My previous boyfriend, I broke up with him. How did I do it? I took him for an hour long drive and explained how it wasn't working. Was it hard? Very!!!
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Stollen says

2014-05-10 05:21:30

Good God, that is horrid. Truly sorry. This is certainly not the first time I've heard this type of situation. My father knew a woman who was raped when at work. She was married at the time, and when she confided that rape to her husband (a doctor), he simply from the get go failed to support her, acting sketchy etc despite the fact this strong woman did a damned good job of holding it together. My father is an awesome man and he couldn't understand the husband's mentality for the life of him. Conclusion: regardless of age, education or gender there are people who lack empathy. In many ways, you're lucky he left you. Imagine being married to a man who abandons you emotionally and physically in what could feel like a great time of need. Again, I am sorry but deep down, that is a blessing this man left you. One day when he needs someone I am sure he'll reflect on what he did to you and sincerely regret his actions.
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survivor says

2014-03-18 22:15:04

Would it be great if we always got a nice phone call when two people break up - maybe.  The fact is the other person wasn't put on this planet to make you feel happy - they dont owe you anything - whether that be a reason or a phone call.   Granted - I know that sounds extreme - but I'm from Toronto which is perhaps the epicentre of the war of the sexes.  Both genders treat each other pretty bad and I'm 100% sure that we invented the fade away.    In that light, no text, no call is a message - one that is loud and clear.  If you haven't heard from your significant other after 2 weeks - its time to move on.  Doesn't matter if its from a one night stand or a two year relationship, I've seen it all happen to my guy friends. What you need to learn is how to handle it - meaning that true happiness comes from within - not without.  Dont internalize rejection and just learn to accept the fact that relationships have shorter lifespans nowadays.    
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Miss Dee says

2014-02-13 14:03:06

Being the recipient of a dear Jane text was very hard. It's like walking out a door and being punched in the face...you never see it coming. I was shocked, hurt, confused and then angry. I saw the signs but when i asked if all was ok the answer was always yes. I allowed myself to believe that we could work through whatever it was.  We had only been dating for two months so things were new.  Actually in that time people do know whether or not they want a relationship. I can respect that he didn't want a relationship. What i can't respect is how he ended things.  First he drops off the earth..then when i go to make sure he was ok he tells me he wants the relationship but was just busy with work. I ask if he wants space he says no. We make love and have a great time then BAM he ignores my texts after i leave. Then i get a text 3 days later that he can't do this anymore as if it were a strain to be with me. Wtf..i asked if he wanted space and he said no and now this? It has been hard since there is no closure. I just want to know why...no matter what it is. If you ever decide to break up with someone please please let them know why. Not only will you be respected, that person can move on with out feeling worthless and inadequate and constantly questioning their self worth.
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Tami says

2014-02-05 05:06:22

Having just had my boyfriend of two years, the man I thought was going to propose to me, break up with me over a text message while I was working. I can tell you, that even after two years you don't always get the courtesy of a face to face breakup.
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Andrew says

2013-10-27 21:00:53

I was in a relationship with a girl for around 4 years. We had (I thought) a very good relationship; never fought, and rarely even disagreed on things. We shared a lot of the same interests. We were always traveling together. We would go to different cities just for fun, traveled to Canada twice, and even went to Europe together. We were a very intimate couple as well. Were VERY compatible in this area. Always cuddling, kissing, being sexual, and were even able to experience our deepest fantasies with each other. Sounds great right? I thought we had a wonderful relationship. I thought this was going to be the person I married one day. Until.......A few months ago, she came to my place to stay for the week (we didn't live together). This was usual for us though....we would stay with each other whenever we could, either every weekend or every other weekend, since we worked in different towns. Anyway, she showed up very late (after 11pm) and I had to go to work the next day (she knew this beforehand). So, we hugged and kissed and talked for a few, then went to bed together. The next morning, we kissed, said "I love you" to each other, and I left for work. I got off work a few hours early that day so I excitedly texted her to say that I'd be home early. No response. I didn't think much of it and figured she must just be busy. When I got home her car was gone. This seemed a little stranger, since she normally wouldn't leave like that without sending me a text or something. As I walked into the bedroom, I noticed a folded piece of paper on the bed. Now I'm getting worried :/ My worries were confirmed when I read the letter. It was a breakup note only a few sentences long. To make it even worse there was no explanation as to why she was doing this, just a few vague things like "I'm stressed" and "I hope you understand". The note ended ironically with "sincerely, (her name)". I quickly discovered that her phone number was now blocked also. To this day I have not heard from her and probably will never know why she felt the need to do this. Why would someone breakup this way (from a happy relationship) after FOUR YEARS together!
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Janie says

2013-09-08 10:14:56

Have been dumped by text too after more than two years, horrible. But...the act of sending a text with just a few chacters to break up gives you more than enough info about the person to decide never to seek them out again. What does a text breakup reveal about the one who sends the sadistic few lines ? A lot of bad characteristics, actually. Here is the list but it is not exhaustive. They are mean, unkind, cruel even, with no empathy. They are cowardly, lacking in communication skills with possible emotional issues. They are sneaky, not reliable, and definitely selfish. They have problems with confrontation and facing up to problems, issues with respect. They are immature and irresponsible.....and Seriously messed up, and yes of course totally lacking in courage Isn t that list of red flags enough for you to know that you should cut the cord ? No need for closure, you have it. Pity I had to wait until the end to find out.
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Roxy says

2013-08-30 16:20:02

My fiancé pulled this tactic a few months ago. We have been together 5 years and engaged for 3. It's *almost* funny it's so appalling. I mean, I get that se people hate confrontation, but give me a break! FIVE YEARS!!!!
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teresa says

2013-08-30 13:02:34

Being married to a man you think you have known for twenty years and receiving a text from him saying he can't be married anymore and walks out of your life. I received that text 5 minutes after being off of work. I have not seen this man since and it has been 3 years.
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Trying to Put My Life Back Together says

2013-06-07 14:48:00

I was with my ex boyfriend for 8 years and 5 months ago he text me "it's over". Needless to say I was blown out of the water! I never saw it coming....At one time we talked about marriage & prior to that moving in together. I have 2 sons who are in their early 20's who are currently living with me & he has a daughter in her mid 20's living with him. Family vacations, holidays etc., we were inseperable....I am currently in counseling trying to put my life back together. I have sent him various texts from I hate you to I'm sorry. The last text was back on May 17th. I have not had him answer any texts since March. I'm trying to put my life together. I have even gone to the extent of writing him a letter & sending it. My thoughts are that he has some mental issues , because for the life of me I didn't believe I deserved this.....I stay in contact with his daughters & granddaughters. They too cannot believe what has been done to me. I don't want to sound like "poor me", but damn WTH???? Has anyone else had something similar happen to them? Comments welcomed :)
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Tammy says

2012-12-12 16:49:21

I was dumped by my bf of 4 months via text last night. I was a victim of a sexual assault and rape about 10 months ago, it is heading for a criminal proceeding. I will have to testify in the trial, so I finally told my then bf about this about 2 weeks ago, kept it to myself prior just didn't want to say anything about it. I have been in councelling and have done very well, so I was just normal in the relationship. He was quite shocked about it and had no idea. Last week he started acting really sketchy, we did go to a movie one night, but after that hardly contacted me via text or call (he would do both before). If I sent him a text or called left messge, take hours (9-10 hours) to get back to me. I did ask him about it, said he was sick or busy with his business. Yeah sure. Anyways last night right after work I got a text form him that said "I don't want to be with a rape victim girl. Way to intense for him to deal with. Accept this as this is the way it is'. There was some back and forth after this message last night a bit, at one point he asked if he could come over to see me in a bit. Then said 'he changed his mind, best not to right now'. I just stopped texting after that, haven't contacted him and don't plan on it. End of story. Horrible to be sent a text message and the reason according to him is because I am a rape victim. Very hurtful. I'm not a kid that is for sure, I am 47, he is 15 years younger than me, just so you know.
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Crystal says

2012-12-12 00:21:08

I agree with your post David.
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jacqueline says

2012-11-30 16:02:30

My ex and I are older - in our 50's - so you would expect a level of emotional maturity. We knew each other a year. I was married when we met but once we hooked up, I filed for divorce. After a 6 month relationship, he disappeared. This just happened and I cycle between anger, disbelief, delusion (thinking he is going to come to his senses), sadness and loss. What really bothers me is that I've lost confidence in my ability to judge a person's character. I thought he was a good guy. I was wrong.
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Paul says

2012-11-26 15:27:56

I can trump the text/email...I wasn't even informed that I was dumped - I had to work it out myself! This was a nine-year relationship as well. Hadn't spoken to her for a week as she kept getting huffy over trivial things and then found out she was dating someone else. She called me days later asking if I was okay and then started going on about her new boyfriend saying how great he was, and basically talking to me like we best friends - asking for relationship advice :/ and to lend money. :/ Several months later she had a mental breakdown. Shame that. Karma, I love you :)
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Pixie says

2012-11-22 18:22:06

My ex text me after clubbing 11 days ago I replied. Then I never heard from since and I haven't bothered to call or text him. He has a drink problem and that's all he wants to do is drink. I have a communication problem, fear of texting/ calling. Which he's already previously complained about saying hed stopped calling me recently because he thought f@ck you I explained about previous relationships and shy I'm insecure he said he had no idea and that all I should care about is what he thinks, I said that's the problem I over think and a simple text is a big desk to because previous boyfriends have drilled it in to me your a pysch if you call. Now I feel sad because I tried more to text but I think the damage was already done and its my fault. This was also a long distanxe relationship of a 1hr and 15 minute drive. Not too bad I think but he disagreed. I was also a secret from his family not his friends but I had to park round the corner when I picked up. Was friends on Facebook don't think he was having a affair with me. Plus I went to his house once when his family were away saw he had a lads bedroom. Not sure if I'm too blame for this spilt and I feel guilty any thoughts would be appreciated :)
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bomarley says

2012-11-16 08:37:10

@brooke: you know there's a chance he didn't mean to do it like that. Once i was dating a girl for 3 months and liked her. A past crime caught up with me and I went to jail. It took a few weeks of lawyer negotiations and of course in jail you are cut off from the world. I was sentenced to a month and i was too embarrassed to call that girl and tell her what happened to me. From her perspective I dropped off the face of the earth
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Lisa says

2012-11-13 09:35:21

My ex didnt end it by txt or email .. He just hasn't contacted me for 9 weeks now. I txt him to say I didn't know where we was going as we were arguing and I waited n waited for reply . Nothing .. I thought why should I txt him again he hasn't replied to my txt and now it's been 9 weeks . I feel angry . Why didnt he just say he didnt want me all I did was say how I felt n asked to talk about us !!
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Anna says

2012-10-31 15:59:06

Tell me about it, you'd think in my case 6.5 years of dating I get a text saying: "I don't love you. But I care for you, you deserve someone better. And we were a mistake. You are a good person." For christs sake sharing our family celebrations together, talking about marriage with parents, and than BAM a text message to end it all. FML I wonder how these types of people can live with themselves and can wake up in the morning with their head high. I didnt even get to share my thoughts or have closure to anything. Sick twisted inhuman types of people lurking amongst us.
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Jazze says

2012-10-21 15:13:00

I think breaking up over text has it good and bad affect. The good thing is by breaking up over text, one will get her/his message over in an instant, no waiting or holding back or prolonged hurt, avoid any questions, dramas and what not. One can choose to just ignore or accept the break up by not replying. Unlike the face to face break up where couples are faced with unexpected drama, tension when they sit down and break up. Breaking up over text actually save a lot of pain and hurt for both parties. If the break up is amicable, then couples will part the good way but if it was not, then what follows only cause more hurt. The bad thing about break up over text is some consider it as insensitive way, immature way or coward way to end a relationship. The worse thing could happened is if one enemy (if applicable) got hold of the cellphone and send a break up message as a revenge. What happened if one cannot reach the significant other by phone or face to face. What happened if the other person doesn't want to answer or ignore calls or trying to meet face to face is impossible? The easiest and instant way to get one message across is over text. With modern technology, text is the most convenient way to get your message across in an instant, so why not use it? And another good thing about breaking up over text is one could actually reverse the break up by pretending never had send the text in the first place or say someone else has hijacked one cellphone and send the break up message.
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jtbaby says

2012-10-10 18:18:50

my high school sweetheart and i reconnected through a mutual friend after 23 years. He lived in a different state and i was married with a child. my marriage was not going well, so i decided to separate to be with my sweetheart. I left my home, which i owned to be with my sweetheart. we lived together for a year. the distance was killing me because i was not near my family. my sweetheart worked all the time and it emotionally drained me because all i had around me and my son for support was him. we did spend some quality time together but it was not enough. he worked two jobs to support me and his two children. he decided to apply for a job closer to my family to make me happy and when he accepted the offer all of this was thrown out of the window. He drove to what was supposed to be our new place of residence and once he arrived he text and told me the relationship was over. it was for the best. it was not my fault. it didn't work out. he told me i was not happy. he told me he was too flawed and his issues were too much to overcome. he told me to keep his furniture and to pay his last month rent because he had to give a 60 day notice and would be breaking the lease. i agreed to this and stayed on with no job because i had given my notice to my job since we were moving to another state. i was not able to sell it in the time given (less than a month) and because of his this me and my son became homeless. i had to stay with friends and take my son to his father to live. I can't believe someone i love could be such a coward and abandon me and my son like that. my son has kept me from going insane because he tells me all the time you don't need him, all you need is me. he is only 6 years old and for him to see the good in me means the world to me.
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sanfores says

2012-10-05 15:08:47

Ok I was just dumped after 8 years to the month via text message. WTF. 8 years! what a cowardly, and disrespecting human being! I deserve at the very least a phone call. Let me tell you. we are not twenty something's we are both over 50 just saying..... All I can say is KARMA
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Jiovana says

2012-09-27 05:13:45

Im sorry for all of what you have all been through. But keep believing, and you will move on, become strong, confident, and beautiful ladies. Sometimes, men do the disappearing act, and do this so effortlessly. However, do you really think they truly get away with this? No. Whatever you believe, whether it be a powerful force in the universe, God, karma, these people who harm others eventually get what is coming to them...Sometimes two fold. I have seen it. Not one person gets away from the wrong they have done to an innocent well intention person. The best revenge everyone can do is to move on, and live life the best we can, and be as happy inside and out. These people who do do this, do not deserve to be acknowledged whatsoever. So, keep that head up high, confidence in yourself, be strong, and walk the walk. Positive vibes and may good things and people be in your lives! Good luck! Remember, everything starts with you. Think positive, and the rest will follow.
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Marion says

2012-09-25 02:00:21

It was nearly a year and we'd just spent 3 weeks together at christmas (LDR) his family, his son. Something happened with his son, where I took the tv remote off him and changed the channel, as his dad was asking him to and he was ignoring him. His son got into a tantrum (11yrs) and started packing his bags, went back to his mother's and I find out a day before I left, that he said he would never return if I was there. I still strongly feel his father handled it the wrong way in trying to bribe him and over compensate for something so trivial, so encouraged his son to have the power over him and our relationship. But all that said, after I left he just stopped calling me, after calling me nearly every night for a year, just disappeared. I went back and collected my things, hoping he would talk to me, but he didnt, eluded to things would be okay and then just disappeared again. I havent heard from him since. No closure, nothing, it's devastating when you love someone. Their cowardice haunts them as much as us. I want to move on, but am finding it difficult. I wish I could just disappear and hit the reset button like he obviously has. It sucks.
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Chelsea says

2012-09-15 08:59:36

My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me yesterday.. Through a text messge. He said "I just need to do this. Iv been unhappy for so long.. But who knows.. Maybe we'll get back together one day". I saw it coming since this past week he's been avoiding me and acting weird.. But I just cant believe I wasted my highschool years on someone who doesnt even have the guts to say it to my face. He never even told me that anything was wrong and really caught me out of the blue since I thought things were going so well. And the reason he didnt want to say it to my face is that he doesnt want to see me hurt.. Well its a little late for that.
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Dee says

2012-09-14 17:40:18

My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. I had honestly seen d signs earlier, then he texted me and said we needed to have a serious talk and that he was going away for a week and a half and that he would let me know when he got back. His tone was sharp and dismissive, and what made it worse was that he gave too long a time frame. We couldn't have the talk anytime soon since he was away for a week and a half. Then he didn't contact me for a week which I felt was a bit disrespectful since he previously hadn't gone a day without speaking to me. I brought this to his attention and his response was that he had been busy and he would be back the following day but he wouldn't have time to meet up to talk till after 2 days. Of course at this point I already knew he wanted to have a break up talk. But that he wouldn't have time till a further 2 days? I felt highly disrespected so I texted back saying I would understand if it was a break up talk he wanted to have and that since he had a busy schedule there was no need to meet up. And that was that. He had the nerve to tell me he had wanted to do it right blah blah blah
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Victor H Alegria says

2012-09-12 19:40:43

Closure., I hope you got closure ...... I am sorry. I get it, it hurts. How the FUCK do they just think one can be ingnored. I mean they treat one like shit and want to get away with it right?! I handle my situations differently. But to be treated like a dog ........ God forbid they get treated horribly csuse it will tear them apart. But that is how they learn. Well redhaired damsel. I hope you find a man. A damn good one. Peace.
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Redhaired damsel says

2012-09-11 22:02:54

I dated a guy for four months and he thought he could just ignore me until i went away. Any way a week after I sent a text that he never replied to I was walking home from work and low and behold who comes walking towards me. Houdini himself and his dad (he told me later). He jumped back with shock. I walked right past him and even as he called for me a number of times I ignored him. A taste of his own medicine. I removed him from facebook and when he rang the next day and askd why I did that I stated "what did he expect". He got caught out as the bad guy and he didnt like it. Anyway I asked him why he called as he made it clear he made some half arse excuses and I said dont worry about it. I got the text then saying "your lovely" and all that crap. I replied " Now that I think about it we were not suited at all. I prefer men with balls and friends that are reliable". I got another wallowing text apologising and asking to be friends. As he was pretty emotionally manipulative at times and constantly belitteld me infront of his friends I thought you are not going to get a way with this one. I replied..." I would love to be friends. I would love a friend that shouts at me in public and tells me I have spoilt their night, snapped at me for offering to pay the bill, goes cold every five minutes, strings me along in front of my friends and makes me feel like a slut. I would love a cold abusive friend. Look I am really not that into you. Clearly it is your ego that is the problem here. I hope you get help with that". Cold, i no but necessary! I got no reply as he is too much of a coward and a narcassist to accept his faults. I am not prefect but i like to think I treat everyone with respect and not use people to soothe my ego.
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Victor Hugo Alegria says

2012-08-31 00:25:50

I am deeply sorry. ......... :(
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Victor Hugo Alegria says

2012-08-31 00:22:11

Yeah, I feel you. It would help me to know why she is ignoring me. GOD forbid she is ever treated badly. I would like to know why she would not respond or contact me. :(
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Sunen says

2012-08-24 19:11:20

Yep this just happened to me. I told he was a gutless human being, for not having the decency to tell me at least over the phone so I can hear the conviction in his voice. Txting is lame! He finally did and was all like well I really don't want to end it but now I guess I do. I thought we could cool it off for awhile! WTF?!?! Good bye is what I said!
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Stephanie says

2012-08-10 10:16:11

I had a boyfriend and we were having a long distance relationship (his fault, too long to explain ). He told me he loved me and stuff.. one day i post a heart on his profile, he took it down. i asked if everything is fine he said yes. later that day he took down our pictures on his profile on fb that he was marked in and then things went fast. he wrote me a whatsapp message that he has to let me go and blocked me immediately as well as on whatsapp.. i never got to understand why he couldnt keep his promise he once gave me and what was the reason. when i tried to call him he said he couldnt deal with this and i should stop calling. wtf? i couldnt deal with that either but he wasnt worth even running after him. but god damn! i earned a fair and simple phone call.. and he did more wrong than i ever did and he owed me that! so i hate these little immature actings. being ignored is the most horrible thing to do to someone us say you have feelings for!
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Victor Hugo Alegria says

2012-07-23 23:22:09

Hello people :) I have a question. My name is Victor, I am 19 and my girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago today. 2 months together in a relationship 1 month as friends first. We would have some arguments..... and one day.... unintentionally I made her cry :'( I did not realize how some are very fragile girls. I regret everything horrible I did and I told her I will change and I know I will... I called her boring which I mean only the conversations and welll it went from conversing to a whole new level. I am a young man. Called so many things. I forgot I was speaking to a girl that to my assumption are taken care of very nicely and are very fragile. And men. ..... well brutes. From there then we broke up afterwards being together a month or so more. So many beautiful memories, our first first kiss, hugs and holding hands. So much :'( We decided to just be friends and thrn the first few days we would text. She stopped. I thought well she is busy or something. No I doubt it. When we broke up, she said it was because I had insulted her. Calling that we had a boring conversation but I did not mean her. I want to know why she would stop responding to me. We yes WE the both of us talked and said we will be friends. And then boom no response. Can you tell me why this would happen ? She is a great girl, really special, we had our moments of argue but who hasnt? She made me feel on top of the world and I feel like shit because I went back and thought through everything and when I mean back. I mean back to where we would be happy. And talking, listening, laughing. Have any of you stopped responding? If so, why? I appreciate all your help and answers ladies :) Not all is so bad. If My girk and I hadn't broken up. I wouldn't have bought all 5 Coldplay Cd's And Viva la vida i got in limited edition prospekts march XD..... But I will remember her. And as David said...... in self love something about if you don't love them, when you see them in the arms of another man, that thought alone will drive you mad forever and ever. And I know that it may sting a littke. But I tried :)
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Audrey says

2012-07-20 15:14:01

I just end it my affair via email for first time, but It was detailed and because I still like the guy, I know I couldn't do it in person He hasn't reply, and maybe he won't. But I said what I need it to say and that's that. I think breaking up with someone sucks. I hate it, and I have the worst luck ; i remember trying to break up with now my ex-husband 3times! And he would cry and said he didn't want to live anymore if I left him ( year later we were married) I should Have done it via email and cut him off! ... Lol
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scorned says

2012-07-19 23:46:44

I had this happen to me this past weekend with a guy I have dated for almost a yr. I can honestly say that this the most cowardly thing anyone can do. It pisses me off bc I don't think I will ever truly get closure from this. But if I see him out I'll prolly kick him in the nuts.
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P. says

2012-07-17 02:46:32

Sharon, I'm so sorry. If he's live-in, he can't just disappear so easily. Did he already remove his things from your place, or how are you going to handle that?
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Sharon says

2012-07-09 12:22:51

My live in boyfriend stopped talking to me after he and my grown daughter had a disagreement over his wanting his minor daughter to stay with us in another state. We were on vacation in the gulf and the boys had to leave early for a state baseball game. He stopped talking to me and was moody and distant a few days before they left, then he ended things on facebook by deleting me yesterday morning and removing all our pictures. We still haven't spoken. I think it is a cowardly thing to do.
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Miriam says

2012-06-18 05:47:27

My ex-fiancé broke up with me after two years and half of dating via an email and a message on blackberry Massenger. I called him a coward and he disappeared. Apparently this is becoming a trend for those who don't have the guts to face the other person and the consequences of their decisions.
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Candice says

2012-05-30 04:31:20

I went out with a guy for almost 3 years. We were in a serious relationship, he even talked about getting married. He texted me out of blue and said we needed a break. A few days later, he texted me saying that a relationship with me is not what he wants and he hopes that we can stay friends. I told him off on 4 separate ocassions that what he did was a punk ass move and I deserved better than a text message. Some people may say that was overkill but I was extremely hurt.
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Meme says

2012-03-03 06:49:57

Three boyfriends and not one broke up with me face-to-face 1. dated for a year and a half, were intimate, stated we loved each other....break up: being stood up, he never called/emailed/or texted. Thought he was dead, found out from a friend he was fine...never emotionally recovered...still hoping for an apology...its not gonna happen 2. dated a friend of a friend, talked for two months, went out a couple of times, were intimate...breakup: he just stopped talking/texting me...I tried to text him but his responses were one worded...ok i get the point, I'll disappear 3. Had a one night stand with a guy, told him it wasnt gonna work, he gave me the sappy speech that he's a good guy and this wasnt fair (2x), so I stayed...started genuinely liking him...breakup: via text..."im just not ready for a relationship weird right?" so to sum up: break ups suck but when their not face to face, it dehumanizing Funny thing is that if these guys had simply told me face to face or even phone to phone...I would have understood
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Denise says

2012-02-02 08:08:21

I'm going through the Slowly Ignoring thing now. I feel he's obviously withdrawing, contacting me less (it's long distance.. but I've just spent 10 great days with him!). Now its just an occasional text about the weather and general things. I feel it's because he can see I'm more into him and he's not ready for anything deeper, and that's ok. The heart wants what the heart wants. The worse thing you can do to me is to ignore me, it feels so personal. Sure, breaking up with someone always involves some hurt, some emotion and I've found men feel uncomfortable about being the one responsible for a womans hurt, maybe they had the experience of bad drama with other girls. But hey, come on! Man up. We had some great times, wonderful experiences. Why not celebrate that, be honourable and bow out with kindness and respect for the other person. I don't enjoy feeling bad and angry, feeling I meant so little to him that this is the way it ends :-(
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margaret says

2012-01-22 18:49:57

I,too, have had more than one guy just decide he was done, and just go away. No see ya, no phone call, no email...nothing. what ever happened to simply treating others the way you would have them treat you? I'm sure none of these "gentlemen" would appreciate that kind of treatment, yet have no problem dealing it out. well, law of the universe, what you put out, you'll get back...
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Yana says

2012-01-21 20:18:53

Hi David, I understand that you want from us to be honest with the guy and to be brave enough to tell him what we feel 'face-to-face'. And that would be normal, if he has real feelings. But sometimes the opposite side just doesn't care enough about us and hurts our feelings. So why we have to make this effort. And it's not because we are afraid. It's not worth it.
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Emily says

2012-01-21 11:27:59

I dated more than one guy that fell off from the earth ( after more than 4-6 months of dating ), no answering my texts or calls as I was really worried something happened to them ! ( I was sure it was going so well). All those clowns phone me again after disappearing for more than 2-3 months !!! When I really moved on. Right ! I'd get that phone and still talk to them as I so care 'still' for their stupid closure or they thought I'd still welcome them with open arms ? They just don't exist anymore to me ! If they're not humane enough to at least use some stupid technology( that's frowned still, but atleast that's the least a coward could still do ) to atleast do a break-up in some way. I think you missed on the disappearing act which is the worst than an email or text.
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Brooke says

2012-01-02 01:13:39

I agree @ Fiona, the same thing happened to me! I dated a guy last year, for four months... he just stopped talking to me in Feb, of 2011.. he just never would answer my text or anything again.. it was the worst thing ever.. it would have been better to have him tell me I was the worst thing that ever happened to him, that I was hidious looking, to find him with someone else... something... anything.. he just one day decided to never speak to me again... he isn't worth it but it still to this day bothers me.. and absolutly shows no class. :/
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Fiona says

2011-12-16 16:05:18

I dated a guy for 6 months and his way of breaking up with me was to just stop talking to me until I went away. I have a few friends who do this, but only if it's been just a few dates. They just drop off the face of the earth. I don't understand this. Even if it's been a couple dates, I think the person deserves to get some kind of contact. After 6 months though, I really felt like a break up talk was needed. I never got it, and still to this day it bothers me. I just don't understand why people would treat someone they cared about so poorly.
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TamBam says

2011-12-07 14:13:11

this happened to me once, I totally know how it feels (crappy). I personally love technology but I hate that it's replaced many ways we communicate in relationships. I just believe if you like someone stop freaking texting and call. And if you need to break up jeeze, grow some you know what, and talk to my face or call. I remember when I was younger I was so I called my ex to tell him I couldn't be with him and he straight up said you are doing this over the phone! so I learned early that you just need to have a little common decency for that person you cared about. My two cents. :)
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Tina says

2011-12-07 10:24:20

Hi David, Well, I dated a guy for two years. Our (unbereable) differences became evident as time went on. So, because I had relocated to another city, I flew into his city, sat with him in his house and spoke my heart. I didnt cry or make a drama, I just made my case in a very logical way. You know what? HE HATED IT! He felt that I was being cold, and that I could have said the things I said over the phone, or by email. What about that? Tina
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