When someone signs up to my dating and relationship newsletters, they get a “Welcome To The Family” email they have to fill in. Not everyone does it, but I’d say a large percentage do. Men tell me all about how they want to find a cool woman. They tell me they want a woman they can have fun with. When I hear from women most the time it’s about how they want to find “the one.”

I honestly believe “the one” is a myth. I think we need to change the way we think about dating. I want to ask all of you who are looking for “the one” to answer a question for me. How many times have you thought you found “the one?”

You’re going to need to realize that the Disney fantasy you’re chasing doesn’t exist for the masses, and that’s OK. Now I want you to think about your married friends. How many of them are in great relationships with “the one?”

How many of them? How many of them are truly in love with their husbands? How many of them are truly living the fairytale princess “the one” life? How many of them?

I’m not saying there’s not a chance you could find someone to spend the remainder of your life with, because it DOES happen. But it happens to the minority of people and not the masses. Just because we’re on this earth at this point in time, doesn’t mean that the universe, God, whoever you believe in states YOU will definitely find someone to spend forever with.

The truth is you’re going to meet lots of interesting people during your lifetime. A ton of men will come into your life. Some of them will come for a week, some for a month, some for a year, and some, maybe, just maybe for a longer period of time. But I’ve found that the women who spend their life chasing “the one” myth, are never present in enjoying themselves. They’ll go out on a date with someone, hang out with the,, and then if they don’t have one feeling, they won’t go out with them anymore. Now I want you to look back (if you’re more mature) to when you were younger.

You’d meet someone. You were much cooler. You’d hang out. You’d have fun. You’d enjoy the experience because exploring a person of the opposite sex was so new to you. You’d spend time with that person and have a great time. Suddenly you’d look at them and say, “I can’t believe we just spent the last 30 days and nights together.”

You didn’t have any predetermined beliefs or ambitions. You were still in the process of learning yourself, and if it didn’t work out you were heartbroken but you’d move on and start again.

It seems to me that once women hit 40 they suddenly go on this incredible kick to find the one. They spend so much time not enjoying dates, or the men who present themselves, because they’re so focused on finding the one. They don’t want to waste any time. I don’t know if it’s a chemical thing, or something predetermined. But I have to tell you, reading some of the emails I get from women in their 40’s and above, I can see why so many are alone.

Men over the age of 40 just want to go back to their routes and meet a woman who isn’t going to bust their balls. They want to meet a woman that’s going to be fun, open, and curious still. That’s why a lot of guys decide to date younger women. Younger women aren’t necessarily searching for “the one” yet. They’re more fun to be with. They’re more open, and they don’t demand a full written commitment after the third date.

I think you really need to re-evaluate things and start having fun again. I see so many great women who are alone when they should be with amazing men. I see women who should be enjoying amazing connections, but they’re only open to one story, one dream, and they won’t accept anything less.

You need to start loving the moments you create. None of us know how long we’re going to be on this planet, and the more interaction we have, the more open we are, the less uptight we are, and the more fun we are. Isn’t that what attracts someone amazing?

I see people walking around all the time and you can tell they haven’t had sex in so long. You can feel all the pent up energy and frustration. There’s nothing less attractive than that. Take on a lover or two while you’re searching for “the one.” Take on a few lovers during that time. Enjoy yourself a little more and open up your energy.

You may never find “the one” but you may find a series of great “ones” you can enjoy for the remainder of your life, and as Steven Still said in one of his songs, “Love the one you’re with.”

Try living a different way, and watch how things come into your life in a different way.

Men are looking for fun. Men are looking to be adored. Men are looking for cool. We don’t want you to drill us about your fantasy from the get-go. I hope this post as got you thinking a little deeper about the way you’re living and experiencing your life. Maybe you’ll open up a little more to the possibilities the universe delivers to you on a daily basis. Maybe you’ll start enjoying yourself again, and that’s what life is all about.