But nothing turns me on more than when I’m sitting across from a woman I’m attracted to…

…and I’m looking deep into her eyes and she’s looking back into mine.

I wonder what she’s thinking.

Nothing turns me on more than when I am on a date and I’m sharing a story, and the woman is looking directly into my eyes.

Nothing turns me on more than a woman that’s not afraid of me, a woman that challenges me, that makes me think and tells me how she feels without worrying about what I think or feel or how I’m going to react.

If you want to really date men, and get them to be intrigued by you—look at them.  Stare into their eyes. It drives men crazy.  It makes us wonder what you’re thinking.

We love it.  It turns us on mentally and physically.

A lot of women are afraid of eye contact, they’re afraid to look in a man’s eyes, they’re afraid to be 100% honest because they feel like it takes away their power.

Or they just get inside their head and start thinking about all the ten-thousand things.

But here’s the deal: eye contact is power. It takes a certain level of confidence and strength to hold eye contact with someone—especially if you’re attracted to them—without looking away.

So the next time you’re out on a date, look deep into his eyes, smile and feel great about where you are and what’s going on.

You’ll both be better off for it.

No, not like happily-awaiting-Christmas stirring—I was bored.

Actually, I wasn’t even bored, I just wanted a complete project.

I just moved into this new place about 10 days ago and I just want to get the finishing pieces done.

I decided to go to Home Depot at about 10:00 at night.  They’re open until 11:00pm.  I don’t know why.  I mean how many people are in their homes at 9:30pm and think to themselves, “Hey, that cabinet hinge has been loose for days. I’m tired of this! Off to Home Depot…”

When I got there it was full of man.

Sure, some of the men were a little on the strange side.  (It was past 10pm.) But there were men of all ages and shapes and sizes–from single, married guys, crazed looking guys and just an all-around mish-mash of guys.

I saw a bunch of day laborers picking up supplies for the next day.

I saw married men looking at tools.

And then I saw single guys kind of cruising around.  They weren’t looking for women—they were looking for man toys.

So ladies, here’s what I suggest: if you ever have insomnia and you’ve got on some cute little PJs, instead of playing with a female toy, I suggest you go to Home Depot and go handle some man toys.

There were a lot of men in there.  If I was a woman, all alone in Home Depot, I’d certainly find a man who had a hammer that needed to drill—or a man with a drill that wanted to bang on something.  :)

All right, I’m having a bit of fun but you get the idea.

Think outside the box.

It’s just like what I tell men all the time about going to a nail salon on a Sunday and getting a manicure. Go where your prospects are.

Do the uncommon thing. It’s time for you to check out The Home Depot.

Being open and vulnerable is the secret sauce to creating meaningful relationships.

Last week, I had a chat with a sex, relationship & cougar-living expert, Lucia, to talk all about getting naked.

Listen to the radio show here:

And let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

It is the month of May, and I also declare it Extreme Honesty Month.

You’re all going to participate, hopefully.

We’re all going to participate in extreme honesty month.

Here is what it is all about:

For the next 31 days and 31 nights, you’re going to be extremely honest with everybody you come into contact with.

You’re no longer going to worry about what to say. You’re not going to be stuck inside your head. You’re going to speak your mind—no filter.

You’re also going to realize that the world is going to respond to you in an entirely different way. They’re going to respond to you in ways that you never have before.

For the next 31 days, you’re going to be fully authentic, real, and loving. You’re going to live your life every single day full of love—remember that. The two virtues necessary to be an honest person, are courage and love.

It takes courage to be completely you and say what you really feel. It also takes love to be able to do it without being a dick.

I don’t want you to attack people. Tell people how you feel but do it from a place of love. Don’t call people out from a place of anger or resentment—that will make this month very difficult for you. Be honest from a place of love.

You can come from a loving place, and explain why you’re hurt, why you’re sad, why you’re angry, why you’re upset. You’re more likely to honestly express yourself if you can control your emotions while you do it. Coming from genuine, positive emotions like respect, courage, and love will give you greater control.

This will be your most challenging and empowering month ever.

But imagine being able to walk up to a woman who you think is absolutely beautiful, and actually say it because you mean it, not because you want something from her.

Imagine being able to walk into your boss’ office, and explain to them why things are not working out for you at work, and your ideas on how things can be better so the work environment can be a more powerful, creative environment for everybody to flourish.

Imagine being able to tell your parents things you’ve always wanted to say. Imagine having a sit down with your best friend, who has been real selfish with your time and explaining how you feel.

Imagine being able to say all the things that have been dominating your thoughts for the longest time. Imagine being able to let them out and discuss them, so you can live a free, clear life.

That is what it is all about.

Extreme honesty month, it is time for all of you to join in.

I will be blogging (and tweeting #extremehonestymonth) every single day, sometimes more than once.

I will post videos.

I will post podcasts.

It is all going to be about being real, and I’m going to share with you what’s going on in my life, some of the conflicts, and some of the things I’m working on. Sharing with you is going to help me become more honest, and more real, and more open about my personal life.

I look forward to every day of this month, I hope you do too.

. . .

And if you want to officially join me for a month of total honesty, and you want to do it in a very public way, click to tweet the following:

I am celebrating extreme honesty month. I vow to speak nothing but the whole truth for the next 31 days. Join me. – Click to Tweet.

Just the two of you, being there in each other’s presence.

Just being able to sit near them.

Being able to experience them and still be in the presence of your own thoughts.

Being so comfortable around somebody that their thoughts can just percolate inside your head.

You can have a private moment with yourself and yet still feel the love and the security of the person that’s next to you.

Love like that is powerful. Love like that is understood. And love like that is amazing. It’s peace. It’s what we all strive for because it’s the peace that we strive for in ourselves.

We tend to want this peace in our life—the peace of love. But we need to do it with ourselves first. We need to be 100% okay with all our thoughts—everything.

Unlike popular opinion, I don’t believe that there should be conflict—constant conflict in our relationships. Whenever you’re arguing with somebody in a relationship it means that they are not giving you the love that you need, the love that you deserve.

So you’re frustrated. The conversations usually come out very frustrated because arguments are based on frustration. Arguments happen when people are frustrated and annoyed. They’re not being loved the way they need to be loved.

Go deeper into all the arguments that you’ve ever had with any of your partners and you’ll see exactly what I’m defining here.

Love doesn’t need to be hard. Love needs to be peaceful. Love needs to be what I described above and many other beautiful things. But more importantly, love doesn’t need to be begged or negotiated.

We fight and we’re frustrated because the bottom line is we’re not getting the love that we need from our partner. Otherwise, why would you be frustrated? Why would you feel the need to argue?

Arguments are not based on conflict, but usually on opinion. Arguments are based on just one partner’s not receiving what they need or both partners not feeling loved or understood.

The power of love: it starts by loving yourself, staying in touch with it, and understanding who you are.

The more you love yourself, the greater love you’ll find.

You always seem to meet the most interesting people on your last night of vacation.

When I was a little kid, I remember my last week in summer camp…

…There was this girl. Her name was Jennifer Walsh. She looked so great in her little tennis shorts. She had little white sneakers, a wooden racket, and a great backhand.

I remember I had this massive crush on her the entire summer.

One day, I finally got up enough guts to talk to her. I ended up asking her to the summer dance, and she said yes!

The very next day, feeling high as a kite, I remember seeing Jennifer sitting by herself. I went up to her—still excited—and said hi. She told me that we needed to talk.

That was the first moment in my life when a girl actually said, “we need to talk”, and I realized—even then—that it wasn’t a good thing.

She looked at me and said, “I really like you, but I can’t go to the dance with you. I made a pact with myself that if I didn’t meet somebody in the beginning of tennis camp, I would go to the dance and dance with every guy who asked me.”

I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I meet her earlier?!” Then Jennifer and I could have had the relationship that I was so dying to have when I was 13.

It’s funny, I thought about this yesterday as I was enjoying my last night in Maui. The entire trip was really about meeting just about every couple under the sun. There were some single people thrown in here and there, but nobody that I could really hang with—nobody that I wanted to see again or have fun with.

And then, of course, later in the lobby of my hotel, I meet two women and end up going to dinner with them later. They were in similar situation in their lives. We had a great conversation—it was a blast.

And I thought to myself, ”I can hang with them. We can have fun. They got their little boys here. We could have a good time.”

And I told them, “It’s always the last night of a vacation that you meet the people you want to hang with. Life works that way. It’s so peculiar.”

But that’s just our humanity, we always want more. It was still great meeting them and hanging out, even if just for one night.

That’s what makes life so powerful and so much fun.

So you missed out on a few more days of hanging out, some more fun, some more laughs—who cares?

It’s all about staying in the present and enjoying what you do have.

So I’m off to my plane, back to the real world, after a great week at a summer camp called Maui.

Maybe 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, but not for any extended period of time at all, have I been “relaxing”.

I just really enjoy walking around, talking to people, checking people out, having short conversations, looking around, seeing all the different hotels, all the different sensations, all the many different sides to the ocean, talking to people in different hotels.

I just walked and took in nature.  I can’t even sit still.  I know it’s beautiful and it’s great to just lie there and relax, but I want to be able to take this place in.

I love to walk and experience the things that are around me.

So what’s your takeaway from this?

Most women will sit back, wait for the man to approach, wait for him to come over, wait for him to do everything.

You’re not aware of your surroundings at all.  You don’t even notice him half the time. And if you did notice him, you wouldn’t give him any love—no smile, or anything. You basically just wait.

So you wait for him to come over.  How long have you been waiting?

If some of you are 25, and you started liking guys at 15, then you’ve been waiting 10 years.  Let’s say your 45, and started liking guys at 15; you’ve been waiting 30 years.

You get the math.

Let’s be blunt here: how long are you going to kick back and wait? How long are you going to wait for him to approach?  Isn’t it time you started making yourself more open, more aware, more in touch with everything that you are?

It’s time to take it all in, because then you’ll stop looking down when a man walks over and you’ll start smiling, unleashing that sexuality, unleashing the beauty of who you are as a woman.

You’re a sensual, beautiful, sexual being, that’s not afraid of her feelings.  If you live from this understanding, you’re going to start seeing new things happen in your life.

You’re going to see men and you won’t be afraid to turn on your sensuality.

And you’re going to start getting asked out.

Drop your old habits and get new men. Not a bad trade right?

A bearded guy walks into the gated pool area—he’s in his early to mid-30s.

All of a sudden from one corner of the pool you hear a man chirp up and say, “Almost 5:00pm, he’s alive!”

Another guy shouts, “That is the latest walk of shame I’ve ever seen!”

They start laughing. Man talk follows.

Then, as bearded guy walks closer, they start clapping and shouting to him.

“Man of the hour!”

“The walk of shame!”

“How was she?!”

Then they start clapping some more.  Now the whole pool starts clapping and everybody gets a good laugh out of it.

He goes and sits down.  He’s congratulated.

“A gentleman won’t tell,” he says.  His friends look at him with admiration.  He’s the hero.  He’s actually playing a role for all.  He actually loves the validation.

He felt good.  He was milking the moment.  He was enjoying being the center of attention.  He was like the quarterback on a high school football team.

If that was a woman walking in like that, nobody would say a word—not one person.  She’d quickly go talk to her friend and share all the details with them.  The whole pool wouldn’t validate the fact that she got laid.

That’s a guy thing.  It’s okay for the man to go and bang some girl—he’s validated.  The whole pool clapped.  Everybody knew what he did last night. He was the stud.

His coworkers loved it, that’s why they love having him on this corporate vacation, because they know he’ll create a story.  The story he just created in Maui will then go back to the office, probably right away via e-mail.

He’ll be validated.  He’ll retell that story probably 70 times when he’s back at work.  Each guy will congratulate him even more.

A legend was born here. Or maybe his legend was just cemented because he already had that notoriety. But this experience will live on and through the corporate world—the buddy-buddy system of the corporate world.

This could actually get him a raise down the road, because somebody will want to be around him and have it rub off.

Apparently, it’s a good career move doing the walk of shame at 5:00pm in the afternoon.

For a man.

. . .

So how do you feel about this double standard?

How come a woman walking into the pool area isn’t congratulated by other women saying “Alright Betty, four orgasms last night, good job!”

How do you feel about that?

And you put up a picture of you and your girlfriends in Hawaii or Mexico.

In the picture, you’re all in your bikinis, you all have cocktails, and you all look like you’re having a really, really, good time.

It’s an innocent moment in your life, but the guy that’s checking out your profile right now has an idea of you that will be hard to erase.

Party girl.

He looks at that picture of you and doesn’t see someone that he can settle down with; you’re not relationship material—he’s thinking that you’re booty call material.

He’ll probably even send you some type of sexual e-mail of some kind.

If you two go out, he’s going to take you straight to some dive bar and attempt to get as many Long Island Iced Teas in you as humanly possible.

He wants sex, and rightly so.

Ladies, here’s the deal: when you put a picture up of yourself drinking with your friends, you immediately trigger images in a male’s mind. He’s now thinking that all he’s got to do is get a few drinks in you and you’ll be rolling around the sack with him.

I know it’s tough to hear but it’s true.

When it comes to online dating, you never ever want a picture of you and your friends with alcohol in your hands toasting.

Never.

All the images on your online dating profile tell a story to each man that views them. Have you really thought about what story your pictures are telling him?

If you want to meet real men, then you have to appeal to real men. If your profile is nothing but party images then you’re going to attract men that like to party. (And you may want that.)

But just know that the button-down, Oxford-educated man is not going to be sending you messages anytime soon. He’s going to send messages to the sexy woman reading a book on the beach, or cute woman in overalls painting on a giant canvas.

If you’re looking for a solid relationship with a man––not a man-boy––then you have to understand the difference between what appeals to men, and what appeals to boys.

And you can start by adjusting your online profile.

Hey ladies,

Happy National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day!

Did you know that? (I’m going to personally email all my lady friends a reminder next year.)

Annndd, it’s also Wednesday, which means that it is time for the always-popular Wednesday Podcast.

Last week we talked about The Negotiator vs. Intuition, and many readers expressed their issues with the idea in the comments section.

This week, we go a bit more in depth on the subject, and we also discuss the topics of spontaneity and transition.

Listen up, listen well, ladies:

How did you feel about the podcast today?

What do you think?