Why do so many women settle?
Why do they end up in relationships with men who they don’t really feel everything for?
How come so many women say this to me all the time:
“I love the man I’m with. But I really really wish he would…”
Or
“He’s great…but, you know…you can’t have everything.”
I love that phrase “you can’t have everything”.
I agree with that. You can’t have everything. You have to make some compromises.
You’re dating a man. He loves to vacation in the city, and you’re a beach kind of girl. You’re going to have to make a compromise. One vacation will be to the beach, and one vacation will be to a city, or you combine them, half city, half beach.
Let’s say you’re dating a man and he loves Thai food and horror movies.
You’re more of a romantic comedy kind of girl, and you really don’t like Thai food. It makes you feel bloated and you prefer Mexican food.
So you’ll have to compromise. Sometimes you have to watch that horror movie. Sometimes he’ll have to watch the rom-com.
But when it comes down to your core beliefs and what you need from love—you should never settle.
If you’re a romantic, affectionate loving woman, then you deserve a romantic, affectionate loving man. Otherwise, your love tank will always remain empty.
I’m tired of hearing women say, “My boyfriend is really great. I only wish he was more loving.”
Or this:
“My boyfriend’s great. He’s like my best friend, but the sex, he just doesn’t really want it that often….”
Well then he’s not ‘great’; he’s just good. And one should never settle for good if great is possible.
(By the way: Great is ALWAYS possible.)
Don’t settle.
Your core needs need to be fulfilled.
Settle when there’s a debate between Mexican food and Thai food.
But never settle when it comes down to love.
Loads of women settle because it is just much easier than getting into the dating scene again. They’re miserable but they’re with someone and not “lonely”.
Dating is exhausting. For men, trying out new women is fun. For women, trying out new men is like being in a bad science experiment: this one has an interest in motorsports, red hair and wants to know how many dates he has to take you on before you’ll sleep with him, because for him it’s a transaction. 2 dates = 2 dinners = one roll in the hay. The next one is dark, tall and says he is a “Dom”. He says he’ll bring rope and handcuffs and gives you a “safe” word. The next one seems fine till he dumps you after three months when everything seems perfectly fine to you and he never complains. We’ve all come across the guy on the internet who says simply “show me” as in “show me your photos”, which makes you feel he is asking women in a brothel to hike up their skirts. Then the guy who, after 10 minutes of meeting wants to take you back to his bed. You don’t know whether to be flattered or offender or whether you should be feeling flattered or endangered or both. Then there is the internet crowd who won’t hesitate to say they would never date you in this lifetime and offer other ego-denting insights.
The failure to connect with guys is draining. It’s not that you want any of the guys on the “no way” list. But plowing through them to get to a decent normal guy who is into you is not “fun”. It’s work. It’s exhausting. The first decent normal guy is bound to be treated as a massive relief. Even then, he can say anything he likes but nothing means anything unless he keeps calling and keeps showing up. You won’t know if he’s going to do that or cut and run for months. So, even once you have a nice guy, you are still trying to not be too involved until you know he is for real. By the time the right guy shows up you are very likely to burst into tears with shock and relief, which, of course, will make him run. Did I mention how exhausting all this is? That’s why they settle.
Hey Pippa, I’m sorry to hear your experience of dating! :/
It’s certainly becoming more understandable why women are increasingly frustrated with men, from some of the stories I’ve heard from women about their experiences.
Are you in a relationship at the moment, or are you single?
That makes no sense to settle for just anyone. Especially when there are so many available single men out there. You just have to learn to pay attention to the ‘red flags’ and more importantly learn to love yourself.
I prefer to be happily single than be with q man I m not happy with. A lot of women prefer option” better this than nothing”. This is the definite sigh to be desperate. In this regard I agree with david that be single is wonderful because it enables to explore wonderful opportunities. Yesn ther is so many single and available men available, especially in such a great city like new york!
The best way is to learn about your own needs, learn how men are, do your best to meet your own needs through various people and avenues, learn how to heal a broken heart so that you can bear the risk. Then dating can be a fearless adventure, you can love yourself and love men as men. We don’t have all this as young women. If we want a quality life, it’s worth learning these things.