Ask yourself that.
I want you to sit back, reflect, and ask yourself that one question today. Did you have a naughty year, did you do things that were a little out of your comfort zone? Or did you spend the entire year as a nice girl?
Let’s say for instance, my name was Santa Claus, and you came to sit on my lap for Christmas and tell me about your year. What were you most proud of this year? What did you learn about yourself when it comes down to dating and men? What did you do this year that was a bit out of the ordinary? What of steps did you take in order to improve yourself and your dating life?
Being Santa right now, you are sitting on my lap and I want to know exactly how you acted this year, whether you were naughty or nice, and just how you grew this year.
Most importantly, what was your biggest lesson of the year? You know from all the blogs lately that I’ve been talking about exactly that because it’s time that you did your year-end inventory.
And there is nobody better to describe your year-end inventory to than Santa.
Okay David – I will go first.
I would tell Santa that I have been a mixed bag. I have been nice; nasty; happy; sad; emotional; together; thoughtful; selfish – all in all I have been all over the place.
I have been dumped. I have dumped. The man closest to my heart doesn’t deserve to be there. I have been all of the above to him and also the father of my children.
I have learned from this man close to my heart now that trust is so important to me; that when I love which is rarely, that I love very deeply. I have only really loved twice in my life. The rest has been lip service.
I have learned from the children’s dad that ‘settling’ for second best is never, ever worth it. I used him to temporarily escape the pain from an incredibly painful break-up in my early twenties. This was unfair on myself and the children’s dad. I look at the children’s father and feel little outside of ambivalence. Ambivalence is far worse than hatred, anger, upset, and hurt.
To this day, I struggle to talk about what happened with that first man that I was with from 16 – 23. I believe that he was the love of my life. I made a terrible, terrible mistake in terrible, terrible circumstances. I was too young for what I had been faced with. I will have to live with this mistake every day for the rest of my life. I saw him late last year. He had his back to me. The energy coming off him from 200 metres away nearly left me crashing my car. It was only when I was about twenty metres away I realised it was him, 17 years later. He told me in no uncertain terms to keep driving. I learned from that he was still hurting just as much as I was all these years later. I learned that is level of attraction is what I should be seeking for myself again. This experience has wrecked dating for me!
I learned about the importance of timing this year. The second right man is at odds in timing with where I am at. This has been going on for 17 years. When a man says that he does not want a relationship right now, it’s not a challenge to see if he can prove me wrong. He means it no matter what I can see in his eyes and this is contradicting those words.
I saved someone’s life in a horrific accident March 1st. He was knocked off his bike and dragged under the wheels of a rubbish truck on a road. I was driving past. I met the cyclist early September so that he could say thank you. He had received 39 litres of blood products in hospital. He had endured 32 operations. From this I learned that miracles can happen against all odds. I felt so humbled in his presence.
I was offered an amazing opportunity for work in April. It’s been difficult to take full advantage of it with issues with the children.
I have learned the strength of my character as the father of the kids has tested me in every way possible. I have learned that a male is safer patting a wild grizzly bear than causing harm to children with a mother. I have been courageous, tenacious, and am totally exhausted. I have learned that I can’t force another person to be responsible if they are not capable. I have learned in Court I will just appear like someone trying to force someone else to do something no matter how noble my intentions.
I would tell Santa that I am incredibly blessed with three children. I have held my youngest child in my arms totally blue three times now. I have connected life support equipment to this child in that back of an ambulance myself. I cannot express how grateful I am to still count three little heads for Christmas at home this year.
After writing this out, I think that I would tell Santa I am really wounded when it comes to love. I want to love, but I still ache right at my very core. I am a better person with the right man beside me. I would tell Santa I have given up hope of finding that really deep love again. I would explain to Santa that I now don’t know what to do. I am blessed to have had this experience of deep love already in my life not once, but twice. I am also cursed by it, too. Everything else looks so ordinary. I would tell Santa that I am lost. I am happy enough in my own skin. I have a sadness in me that hasn’t gone away for 18 years. I have never been the same. I would tell Santa that I am still traumatised by what has happened with my youngest son two years later. I would tell Santa about the joy of having this child still here and how different my life is now because of this. I would tell Santa that I am exhausted. I don’t know how to get the right man into my life. I do want to hope like a little girl that he is there somewhere to steady my ship that I have managed against all odds to keep afloat in put that ship on course again.
I think that I would have to let Santa decide this year. It’s been a huge year, two years running. This year I have been more tired and grumpier though…It’s a tough call for Santa…
I found a secret for how to find good guys!!
I put up a really classy profile on a really trashy dating web site lol and I got all of these responses from guys saying, “get the hell off this site!!” lol and they tell me where to find good guys! lol Who knew?!?! 
Merry Kissmas Guys!! 
And I got my heart broken by one of those players on that trash site lol but thank Jesus I have no short term memory so I won’t remember him tomorrow! lol YAY!!
Never happened!! lol
This is why mommy always says you have to be a Bitch! Capital “B”! lol Otherwise people will walk all over you! 2012: I will be a Bitch! LOL Fight guys all day just because… you’re a drama addicted Bitch! lol
All better now!
I don’t remember what he looks like lol or that that time period ever occurring! lol
See what happens? lol This is why mommy always said, “don’t talk to people”, “stop talking”, lol “don’t talk about yourself” (and “what are you doing talking to that guy” lol)!
I hate failing!! but I guess you can’t win with a loser! lol I want to not talk to guys anymore and go back to me like before lol but I worked so hard at meeting and talking to guys that now I’m like addicted to it! lol and I’ve met all these nice guys that I have to talk to now! lol
At least now I know that the reason she always said those things is because she has to be the center of attention! lol
It’s all my fault! I should know when people are lying! lol I wish I knew what I did wrong so that I can improve myself. I was my best, had fun and a playful time and the only thing that I can find is that the best people stick around and God gets rid of anyone less! lol