A client “Skyped” me a few days ago. He said, “David, I’m worried. Sometimes I find it really difficult to get hard when a woman goes down on me. Why? Has it happened to you before?”

I chuckled to myself and said, “Don’t worry, it’s happened to me too.”

I asked him if women have commented on it. He said they had. “In fact, there was this one woman who asked if I was gay! She seemed pretty pissed off that I wasn’t turned on by her.” He told me.

So let me ask you ladies a question…

Have you ever found it hard to cum when a guy’s gone down on you?

I bet you have. It’s something that happens to both men and women.

You’ll be lying on the bed. The poor guy will be between your legs doing everything he can to make you cum, and you think to yourself, “Why is it not happening for me tonight? I thought I was horny? Is he doing something wrong?”

If a woman tries to go down on me before I’m at that stage of arousal I don’t always get hard. It’s not because she’s not sexy. It’s just something in my head. I’ll be thinking, “come on, get hard!” And I’ll really have to concentrate.

So why does it happen?

Think about it. Oral sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with another person. They have their head buried in your groin. You worry, “Do I smell OK? Am I fresh after the day? Have a shaved?” I call this “Oral fixation anxiety.”

So how do we deal with it?

Simple. We talk about it!

Tell your partner what you enjoy from oral sex. Tell him how you like to be kissed, licked, and touched. Do you want him to go fast or slow? Do you want him to slide a finger or two inside you at the same time? Whatever you like, don’t be afraid to tell him. Guys would rather know what you like so you can both relax together.

Communication is key. So what about if you’re with a guy suffering with “oral fixation anxiety?”
Same thing. You talk to him about it. Ask him what he likes. Does he like it when you use your hands? Does he want you to lick or suck? Does he want you to touch his balls?

It relaxes guys so much more when we know you don’t mind asking what we like. You’ll enjoy things far more, and he’ll have no problems getting hard for you. Just remember not to take it personally if a guy isn’t getting hard. It’s not necessarily because he’s not attracted to you. We’re emotional beings too, and can’t always perform sexually on command.

So talk about it, be patient, and before you know it, you’ll both be more than satisfied!