Are you a romantic?
You know, someone who gets that magical feeling you meet a new guy.
All you want to do is create romance with him.
If he’s going to come over to your house, you’ll light candles, set the mood music, and make a nice meal.
Whenever you make love to him, it’s a beautiful, romantic night. Candles are lit, bubble bath is bubbling, and you’ll have long conversations as you look into each other’s eyes.
It’s an addiction. It’s a high.
And it’s the most dangerous part of relationships.
Everybody loves romance for some time, but the real romantics crave it endlessly.
Who wouldn’t love to be treated like that, to be catered to, to have someone just adore them?
Everybody wants that. But the problem is a lot of people are not wired to give it back.
The most dangerous trap that romantics get into is they always seem to meet the takers.
The takers don’t mean to take, but they can’t help it. They’re not doing it to be mean. They’re not even doing it on a conscious level.
But the problem is that the romantic tends to be a giver and the giver will give, give, give, and not expect anything back.
Romantic givers constantly give in relationships and they forget about their own needs, wants, and desires until it is too late.
90 days into the relationship, the romantic finally wakes up.
They’ll look at the person they’re with, and say, “Hey, can you do some of these things back to me?”
And the taker will say, “What do you mean? Aren’t I doing it back? Aren’t I being loving back? You haven’t complained yet.”
And that’s where the issues come.
See, if the other person is cruising along, loving all the stuff the giver is giving, they will immediately think to themselves, “I don’t understand. I’m still happy. I’m so content. This person makes me feel so wonderful, why are they complaining about me? Why are they asking for things? I thought I did everything right.”
The problem is that the romantic usually tells somebody how amazing they are, usually tells somebody how perfect things are, usually tells them how much they love the person.
But deep down, they’re really just romantic junkies and they get caught up in the moment and they’re not really satisfied—they’re not getting what they want. And that’s why it becomes such a shock for the person on the other end.
So how do we stop this? How do we stop the romantic from falling for the un-romantic?
For one, it’s being more self-aware. Because when you are more self-aware of what you’re all about, then you’ll be able to stop the process. Being more aware of how the other person is treating you is going to help you stop this track.
I tell people all the time:
Go out on a date, and afterwards, write down how you feel. Don’t write what you want to do to that person. Don’t write down how you want to do your romantic things or what you can’t wait to give to that person.
Write down how you feel. How does the person make you feel? Do you feel like you were with your romantic equal?
Do you feel like this person would actually be an equal cuddler and a snuggler?
Do you feel like this person would be equally romantic with you? Do you think this person would actually be able to keep pace with you? What do you think? That’s what most important. But it’s more important what you feel.
You need to feel these things. You need to look at this person, you need to evaluate them. You need to put the brakes on. You need to listen real carefully.
And ask them questions.
What is their definition of a romantic night? Without you telling them first because who doesn’t want to hear about the candlelight bubble bath? The bottle of champagne if you drink? Snuggling all night long? Making love for hours and then waking up in a great cuddle fest?
Everybody wants that in the beginning. But a real romantic craves it throughout the relationship.
Ask these questions. Ask them what their definition of great romance is.
Ask them what their definition of cuddling is.
Ask them what their definition of great sex is.
Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions because otherwise you’re just going to get addicted to another romantic venture and you’re going to end up becoming what?
A romanceaholic—somebody who goes from one stale romance to another without getting what you need, what you want, and what you desire.
That’s the motherfucking romantic truth.