why men won't commitI get this all the time. Emails from frustrated, beautiful, amazing women who are chasing ‘ghosts’ in relationships. The ghosts are actually living. The ghosts are the men they’re dating because these men don’t commit. They vanish for periods of time then come back up again. Women get so frustrated and so would I. Being with somebody who just can’t seem to commit is frustrating.

What’s the reason behind this? Is there some answer that can help women finally understand that what they’re dating is a ghost?

You see the reason why a man doesn’t commit… are you ready… drum roll please…

Because he doesn’t want to!

Oh my God, wait a second. It can’t be that simple can it? Can it really be that simple?

You put in so much time and energy. You’ve given him love, you’ve given him yourself and he still doesn’t want to commit. You’re thinking to yourself, there’s got to be something I can do to get him to commit.

You engage all your friends, supporters of you. You go out for a beautiful girl’s night.

You sit down. The bottle of wine is open. The conversations start flowing. The wine starts flowing and you start engaging and re-engaging your friends in the same conversation over and over again. You don’t understand why the man you’re dating, and you’ve been with him for two months, six months, a year, why he won’t fully commit.  Your first friend will give you an answer. Your second friend will give you an answer. Your third friend will give you an answer and all of them will support you.

And then you will re-engage your friends again to try to get the answer you’re looking for. The answer is simple. He doesn’t commit because he’s too afraid to tell you that you’re not the right one for him. Oh, it’s getting deeper now. The truth, the layers of the onion are being revealed. He likes who you are. He enjoys the sex. He enjoys the comfort, but he vanishes like Casper the ghost into the night sometimes for a week. He’ll make up many excuses like he’s working hard that week. He needed to take care of some things.

And then he shows up again and of course you give him sex and you’re waiting for that I love you, I miss you and it never happens.

You’re afraid to have the commitment talk with him because he has excuses he makes up. He tells you he’s too busy working on his career right now. Things will change in time. His kids have been driving him nuts and he really needs to concentrate on them, whatever the excuse might be.  The real reason why he doesn’t connect is because… drum roll please…

He doesn’t feel the same as you do and he’s being a typical guy who has trouble communicating. He doesn’t love you. He never will love you, but he likes you. He likes you having you around. He doesn’t want to lose what’s there but he also doesn’t want to commit to you for a future. He doesn’t have the balls to say it. Whenever you bring up the conversation he’ll change the subject or make excuses.

But the real reason is he’s not into you as you’re into him.  And it makes him feel lousy. You’ve been in the same situation where you’ve been with a guy who’s into you more than and you felt the same way.  You’d think to yourself.

“I just got to give it a little more time.  I’m going to have more feelings because he’s so amazing.”  

See, this man thinks you’re absolutely amazing, but there is something missing.  It’s a chemical thing.  It’s an energetic thing.  It’s a spiritual thing between two people.  And he likes you, but he’ll never love you. And that’s the reason why he can’t commit, and that’s the reason why people are such poor communicators.  Stop taking table scraps.  When you desire a full meal, you go out to a restaurant and look at all the tables.

Look at all the people who haven’t finished their meal. Do you literally eat the scraps off of each table?  Because that is what you’re doing with a man who won’t commit. So you might as well start going into a restaurant and eating table scraps and not the full meal you desire.  So what if you desired a piece of fish?  Few crumbs of salad here, a few crumbs of hamburger there, a couple of French fries.  That will satisfy you, right?  Even though you’re absolutely craving the most amazing Ahi Tuna with miso sauce.

That’s right, go for what you crave.  Stand up for yourself, talk to this man.  Have some dignity and look in the mirror and realize the reason why he doesn’t commit is because he doesn’t have the balls to have the real conversation with you, and he never will.  So it’s up to you to have that conversation with him right now today. You can do it.  Because you deserve to eat a full meal and not accept anyone’s scraps.