long term relationshipsI want you to make a promise to me right now… I want you to make a promise that will make your dating life a million times better; You must NEVER tell a man on date number one or two, that you’re looking for a ‘life partner.’

In fact, I don’t want you to ever say that to a man you just started dating. When a man asks you what you’re looking for, you tell him you’re looking for the most spectacular, amazing relationship you’ve ever experienced. I’m going to explain something that needs to settle in your brain once and for all. You’ve not found a life partner up until this point, so whatever age you are now, it probably means you’re not going to find one. Now don’t get disappointed. Don’t get upset. Don’t get angry at me.

It doesn’t mean you’re not going to meet somebody spectacular and have a beautiful relationship that lasts many years. But you don’t go about looking for somebody with an end result in sight. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. He met a woman. He said it was really great up until about an hour into the date when she said she’s looking for a life partner.

She’s 58 years old. He’s 61.

I asked him if he liked her and he told me he liked her a lot. But he couldn’t fulfil her fantasy. He just wants to meet someone spectacular to enjoy his time with. We put so much pressure on ourselves searching for a life partner, when all we have is the present moment. In reality, most of us don’t know how to maintain a relationship anyway!

I want you to look right now at your life history. Think about your dating history and all the people you thought were going to be your life partner. Now if you’re honest with yourself, you’re equally at fault for these relationships not working out.

We go in with great intentions, but most of us lack the skills to have a relationship that goes the distance. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have this relationship. But if you tell somebody you want to have a spectacular relationship, and you want to take it day to day, what you’re telling them is you’re willing to work on things.

They know you’re going to be cool and fun to be around. No guy wants to feel you’re going to pressure him into marriage within months of being together. It’s about building your life step-by-step, and day by day. When you start a business you don’t look at it and say, “Hello business, I want you to be making me $1M a year by next month.”

We say to ourselves, “Hello business, I’m ready to dive in deep. I’m ready to dig into who you are. I’m ready to learn you and experience you and go through your ups and downs. Through this process, I’ll be building a great business that may make a million a year.”

It’s the same way with a relationship.  Tell somebody you’re willing to build something day by day, moment by moment.  You want to remain in the present.  You want to have fun.  You want to get to enjoy somebody, and have a spectacular relationship.  That is by far the best goal because it’s the most realistic.

I guarantee you that if you flip the switch, and you stop talking about life partnerships, and start talking about modern romance, meaning day by day, minute by minute, you’ll end up with a relationship that will last a long time, (probably break your personal records).

We all want that end goal. But we’re never going to get there unless we take it second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, and month by month.  Stay present.  Change the way you say it, and watch what happens the next time you’re out on a first date.