It’s a Saturday night.
It’s your second date, maybe your third.
And here you are, fooling around with him.
The pressure of having to sleep with him has been on you since you were 13 years old.
Now, you could be anywhere from your mid-30s to mid-40s to mid-50s, and the pressure is the same, so you give in.
And now you have this guy moving his hands awkwardly around your body.
Just like that little boy that was trying to grind up against you in high school; just like the little boys that you knew who were whacking off constantly—here he is.
Panting. Humping you. Doing anything he can to position his penis towards your vagina.
The problem is you’re just not ready yet. You’re not there, and you’re afraid to tell him because you feel so bad for the man.
“Oh my god, the poor guy. The poor guy is not going to be able to stick his penis inside the vagina tonight. Poor guy! Poor guy! He’s going to have to go masturbate again. Oh, I feel so bad for him…”
Stop feeling bad for him.
Start feeling for yourself. Start speaking up for yourself. It’s your vagina. You can do what you want with it!
It’s yours to play with. It’s yours to give. It’s yours to slide all over whoever’s pole you want to slide on, whenever you want to slide on it. Stop worrying about what he thinks all the time. And stop worrying if you’re a ‘tease.’
Be a tease! The more you tease, the more he wants it. So tease him.
Tease him three dates, four dates, five dates. Tease him over the phone. Tease him via text messages. Tease him on the Internet. Tease him via e-mail. But don’t give him the vagina until you are ready to give him the greatest, most powerful gift he’s ever experienced in his entire life.
Men have no clue how many orgasms a woman can have. It’s endless, and we are always vagina desirous and green with orgasm envy.
So you know what?
Knowing how much we crave the vagina, why do you give it to him so quickly? Make him limp his way home. Give him blue balls. Make him hurt, and make him beg to come back for more.
Send him to the guest room. Send him home on a two-hour drive—but don’t give up.
Don’t give in until you are ready.
Make him earn your vagina.
Great post Dave – quick question
How does one do heavy flirting and stay safe? What if a guy gets mad and decides to take what he wants?
I agree with Tina…how do you walk that fine line of teasing and know he’s someone you can trust not to get aggressive with you?
What if I’m horny too?
Guess I’ll say to myself: *think of cold water*
Teasing is too much work! lol Guys are too much work! lol There’s more urgent things like clothes and taking care of my body lol then to be led on by another guy who ends up not being seriously interested
Let’s do makeup! 
I’m interested to know the answers for Tina’s and Pam’s questions too David?
NO means NO, ladies. Look, the reality is that this may happen – with a date rape charge following…
If this concerns you – then state the boundaries really clearly. I am a big believer in staying out in public with a man as much as possible. Stay away from home cooked meals, DVD nights, the game on the TV, drinking if you need to drive home etc etc etc until you are ready to entertain the idea of sleeping with him. If you MUST know what his body looks like, take him for a swim, or a sauna and spa at the local gym under the guise of “health”.
If he starts getting really insistent, not letting up and scaring you – tell him that you would like to but can’t because of the two nasty STD’s that you are currently very contagious with. If and when he goes to get a condom – run. That should take care of the problem quite nicely!!!
If that doesn’t work just bring your knee up and get him in the groin.
Alternatively, you could also say that you would like to “get ready for him”. Put yourself in your bedroom and lock yourself in there. Alternatively, send him to the bedroom and exit through your front door and come back with some support.
I hope that this helps…
Leanne
Leanne
The biggest thing with date rape potential is listen to your gut. Your gut will mostly tell you if this man is decent or not.
THINK, THINK and THINK. Use your head to get out of it. Remember that he will be missing most of his blood flow to the brain as it will be distributed … well …elsewhere!
Please remember that the vast majority of men are decent people. They will accept “no”. Simply ensure that he knows that sex will happen sometime in the future.
Leanne xo
The fine line is called the wedding band! lol You tease a guy before you’re married to him and he never sees you as anything other than a slut ever again! (Just my experience) Teasing apparently seems to be for pickups and one night stands or at least that’s how guys interpret it! lol This one guy said that women like to be teased but most men don’t like to be teased and this what what I have found in my experience, unfortunately! Although I have also found that most women don’t like to be teased by me, either! lol
Just my experience
~
lol) Go spread your STDs elsewhere because I’m not going to be the one who catches them! I actually care about taking care of my body and some guy isn’t ever going to be worth more than it! 
lol
This one guy was insulting me for not being a slut and for following my religious morals and values and he said that he doesn’t want to have sex through a hole in a sheet on his wedding day. (I never said I was going to be doing that, either! :/) Ok, Infector! (Thank you, Laws of Power book!
Anyways, I LOVE teasing and I LOVE flirting so just pick your victims well! lol One of my girlfriends loves challenges, she loves choas, drama, just living life in impossible situations! lol She tells me that she loves my sense of humor, the things that I come up with give her good ideas, that I’m witty and she’s really witty and fun to tease and banter about things as long as I’m not doing it to HER! lol When I tease her she gets upset and I’m like, “don’t you like a challenge?” and she’s like, “Yes! I love a challenge but I don’t want to be challenged by YOU!” lol “Why? You’re afraid you’re gonna lose?”
lol
and I wish being competitive with guys didn’t scare them away but it does
lol Leanne!
I always just tell them, “I love you” and I don’t have to worry about ever seeing them again! lol
I shouldn’t say anything because I haven’t been in a situation where a guy tried to rape me and I don’t want girls to not try to fight back since they say that sometimes they are just looking for the person who doesn’t fight back but I have had 2 different guys physically attack me and seriously, I don’t have faith in self-defense. It seems like it’s more of an illusion. (I’m a sweet person! I didn’t even do anything bad to them to cause them. They just lost control and decided to take out their problems out on me.) I tried to physically defend myself against both of the guys but they just put me in a choke hold and it cuts off your oxygen and therefore, strength to use your arms and legs and the rest of your body to fight back and get away from them. I was extremely strong then (I did military physical fitness workouts for fun) and I’ve taken self defense classes. However, most girls can’t overpower guys! lol It’s a joke! lol (This is WHY guys don’t want strong, aggressive (in any way lol) or competitive women! lol) Guys are just bigger, fatter, lol stronger and biologically designed at attack wild animals and overpower them! lol One of the guys even came back and attacked and hurt me worse and he was like, “well, you kicked me last time and it hurt!” “Oh boo f*cking hoo, beater!” lol He’s never going to care that he’s the one who hurt me 1st but you forgive and forget and ALWAYS wear stilettos with a sharp spiked heel! lol I kind of like 8 inch heels where I’m now taller than guys! lol Except one guy wants to date who’s 6’5!! omg!!
@leanne – why are you yelling?
@loveforever – agreed most men can easily overpower a women no matter how fit or well trained we are. The number one rule in self defense is to avoid putting yourself in a risky situation in the first place.
I’m sure that one guy would have raped me but he couldn’t since he has a micropenis
Thanks, Leanne. I know someone who did a lot of online dating and I was always amazed at how many men would invite her over to their place for the second date (or sometimes even the first one) and more importantly, the fact that she always accepted. When I asked her, “Hey, aren’t you worried that one of these guys could attack you–especially considering they’re still strangers at this point and you don’t know them?” she got pissed at me. Inviting someone to their residence–even if the invite is to “watch a movie” is really saying, “I’m inviting you over because I want to get into your pants.”
lol I’m always wondering why guys from online dating don’t even want to meet at a public place for the 1st meeting!! :O It’s really hard to get them to meet at a *public* (not their bedroom lol) place!! lol Aren’t they ever concerned that the person online could be someone else?? lol
or they ask to come over to my place! lol They can’t be serious! lol They’re probably just seeing what I’ll say! They’re always just leading on! Ugh!!
and what do you tell them when they ask what you’re looking for? Then they just pretend to be all of those things! lol omg!! Anyways I always tell them “integrity” and so far none of them have said that they have it! lol Oh the search goes on… lol My brothers have it so there have to be some other guy somewhere out there that perhaps could also have it! lol
There was even this one guy on a Christian dating site that wrote on his profile that he didn’t want to get physical in any way (no kissing, etc) in the beginning (pretty typical of the guys on Christian dating sites! lol jk! Tight! Tight! Tight! lol) So I thought, “I’ll tease him! This will be fun!” and I teased him real good and he was one of the few guys that I’ve met that actually loved to be teased! He just got to the point where he was begging me to do something physical (not necessarily sexual) with him and I kept saying, “Oh but bummer! we can’t! Says in your profile “no physical contact”! lol
If they don’t want to meet at a public place then I wouldn’t bother even responding. What guy in his right mind would think this is OK??? Way to go helping her feel safe and secure. Guys should be “courting” us and the only way to do that is to insist that they date us properly until we decide it’s time to give them our vagina.
Thank you so much, Honey!! I don’t know what I’m supposed to expect from guys and dating these days!! OMG! unless I’m totally serious, I don’t get taken seriously! Ugh! No more teasing guys!!
Online Dating needs to be renamed Online Time Wasting lol because that’s all that guys do!! lol I’ve been getting to know this one guy who is older than me (+ 8) but he’s got his stuff together!! lol (but he’s divorced and we’re not supposed to date the divorced guy! lol) It’s not that fun b/c we’re all serious (except I still slip and accidentally do teases but I’m working on it! lol) and it’s like swapping resumes lol but I am SO SICK of having my time and life wasted by these guys who are just leading me on, playing games, promising things that they never intend to fulfill in the 1st place, expect me to run the entire conversation, never ask anything back about me or are interested in getting to know me, don’t take me seriously because I have a sense of humor, lol expect me to fill their time (where do they even get all of this free time?!?!? lol), waste my life texting them all day everyday, give them my # for no other reason than that they can now add me to their “how many girls #’s can I get” list, lol ho myself out with pictures (so that they have future blackmail material lol), drive to meet them, travel to other countries to meet them, lol etc! Ugh!! 
They all ONLY talk about themselves in conversation and then get upset when I don’t say anything back! What am I supposed to say?? We’ve talked about you for an entire hour and you haven’t asked anything back!! lol
or are just looking to add you to their Facebook friends! lol All of this ^ spells out to me “not really interested” but so does them not approaching 1st or not talking 1st! lol so confused!! but this is also why my girlfriends all say that they like older guys!!
LOL, yes, I went out with a guy from OKCupid last year who was exactly like that–talked endlessly about himself all night and didn’t ask me one question. However, with him I got the impression that he was nervous/clueless about dating. There is another extreme that some women have experienced and that’s the interrogator who fires off one question after another and doesn’t offer any information about himself. I don’t know which type is worse.
lol Pam!
I wouldn’t mind it if the guys were interested! It just seems like most of them just want a girl’s attention and aren’t looking for it to go anywhere! (And this exact thing is what a guy was recently complaining to me that he was sick of girls doing to HIM! lol)
I feel like guys’s therapist, too! (“Wow! That is really extraordinary that you achieved that!” lol) I’m going to send them a bill from now on! lol
or I’ll be like, “so what inspired you to be that?” and he’ll be like, “my dad died when I was a kid.” and I’m thinking, “oh my God…I can’t believe I just got myself into this…”
I’ve been wondering if I tell them that I’m looking for friendship 1st that it would help to get guys who are looking for something more than someone to fill their empty time or if that would eliminate guys who are looking for dating!
That reminds me of this one guy that I was chatting online with one time on OKCupid! OMG! Not the good type of “talks about himself” lol At least the guys that talk about themselves now aren’t doing it in that way!
Pam, I’m curious what you think of OKCupid…
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what kind of guy that I’m looking for. The guys that I’m attracted to don’t have the things that I’m passionate about in common with me and they don’t have money lol and my passions require a lot of money lol and I don’t want to live a lower status lifestyle! lol I’ve been through too much hell to go back down! Never again! lol The guys in my passions are gay so a relationship with them isn’t even an option! lol I’ve tried, too! lol They aren’t switching to women! lol They want to talk about guys! lol omg! Not sure what to do! lol It’s like when guys ask me what my interests, hobbies etc are they don’t understand that makeup, hair, glamour and clothes take time! lol A lot of time when you’re good at them!! lol omg! I’m not really happy with guys that I can’t be myself with!
I’m happier being with me! lol
LoveForever, I never had any luck with OKCupid. I tended to attract lots of weirdos (one guy with a foot fetish who asked me up front if my feet were ticklish) and another who kept viewing…and viewing…and viewing my profile (and who sent me 3 emails because he didn’t get the hint that I wasn’t interested.) I’ve had slightly better luck with Match–I think because they require payment, so you’re getting people on there who are a little more serious about looking for an actual relationship because they’re paying to use the site. But right now I’m not using anything because I really want to meet guys in person.
Regarding not knowing what you’re looking for, I recommend making out a soulmate wish list with exactly what you want on it…determining what it is that you exactly want is the first step to attracting it into your life.
Thank you enormously for your brilliant help, Pam!! I appreciate it more than you could imagine!! I love you!!
Smooches!! xoxo
OMG! Ewww…you must have been beyond uncomfortable from that guy! Now this is making me wonder about every guy that has come up to me and complimented my shoes! lol It’s scary what kind of people free sites attract! lol I would think that it wouldn’t matter but I forget that that is a MAJOR problem! lol
OMG! One guy wanted to act out his rape fantasy with me! lol I was like, “uhhh…” lol well THANK YOU for asking AHEAD of time! lol Oh no! There’s more! lol He wanted me to WRITE OUT THE STORYLINE FOR *HIS* FANTASY! lol You’ve got to be kidding me!! lol I’m like, “How?!?! I’ve never fantasized about raping someone!” I actually told him this! lol He’s like, “well no other girl will agree to do this.” DUH LOL omg…. It gets worse!! He wanted to film it!! Where do these guys come from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems funny now but it happened not long after the time that I was violently abused by another guy and now I was having a major emotional breakdown and flashbacks of when I was violently hurt and I was like, WAAAAAAAAAAAAA crying.
There were other worse koo koos, too! lol I can’t even tell those on here!! lol
Sorry David I don’t agree, yes I enjoy the sexual banter and flirting but I am not counting or worrying how many dates I am on before I have sex. For me if the desire is there and I feel safe I am going for it. Now maybe it is my age but I don’t see anything wrong with indulging my sex drive if I want to. I happen to love sex and I have tried not having sex and jumping in right away both have their positive and negative. Which is why I go more with my gut feeling than try to follow any rules.
I totally agree with you Michelle. I am 24, I still trust my gut feeling.
Dave – I think men lose interest if you give them sex at least by the third date.
I do a lot of online dating and sometimes, I have two dates with a man in one week but I’m still not sure if I’m ready to sleep with him.
I know that I have lost a lot of men’s interest because of this. I don’t back down easily and I feel much better after reading this blog…..
Hi, I must confess I did not continue to read all the comments. Maybe I have got this wrong here ladies…but and here’s the but. I don’t think David is suggesting to ‘play’ a game. That would be a dangerous game indeed. Isn’t he just suggesting that we ‘own’ our vagina?! It’s a gift ‘our’ gift and out gift to someone lucky enough. Firstly, we should be screening the type of guy that’s gets intermate with us (yes, this area I have neglected before:P). Yes, he maybe a little peeved at first. So many of us have put out under pressure or feel bad for him etc etc. We just made a mistake, tonight (or whenever) if when don’t want to go that far. Own it
I am in my 30′s and I finally realised I have slept with quite a few people for the wrong reasons. Shoe on the other foot – I dated a guy who made me wait in a glorious anticipation for a FEW dates (i was well rewarded along the way) but when finally….well it was worth the wait. Maybe that was his lesson to me 
)
This is just fucking awful. Sure sticking up for yourself is great if you don’t want to be in the situation you’re in… but if I ever get a girlfriend, I hope she’s more mature than this and doesn’t get off at making me feel bad, like I’m not good enough or missed an opportunity. Oh well, time to watch more porn.
If she is interested in what you do, she will ask more. In order to find the ideal partner, both time and money must be allocated efficiently.
This sequence corresponds to the number associated with the
check fund amount.