Today I want to go over an email.
I want to share it with you because I get emails like this all the time.
So many women seem to be in a dead-end relationships waiting for a man to come around an change hos mind and want them just as bad as they want him.
Does this sound familiar to you?
This is an email I got from Maria:
David
I am with a man who I enjoy and have feelings for. We see each other once a week or less—it all depends on his crazy life. He tells me that things will calm down soon and he can give me more of his time.
This has been going on for over a year and half now.
What do you think I should do? I am starting to get really depressed by this whole situation.
– Maria
This is a great e-mail to answer.
And I’ve got a really simple solution for you, Maria:
Walk.
If the man wants to be with you, he’ll be with you.
But he seems like he’s stringing you along. You’re sex to him. You’re a hook-up to him. You’re somebody he wants to see every once in a while—like now.
He doesn’t want a relationship.
When I want a relationship with a woman, I want it. I wouldn’t string them along. I’m not one foot in, one foot out; I’m not on the fence.
Whenever, I’ve ever been on the fence in a relationship, it’s because I really didn’t want it.
Sure I would tell you lots of great things.
I would tell you that I want a relationship.
I would tell you that I want something special.
I’d make up excuses about not being ready right now.
I’d make up other excuses about how crazy things are at work and once things calm down I’ll be able to concentrate on what we have.
But in reality, I didn’t want you.
And I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth.
He just doesn’t want you the way you want him. And he knows it. He enjoys the little bit of you that he can get, and he enjoys the little bit of him that he can give.
Being depressed and obsessed over a guy that doesn’t want you isn’t healthy.
Obsession is usually not a healthy word.
So stop giving men such a long period of time to walk all over you. You deserve far better. You’re a better woman than that. You deserve a lot better than some guy stringing you along like a Christmas ornament on his sex tree.
Go get a real man and feel the intensity of his desire for you. Then you’ll know when a man really wants you, because it’ll be nothing like you’re feeling now.
I’ve been through a couple of relationships like that – oh what an idiot I was!
He told me all the time that work was really demanding and I needed to be patient.
I actually considered it a “relationship”?! When you’re feeling depressed, you put up with anything.
Actions speak louder than words. If he wants to be with you, he’ll call, he’ll email, he’ll set up dates. As soon as I read “a year and a half” I was thinking “Run!” (Never mind “walk”!)
Is there an old saying, “love makes you blind?” lol Wow, such similar problems at times with men and women when it comes to relationships. I can see a guy doing the same thing when he’s hooked on a gal who is not hooked on him. Sounds like fishing…lol In a way, finding that special someone could be considered fishing…lol
I think what happened to this gal is a learning experience, she should “walk” that guy doesn’t want to be with her. When you walk out of something like that, you give that special guy a chance to find you who will want to be with you and make time to be with you, who will love you for who you are!
I’ve had men come on REALLY strong and want several dates in one week – only later to find out, they were players.
I can’t seem to win either way but I won’t give up…..
Jen,
When a guy whom you just met, wants to go on several dates in a week is similar (with one particular difference) to a guy who hardly wants to date you at all.
Sadly, there are many guys who have a hard time with communicating with women which is why you haven’t been rescued yet, but I love the fact that your not giving up, there is always hope for better days to come and in fact they eventually do come…:)
Hi Mike!
I’m too stubborn to give in! :0)
I’ve had quite a lot of men push for several dates quickly – then they’ve disappeared after I jumped into the sack quickly.
But then I’ve had other men who have pushed for several dates quickly but they were very sweet but very needy.
Dating is very confusing….we’re speaking a different language…
Correction to the comment above – men have disappeared after I HAVEN’T jumped into the sack quickly….
Jen,
Here is the thing, if guys want to go too fast with you, that should be a red flag. A guy who goes slower wants to take the time to get to know you and connect with you on a deeper level, and it is a sign of confidence rather than the player or needy types…The only exception is that your traveling, let’s say you’ll be there a week and you meet someone, of course with that short amount of time, he may then want to date you several times that week.
Hi Mike,
That’s great advice – thank you for your help!
I agree – the men who move too fast are best to be avoided. But I weaken sometimes because I want to hear sweeting sayings.
My impatience, unfortantley, makes me dismiss men who are a little shy or who take the time to get to know me…..
I’m learning a lot from you.
Jen,
One requires track shoes with you…lol
Do you think David moves too slow with women? I believe your not meeting the right guys who are going slow with you, because even guys who are going slower than a player or the needy types, will say things that will make you feel like a woman.
Hopefully your impatience doesn’t drag you down with a lot of guys who are in the end, not the relationship types. You are looking for a relationship right or are you just looking to have fun without a relationship?
Hi Mike!
You’re right – I’m not finding the men who go a bit slower. I take quite awhile to become comfortable.
My experience with online dating was not a lot of fun. Frustrating – men would text me occasionally, who I believed were secretly married, as they ONLY had time to meet me after 10?!
Two men gave me the impression that we were getting along brilliantly in emails……all of them created a great build up to our pending first date……texted an hour before meeting to ask if I was excited to finally meet……none of them showed up and I felt like a complete twat.
The frustrating thing about meeting people online is that some men give off the impression that it should move quickly. .I’ve always just preferred, for example, mingling with colleages and getting to know them as friends first.
Patience is wearing thin right now.
I’m just looking for a relationship, not a fling. Gawd, I’ve gone on a bit haven’t I? Thank you for your time.
good article!
Jen,
You are looking for your fairytale! I haven’t had great experiences either with meeting women over the internet. Although the ones I did were great! No, they were not my soul mate, but it wasn’t a nightmare either. I try to do my best to pick quality women.
Slower is often times better, never let a guy rush you! The thing you should change is e-mails! Your open to build a friendships in person with co-workers but not strangers from the net. Three e-mails at the most before you either see him or not. Because you get to know a person better in person than e-mails. Otherwise they become pen pals!
You put yourself out there and the right guy will discovered you!
Hi Mike,
Yep, I am looking for my fairytale….I guess that I expected online dating to be similar to the people’s experience on the eharmony commercials. Yes, I realise that they’re actors but they’re very convincing!
I’m just a little shocked by how often I’ve been stood up….and my ego is bruised.
I rattled on about my travels around the world in my profile – is this scaring potential suitors off? I always had a hard time trying to decide if I should delete that but i didn’t want to come across as a couch potatoe.
Thank you