I know you have dated this man many times before. So how do we avoid him.
1. He’s very sporadic in the way he calls you.
He’ll call you once in a while. You’ll have some momentum. Then you go out on a date or two or even three, and then he won’t call you again for two weeks. What does that mean? He’s unavailable. Not a man who’s busy. He’s shopping for other women, looking around, in another relationship, whatever it might be.
2. He tells you everything.
“Oh my God, he’s just the best!” you tell your friends. When you’re out on a date with him, it’s unreal. You feel like you have met your soul mate. You feel like you have met the guy that you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with. It’s the most incredible feeling you’ve ever had on a date. And then he disappears and doesn’t call you for four days. He’s what I call the promiser. He looks great in person while he’s right in front of you, but in reality he cannot act on any of the promises. Granted, you actually may be exactly what he really wants in a woman, but something is holding him back and he’ll be floating in and out. He’s an unavailable man.
3. He tells you he’s not looking for a relationship right from the beginning.
He tells you this the very first date, but still you think about what he said and, being a female, well, you think some more. “He doesn’t mean what he says. Once he gets me, once we start seeing each other on the regular, once we start sleeping together, once we start hanging, he’s going to realize he’ll want a relationship.” No. He told you from the get-go. You need to listen more and interpret less. You need to realize he’s being honest. Which leads me to number four…
4. He talks the talk…
Listen really carefully to everything the man says. See if all his stories match up. Listen carefully and see if his words are backed by actions. Men that are unavailable will tend to speak a lot, and they’ll talk about great things. They’lll seem amazing on paper. But when you’re around him a while, his actions will not back up his words.
Those are four quick, easy tips to know if you’re dating an unavailable man. Of course there are plenty of other ones. And of course this is NOT definitive or guaranteed. I don’t want to get inside your head that much. But I do want you to realize that if a man that you’re dating has any one of those characteristics (or more than one), there’s a good chance that he is unavailable and he’s not worthy of your time.
David, what do I say to guys who ask me out for dinner or drinks but I don’t want tod do either of those? I used to just never talk to them again lol but now I’ve found guys that I would be interested in going to dinner with (as long as I don’t have to eat anything! lol but that makes them kinda…sorta…furious? lol). I don’t want to make other suggestions b/c it’s seems like what a dominant, controlling woman does! lol
Also, after being on the trash dating site for like FOREVER lol and talking to bad guys, right before I deleted my profile, I met this one guy who is HILARIOUS!! LOL!!
OMG!! I just got rid of another guy (after that player) who was playing games and wasting my time!! Ugh!! Grow up loser! lol OMG!! He acted like such a baby and blamed me (at least over 3 times) for him sending me his shirtless pics when I never asked and did not want them (but they all do it! lol)!! Please!! Take responsibility for your own actions!! You’re 30!! Ugh!! lol
David, what do I say to guys who ask me out for dinner or drinks but I don’t want to do either of those? (I don’t drink and I’m not eating my diet in a restaurant! lol) I used to just never talk to them again lol but now I’ve found good guys that I am interested in going to dinner with (as long as I don’t have to eat anything! lol but that makes them kinda…sorta…furious? lol These are expensive restaurants, too!). I don’t want to make other suggestions b/c it’s seems like what a dominant, controlling woman does! lol
Also, after being on the trash dating site for like FOREVER lol, going through and talking to 100s of bad guys (who couldn’t get the conversation past “how are you?” lol), right before I deleted my profile, I met this one guy who is HILARIOUS!! LOL!! and I know a lot of really funny guys! OMG! and we hit it off immediately! He acts like a man, is hard-working, not a phoney when it comes to religion and treats his daughter like a princess (even though he’s not rich and he’s in his young 20′s). I’m just looking to be friends and am wary that it could blow up in my face lol since I met him from that site but it’s so weird that I meet him right before I leave there forever!
I was so dumb, too! lol I didn’t even know that that was a trash site! lol
oops! can the mods please delete my 1st post? My computer accidentally went to another screen somehow and it must have posted what I was writing before I finished it!
OMG!! Soooooo many guys are that #2!! All promises, no action!! The hilarious guy that I mention above is kind of the opposite of that. He does all of the actions and doesn’t blab about promises that are never going to happen! lol
I’m the girl version of #4! lol I just make everything I talk about to guys about myself up since the reality is so boring! Gotta keep it entertaining!
They’re like thinking, “how can she have money with the job she said she does?” lol
I always think of your # 1 as The Flake lol #2 as Mr. Broken Promises lol # 3 as The User/has STDs lol (I’m not interested when I hear him say this even though I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship right now. Just to get to know new people!) He uses people! lol and #4 depends on what his lies are and what he actually does! If he’s an unkind guy, sometimes The Loser. If he’s kind, sometimes Like Me/Fun!
lol
What’s the type of guy that I call The Fake/The Actor/The Psychopath? lol “Half of Guys”? lol
I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this dating stuff, but the first thing that I look for is if the guy is genuinely kind! OMG!! Like half of them put on this big act in the beginning of being kind and it’s totally fake!! Then, eventually they snap and the act is gone! lol It’s terrifying!! A psychopath or a monster emerges!! I swear! That’s what happened with that last player that broke my heart! He started to get angry and then he just snapped into a monster and he held up the kindness act for a long time! lol I don’t know what was causing him to get angry (besides that he has the # 1 most stressful occupation! lol). So I read somewhere that the most important thing is to see how a guy reacts to arguments, so I kind of lol make little fake fights to see how they will react! lol and the Player didn’t take that too well and he snapped into a monster! It was scary! and I was just playing/teasing him!
And when a guy’s occupation is “Actor” forget it! lol I’m gone! No way!! lol
Also, when I tried the religious dating sites, I came across a new type! and it’s not a good one! lol The Religious Phony!! Never met so many guys like that! I know the female ones in real life, though! lol OMG!! When the guy starts out preaching God at me, he will turn out to be the complete opposite!! OMG! Scary! The guys who were genuine with their religious beliefs never preached God at me!
Can you put more types?
Re: # 4
Speaking of inconsistent stories, this one guy said that he didn’t get any presents for Christmas because he doesn’t have any family. Then, afterwards, when I asked him what he did for Christmas, he said he spent it cooking for his mother! lol (?!?!?!) I’m like, “Isn’t your mother family?” lol
David, I finished reading your book and save me useless hours of thinking too much. This month, I met a gentleman through a mutual friend. He called me and we talked for 2 hours and decided to meet the folowing week. He ask permission to call me every night. Every night we talk for 2 hours until the day of our meeting. We decided to meet at a coffee place inside a bookstore. Our first meeting lasted over four hours and we went to each section of the bookstore and told each other our favorite things we liked. The next day he asked me out on our first date. Since he is a chef, we went to his favorite restaurant. We had a good time. This was the first time I wasnt afraid to let my guard down and really communicate. I was my true self. We were laughing and joking. My last two relationships were basically physically since I was out of a long term relationship and now divorced. I didnt want to get hurt again and open my heart again. I felt safe keeping men distant. Now Im ready and I didnt know until I met this guy. I couldnt believe how open I was to him. I was honest and told him what I was looking for. Before, I didnt pay attention and now I was listening to his life story. He didnt ask me out again and thats ok with me. I thank my friend for introducing us and wish him the best. The day I ask him to come join me to listen to my favorite local band. He couldnt make it. I still went with my friends. The singer came and introduce himself to me. During his break, he sat next to me and we talked. Before I left, he ask for my number. Wow, I couldnt believe it. Im available for a relationship and now guys are right in front of me.
OMG….you just nailed it right on!!!! If I had just read this 4 months ago, I would have saved myself months of wasted time.. You are sooo right! Kudos my man! Thank you!!!
What about if i met this guy. He does all the 4 things, but difference is he kept his promises and he doesn’t disappear. And he especially keep emphasizing on #3, whereby he constantly told me to NOT fall in love with him because he is not ready.
Isn’t him selfish to do all the sweet stuffs to me but ask me not to fall in love with him?? The fact is, now I am not sure if I have fallen in love with him :S
Jennifer
Good job and did you enjoy my book:)
WOWEEEEEEEEE………..that was just amazing!!!This guy was 3 out of 4 and I caught him slipping up a few times and you wanna feel if your hearing things but i ran it past my bestie and she said NO WAY YOU COULD MESS UP SOMTHIN’ LIKE THAT..no way!We spent many hours a day on the phone 5 days a week then on the weekend he hardly called we spent hours at night on video chat.He kept only wanting fwb even though he spent all this time and told me everything for almost 6 months and said he liked our friendship and didn’t want to lose it.Then I agreed and wrote him back And said I’m not gonna be able to do fwb cause I had feelings for him and i still wanted to be friends Now, he has nothing to do with me:(:( I’ve spent the last month and a half grieving this loss …this guy is 40 not 17 !!!I felt he was my soul mate like you said!!this is the best thing I have read yet..Thank you David for all of us! THANK YOU!!!:)YOU WILL SAVE US ALL ALOT OF HEART BREAKS!! GIRLS LISTEN UP TO THE MASTER!!!:)
David Wygant is a god.
That is all.
Heidi
Thanks for the sweet god like remark:)
David,
I have been seeing a man who lives 3 hrs away from me. We have had some amazing times together and after 10 months of dating we have moved to saying I love you to each other. I have introduced my him to my family as a close friend. he has stayed at my home several times. I have yet to met his family or be invited down to his home. He still has 2 teenage girls living at home and I have told him I am not wantng to him to declare me as anything but a friend to his family. I have also told him I this is important to me. That was a month ago but still nothing. I realize with teenagers that it is important to go slow but am I wrong for expecting him to at least introduce me?
Dear Michelle,
I would tread very carefully if I were you. I could be way wrong on this, but my Husband worked away from home and had a five year affair with a young girl without me knowing. She wouldn’t have met our children either because then I would have known he was having his affair. Protect yourself and get more info on him. If you haven’t met family members or friends by now he is hiding something.
If he had nothing to hide he would want to show you off to everyone.
She was 21 at the time and he was 34. It would be easy for him to manipulate the situation. take care
I had number one,which feels like number 2 ,lol,but I recognized something was very wrong right away,also realized something was very weird when he would call and I would call back 10 minutes later and he would not answer ,never answer my calls ,would stop texting me with no explanations like hey gotta get going ,and had no voicemail on his phone,,never had weekends free,,and did not talk much on weekends,did not make plans with me for dates too far in the future,he would change them last minute as well.I figured it out because my ex bf did this sort of thing before he broke up with me, and also I was flirting with guys on text when I dated him,it was harmless but I behaved that way would be texting away then not talk for hours or days again.
I meant to say my ex boyfriend was dating girls while we were still together,so I could see how that my look to the other woman.
I’ve been back and forth with a guy online – immediately, in the first email – he told me his sob story about his ex-wife. A bit heavy for the first email, I thought. I just asked about your hobbies!
Over the course of five emails, he has not once asked me what I like or want but he rattles off lists of 10 requirements, he expects from a partner?!
Latest email today – he can’t wait to see me, to touch me, to see if I’m real. He lives two provinces over from me but we haven’t talked about that. LOSER!
Sh*t!!!!
I am totally head over heels for a guy that is unavailable (he was honest from the get go he works crazy hours, not looking for a relationship etc)…except for the occasional get together, which is great fun but always leaves me wanting more ….arrrgggg!!!