You deserve a perfect 10.
Wait a second, what is David talking about? I thought he didn’t like the number stuff. I thought he said that anybody that rates people with numbers was immature. I thought he said that there is only a “one” and a “two”: one, you want to hang with; two, you don’t. What is he talking about, the “perfect 10”?
When I talk about a “perfect 10” I’m talking about everything that you want—that’s your perfect 10. Everything that you deserve is your perfect 10.
You should never use the number system to rate men; it is a little immature, and it is a little ridiculous. Not only that, but it just makes you look like an idiot if anybody ever hears you talking that way. Plus, you’re not perfect, so why should you be rating other people?
So, here is what is important about the perfect 10: the perfect 10 is somebody that you are so ridiculously attracted to that he is a perfect 10. He’s amazing; he’s hot; he’s sexy; and here’s the deal: you need to find your version of the perfect 10 because otherwise, you’re never going to be satisfied.
If you’re constantly settling on men that don’t really rock your world, that you don’t find absolutely beautiful inside and out, you’re constantly going to be looking and you’re constantly going to be wondering what else there is out there.
Every woman deserves her perfect 10. And you should never be influenced by your friends. If you think a man is absolutely, incredibly gorgeous; if you think he’s sexy as can be; if you think he’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen—stop getting validated by your friends.
If your friends tell you that you can do better, what does that matter? The only thing that matters is how you feel, how you look at that man, and what you think of him—not what your friends think. You don’t need all your friends to be jealous. What’s important is what you think about him.
So, you’re perfect 10 is going to be somebody that you say wow to, that you think is amazing, that you find sexy all the time. So, stop being influenced by outside sources. Stop trying to prove yourself through outside sources, and start looking at the people you date, and ask yourself: is he the man that is going to turn me on? Is he the man that’s a perfect 10 on the inside? Is he the man that is going to rock my world in every way, shape, and form?
If you’re not with a man that you think is the perfect 10, you need to let him go. Get back out there, start talking it up, and start finding your perfect 10.
If relationships are all about compromise, how do you distinguish between elements/traits that you can compromise on and what is required. I’m concerned of having too high of a standard that no one can meet.
You start with the courage to list your “must have” standards and pursue them. Along the way you’ll discover if they’re truly realistic and what you may need to redefine as your “Perfect 10.” (It helps to know what their “must haves” are as well … if they have any respect for themselves.)
That said I don’t know if your standards are too high, too low or just right, but I do know that you’re the one who has to find out. This way you’re setting yourself up for a relationship that’s built on compatibility rather than compromise.
Krista,
I’m not sure exactly what my answer would be for you, but I will try, if I may. It’s twofold.
First of all, there can be ‘non negotiables’, things that you MUST have in a mate. But, there shouldn’t be a laundry list of them so long that NO MAN could ever attain all of them! I personally have a few deal breakers that I won’t budge on, but they’re also things that lead me to my second point – they are things that I’m happy to give in return.
Don’t ask for anything that you’re not willing to give, or do, yourself, for your mate (if at all possible). For example, I desire a partner (ultimately, when I am ready for one) who is very romantic. Not just in how he talks to me, but what he does; little gestures as well as big ones, and not just on special occasions. I am a romantic at heart, and love to lavish this on a partner. So it’s reciprocal.
Sometimes, or should I say, often these days, we are so caught up in what we want, and wanting it now, that we forget that it’s a two-way street! What are WE willing to give in return? Are WE being the Perfect 10!? Everyone loves to drool over porn stars, but I don’t want to see the porn, I want to BE the porn!
Try making a Soul Mate list. Write down 100 traits that your lover must have. And, be VERY specific! Leave no stone unturned. If you’ve had a decent amount of experience in relationships/dating, you won’t have trouble coming up with 100 items. But, no peeking at it for a year! Seal the envelope, release your Intent into the Universe, and put it away.
A year later, open it. If you’re attached at that point, compare it to the traits your loved one has. If you’re in the 80% range or better, he’s probably a keeper! Consider yourself blessed. Remember, you WILL attract someone with these traits, so be VERY specific! I have done this exercise myself. To my chagrin, my last significant ex didn’t have as many traits as I’d hoped for, and I didn’t ask for enough! Enough in the sense of painting a very clear portrait of what I want in a man, and that man being right for ME. I am going to redo it sometime soon, and be very, very clear on what I want this time around.
I hope that this helps! Best of luck on your search.
Thanks again David for another lightning bolt of a blog post! Blessed be to you and your crew!
Dez
@ Krista: it’s about being aware of what is negotiable for you and what is not. I must have honesty, trust,reliability and tolerance for example.
Ladies, read this book, “The 7 Myths about LOVE…Actually!. The journey from your HEAD to the HEART of your SOUL” by Mike George. Or just email him and he’ll give you it for free. You’ll never have a problem with love for the rest of your life after reading it.
Thanks…I’ll check it out..
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and feedback. I do have my list of core values, but I think it could be a great exercise for me to get real detailed about them, to support the Law of Attraction. I guess I’m still a little marred from dating someone in the Fall. I always felt like he blamed for our various miscommunications etc. I wondered if my standards were too high, but I think I just need to keep telling myself we weren’t compatible despite having great chemistry. I don’t want to get into a negative head space and call a guy an a-hole, so I take David’s approach and just tell myself we were looking for different things. But yet he still calls every once in a while. He called me this Monday but didn’t leave a message. It’s been hard not calling him back because I’m just curious to know what he wants
This is the first time I’m not responding to him.
I must have a guy who wants to play games! lol Sorry but I love it!!
OMG!! I accidentally sent a REALLY naughty text to the WRONG guy!! lol OMG!! I’m so embarrassed!! I’m just going to be like, “You have a dirty mind! That’s not what that means!” lol
“Are WE being the Perfect 10!?”
Yes! We are!
lol
This one guy was telling me that he was single b/c girls play psychological games and then I replied with a game-playing reply lol (to see if he would get it! Nope! lol I’m so mean! lol) So then he was like asking me what we should do and I’m like, “play games!” lol And he’s still interested! Hey, told him upfront! lol Another guy is soooo clever with his teasing, I absolutely hate him!! lol while at the same time, I just want to get all over him!! lol
I have a huge list and there are about 4 non-negotiables on it for me. And I read my list and I enhance it. Eg: I had someone who LOVES to travel which now I’ve edited…LOVES to travel for pleasure. I’m not looking for someone who travels 90% of the time – lesson learned. LOL!
Cris
My first dating experience since I made that list, read it once or twice a week and incorporated meditation to clear obstacles in my life (not just in love)..I met a great guy – didn’t work out but he helped me to get even more specific on that list and I learned a ton about myself from the relationship, too. I love the list because it gets me in a romantic mood just thinking of how great a guy I’m going to meet.
Thank you, David, for the blog – awesome..and yes…at least physically I’ll take Daniel Craig anyway..not that Rachel would every throw him back! LOL!
Cris – you’re post really inspired me and I wrote down my list of wants, needs and some deal breakers and was specific on how it feels to be with my “perfect” partner.