What a great weekend in Seattle!! The bootcamp went down as being one of my favorites. I will be posting some amazing transformations this week from the bootcamp!
People are always asking me, “how do you make somebody be attracted to you?”
You don’t MAKE somebody be attracted to you – you create attraction. You create attraction by making people feel good – by listening to them, by talking to them, and by engaging them in a conversation.
You create attraction by communicating with someone and paying him or her a compliment – not an over-the top-compliment but a genuine one. A compliment that means something.
If you see someone that you haven’t seen in a while, you say to them, “wow, you look really good.” It has to be something that comes from your heart. Attraction is the art of making people feel wanted and desired. It’s about making people feel special.
So many people are afraid to say what is on their mind. They don’t want to let it out because they don’t want to feel vulnerable. But you can’t get people to become attracted to you unless you are vulnerable. Without being vulnerable, whom are they really becoming attracted to? You have to be attracted to yourself.
I’m really into paying genuine compliments. I like to pay compliments to people. If someone looks really good, I’m all about telling them that. But don’t forget – I’m not doing that to manipulate or create a false attraction. I’m doing it because it’s legitimate. I mean it and I feel it.
That’s how you create attraction – or reveal it. Creating real attraction is by being honest and not being afraid to say things. So many times people are thinking that there is this “magic pill” to create attraction, when in reality it doesn’t exist.
The only way to do it is by making somebody feel good. You have to talk to them and listen to what they have to say – and react to what they say. Take the conversation deeper.
Smile. Touch them a little bit. Touch their arm or their shoulder. Look directly into their eyes. When they say something that is funny, laugh! When they say something that is emotional – and it makes you feel sad – show that emotion.
Attraction is about making somebody feel great in your presence. It’s about being open, honest, and being real. It’s not about manipulation. There is no manipulating when it comes down to attraction.
Real attraction is created when you are being genuine with someone. Be authentic. If you are authentic you can create attraction.
Stop trying to chase everybody out there. So many men are in chase-mode and so many women operate in desperation-mode.
You’re either attracted to someone or you’re not. We’re all attracted to people who make us feel really good when they are around.
David,
this is one of your the best posts for me over the year I am here on the blog! Thank you for putting this in words. This is gold to me! Seriously.
I have read it already three times and probably will read more..
I never realized this thing – attraction. Always though I will make people like me by manipulating them, making them to like me by some techniques. shit. Truly listening (=be in the moment), engaging them in conversation, celebrating their victories, be genuine = that’s attraction. I loove it!
I saw this movie two weeks ago and it is one of the best movies I have ever seen in my entire life – Peaceful Warrior ( thank you for recommendation, Khiem
I suggest to everyone out to there to rent it and watch! ) and Nick Nolte said to that kid => a real warrior is about absolute vulnerability
But, what does it mean to be (absolutely) vulnerable? Can somebody put into words for me please?
Slava: I will look for “The Peaceful Warrior”. I’m not sure what the movie is about, but I do know that Samuari warriors acted only from the point of duty and honor. They would commit their life to that. One fight, one life, one breath. Martial arts training, thought me to look at your own weaknesses, not the weakenesses of others. Through this personal examination of your own weakness, you let go of fear. I never really thought about it, but David helps people face their fears, and with that creates strength. Davids a Samuari, helping others face their fears. Through that examination they become strong and confident. Warriors!
nice blog! now i finally understand why people that are afraid to give compliments are not attractive.
David, is this advice applicable equally to men and to women?
Jules
This works both ways for men and women.
Thanks David! One question though …
I love the complimenting thing and the overall concept of creating attraction … but as a woman if I start touching a guy I just meet (even on the arm), won’t he think I’m ‘coming onto him’ or invading his personal space too much for having just met me?
Jules
Its all about being playful and only do this when you are attracted to someone,
Do not go touching everyone:)
Nice blog David, but there’s one thing that confuses me a bit…
It sounds to me like you’re saying that the actual ACT of giving a compliment is what creates attraction. But wouldn’t that just be more of a way to justify your reasons for hooking up with a woman?
Please don’t get me wrong… I absolutely agree that freely expressing yourself in a authentic way is attractive… and I also agree that showing/telling the other person that you like them would make them feel good about hooking up… and I think I even get how vulnerability can be attractive as well.
HOWEVER, is giving a compliment early on like that really what actually CREATES attraction?
I always thought that attraction was created with intrigue, challenges, playfulness, etc. While compliments were ways of making people feel good, confidently expressing yourself, justifying your interest, and perhaps on occasion buying yourself some time. Am I getting something mixed up here?
As you can see I’m a bit lost in my logic here… please help me clear things up
This makes a real dmn….good, if you want to call it a innergame post.
Rey…Rey—you are awesome!!
Love the blog – I myself often have wondered exactly what attraction is and how its created, etc. So do alot of analytical/scientific minded guys. This blog is great for satisfying curiosity.
How do you appear attractive to somebody? How do you act so you look attractive? What things can you say so someone THINKS you’re attractive?
Entirely the wrong mindset, and nobody is saying anything about it! A great mental tidbit here…don’t try to force, manipulate, and trick your way into an illusion. CREATE a REALity.
Hope you guys have been well!
Taras – I am just as confused as you are. To me compliments have been given from a not so authenthic place too many times, it’s even made me a bit sceptic to compliments..
I often feel that compliments are given to me with a hidden agenda.. just for the purpose of hooking up..
whereas attraction.. attraction to me is broader than that!
Haha, my chronology of dating/relationships: Attraction first, then chemistry then you see if there’s something to build a relationship upon..
Personally if a guy compliments me I am not attracted to him immediately, it takes much more than that..
oooh, i talked with a male friend of mine a while ago.. just remembered.. he talked about being lonely and wanting a girl over, and so i playfully said i’d come over etc.. then he was like: “but you’re not attracted to me are you?” so i said in careful words, because i was charmed by him, but not “blown away attracted” by him since the first time i met him.. : “you are a funny guy and you have pretty eyes (if one can say that to a guy), so i am attracted to you in those ways”..
compliments can be given just for the sake of compliments as well.. i give and receive compliments that way often
there’s obviously a connection between compliments and attraction!
can i get sue for toaching someone even if we are connected? i have a really bad experiment in the past about this. what about when i introducing myself and would like to shake hand could i get sue?
Taras,
It’s not the compliment that creates attraction. Attraction is the art of making people feel good around you. You can make people feel good by being fun. You can make people feel good by appreciating them with a genuine compliment. You can make people feel good by helping them grown through your guidance and leadership.
This is a topic that David and I talk a lot about among ourselves. What people don’t realize is that… when you become the source of pleasure, people always want to hang around you… so you therefore attract people to you and your life.
It’s just that simple.