Have you ever given your phone number to a guy, only to decide later that you don’t want to date him?
You don’t want to grab a latte with him at Starbucks.
You don’t want to give up an hour of your time in any setting.
Let’s be honest.
We’re not pleasantly honest in this world. We always have to come up with some type of excuse.
What’s wrong with telling him, “Hey, look. We exchanged phone numbers and I’m just not that excited about it anymore and you seem like a really cool person and maybe we’ll just run into each other again and be friends and whatever it might be.”
Oops, but therein lies excuse number one:
‘Let’s be friends.’
Think about it. You meet somebody. You’re not excited anymore. You talk to them a little bit on the phone and you just decide they’ll serve you better as a friend.
Really?
Name all the friends that you have right now that were once potential dates.
Go ahead. I dare you. Write them down.
Face it: you don’t want to be friends with him. So don’t say that.
Another excuse for plenty singles out there is the holiday excuse.
You meet someone during some type of holiday season. It could be any holiday. Hell, it could even be St. Patrick’s Day.
But people love to use the excuse, “We’ll get together after the holidays.”
Meanwhile, it’s December 1st. And the holidays aren’t for 24 days (unless you’re Jewish). You don’t have any time that month to go on a date.
Then there’s the work excuse. That’s always a good one.
“I’m just so busy with work right now.”
Meanwhile, you’re sitting around in the office on Facebook. You’re looking at Yahoo!’s home page and discovering out that it changes every five and a half minutes.
We make all these excuses because we don’t want to go out with somebody. We exchange phone numbers with somebody that we’re no longer thrilled about. So we make up excuses instead of just saying, “Hey, I just don’t feel it.”
So try telling the truth next time and see what happens. Watch the respect you get the next time you run into him on the street. He’s not going to give you the evil eye because you gave him some lame excuse that he could read right through.
Since you were honest and cool, he’s going to invite you to his holiday party where you have the opportunity to meet someone you’re actually thrilled about.
All because of honesty.
Imagine that.
Great post! Women by nature like to avoid conflict, they don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings and that goes the same for many guys. We do not enjoy turning someone down unless, they are married or have someone on the side. But…by being misleading does more harm than good. Depending upon how much the guy was into you, he will be disappointed no question about it. However, he will feel much better in the long run knowing that you were honest with him (one way or another) rather than being misleading.
I have been making up excuses my whole life, not wanting to hurt someones feelings.
I try this new approach the other day . I was on the phone with some guy, for the first time, and i said. Hey i just do not feel it. After reading this post .
He cursed me out, told me i was not trying, and was harassed in 3 text messages. He called me an ASS . I finally had to tell him. Hey, if you dont stop texting me. I will have to call the police.
My first time being honest ! However, I felt better just knowing i would not have to duck his calls anymore.
You know, I really wish guys would be more cool about this. I really wish a subtle hint would be enough to tell them we are not interested. I don’t ever feel too good about making up these ‘excuses’, for the sole purpose of easing his disappointment. I know some guys who are interested in me, and they know that I am not, but they are really cool about it, and I feel at ease with them. A lot of other guys aren’t. They ignore me, they act hurt, they don’t talk to me…please. Be a good sport, and take it as a man.
Sorry to hear about what happened to you Delta, when you were honest with a guy! Sadly there are guys who don’t understand. But I understand why you were not feeling it with him, he’s a jerk! You deserve better!
How would you feel Mary, if someone turned you down that you liked? Here is my experience which is fairly recent (a couple of months ago)a married gal was interested in me, we went to the same high school together although I don’t remember her (its been too long). She was friends with one of my best buddies in school. She was asking me out, she told me how disconnected she was with her husband and was going to get a divorce. I liked her as friend, but nothing more. When I turned her down the third time, she insulted me. Not once but a few times because she wasn’t getting what she wanted. I told her later, I didn’t even want to be friends with her anymore. I didn’t think she was a bad person, I just didn’t feel connected with her on a romantic level.
Is there a saying, “take it like a woman?” lol It goes both ways! I feel you still like to talk to those other guys who are acting hurt by not talking to you. It maybe because they are not over you yet. Once they are over you, they may talk to you again.