What’s up with some people and how they breakup with someone? Recently, a friend of mine emailed me and said, “My girlfriend broke up with me the other day via email.”
Via email?! They dated (and were inseparable) for over a year, and she breaks up with him via email?
She told him that it was too hard for her to sit down and break up with him face-to-face, and that she thought it would be easier for her to break up with him via email. She didn’t even go into detail in the email about it — it was a short three sentence email basically saying that the relationship wasn’t working for her anymore.
Another friend of mine was in a relationship with someone for nine months. They were in love, were intimate, spent night after night together, and vacationed together.
He broke up with her via a text message. That’s right, a text message!
Do you see a pattern here? What are the rules now a days — that you break up with someone via text message if you’re dating under a year, and you break up with someone via email if you’ve been dating longer than a year?
The text message that my friend sent said simply, “I don’t think this is working out, and I think we should stop seeing each other.” That was it.
How do you even respond to that? He didn’t even have the guts to pick up the phone and call this person he said that he loved. He just sent a text message.
I remember how bad I thought it was when the story broke a few years ago that Sylvester Stallone had broken up with someone via a letter he sent FedEx. He just had to break up with her overnight, and even sent it so that it would arrive by 10:00 am. Waking up to a breakup letter is something I’m sure she really needed.
What does it take these days to get a face-to-face breakup . . . or even a breakup via a live phone call?
Do you need to have been dating for more than two years to warrant this treatment? What do you have to do for someone to feel they “owe” you the courtesy of a face-to-face talk or at least a live phone call when they break up with you? What do you have to do to get the closure and the honesty that comes from a face-to-face breakup?
We have become so addicted to technology that we can’t even give each other the time of day anymore. So many people will not even pick up the phone anymore.
Most people text. A lot of people just email instead of picking up the phone.
When it comes down to breaking up — really discussing the relationship and the really important issues — you should never do it via email or text. What is wrong with our culture today that this has become at all acceptable?
When did we become so afraid? When did we become such wimps when it comes down to speaking with one another.
Breaking up via text or via email is disgraceful. You owe it to someone you’ve been dating (no matter for how long) to sit them down. You owe it to them to be 100% honest about how you’re feeling and where you’re at so that they can have closure.
I can’t imagine if something broke up with me via text. I don’t think I’d ever be able to talk to them again, or even look them in the eye. If you’re intimate enough to look someone in the eyes when you’re making love with them, then how dare you break up with them via text or email?
Technology is wonderful. When it comes down to intimacy and your relationship, however, you need to pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to tell someone how you feel if you’re going to break up with them. You need to do this no matter how hard you think it will be for you.
Breaking up is not easy to do. Breaking up using technology, though, is just plain sad.
Hi David,
Well, I dated a guy for two years. Our (unbereable) differences became evident as time went on. So, because I had relocated to another city, I flew into his city, sat with him in his house and spoke my heart. I didnt cry or make a drama, I just made my case in a very logical way.
You know what? HE HATED IT! He felt that I was being cold, and that I could have said the things I said over the phone, or by email.
What about that?
Tina
this happened to me once, I totally know how it feels (crappy). I personally love technology but I hate that it’s replaced many ways we communicate in relationships. I just believe if you like someone stop freaking texting and call. And if you need to break up jeeze, grow some you know what, and talk to my face or call.
I remember when I was younger I was so I called my ex to tell him I couldn’t be with him and he straight up said you are doing this over the phone! so I learned early that you just need to have a little common decency for that person you cared about.
My two cents.
I dated a guy for 6 months and his way of breaking up with me was to just stop talking to me until I went away. I have a few friends who do this, but only if it’s been just a few dates. They just drop off the face of the earth. I don’t understand this. Even if it’s been a couple dates, I think the person deserves to get some kind of contact. After 6 months though, I really felt like a break up talk was needed. I never got it, and still to this day it bothers me. I just don’t understand why people would treat someone they cared about so poorly.
I agree @ Fiona, the same thing happened to me! I dated a guy last year, for four months… he just stopped talking to me in Feb, of 2011.. he just never would answer my text or anything again.. it was the worst thing ever.. it would have been better to have him tell me I was the worst thing that ever happened to him, that I was hidious looking, to find him with someone else… something… anything.. he just one day decided to never speak to me again… he isn’t worth it but it still to this day bothers me.. and absolutly shows no class. :/
@brooke: you know there’s a chance he didn’t mean to do it like that. Once i was dating a girl for 3 months and liked her. A past crime caught up with me and I went to jail. It took a few weeks of lawyer negotiations and of course in jail you are cut off from the world. I was sentenced to a month and i was too embarrassed to call that girl and tell her what happened to me. From her perspective I dropped off the face of the earth
I dated more than one guy that fell off from the earth ( after more than 4-6 months of dating ), no answering my texts or calls as I was really worried something happened to them ! ( I was sure it was going so well).
All those clowns phone me again after disappearing for more than 2-3 months !!! When I really moved on.
Right ! I’d get that phone and still talk to them as I so care ‘still’ for their stupid closure or they thought I’d still welcome them with open arms ?
They just don’t exist anymore to me ! If they’re not humane enough to at least use some stupid technology( that’s frowned still, but atleast that’s the least a coward could still do ) to atleast do a break-up in some way.
I think you missed on the disappearing act which is the worst than an email or text.
Hi David,
I understand that you want from us to be honest with the guy and to be brave enough to tell him what we feel ‘face-to-face’. And that would be normal, if he has real feelings. But sometimes the opposite side just doesn’t care enough about us and hurts our feelings. So why we have to make this effort. And it’s not because we are afraid. It’s not worth it.
I,too, have had more than one guy just decide he was done, and just go away. No see ya, no phone call, no email…nothing. what ever happened to simply treating others the way you would have them treat you? I’m sure none of these “gentlemen” would appreciate that kind of treatment, yet have no problem dealing it out. well, law of the universe, what you put out, you’ll get back…
I’m going through the Slowly Ignoring thing now. I feel he’s obviously withdrawing, contacting me less (it’s long distance.. but I’ve just spent 10 great days with him!). Now its just an occasional text about the weather and general things. I feel it’s because he can see I’m more into him and he’s not ready for anything deeper, and that’s ok. The heart wants what the heart wants.
The worse thing you can do to me is to ignore me, it feels so personal. Sure, breaking up with someone always involves some hurt, some emotion and I’ve found men feel uncomfortable about being the one responsible for a womans hurt, maybe they had the experience of bad drama with other girls. But hey, come on! Man up. We had some great times, wonderful experiences. Why not celebrate that, be honourable and bow out with kindness and respect for the other person. I don’t enjoy feeling bad and angry, feeling I meant so little to him that this is the way it ends
Three boyfriends and not one broke up with me face-to-face
1. dated for a year and a half, were intimate, stated we loved each other….break up: being stood up, he never called/emailed/or texted. Thought he was dead, found out from a friend he was fine…never emotionally recovered…still hoping for an apology…its not gonna happen
2. dated a friend of a friend, talked for two months, went out a couple of times, were intimate…breakup: he just stopped talking/texting me…I tried to text him but his responses were one worded…ok i get the point, I’ll disappear
3. Had a one night stand with a guy, told him it wasnt gonna work, he gave me the sappy speech that he’s a good guy and this wasnt fair (2x), so I stayed…started genuinely liking him…breakup: via text…”im just not ready for a relationship weird right?”
so to sum up: break ups suck but when their not face to face, it dehumanizing
Funny thing is that if these guys had simply told me face to face or even phone to phone…I would have understood
I am deeply sorry. ………
I went out with a guy for almost 3 years. We were in a serious relationship, he even talked about getting married. He texted me out of blue and said we needed a break. A few days later, he texted me saying that a relationship with me is not what he wants and he hopes that we can stay friends. I told him off on 4 separate ocassions that what he did was a punk ass move and I deserved better than a text message. Some people may say that was overkill but I was extremely hurt.
My ex-fiancé broke up with me after two years and half of dating via an email and a message on blackberry Massenger. I called him a coward and he disappeared. Apparently this is becoming a trend for those who don’t have the guts to face the other person and the consequences of their decisions.
My live in boyfriend stopped talking to me after he and my grown daughter had a disagreement over his wanting his minor daughter to stay with us in another state.
We were on vacation in the gulf and the boys had to leave early for a state baseball game. He stopped talking to me and was moody and distant a few days before they left, then he ended things on facebook by deleting me yesterday morning and removing all our pictures. We still haven’t spoken. I think it is a cowardly thing to do.
Sharon, I’m so sorry. If he’s live-in, he can’t just disappear so easily. Did he already remove his things from your place, or how are you going to handle that?
I had this happen to me this past weekend with a guy I have dated for almost a yr. I can honestly say that this the most cowardly thing anyone can do. It pisses me off bc I don’t think I will ever truly get closure from this. But if I see him out I’ll prolly kick him in the nuts.
I just end it my affair via email for first time, but It was detailed and
because I still like the guy, I know I couldn’t do it in person
He hasn’t reply, and maybe he won’t. But I said what I need
it to say and that’s that.
I think breaking up with someone sucks. I hate it, and
I have the worst luck ; i remember trying to break up
with now my ex-husband 3times! And he would cry and
said he didn’t want to live anymore if I left him ( year later we were married) I should Have done it via email and cut him off! … Lol
Hello people
I have a question. My name is Victor, I am 19 and my girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago today. 2 months together in a relationship 1 month as friends first. We would have some arguments….. and one day…. unintentionally I made her cry :’( I did not realize how some are very fragile girls. I regret everything horrible I did and I told her I will change and I know I will… I called her boring which I mean only the conversations and welll it went from conversing to a whole new level. I am a young man. Called so many things. I forgot I was speaking to a girl that to my assumption are taken care of very nicely and are very fragile. And men. ….. well brutes. From there then we broke up afterwards being together a month or so more. So many beautiful memories, our first first kiss, hugs and holding hands. So much :’( We decided to just be friends and thrn the first few days we would text. She stopped. I thought well she is busy or something. No I doubt it. When we broke up, she said it was because I had insulted her. Calling that we had a boring conversation but I did not mean her. I want to know why she would stop responding to me. We yes WE the both of us talked and said we will be friends. And then boom no response. Can you tell me why this would happen ? She is a great girl, really special, we had our moments of argue but who hasnt? She made me feel on top of the world and I feel like shit because I went back and thought through everything and when I mean back. I mean back to where we would be happy. And talking, listening, laughing. Have any of you stopped responding? If so, why? I appreciate all your help and answers ladies 
Not all is so bad. If My girk and I hadn’t broken up. I wouldn’t have bought all 5 Coldplay Cd’s And Viva la vida i got in limited edition prospekts march XD….. But I will remember her. And as David said…… in self love something about if you don’t love them, when you see them in the arms of another man, that thought alone will drive you mad forever and ever. And I know that it may sting a littke. But I tried 
I had a boyfriend and we were having a long distance relationship (his fault, too long to explain ). He told me he loved me and stuff.. one day i post a heart on his profile, he took it down. i asked if everything is fine he said yes. later that day he took down our pictures on his profile on fb that he was marked in and then things went fast. he wrote me a whatsapp message that he has to let me go and blocked me immediately as well as on whatsapp.. i never got to understand why he couldnt keep his promise he once gave me and what was the reason. when i tried to call him he said he couldnt deal with this and i should stop calling. wtf? i couldnt deal with that either but he wasnt worth even running after him. but god damn! i earned a fair and simple phone call.. and he did more wrong than i ever did and he owed me that! so i hate these little immature actings. being ignored is the most horrible thing to do to someone us say you have feelings for!
Yep this just happened to me. I told he was a gutless human being, for not having the decency to tell me at least over the phone so I can hear the conviction in his voice. Txting is lame! He finally did and was all like well I really don’t want to end it but now I guess I do. I thought we could cool it off for awhile! WTF?!?! Good bye is what I said!
Yeah, I feel you. It would help me to know why she is ignoring me. GOD forbid she is ever treated badly. I would like to know why she would not respond or contact me.
I dated a guy for four months and he thought he could just ignore me until i went away. Any way a week after I sent a text that he never replied to I was walking home from work and low and behold who comes walking towards me. Houdini himself and his dad (he told me later). He jumped back with shock. I walked right past him and even as he called for me a number of times I ignored him. A taste of his own medicine. I removed him from facebook and when he rang the next day and askd why I did that I stated “what did he expect”. He got caught out as the bad guy and he didnt like it. Anyway I asked him why he called as he made it clear he made some half arse excuses and I said dont worry about it. I got the text then saying “your lovely” and all that crap. I replied ” Now that I think about it we were not suited at all. I prefer men with balls and friends that are reliable”. I got another wallowing text apologising and asking to be friends. As he was pretty emotionally manipulative at times and constantly belitteld me infront of his friends I thought you are not going to get a way with this one. I replied…” I would love to be friends. I would love a friend that shouts at me in public and tells me I have spoilt their night, snapped at me for offering to pay the bill, goes cold every five minutes, strings me along in front of my friends and makes me feel like a slut. I would love a cold abusive friend. Look I am really not that into you. Clearly it is your ego that is the problem here. I hope you get help with that”. Cold, i no but necessary! I got no reply as he is too much of a coward and a narcassist to accept his faults. I am not prefect but i like to think I treat everyone with respect and not use people to soothe my ego.
Closure., I hope you got closure …… I am sorry. I get it, it hurts. How the FUCK do they just think one can be ingnored. I mean they treat one like shit and want to get away with it right?! I handle my situations differently. But to be treated like a dog …….. God forbid they get treated horribly csuse it will tear them apart. But that is how they learn. Well redhaired damsel. I hope you find a man. A damn good one. Peace.
My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. I had honestly seen d signs earlier, then he texted me and said we needed to have a serious talk and that he was going away for a week and a half and that he would let me know when he got back. His tone was sharp and dismissive, and what made it worse was that he gave too long a time frame. We couldn’t have the talk anytime soon since he was away for a week and a half. Then he didn’t contact me for a week which I felt was a bit disrespectful since he previously hadn’t gone a day without speaking to me. I brought this to his attention and his response was that he had been busy and he would be back the following day but he wouldn’t have time to meet up to talk till after 2 days. Of course at this point I already knew he wanted to have a break up talk. But that he wouldn’t have time till a further 2 days? I felt highly disrespected so I texted back saying I would understand if it was a break up talk he wanted to have and that since he had a busy schedule there was no need to meet up. And that was that. He had the nerve to tell me he had wanted to do it right blah blah blah
My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me yesterday.. Through a text messge. He said “I just need to do this. Iv been unhappy for so long.. But who knows.. Maybe we’ll get back together one day”. I saw it coming since this past week he’s been avoiding me and acting weird.. But I just cant believe I wasted my highschool years on someone who doesnt even have the guts to say it to my face. He never even told me that anything was wrong and really caught me out of the blue since I thought things were going so well. And the reason he didnt want to say it to my face is that he doesnt want to see me hurt.. Well its a little late for that.
It was nearly a year and we’d just spent 3 weeks together at christmas (LDR) his family, his son. Something happened with his son, where I took the tv remote off him and changed the channel, as his dad was asking him to and he was ignoring him. His son got into a tantrum (11yrs) and started packing his bags, went back to his mother’s and I find out a day before I left, that he said he would never return if I was there. I still strongly feel his father handled it the wrong way in trying to bribe him and over compensate for something so trivial, so encouraged his son to have the power over him and our relationship. But all that said, after I left he just stopped calling me, after calling me nearly every night for a year, just disappeared. I went back and collected my things, hoping he would talk to me, but he didnt, eluded to things would be okay and then just disappeared again. I havent heard from him since. No closure, nothing, it’s devastating when you love someone. Their cowardice haunts them as much as us. I want to move on, but am finding it difficult. I wish I could just disappear and hit the reset button like he obviously has. It sucks.
Im sorry for all of what you have all been through. But keep believing, and you will move on, become strong, confident, and beautiful ladies.
Sometimes, men do the disappearing act, and do this so effortlessly. However, do you really think they truly get away with this? No. Whatever you believe, whether it be a powerful force in the universe, God, karma, these people who harm others eventually get what is coming to them…Sometimes two fold. I have seen it. Not one person gets away from the wrong they have done to an innocent well intention person.
The best revenge everyone can do is to move on, and live life the best we can, and be as happy inside and out.
These people who do do this, do not deserve to be acknowledged whatsoever.
So, keep that head up high, confidence in yourself, be strong, and walk the walk.
Positive vibes and may good things and people be in your lives!
Good luck!
Remember, everything starts with you.
Think positive, and the rest will follow.
Ok I was just dumped after 8 years to the month via text message. WTF. 8 years! what a cowardly, and disrespecting human being! I deserve at the very least a phone call.
Let me tell you. we are not twenty something’s we are both over 50 just saying…..
All I can say is KARMA
my high school sweetheart and i reconnected through a mutual friend after 23 years. He lived in a different state and i was married with a child. my marriage was not going well, so i decided to separate to be with my sweetheart. I left my home, which i owned to be with my sweetheart. we lived together for a year. the distance was killing me because i was not near my family. my sweetheart worked all the time and it emotionally drained me because all i had around me and my son for support was him. we did spend some quality time together but it was not enough. he worked two jobs to support me and his two children. he decided to apply for a job closer to my family to make me happy and when he accepted the offer all of this was thrown out of the window. He drove to what was supposed to be our new place of residence and once he arrived he text and told me the relationship was over. it was for the best. it was not my fault. it didn’t work out. he told me i was not happy. he told me he was too flawed and his issues were too much to overcome. he told me to keep his furniture and to pay his last month rent because he had to give a 60 day notice and would be breaking the lease. i agreed to this and stayed on with no job because i had given my notice to my job since we were moving to another state. i was not able to sell it in the time given (less than a month) and because of his this me and my son became homeless. i had to stay with friends and take my son to his father to live. I can’t believe someone i love could be such a coward and abandon me and my son like that. my son has kept me from going insane because he tells me all the time you don’t need him, all you need is me. he is only 6 years old and for him to see the good in me means the world to me.
I think breaking up over text has it good and bad affect. The good thing is by breaking up over text, one will get her/his message over in an instant, no waiting or holding back or prolonged hurt, avoid any questions, dramas and what not. One can choose to just ignore or accept the break up by not replying. Unlike the face to face break up where couples are faced with unexpected drama, tension when they sit down and break up. Breaking up over text actually save a lot of pain and hurt for both parties. If the break up is amicable, then couples will part the good way but if it was not, then what follows only cause more hurt. The bad thing about break up over text is some consider it as insensitive way, immature way or coward way to end a relationship. The worse thing could happened is if one enemy (if applicable) got hold of the cellphone and send a break up message as a revenge. What happened if one cannot reach the significant other by phone or face to face. What happened if the other person doesn’t want to answer or ignore calls or trying to meet face to face is impossible? The easiest and instant way to get one message across is over text. With modern technology, text is the most convenient way to get your message across in an instant, so why not use it? And another good thing about breaking up over text is one could actually reverse the break up by pretending never had send the text in the first place or say someone else has hijacked one cellphone and send the break up message.
Tell me about it, you’d think in my case 6.5 years of dating I get a text saying:
“I don’t love you. But I care for you, you deserve someone better. And we were a mistake. You are a good person.”
For christs sake sharing our family celebrations together, talking about marriage with parents, and than BAM a text message to end it all. FML I wonder how these types of people can live with themselves and can wake up in the morning with their head high. I didnt even get to share my thoughts or have closure to anything.
Sick twisted inhuman types of people lurking amongst us.
My ex didnt end it by txt or email .. He just hasn’t contacted me for 9 weeks now. I txt him to say I didn’t know where we was going as we were arguing and I waited n waited for reply . Nothing .. I thought why should I txt him again he hasn’t replied to my txt and now it’s been 9 weeks . I feel angry . Why didnt he just say he didnt want me all I did was say how I felt n asked to talk about us !!
My ex text me after clubbing 11 days ago I replied. Then I never heard from since and I haven’t bothered to call or text him. He has a drink problem and that’s all he wants to do is drink. I have a communication problem, fear of texting/ calling. Which he’s already previously complained about saying hed stopped calling me recently because he thought f@ck you I explained about previous relationships and shy I’m insecure he said he had no idea and that all I should care about is what he thinks, I said that’s the problem I over think and a simple text is a big desk to because previous boyfriends have drilled it in to me your a pysch if you call. Now I feel sad because I tried more to text but I think the damage was already done and its my fault. This was also a long distanxe relationship of a 1hr and 15 minute drive. Not too bad I think but he disagreed. I was also a secret from his family not his friends but I had to park round the corner when I picked up. Was friends on Facebook don’t think he was having a affair with me. Plus I went to his house once when his family were away saw he had a lads bedroom. Not sure if I’m too blame for this spilt and I feel guilty any thoughts would be appreciated
I can trump the text/email…I wasn’t even informed that I was dumped – I had to work it out myself! This was a nine-year relationship as well. Hadn’t spoken to her for a week as she kept getting huffy over trivial things and then found out she was dating someone else. She called me days later asking if I was okay and then started going on about her new boyfriend saying how great he was, and basically talking to me like we best friends – asking for relationship advice :/ and to lend money. :/ Several months later she had a mental breakdown. Shame that. Karma, I love you
My ex and I are older – in our 50′s – so you would expect a level of emotional maturity. We knew each other a year. I was married when we met but once we hooked up, I filed for divorce. After a 6 month relationship, he disappeared. This just happened and I cycle between anger, disbelief, delusion (thinking he is going to come to his senses), sadness and loss. What really bothers me is that I’ve lost confidence in my ability to judge a person’s character. I thought he was a good guy. I was wrong.
I agree with your post David.
I was dumped by my bf of 4 months via text last night. I was a victim of a sexual assault and rape about 10 months ago, it is heading for a criminal proceeding. I will have to testify in the trial, so I finally told my then bf about this about 2 weeks ago, kept it to myself prior just didn’t want to say anything about it. I have been in councelling and have done very well, so I was just normal in the relationship. He was quite shocked about it and had no idea.
Last week he started acting really sketchy, we did go to a movie one night, but after that hardly contacted me via text or call (he would do both before). If I sent him a text or called left messge, take hours (9-10 hours) to get back to me.
I did ask him about it, said he was sick or busy with his business. Yeah sure.
Anyways last night right after work I got a text form him that said “I don’t want to be with a rape victim girl. Way to intense for him to deal with. Accept this as this is the way it is’. There was some back and forth after this message last night a bit, at one point he asked if he could come over to see me in a bit. Then said ‘he changed his mind, best not to right now’. I just stopped texting after that, haven’t contacted him and don’t plan on it.
End of story.
Horrible to be sent a text message and the reason according to him is because I am a rape victim. Very hurtful.
I’m not a kid that is for sure, I am 47, he is 15 years younger than me, just so you know.