Getting out of Your Comfort Zone to Attract Men (Podcast)

Women's Advice Attract and Approach, Uncategorized

By David Wygant January 16, 2013 143 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

podcast with david wygant Happy Hump Day, ladies!

(By the way, if any of you know why they call it “hump day” please do let me know in the comments. I never got that one.)

Today we have a question from one of my readers about making moves on men…

When is the right time and should you wait for signals?

I’ve got your answers here in todays podcast.

Listen and enjoy:

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

28 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Carma

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

It is called "hump" day because it is the middle of the week and you're getting over the hump. Has nothing to do with sex. :-)

lm

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

LOL. Now you know that response is going to disappoint him terribly.

Shemayne

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

Great podcast! I am so open now you can ser my tonsils! Went out lat week on a date. It was pleasant not interested. What I noticed when I was out nen were checking me out. Probably because I was beaming with joy. I was flirting unintentionally and caught the eye of a good looking guy. Well I ended calling the bar the next day to inquire about him thru the bartender. Left my number just in case he was a regular fir the bartender to pass on...now if that's not out of my comfort zone I don't know what it is. The only regret I have is not being on top of my game the same night and slipping him my number when my date went to the bathroom ugh! I wiill go to a sports bar this Sunday and watch the game.

linda

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

We girls call it hump day because if you get your obliged humping out of the way mid-week...it frees up Your weekend for fun. ;)

Pam

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

Holy shit...you guys were waaaaaay too hard on this woman and basically making fun about her in a public forum...and even making assumptions about the way she dresses and wears her hair...painting her to be a schoolmarm. So she didn't want her name and email being used--big deal. She came to you for advice with a good question. I guess it's a good thing she insisted on having her privacy because I would be embarrassed if I got picked on like this.

Jen

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

People are going to stop asking him for help if he keeps ridiculing them on podcasts. How the flip is this poor girl supposed to gather the confidence to attract men now?! He's done this to several men - I just cringe for them because I'd feel like an absolute prat.

lm

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

"She came to you for advice with a good question. I guess it’s a good thing she insisted on having her privacy because I would be embarrassed if I got picked on like this." Feeling kind of glad I'm not the only lady who was thinking that. Especially on a matter I'm already more than a little sensitive about. As you and your other (guy!) coaches have told us, David -- "Men and women don't think alike". Clearly you and whoever your coach who was with you on the podcast are on the same page about this but there are reasons [blank blank] thought this way, and just because you two don't agree, is that a good reason to ridicule and dismiss both her and her reasons? Especially since she came to you for help? :-/

lm

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

Okay. *clears throat* A friend puts this much more completely, yet concisely, than I could, so I'm just going to quote her: "Most women wait for the guy to ask them out for a couple of reasons. 1) It's not the norm. That sounds like a co-opt, but it can be difficult to go against social norms, like "the guy asks the girl out." 2) On top of breaking the social norm, there's a chance that asking a guy out will actually scare him off. Women are afraid they'll come across as needy, too aggressive, or too masculine. 2) The logic goes that if a guy likes a girl, he'll ask her out. If he doesn't ask her or pursue her in some way, he isn't that into her. Even if he says "yes," there's a chance he's saying "yes" for reasons other than liking her. For example on (3), I've pursued a few guys, and even though they went on a date with me (or heck, ended up in a relationship with me) they didn't actually LIKE me that much. They did it because I made it easy for them... Because they thought," Meh, why not, she's doing all the work." Stereotyping here, but I've found guys are quite lazy and very scared of emotional confrontation. Guys would rather go on a date with a girl they don't actually like much (or just sort of "fade out") than tell her "No thanks, I'm not into you." Frankly, asking a guy out is a rather lose-lose situation for a girl. Yeah, she may get what she wants, but does the guy really want HER. Even if she is confident, she may have to contest with friends or family dripping doubts in her ear," Wait, YOU had to ask HIM out? Are you sure he REALLY likes you? You're the one doing all the work!""

annie

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Thank you for expressing exactly the way I feel about that subject! I hope David will wake up on that one! He's been missing one big piece about female understanding...

Daniel

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Hi lm, I've just read your and other ladies' comments and I wanted to add my opinion :) 2)"On top of breaking the social norm, there’s a chance that asking a guy out will actually scare him off. Women are afraid they’ll come across as needy, too aggressive, or too masculine." This is understandable that you are afraid that you are afraid of coming across as too needy/aggressive/masculine. However, different men have different preferences, just like women. Therefore while some prefer submissive women, some men prefer masculine women. Thing is there always needs to be polarity (male / female energy) in energy between two people. 3) "The logic goes that if a guy likes a girl, he’ll ask her out. If he doesn’t ask her or pursue her in some way, he isn’t that into her. Even if he says “yes,” there’s a chance he’s saying “yes” for reasons other than liking her." Maybe you would be surprised how many men like a particular woman and won't ask her out. I can see that among my friends. One particular in my mind used to be so chickened out that he wouldn't talk with his crush but at university or when she asked him out. "Guys would rather go on a date with a girl they don’t actually like much (or just sort of “fade out”) than tell her “No thanks, I’m not into you.”" I agree with that. But I think most would just "fade out" rather then going out with you. Women do this as well ;)

Pam

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

lm -- another woman and I were saying the same thing on a post on the men's blog...it's not much fun to be a woman who is doing the pursuing and the asking. Even if the guy accepts, you never truly feel desired. I've had guys who flirted with me and when I've asked them out, I found out they already had a girlfriend and it was a letdown. And thank you for being in agreement on how David and Shogo (or Boodoo?) chose to respond to a legit question. By the way, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask about signs...to me, signs that he's interested would include flirting, teasing, and showing a genuine interest in you by asking questions.

lm

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

" I’ve had guys who flirted with me and when I’ve asked them out, I found out they already had a girlfriend and it was a letdown. " Haaaaaaaate this. Because not only are you embarrassed, but you have totally wasted your effort and time when you could have spent that energy on another man (which is something David and the other (guy!) coaches always recommend that we do, right?). And the thing is ... we don't have unlimited energy and time -- and we have twice as much to do as the guys, right off the bat, because we have to put in twice as much work to get half as far at work ... and then we have to change and doll up for a date -- because as David and the (guy!) coaches have said, you can't wear that suit from work on the date! It's exhausting. I get kind of frustrated when the coach is all "Just go on another one!" or "Just ask somebody else!" or "Go to another event!" We are not the Energizer Bunny! LOL! We do not have unlimited resources of time, money, and energy -- not to speak of the guys who are always reminding us about how our "market value" (*shudder*) goes down as we get older and older. So we have to be very wise about how we spend those resources. And to me, it seems only reasonable that means showing that you're interested, of course -- but accepting invitations from men who approach you, because then you don't waste those precious resources on guessing if he's interested. How does that not make sense?

Pam

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Agreed--my problem is I rarely encounter someone that I would want to go out with. You can go to a bar and talk to a dozen guys but that doesn't mean all of them are going to make you feel comfortable and that you're going to be attracted to them. I was sooooo embarrassed one time by a guy I asked out...we worked together behind the front desk of a hotel, and prior to that he would always be saying in front of people how excited he was that I was on the same shift, as he loved working with me. He never mentioned his girlfriend, so I had no clue. Maybe I took his attention and compliments the wrong way, but the sad thing is after I asked him out and was turned down it made things awkward whenever he was sent to our hotel to help out, and we never shared that same camaraderie again. I didn't have a problem working with him but clearly he did.

Benedicte

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

@ David, I find you inspiring and fun most of the time, but must admit that you and "the coach" come across as judgemental a-holes in this podcast. Not in the point you are making about being brave and putting yourself out there, but more in the way you deliver the message. You have been contacted by someone who is asking for your help, and the way you handle it is by acting like to bratty schoolgirls, mocking her and analyzing her with your own convenient pocket-psychology. Get over yourselves dudes, you have to be better than that. With that out of the way, Dear "blank-blank", if you´re listening out there, it quite alright to be sensitive about this sort of thing, so be kind to yourself whatever happens. But the bratty schoolgirls do have a point in trying, in their own insensitive way,(note: not right in their shallow analysis of you and your motives) to tell you that it´s alright to stick your neck out. Maybe if it falls through you´ll feel a little embarassed, so what! It´s better to be embarassed, than to use all your precious energy wondering about it. And if the guy dosen´t take it as a compliment, he´s an asshole anyways, so that will be nice to know. Getting out of your comfort-zone might seem unpleasant and counter-intuitive, but I can almost promise you that it will feel empowering to take action and be brave. Just remember to be kind to yourself whatever the result. Best of luck to you.

caroline

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

...I think the real lesson in all of this is confidance and self esteem. At some point one needs to get out of their head and just meet people with no agenda. Which of course is a very hard lesson and why most of us aren't where we want to be.

RT

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

I agree with others...David and the other man crossed the line with their level of sarcasm. This woman is obviously feeling very sensitive and dealing with a lot of emotions regarding this situation. Sarcastic remarks and telling her to "get the stick out of her ass" is not helpful. It probably made this woman feel worse. They lacked compassion in their response. This podcast definitely left a bad taste in my mouth

Kelly

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Not every girl that has trouble meeting guys is overly "guarded". If your surrounded with wimpy,closed off guys wherever you go, no amount of smiling and eye contact is going to make him come over. Like "blank blank", I am also "private", but I've been doing a little experiment for the past few days...I basically made sure I had open body language, made eye contact and smiled at strangers...and guess what happened? NOTHING! Everyone is in their own head and their either looking at the ground, on their iphone or looking super busy. I did it at my university so I was surrounded with guys, but it's like they didn't exist. All I noticed is some guys "sneaking" looks at me , but they was rarely direct eye contact. But then another thing happened, there was one really hot guy that kept looking at unapologetically (which was so refreshing btw), but I got nervous and started giggling to myself like a schoolgirl. ( I totally messed it up, I know). I swear, it's like we complain we want confident, alpha guys, but they are such a rare bread, that when they show up, it's a complete shock and we loose our cool.

Shannon

Saturday, January 19th, 2013

If the advice David has given isn't working for you, then maybe you need to practice more or actually listen to his program. Women have ridiculous amounts of feminine power, and when it's harnessed, it's pretty amazing. I think when it comes to dating, it's wayyy easier for women and we can get away with much more. We are the gatekeepers. We decide who gets sex. We get dinners paid for. A man can ask for marriage, but we have the final say of yes or no. We can giggle with our friends about retarded pick up lines we've heard without ever having to work up the guts to ask anyone out. Our bodies can have huge earth shattering orgasms that men's bodies aren't even capable of experiencing. I'd say be thankful for all of your awesome feminine power, and channel it instead of complaining about men not asking you out who are already in relationships or aren't interested in you. Move on. There's lots of other men who are.

Pam

Sunday, January 20th, 2013

No one's complaining; just relating past experiences. There may be available men out there, but not all of them are dateable.

lm

Saturday, January 19th, 2013

“If the advice David has given isn’t working for you, then maybe you need to practice more or actually listen to his program.” I’m not sure who you’re talking to when you say “you”, but it’s a *huge* assumption to assume that women haven’t done that.

Mike

Saturday, January 19th, 2013

Great podcast, I had this discussion with a female friend of mine who was attracted to some guy at her church. She is in her early 50's but looks more like in her 30's where guys in their 20's hit on her. She was waiting for this guy to make his move, she thought it was a "sign" that he would sometimes sit next to her. He wasn't the greatest looking guy but she loved his confidence, the way he walked. He didn't talk much, he was a quiet guy. Not many knew much about him. Her attraction for him went on for over a year, wondering if he was married or not and hoping he would make some kind of move. She would drop hints that he thought he would pick up on. She didn't tell me about this till about 8 months later. So, I tell her, why not try and talk to him. "But I never done that", she says. Then she was telling me about her monkey chatter, oh he might be married and so on. We debated about her stubborn behavior but she eventually came around. I'm like, so what! There is no harm in talking to a person, married or not. That way, you will find out if he's married or not. And if he's married then you gained a new friend, if not he might be your future date. "Oh I can't be friends" she said, indicating she was really attractive to this guy whom she didn't know. So I began to suggest ways to start a conversation with him. She took my advice, but the first try, didn't work. She was mad, told me it was my fault...lol I'm like it's not the end of the world! Things don't always fall into place the first time! You try again, "oh I'm not humiliating myself again" She said. "Now you know what a guy goes through", I said with a smile. So I explained why it didn't work, and convinced her to try again. She took my advice, and inserted some of her own thing. One day, she ask if she could talk to him after church. He said, "yes." They began talking about why he had missed going to church for the past few weeks, then she found out he was married. He had been apart from his wife for a long time and they were getting back together. "I told you so" she said. "He was married" she continued. "The conversation was going great", and I was about to ask him out for coffee and then he told me" she said in disappointment. I looked at her and smiled and said, "you did something that wasn't easy to do, especially never haven't done it before, always used to guys approaching you and had you not did this, you would have been wondering for a very long time, "what if" now you have closure. Your at peace! There was nothing wrong, you were not trying to date a married guy, you thought he might be single and you wanted to find out if there was a connection. But you never know till you talk to him", I said. She agreed :)

lm

Saturday, January 19th, 2013

"If the advice David has given isn't working for you, then maybe you need to practice more or actually listen to his program." I'm not sure who you're talking to when you say "you", but it's a *huge* assumption to assume that women haven't done that.

Woman

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013

I know how the woman feels, I have done that, but guess what David? Guys dont like when a woman are after them, I had this guy who I like and he didnt want me to be after him,I text him, I invited him to my house and I all his responds will be ''Iam busy right now, maybe later'' and ''later'' never came! When i finally got over him, he tell me ''hey, whats up with you? you used to be after me, what happend?'' I was like what the hell? I thought it didnt show that much, that I was being cautious, but guess what, I was not! I was hurt bcos of that and I sent him to hell, but being rejected without even telling him that I like him, hurts! So I never ever gonna show another man interest in him until he shows interest in me. And it only wasent that time, Its the story of my life, guys just keep rejecting me without even trying! So fuck them all! lol

A man who follows David

Saturday, January 26th, 2013

I find a lot of the comments in these sections really pretty off point. You women are what we men would call "beta as fuck" Look, your arguments are "why ask a guy out when he often says "no." The answer is "because who the hell cares if he says no!" Look. You will never end up going out with 100% of the guys who you never talk to. You WILL end up going out with SOME of the guys you talk to. So you literally have NOTHING TO LOSE. You'll lose your time? Really? Give me a break. He's a hot guy who you enjoy, that's the reason you want to ask him out. So don't act like you don't enjoy the conversation while it lasts. And if people are getting so turned off after you're asking them, then you're asking in a creepy way. Never say "Hey, would you like to go on a date some time?" Instead, you say, "Hey, want to catch the game/show/party with me on ____day?" No one will ever be creeped out by that. It's a legitimate excuse to hang out with someone. I almost feel like women need to watch the training that MEN get so they can just learn how to improve their social skills in general, in more areas than just dating.

Dana

Saturday, January 26th, 2013

Hahaha! I can VERY easily be Blank Blank (so private). LMAO! This was hilarious ("sign waiters") and so true. I loved "Get a sense of urgency!" Greeeat podcast!

kelly

Sunday, January 27th, 2013

@amanwhofollowsdavid: LOl! If the MAJORITY of men are too afraid to ask a girl out, why would you assume it's any easier for a woman to approach a guy? Or are we the ones that are supposed to "man up" in these situations and do the work for the beta guys? Smiling should be enough if the guy has a backbone. You guys think you want girls to be aggressive and to approach, but I think it would intimidate men even more. @woman From what I've noticed, men are very flattered at the beginning when a girl approaches/shows interest. But the attraction for her wears off quickly because they are hunters by nature & they'd rather pursue a girl. My advice is to pull back whenever a guy ignores you and don't do all the work for him. You can be flirtatious without showing interest in locking him down.

A man who follows David

Monday, January 28th, 2013

You can keep telling yourself that. When a girl approaches me it doesn't intimidate me at all, it's just a very nice surprise.

LoveForever

Tuesday, February 12th, 2013

Thank you, David. I was criticized for socializing and trying to meet as many people as possible so then I started thinking that I shouldn't do it anymore. I felt really bad. I loved socializing. THen I started getting the old mom advice of "mind your own business. Don't talk to people. It's rude." thoughts of when she used to always tell me that. So now I'm back for a kicking in the buns haha ~ On New Year's, I met this one man and sparks flew! I'd never had that type of thing happen before. I don't know if it was because we were both wearing diamond earrings, though. haha Unfortunately, his diamond earrings were way more gorgeous than mine. haha I just kept thinking, "Those are gorgeous earrings. He's gay." over and over again. When he was kind of showing interest in talking to me I started thinking, "too bad he's gay. Diamond earrings...gay...whaaaa..." haha Then I started to feel like, "that's weird because a gay man wouldn't really show interest like this. Maybe he could be bi" haha and then "gosh those are gorgeous diamond earrings" "say that...no! wait! don't say that! wrong impression! I wonder where he got them. No don't ask. That's girl talk." haha SO then we parted. Then, I passed by him again later and bright white sparks (that we're even really there!) flew big time! Wow! It was so neat! We just said "hello" again and I couldn't think of anything except "too bad he's gay. Diamond earrings...gay...whaaaa..." haha Magical sparkles! *~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.*~.

Getting out of Your Comfort Zone to Attract Men (Podcast)

About David

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28 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Carma

lm

Shemayne

linda

Pam

Jen

lm

lm

annie

Daniel

Pam

lm

Pam

Benedicte

caroline

RT

Kelly

Shannon

Pam

lm

Mike

lm

Woman

A man who follows David

Dana

kelly

A man who follows David

LoveForever